a/n: I took a break from writing Look How Far We've Come when inspiration struck for this story...It's already completed so I will be posting a new chapter every other day. I've had this one in the back of my head for awhile now and was so glad to finally write it down. I hope you all enjoy! I'll be back to writing LHFWC soon to those of you who are waiting. As always special thanks to burningxredxcaskett for reading this story through for me - you rock!

Sadly I do not own Castle or the lyrics to Ledge of Love.

Chapter 1.

Ledge of Love

by Jon Huertas

A moment of silence
For the ones who lost it all
For the ones too afraid to fall

"Castle!"

She watches his body crumple to the ground and throws herself over him.

"Castle!" she cries again as his eyes flutter closed.

She bends and presses her cheek to his as his eyes flutter closed. "Castle. Rick. I love you. Rick, I love you."

She doesn't know if he hears her. She doesn't know if he's alive. All of a sudden she's being lifted from his body so Lanie can examine him. She's a mix of flailing arms and sobs and she just needs to be there with him.

Because she loves him.

Why didn't she tell him before? Why did she wait?

She loves Richard Castle.

It's a flash of moments. The sound of the siren from the ambulance. Racing down the hall of the hospital. Blood. So much blood. People shouting orders. Trying to keep him alive.

It's all a blur.

Alexis' crying mixed with her own strangled sobs. It's not supposed to be like this.

Blood. Too much blood.

And then life slows down and she realizes he's gone.

They've taken him away. She's left with his family and the boys. And she's covered in his blood.

Someone's speaking to her, but she can't focus on the sound. All she can see, all she can think about is Castle's pale, clammy face splattered with the blood from his wound. The bullet that was meant for her.

His eyes closing.

He jumped in front of a bullet to save her, and now, now he's lying somewhere in this hospital, on some operating table, fighting for his life.

He might never see his daughter graduate high school. He might not ever see her get married, or have kids. He might not ever know how she feels. Because she loves him. She loves Richard Castle, and it feels so completely and utterly ridiculous that she hasn't told him before. Every reason, every excuse that she's given herself for not acting on her feelings seems trivial. So much wasted time.

She loves him. And she's sitting here covered in his blood.

She looses track of time. Someone, she's not sure who, helps her to a chair in the waiting room. She sinks into it and rests her head in her hands. That's when she realizes the blood is still there. Dry and sticky.

The bile rises in her throat and she stands, the room spins as she stumbles for the restroom. She has to get it off.

She scrubs her hands raw, watching as the sink fills with blood. His blood. It was supposed to be her.

This thought breaks her and she sinks to the cold tile floor before she has a chance to dry her hands.

Lanie finds her like this half an hour later. Sobbing, rocking back and forth, trembling on the bathroom floor.

Lanie doesn't say a word, just lowers herself next to her friend and pulls her close, holding her while she cries.

"Tell me he's going to be okay," Kate says quietly when the tears no longer fall.

The look her friend gives her is enough to cause the sobs to begin all over again. Lanie doesn't know if he'll make it. That much is clear.

"They've got a good team working on him, Kate," Lanie whispers. "If anyone can give him a chance, it's them."

There's a knock on the door, and Josh's head appears around the corner.

"Kate?"

Josh. She forgot about Josh. Her boyfriend. The man she doesn't love.

She raises her head to look at him and he smiles sympathetically at her and comes into the room to pull her to her feet.

Kate shoots a look to Lanie that clearly says, Help, but Lanie just shrugs and follows them out into the hallway.

They wander towards the waiting room and Josh tries to stop her with a hand to her shoulder.

"Hey, Babe, why don't I take you home? I'm sure they'll call you as soon as there's any news."

Kate stares at him. Is he joking? He must be joking if he thinks she's going anywhere while her partner is lying on an operating table.

She jerks her arm away from him. "No."

The boys walk over and flank her. The tension is radiating off of Kate and they're not about to let her fight this man on her own. They're a team.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know that he's okay."

Josh scowls. "You don't know that he will be."

The words cut her like a knife. Tears spring into her eyes. They feel as though they'll never leave. Tears will become a permanent fixture to her face, and she doesn't even care. All she cares about is him. He needs to be okay. He has to be okay.

"Why would you even say that?" she manages, gasping for breath, even as the boys move in closer, protectively around her.

Josh shrugs. "You need to be prepared. Why are you so upset, Kate? He's not your boyfriend. He's just some dumb writer playing cop. Better him than you."

The boys and Kate all move forward, but to Kate's surprise, Alexis gets there first. She slaps the surgeon across the face and screams at him.

"How could you say that? That's my Dad you're talking about." The young redhead is positively trembling with tears and fear, and Kate feels helpless.

Alexis raises her hand again, clearly not done, when Josh grabs her arm.

"Don't touch her." Kate moves in between the two and Alexis retreats to her grandmother who envelops her in a tight hug. She takes a long look at the women in Castle's life before she turns her attention back to Josh.

"You need to leave." She's amazed at the strength in her voice. She doesn't know where it came from.

Josh rolls his eyes. "Whatever. I'll see you later."

Kate shakes her head. "No. You won't. This - us - it's over."

Josh glares at her, and opens his mouth to say something, but stops when Esposito and Ryan move forward. He shoots one more look over at Alexis then turns on his heal and retreats.

Kate takes a shaky breath and runs her hand through her hair. She moves to where the redheads are sitting and addresses the younger one. "Alexis, I'm sorry you had to - "

Alexis jumps to her feet. "Don't. Just don't, Detective Beckett. This is your fault. My Dad might die and it's all your fault. How could you let him follow you around? He's not a cop. He's a writer. He's supposed to be safe." She's shouting now. "Did you really not see how he feels? Did you think it was fun to play with his emotions? He followed you because he loved you, and now, look at what's happened. He's all I've got," she adds on a sob and runs from the waiting room.

Kate stares at her feet, afraid to look up and into the older woman's eyes.

"Martha, I'm so sorry. I never meant for anything to happen to him. I l-"

"I know, Darling," Martha tells her gently. But her eyes look sad, like she's lost hope. "Alexis will come around. I'm going to go find her."

The woman sweeps out of the room and Kate's left with the boys and Lanie.

Kate sinks into one of the recently vacated chairs. "She's right," she whispers to no one in particular. "It's all my fault. I put him in danger."

"Honey, she's hurting. She's scared and she wants to blame someone. This isn't your fault. You didn't pull that trigger," Lanie reasons as she strokes Kate's hair gently.

Lanie holds her while she cries, and she doesn't even move when Ryan and Esposito leave to see what they can find out about the shooting. She can't go anywhere until she knows.

She wants answers but she wants Castle more.

Because she loves him.

Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen