A/N: To anyone who came here after hearing about this lovely little series from "The Sitter", bless your little hearts. All others, welcome to the madhouse! If you don't mind slash and the weirdest matchmaker ever, feel free to check out said story. Otherwise, I welcome you, hetero fans, to my world of crazy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I make any profit from writing this. I'm worse with money than Tsunade herself. -.-
Her Boots
-1-
Issues
Itachi Uchiha was a genius.
By the age of twelve, he had graduated from high school, and moved on to gain a BA in Psychology.
At twenty-one, he had obtained his legal doctorate and bar certification.
Of course, once the proverbial primer proclaimed him 'done' enough for his father's satisfaction, he had been neatly plucked from the hoards of eager potential employers and placed among the ranks of the elite staff that made up the legal council of the Uchiha Conglomerate.
Of course, the position had been a learning experience, rich with educational gems such as 'Why you shouldn't screw your secretary on the copy machine' and 'Why you might as well break your own fingers, if you feel like embezzling from any company with a fan in the logo'.
He took these little lessons into account with a cynical little turn of the lips before setting off to establish his own high-earning practice.
Any protests his father had initially registered were quick to evaporate as Itachi made fast progress in his 'chosen' career, quickly setting up his firm as the earthly equivalent of an Olympian legal giant.
Word on the street hailed him as a legal god.
Most people working under him referred to him as Satan.
Itachi wasn't a bad person, per ce.
He just 'operated' differently.
His mother had been mumbling that particular explanation to dumbstruck friends and relatives for years.
He understood human emotion, of course, and he was no less susceptible to it than any other normal human being. He was just better able to check and balance them, setting them into neat little piles before selecting them, one by one, for consideration.
You might say he was the sort of man whose issues had issues.
Like Tsunade Senju.
That woman wore her issues like a fashion statement, loud and proud.
And they matched her dusty old cowgirl boots perfectly.
Tsunade Senju was not a genius.
At least, not by the standards of the modern testing machine.
She had a nasty little habit of indulging her nasty little habits.
Some would call her a glutton for punishment.
Some would call her an attention whore.
Some would just call her a whore.
Itachi called her 'Miss Senju', because she was his client. At least until she absolutely insisted that he wrapped his pretty lips around her name.
And he had no choice.
Tsunade Senju was just about the only person in the world who could make Itachi Uchiha nervous. She knew it, too. Which would have meant, under normal circumstances, that she had to die.
But Itachi never could quite do it. He was too desperate to understand the crazy bitch.
So he spent absurd amounts of time trying to convince her-
No, it wasn't all right to try to 'blow' the breathalyzer just to fuck with the cops.
No, it wasn't all right to pay gambling debts by flashing. Especially if the proprietor had a heart condition.
No, it wasn't all right to wander, drunk and disorderly, into an elementary school Christmas Pageant and scream that any one of the children on stage was your illegitimate love child.
She never really listened, just nodded her pretty little head up and down and watched him from the little throne she'd made of his passenger seat. Some times, it seemed that she was trying to make him crazy, too.
He never could quite understand her as a client.
So he married her.
A/N: No, that's not the only reason. You'll see. XD This will be a series of oneshots, taking place in the same universe as The Sitter. I started work on this because I wanted to explore the relationship between Itachi and Tsunade. I hope you like it as much as I do. x3