Who Was She?
Summary: It wasn't until today, Ziva really began to wonder who she was. The agent who was there before her.
Pairing: Kate and Tony, a bit angst I guess
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: This is really weird; I woke up around 5 am this morning and this story just popped up in my head. I even wrote down some notes before I went back to sleep. Weird as hell…It's a post Bait story, I think…
A/N 2: Now, watching the episodes in season four, I've noticed that Tony is much more sincere and emotional. It's like, he used to be DiNozzo. Now he's just Tony. It makes it much easier to write his character much more sincere :D
A/N 3 (the last one I promise): I found this, while looking through my harddrive. Hum, cleaning isn't that bad after all. Well, not it's finished. I've already posted two or three fics this week. I feel like a ...fic machine. And Jos, don't laugh!
Ziva watched as Tony walked into the bullpen and slumped down in his chair. She eyed him for a moment. Today had been tough on him. With Gibbs in the classroom and suddenly being the one in charge, Ziva understood the worn expression on his face. But this case had made her wonder. For the first time, she'd heard Tony use Kate's name. Of course, she'd heard about Kate when she started working there but she knew it was more to it. Something the others weren't telling her. She'd seen Tony's eyes on her when she first stepped into the bullpen. Judging, rejecting.
Now she glanced up at him. He was staring blankly at his computer screen. It wasn't until today that she'd begun to wonder about Kate. Of course she'd thought the thought before but then she hadn't want to know. She didn't really care, but now, seeing Tony so upset by only using her name. It was something the team hadn't told her. Slowly Ziva rose from her chair and walked over to Tony's desk. She dumped her file on the file cabinet and then sat down on the edge of his desk. He shifted his eyes and glanced at her before turning back to his computer.
"Who was she?" Ziva asked in a low voice.
"Who?"
"Kate"
For a moment Tony looked at her with fury but the expression soon changed into sadness.
"Why do you ask?" Tony wanted to know. All of a sudden, Ziva asked about Kate. Why? He didn't really want to talk about it. It still hurt to talk about her. Using her name today had only been a desperate measure to tell Gibbs that the boy's mother was dead. Sighing, Tony opened up his top drawer and took a out a few papers before handing Ziva a framed photo.
"That's Kate" Tony said gruffly, his eyes longing at the picture for a moment. Ziva slowly picked it up and took a look at it. Judging by the surroundings, it wasn't taken here.
"Where is it taken?" she wondered.
"Paraguay, we..um…were sent there last year" Ziva just nodded and studied the picture. Kate was a beautiful woman but scrutinizing her eyes, Ziva could tell that she'd also been a strong woman.
"What was she like?" She then wondered.
"Where to start?" was Tony's only reply. Ziva stared at him for a moment. He seemed very reluctant to talk about her.
"Why are you so reluctant to talk about her?" Ziva asked outright. Tony glared at her.
"Because"
"But I want to know who she was" Ziva chided. Tony looked at her, obviously agitated.
"She was my partner, my friend. She was….-" His angry voice suddenly broke and he turned away again.
Ziva looked at him and then spoke up. "She was your girlfriend" she stated as it was the most natural thing in the world. Tony nodded solemnly.
"How long were you together before she…" Ziva began but Tony interrupted her, not wanting her to say those words.
"A month" he said. "The most wonderful month of my life" he then added. Ziva went back to study the picture. Kate must have been something really special to make Tony DiNozzo feel like that.
Tony turned away from Ziva, not wanting her to see the tears that were building in his eyes. God, he missed Kate. Just like every night, he so badly wanted her back. He'd told Ziva the truth. That month with Kate had been the most wonderful time of his life. His mind flashed back to when it all began. Outside Bethesda Naval Hospital, when he was released after having the plague.
Flashback
Kate had promised him a ride home. While he filled in the forms, she went out to wait by the car. She needed some time for herself. It felt like she'd been in that ward for ages. She'd stayed even when he was getting better. She couldn't make herself leave. Walking across the parking lot, she heard Tony's familiar steps behind her.
"Kate" he called. "Kate, wait up" But she kept walking. Tony looked at her back, puzzled. "Kate, stop!" She slowed down and he had to run to catch up with her. He caught her by the arm.
"Tony, let go of me" she said harshly, not really knowing why she sounded so angry.
"Hey, no need to snap!" Kate tried to escaped his grasp but he had her in a firm grip. "Tony, let go of me!" To her despair, tears had begun to swell in her eyes.
"Kate, are you crying?" Tony asked, worried.
"No, let go of me!!" she almost shouted. Without budging, Tony tugged her wrist until she gave after and sunk into his embrace. After a few moments, Tony felt a wave of relief as Kate locked her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest.
