Sadly, I don't own the characters or The OC.
The Neutering of Ryan (and how he tried to get his balls back)
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
When Ryan was four, he loved to hammer. His favorite toy was this small plastic thing with three holes. You inserted a plastic nail and smacked it in with a plastic hammer. Simple really. Ryan could do it for hours and he did.
When he was 9, Ryan had graduated to a real hammer, bent nails and pieces of wood that he found cast off around his neighborhood. It was actually very therapeutic. Each nail represented Dawn's boy friend of the moment, each smack he received, each nasty word that was thrown at him and every drink that was consumed. Ryan could do it for hours, but he always stopped by someone: his mother, the boy friend, Trey or which ever neighbor stuck his head out the window to yell "Enough already!"
When he was 14, Ryan had his first job on a construction site and this time he got paid for hammering. Mostly he was a gofer, but the boss did have jobs for him that required him picking up his favorite tool. Ryan loved that job and he loved spending time with Mike, his mother's current boyfriend who was an all around good guy.
When he was 16, Ryan was back working on a construction site but this time, he used a nail gun. Sure it was easier, but not as effective a way to get out his stress. He and Theresa were going to have a child and now he had to worry about paying more bills than he had ever imagined. Damn, he wished he had a hammer.
Now he was 18, standing in the Cohen's garage using his brand new hammer, with brand new nails which he was methodically slamming into the a piece of wood. If anyone asked, he was building some sort of shelving system so he could organize the garage a little.
This was all Bang Taylor Bang Bang Townsend's Bang fault Bang that fucking bitch Bang Bang.
This up tight girl really screwed him up. Why did he have to listen to her damn speech? It was stupid, all about being a responsible pet owner. He didn't have a pet and had no plans to get one any time soon. But Ryan listened. He sort of felt sorry for her, but not any more. Okay, so why if you're a responsible pet owner did you have to get them spayed and neutered? Technically it made sense, but as a guy there were just some things you didn't want to think about.
Of course, when she was done lecturing, there were snide comments directed at Taylor and he felt bad. But it was a little funny. In fact, he made a snarky remark to Seth about how he was lucky that Summer hadn't neutered him over the whole Anna thing. Seth's response was surprisingly short. He raised his eyebrows, glanced down and said "you should talk."
Yeah, he laughed it off but damn it the dream he had last night left him in a cold sweat. First thing he did was reach down to make sure the boys were still intact. It kind of bothered him that his normal "morning wood" was non-existent, but knowing the testes were still there was sweet relief.
He wasn't going to think about the dream but it was going to haunt him forever.
He and the Cohen's were at the Veterinarian's office. The technician came in and said, "You can bring him in now." Next thing Ryan knew, he was lying down on the metal table, naked.
"There, there Chino, it'll be okay, you'll be a new boy in no time." Summer smirked at him and patted him on his head.
"Ryan, I want you to know that I think we should take a break." What the hell was Lindsey doing there, she left a year ago?
Her eyes filled with tears, "I'm just going through so much. But knowing you're here, well, I hope I helped you realize this was the right thing to do, I mean, Theresa and all… well we wouldn't want that to happen again."
Why the hell did she have a scalpel?
Ryan felt his lungs constrict as there was a flash of light. Next thing he knew, Sandy was leading him to the pool house. "You did good kid. Now I have one less thing to worry about with you. It should also calm you down a little. No more fighting. Why don't you go take a shower, you smell a little medicinal"
Ryan's head was cloudy, and he was a bit confused. What the hell was going on and why was there a poster from the ASPCA with Taylor proclaiming "Be a responsible Pet Owner" on it? But, shower first.
Then he saw it. Well, actually, that's when he didn't see it. His balls. They were gone and only an empty sack remained which was shriveling in front of his eyes.
That's when he woke up, groping at his groin.
And that is why he was hammering. He just had to get all this frustration out. It all made sense. He was neutered. Well, figuratively not literally thank god. And he knew when it started: with Summer. That first party in Newport Beach when this tiny little ball of fire bumped into him and groped him. He would have taken her right there but no Seth was in love with her and for whatever reason Ryan would respect that. It would not have stopped him 48 hours earlier, but one look at Summer and the boys began their retreat. And getting to know her rage black outs, well the gonads were safer when they retreated into his abdominal cavity.
Marissa, she was something else. He was attracted to her, but respected her enough not to push it. She gave him mixed signals anyway. And sure the kissing at the start of their strange relationship was hot, but after the first couple of weeks, it was like kissing an inanimate object. His balls though, were there and fully functional.
Theresa of course set his blood boiling. They just connected and Theresa never expected anything more from him other than being himself. Balls…intact and in use.
But Lindsey completed what Summer started. He became someone else. No longer Chino, not an Atwood, just a teen wanting to impress this girl. But then they started the whole "break up, get back together, break up again" bit.
And Ryan now realized that that was when his balls were being cut off, slowly but surely. She had him where she wanted him. Shit, he showed up at her house with a rose on Valentine's Day and he even challenged her father to a duel, well actually to a pool game.
He was a fucking puppy and Lindsey was the Vet. And now almost a year later, he wanted his balls back so he went to the Home Depot and stocked up on nails of all different sizes.
Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang
And now Marissa. At least with Lindsey, the sex was good…really good. Marissa tried, but he did all the work. The one time she wanted to be on top, well, Marissa just lay there on top of him. Ryan almost threw his back out when he was thrusting up just trying to get off.
And now Marissa was off with her new friends. Johnny was okay, not someone he'd normally be friends with, but at least he liked sports. Sure he wanted to be a surfer, but everyone had their faults. But Johnny, Ryan didn't really think of him as a threat even though he was spending way to much time with Marissa and getting all touchy feely. Ryan just didn't see him as someone he'd want to…well…punch.
But Volchek, that was something else. He totally saw women as objects, not people who deserved respect (damn, he did loose his balls). The way he discarded Casey, leered at and brushed his hand against Marrisa, well that made his blood boil. But then, at the beach when he convinced Johnny to walk away, all he heard was Volchek say "bitch." Ryan didn't know who the shit head was saying it too, but he saw red, his fist was itching and oh! did it feel good when all the tension that was building up propelled his arm forward, forcing his fist against the idiot's chin. Ahhhh! What a feeling.
Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang
But alone in the pool house after that "dream" all he could hear was the word "bitch." Technically, a bitch is a female dog and female dogs get spayed not neutered. But he was a male so yeah, he was neutered.
Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang
Something had to give. The hammering was a start. It was manly. The punch was manly too, even though the guy really did nothing to deserve it. Maybe if he was more manly his balls would grow back. Sure that wouldn't really happen if had lost the boys, but this was figurative. His balls were there (Ryan occasionally checked just to make sure).
So, manly….Bang Bang ….what to do first? Maybe he'd get a punching bag then he could punch all he wanted, get sweaty and smell like a man. And he'd scratch himself, crack his knuckles and belch…Jesus Christ! He was sounding like Seth now, talk about neutered.
But the punching bag, now that was an idea.