Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Shameless UK or US.
A/N:
This is how I have experienced loved ones struggling with, fighting, bipolar disorders of various kinds.
I do not use any names in this piece, but any of you who have seen Shameless know who these two characters are. I am so SO thankful that they are exploring the devastation that mental illnesses of any kind can bring on the show. Not many shows dare to and even fewer get it right. I have high hopes for the next season.
Grounds for Reasons
No one understands that dead silence in your head when it hits.
Worst of all, … you do not understand.
You do not know … that something is wrong.
You feel high and you feel low, and you do not feel yourself anymore … in between.
But that does not matter. It should, but it does not, because you do not have that one moment of quiet, true calm, to think, to think any one thought at all.
Your mind is whirling and twisting at highspeed, you are.
You just do not have time to see that anything is wrong, nor energy. Everything that keeps you whirling is sucked out of you when you freeze at highspeed. Your head so full and so empty with the sudden dead weight of thoughts stuck with you as you lie there unable to move at all. Only the tears impossible to stop now, as before your unreasoned laughter.
And the boy who loves you is kneeling beside you trying to find the attentive gaze you will not, cannot give.
And he is desperate to know why you cannot comprehend nor respond to the idea, the thought … that he loves you.
Speed is soon the only sensation you are able to experience any longer. Too fast, too slow, you cannot find your step, cannot fall into someone else's. There is no ground. You are six feet under, and you are flying.