"I'm sorry for shouting" she mumbled. Tony just nodded and lightly rested his head on hers. "What's wrong, Kate?"
"Nothing, all of this. It's been…intense" she explained, face still in his shirt.
"It's okay now. Let's go" He began to loose his grip but she still clutched to his shirt.
"No, it's not, Tony" she said in a low voice. "I want to apologize…for everytime I've said I'll kill you"
Tony looked at her. What was she talking about?
"Kate, what do you mean?"
"Thousand of times I've said…that I'll kill you. And now it almost happened and I…"
"Kate, don't talk like that!"
"But…-" She looked up. "Tony, I have to…" Tony interrupted her by lightly brushing his lips over hers. No more beating around the bush, he knew what she wanted to say. He himself had wanted to say the same.
"It's okay, Kate" he mumbled. Kate slowly loosened the grip of him. She was still kind of surprised about what just happened.
"Oh..okay. Let's go" she eased away from him and began to walk to her car. She opened the backseat door so he could toss in his stuff. Before she shut it, Tony pressed another soft kiss to her lips. And that had been it.
End of flashback.
"I'm sorry" was all Ziva said.
"Me too" Tony said wistfully. After a while he added; "I miss her so much" he clenched his fist as he tried to fight back the tears. Ziva handed back the photo.
"Why don't you keep it on your desk?"
"No one else knew"
That surprised Ziva. She thought that this was what everybody had known, but didn't tell her. Tony suddenly smiled. The memories were flooding back. How they feel asleep in each others arms, woke up in the same position in the morning, how they spent the rest of the morning in bed just watching each other, talking and kissing. When they went to Florida for a weekend, how things were changing to the better. But then other images came. From that day. When she died. When they'd shared their last real kiss. The night they slept in the bullpen, the night before the very day she died.
Flashback
Tony jerked awake in his chair. Checking his watch he saw that it was only three am. He stood up and stretched his legs. Gibbs and McGee had also fallen asleep in their chairs. His eyes travelled to Kate's desk. She never slept in her chair. Tony knew she preferred the floor. With silent steps he sneaked over to her desk and knelt beside her sleeping body. He loved to watch her sleep. Although he would never admit that, not even to her. Gently, he brushed away a strand of hair. Slowly her lips curled up into a smile.
"You're awake" Tony said softly. Kate raised her head and smiled at him. Then she also stood up to stretch out.
"This is so not good for my back" she said in a low voice to not wake up Gibbs and McGee. Tony grinned. Kate smiled back and then stepped into his arms. It was already a routine for them. Everything had become a routine, so fast. How she couldn't help but lean into his embrace everytime he was close, or the way she lightly kissed him before leaving bed in the morning. It was like they'd done it for years.
"I need some air" Kate declared and reluctantly stepped out of his arms. Tony caught her wrist and followed her. They ascended the stairs in silence and then Kate pushed the steel door open and stepped out on the roof. She took a few deep breaths and then turned back to Tony.
"I can't wait until this is over. When Ari is dead, when we've finished all the paperwork" she said. Tony smiled fondly.
"Then it'll only be you and me" he said. Kate smiled at the thought. "Oh yes" She began to shudder and Tony drew her into him.
"We should go back in, get some more sleep if that's possible" She then said. Tony nodded. Kate began to slide out of his arms but Tony trapped her.
"Hang on!"
Kate looked puzzled for a moment, but soon smiled when Tony leaned closer and captured her lips in a kiss. They stayed up there for a while, just kissing.
End of flashback.
Tony groaned inside. If he'd known, he would have hold her and never let go. He would've let Gibbs take care of Ari. He would've grabbed Kate and then just left Washington D.C. Left everything behind.
"I'm sorry, Tony" Ziva's voice snapped him back to reality. "I really am" She strode back to her desk and cast one last glance at Tony before focusing on the files before her. Tony held the framed photo in his hand for a while. He missed her so much; sometimes he could even still see her by her desk, grinning smugly at him. He gave a small smile.
Ziva saw him look solemnly at the photo for a while before stuffing it back in his drawer again. He'd loved her. At Mossad, she'd been taught to not feel remorse or compassion but even she could understand love. Still, it was hard to imagine his situation. They came from different places, different socities with different values. But anyone could tell how much Kate had meant to Tony, to all of them and why they were so reluctant to talk about her. Ziva sighed. At least, now she knew who Kate was, and that she herself would never be able to replace her or bring out the same emotions from the team. They were a team now, but before they'd been a family.
Author's Note: Well…almost too cheesy. Too much of…well bla bla bla. I don't know. Please review and tell me.