At last, it was time for Ultra 64 Season 2 to begin. The new director, Mavis Westmanning, who the 3LTV suits had hired at the end of last season to keep everyone in line, announced "Thirty seconds to showtime. I've got the lens cap off and we're ready to roll. N, hon, give me your status."
"I'm here in the booth, Mavis; I'm waiting on Ivy to give me the-wait, no, she just gave me my lines." the man behind the voice of Ultra 64 responded. "Ready to go on this end, how about you, Raul?"
The producer Raul Escabar replied with a hearty "My body is ready for producing!"
"Awesome. Okay, Mavis, we're waiting on you."
ULTRA SIX-SIX-SIXTY FOUR!
"please tell me someone got that."
Ultra 64 risks everything, even its life, in Streets of Rage 2!
AUTHOR'S CUT: Welcome to Ultra 64 season 2, where condensation parodies get bigger, badder, and better. This time, we're taking a look at one of the best Genesis games ever made: Streets of Rage 2 (or Bare Knuckle II: Requiem to Desperate Struggle in Japan) For those unfamiliar with the series... shame on you. As far as edits go, we're taking a look at Streets of Rage II and not Bare Knuckle II, in which Skate's real name was Sammy Hunter, not Eddie Hunter.
-=32=-
The city... is in deep peril! A Mr. X, who's not Dr. Wily this time, honest, rules the city with an iron fist... or at least he did until Axel Stone, Blaze Fielding and Adam Hunter singlehandedly toppled his criminal empire with their fists. Some may say, their bare knuckles?
U64 Fans: boooo~! BOOOOO~!
Great, first one after the break and already I'm getting booed off the stage. At any rate, a year later, a young Adam's brother by the name of Eddie Hunter, also going by the name of Skate, comes home to find that his brother is in fact missing.
Eddie "Skate" Hunter: It was Colonel Mustard, wasn't it?
No, it was Mr. X, and he wants revenge after his staggering defeat a year prior, and so he kidnaps Adam, which in my opinion, was a terrible idea. He could've went after Blaze or something like that -sex appeal- but no, he had to go after Adam. In response, local hero Axel and the aforementioned Blaze team up once again to find Mr. X and punch him in the face. Their eight-stage journey starts with a casual walk through...
Max Thunder: Aren't you forgetting someone?
Oh yeah, I forgot. Adam's brother Skate also joins the party, fulfilling the Fragile Speedster archetype. So they go to...
Max Thunder: I meant me.
You're the furthest thing on my mind, Max. So our party of three
Max Thunder: Four.
Party of four, then, starts with a visit to a local bar, wherein they punch the bartender, Barbon, in the face.
Barbon: Anyone care for a drink? I'll need one.
After which they traverse to a bridge, where they encounter the first of their martial artist adversaries: Kohaku. A quick facepunching to him and his palette swapped friend later, they run into the end of the bridge. Where some asshat in a jet pack runs up to them.
Jet: Since I'm too high for you to punch me in the face, what are you going to do?
A hop, skip, and jumping face punch is what happens to Jet a few seconds later. The trio – sorry, quartet – of Streets of Rage II playable cast members rush to the amusement park, where they are greeted by FREAKING NINJAS!
Axel Stone: Oboro ninjas, presumably?
Given the developers, I wouldn't be surprised. After punching the faces of the ninjas, they rush to an alien-themed attraction with exploding xenomorph eggs and Black Doom's head on a chain of sea urchins.
Black Doom (Shadow the Hedgehog): I WAS NOT PAID FOR THIS APPEARANCE IN THIS SEGA GAME. I DEMAND A LAWSUIT. AND WORLD DOMINATION.
The Overmind (StarCraft): THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK
The Adventures of Captain Caps Lock continues with the true boss of Stage 3: Zamza, a Blanka ripoff with claws and a metal headband. Kinda reminds me of that one guy from Naruto.
Naruto Uzumaki (Naruto): You're going to need to be more specific there, N. Believe it!
After tracking and facepunching him to what appears to be a gooey floor, our playable characters head to the baseball stadium, where they hope to get Cracker Jack in addition to cracking faces.
Eddie "Skate" Hunter: Ooh, can we get peanuts too?
You can take him out to the ball game... which is a front for illegal fight clubs. Some may say, Street Fighting?
Ryu (Street Fighter): We're so suing for defamation of character select.
Boss Wrestler Abadede soon finds out that counterattacking like a boss will get you a one way ticket to a face punch, and after dealing with that buff bastard our heroes find themselves ON A BOAT.
Axel Stone: I'M ON A BOAT!
Eddie "Skate" Hunter: I'M ON A BOAT!
Max Thunder: HEY EVERONE LOOK AT ME I'M ON A MUTHAFUZZING BOAT!
Blaze Fielding: Weirdos.
After finding and face-punching Barbon's palette-swapped cousin Wayne, the protagonists come face to face with R. Bear!
Bear Hugger (Super Punch Out!): Hey, that asshole looks just like me, except no beard! I call shenanigans!
Soon enough, the boat arrives on a beach crawling with Muay Thai fighters, and after punching all of them in the face and going to the jungle, the main characters run into their worst nightmare: palette swapped Jet and Zamza teaming up!
Palette Swapped Zamza: Technically my name's Souther.
Be quiet; you want Toei Animation after us too? Turns out that stage six's double team isn't much of a threat against the facepunch, so after relocating to a robot factory (huh? O.O) our heroes come up to the electro elevator of techno music, where they fight against Jet's palette swapped best friend, and punch him in the face.
Axel Stone: Damn, everyone's getting their face punched today.
After reaching the top of the elevator, they fight against a duo of robots named Atom and Molecule, who get their face punched and then explode, after which they find Mr. X's hotel, where convieniently enough he had checked in the day before.
Mr. X: It's a good thing all these hotels are mine. I always was good at Monopoly. HAHAHA!
After another elevator sequence starring Barbon and Wayne's former roommate Vulture, Zamza and Souther's brother Nail, and from the last game, Mr. X was getting completely prepared for the ultimate fight by having his right hand man Shiva sicced on his foes, the four protagonists.
Shiva: I am going to seriously face punch you.
He is truly a tough cookie, but they survive anyway to face off against Mr. X!
Eddie "Skate" Hunter: Give us back my brother! We'll trade you Blaze for him!
Blaze Fielding: WHAT?
Mr. X: Tempting, but I'd rather shoot you all! HA HA!
Mr. X whips out his faithful nephew, Tommy Gun, and starts pumping the room full of lead, but he quickly runs out of ammo and, during reloading, gets face punched by all four protagonists at once, which is not very easy to do, trust me. The day is saved!
ULTRA 64
ULTRA 64 Episode 201
Game Data
Streets of Rage 2/Bare Knuckle II: Requiem to Desperate Struggle
©1992 SEGA
Music © Yuzo Koshiro
Genre: Beat-Em-Up
Players: 2