A/N: I promised someone that I would write this fan fiction a few months ago. It's based off my AMV that I posted 9 months ago: http./watch?v4WOOw6o2SH8. Please enjoy this, it's meant to be humorous. Credit goes to MAHAD and kizimika.94.218 for helping with the video that lead to this fan fiction. If you plan on watching the video, watch it after you read this. You may notice that Kisame says "Itachi-san" and "Hey" a lot because of his Japanese speaking patterns. It is polite to use someone's first name and he says, "ne/nee" a lot which roughly is "hey/isn't it." I just want to keep his character the same.
- June 22, 2013 EDIT: my Youtube account was removed, so if anyone is interested in ever seeing the original videos again, please let me know. This fic is pretty horrendous looking back on it, but I've grown as an author I hope, so I'll leave this fic here as a reminder of how far I've come.
DISCLAIMER: Lawyers-go-away-no-jutsu! I own nothing that is mentioned in this except for my video but even then, I used already owned material so I don't totally own it.
"Hey Itachi-san, let's stop here," Hosigaki Kisame turned to his Akatsuki partner.
Uchiha Itachi looked down and closed his eyes. "Fine," he mumbled as he proceeded to sit down.
The pair was sitting on a steep rock precipice outside of The Hidden Waterfall Village while donning their infamous black and red cloaks. Itachi's official organization ring gleamed in the June midday sun. They were simply carrying out another mission brought unto them by leaders Pain and Uchiha Madara: to capture Kisame's designated bijuu.
"Hey, where do you suppose your kyuubi brat is, Itachi-san?" the blue-skinned shark-like man asked Itachi.
Itachi again closed his eyes, "It does not matter right now, Kisame. It is our duty right now to look for your bijuu, although I suppose Uzumaki Naruto is chasing after my foolish brother, meaning Sasuke."
"Mmm, Itachi-san, you are probably right," Kisame replied, "Oh, and by the way, would you happen to know what day it is today, Itachi-san?" he questioned as he also closed his eyes and sat cross-legged. He formed his hands into that of the tora or tiger seal and began to meditate.
Itachi followed suit and thought about it for a moment, "Oh…June 9th."
"Does that date mean anything to you, Itachi-san?" Kisame noticed that Itachi seemed to be thinking or remembering something about that particular date.
"It's nothing."
After meditating for about ten minutes, the one responsible for the Uchiha clan's massacre stood up and opened his eyes to reveal three tomoe. "Let's go, Kisame."
Kisame opened up one eye and looked over his shoulder. "I wouldn't be so sure of that yet, Itachi-san."
Itachi looked behind him, the light breeze blowing his hair in front of his eyes. A girl of about fourteen years of age stood behind a tree with only her face sticking out from behind it. She seemed to be grabbing the tree for support as her face drained of all color. Her green eyes seemed to grow lively yet fearful as she looked at the Uchiha. Leaves danced around her, blowing her blond hair in front of her eyes like Itachi.
Oddly, what seemed like background music began to play in the far-off distance. It was quiet, but loud enough to be heard. Itachi stared at her while wondering whether she was a threat or not and what to do. As the music progressed, she cleared her throat and began to sing.
Itachi it is your birthday
And God bless you this day
You've got the gift of an evil boy
And I'm proud of you today
Itachi it is your birthday
Happy Birthday Itachi
Itachi it is your birthday
Happy Birthday Itachi
"Heh heh, Itachi-san, it seems like you have quite the fan," Kisame snickered, putting his hand to his samehada. "Do you want me to kill her quickly or to rip her to shreds slowly but painfully?"
Itachi simply twitched, clearly showing a popping vein. His face went dark as he asked the girl while trying to keep his cool. "How…How did you know…it was my birthday?"
The tall and chakra-filled man gasped at Itachi's statement, "Ah? It really is your birthday, Itachi-san? So that's why you seemed to be thinking about today being June 9th! Happy Birthday, Itachi-san!"
The girl stepped out from behind the tree. Itachi's blinding eyes widened with disturbance and a what-the-hell look took over his annoyed face when he saw her T-shirt. Her T-Shirt bore the kanji on Itachi's Akatsuki ring and the Uchiha emblem on the back. It said in bold lettering below the kanji, 'I LOVE ITACHI' and below the emblem, 'UCHIHACEST FOR LIFE.'
Suddenly, what seemed to be thousands of girls of all ages stepped out into the open from God-knows-where. From thin to overweight, from Asian to European, from Caucasian to African, from blue-eyed to sharingan-contact eyed, it seemed that every girl possible in the world was there. Some even wore outfits identical to Uchiha Itachi's, also known as cosplay. Some of the fans there were even obsessed males. A few people didn't even love Itachi; they were wearing shirts that said 'I LOVE YAOI' or 'I HEART ITASASU' or 'ITACHI IS MY NUMBER ONE SEME.'
"When…How…What the hell are they doing here?" Itachi questioned, his blood boiling overboard. He was not sure whether to be angry or freaked out, but certainly not happy. His face went white at the shirts that talked about Uchihacest.
Kisame glanced over the crowd. "My only question is when they got here and how they did without us S-Class ninjas noticing."
Itachi was shaking. "I…I…I don't even love Sasuke that way…He is my brother. Now, scatter.."
The music seemed to get louder as all the fangirls began to sing.
I wish you the death and killing of people
I wish you destruction and war
I wish you the death your heart desires
And your first kiss from a girl
Happy Birthday Itachi
Happy Birthday Itachi
Itachi stared at the crowd, wondering how to take them out. He looked at the fangirls with anger. "Are you all here for me? And how the hell did you know it was my birthday?"
Kisame smirked, realizing that Itachi was getting more and more furious because of the increasing roughness of his language that only Hidan ever used. He was clearly disturbed and deep inside, possibly scared. "Hey, Itachi-san, let's take them out." He pulled his sword and got into a battle position.
Before Itachi could even react, the J-pop song turned into familiar battle music from a video game. One fangirl screamed out loud from the back, "I LOVE YOU, ITACHI-SAMA!" As if by magic, all of the fangirls reacted to that one statement and began screaming, "WE LOVE YOU!"
As Itachi began to prepare his genjutsu, it was too late. All the fangirls began running towards him. The ground seemed to shake and break.
"…Or maybe I should just watch and laugh?" Kisame wondered as the fangirls came closer, "There's no way you can take them all out with just genjutsu!" he called out to Itachi, "We could probably slay them all but that would alert our presence to nearby villages. Do you want to retreat, Itachi-san?"
Itachi's eyes turned into the Mangekyou sharingan as he was about to cast a genjutsu. But at that moment, the fangirls ran even faster as they cried out their chants of love. The transition of the sharingan seemed to turn them on.
"…Kill them," Itachi said emotionlessly.
Itachi turned around for a split second to look at Kisame only to see that he was laughing his head off. The mangekyou bearer said nothing and turned back around.
The fangirls were standing nose-to nose with Itachi at this point. The one at the front who happened to be the first to begin singing smiled eerily, "We said that we hope you get your first kiss from a girl this year, didn't we, Itachi-sama?" She pulled Itachi's face forward and brought him into a lip lock. Her kiss was rough, yet passionate. Obviously only one of them shared feelings for the other.
As the fangirls behind her pulled her away from him angrily, she grinned sadistically.
"Get him."
The fangirls shrieked shrilly and pounced on Itachi, Kisame giggling the entire time. They seemed to be carrying him somewhere within the sea of people.
"MARRY ME ITACHI-SAMA!"
"BEAR MY CHILDREN!"
"OH MY GOD!"
"YOU'RE MINE!"
"PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO SASUKE FOR ME!"
After a few hours of running girls and the occasional man screaming and chasing after Itachi, Kisame was still chuckling. The sun was setting to end that very strange and disturbing June day. As he began to stand up to leave the area and search for his partner, a small and shy looking girl cam up to him. She was a lot shorter than him and wore blue glasses. The girl was staring at the ground while clutching a piece of paper. Her delicate face was emanating the color red.
"Ah, you're a cute red tomato, aren't you? What? Should I kill you now?" Kisame grinned with malice.
The girl's eyes widened in fear and she began to shake, "No, please, Kisame-sama! I'm just a fan…You're so cool with the way you swing your samehada that shreds people to pieces. Can I have your autograph?"
Kisame glanced at the girl in surprise, "So I'm not just an oddly colored man to people…Sure," he took out a pen and signed the piece of paper.
"Thank-you, Kisame-sama!" the girl grinned while wearing normal attire compared to the other group.
"Where did they take my partner of Akatsuki, Itachi-san?"
"Oh, about that…he's probably dead if not completely glomped by now. Those fangirls are very powerful and deadly. More powerful than God himself. It's…scary."
"Can you take me to him?"
"Eh…It's a bit too brutal and bloody. You know how fangirls are; a bit over the top. And they all wanted him for themselves. He's probably being torn apart right about now. Who knows; maybe the yaoi fangirls brought his brother Uchiha Sasuke to him and are enforcing yaoi upon them now...There are a lot of Sasuke fangirls too you know. More than what you just saw now. And about half of each group love to see the two together. Romantically."
"Oh. Okay then. Thanks for clearing that up," Kisame shuddered as he decided to go back to Akatsuki to file in that he needed a new partner.
The End.
A/N: That was a really weird and short story. I hope you all enjoyed it…And don't worry, my other story is not dead yet! Wait, did I say yet? No! I'll never let it die. Please expect the next chapter within the following months (what?) and possibly the first chapter of another story. Maybe even another one shot for Naruto! (I've been thinking of a good NaruSasu)