A/N: Mmmmm... Different to how I first envisioned it but nonetheless, I hope you like it. Just a little angsty.
Taken from mid season one.
Foster dumped her bag by the door as she came into the house.
"Alec?" she called.
It had been a particularly long day at the office, stressful, as most days were when you were trying to catch someone in a lie. She was glad to be home, if only for the familiar walls that were her own. She was hoping that Alec had been caught up with work, but much to her surprise, he stepped into the hallway from the bedroom.
"Hi," he smiled.
"Hi."
"I missed you."
"I..." she forced herself to smile back and she stepped into his open arms. It was easy to lie to her husband when he didn't know how to read her facial expressions. But that was the only thing that was easy, everything with him such an effort? Conversation, especially. Why did being around Cal Lightman have to be so easy and being around, Alec, her husband, so hard? It would have been nice to come home and not have to think so much about someone else. Alec was clueless of course.
Foster's days at the office were becoming more and more stressful, and it was wearing her down. Not the job part so much as being around Cal and having to hide so much from him. It took effort to lie to Cal because he could read her... sometimes. He liked to believe he could always see through her, but she only allowed him to think that. There were lots of things that Cal didn't know, things he couldn't know.
He was her best friend, which was why it was so complicated. Shouldn't Alec have been her best friend? Wasn't the man you vowed to spend your life with, the one person you were supposed to be able to share anything and everything with?
"You look tired," Alec commented, peeling off her coat.
"I am," she answered.
"I'll make you a hot cuppa."
An hour later, Alec kissed the top of her shoulder, his subtle way of trying to tell her that he was in the mood. It would have been easy to dismiss him, make up an excuse about being tired. But Alec didn't ask for much, and it was her duty as his wife to satisfy him. She let him take her clothes off and closed her eyes, picturing herself somewhere else, with someone else.
"Are you having an affair?" Alec asked straightforwardly, after they lay spent.
Foster laughed and sat up in bed. "What? I don't..."
"You called out his name."
"I-" Foster's stomach flipped over like a pancake. "I don't-"
"You said Cal's name. You said it Gillian."
She didn't know what to say him. "I..."
"Are you sleeping with him?"
"No," she stated. "I promise you, I'm not. It's not like that. I- it's a business relationship. I see him every day and he- I didn't mean to say his- it doesn't mean what you think it does. It doesn't mean anything." Who was she trying to fool?
Alec looked at her. Hard.
"I believe you."
Foster sighed with relief.
"Goodnight." Alex rolled over and a few minutes later, she could hear him snoring.
Foster climbed out of bed and took a shower. Would it be all that different if Cal was her husband and Alec was her work mate? Did the dynamics of their relationship make a difference to her feelings or was it simply that she didn't love her husband anymore and at some point fallen in love with Cal Lightman?
Foster sighed as she envisioned him, his strong masculine features and that thick British accent that sent her heart into a frenzy every time he opened his mouth. Foster loved the friendly banter between them, she loved how Cal always kept her challenged, alert, focussed. She loved how strong he was, and how passionate. It gave her life meaning to go into work every day and see him.
Alec didn't make her feel any of those things, except occasionally like she was drowning.
She saw more of Cal than she did of Alec, did that make all the difference?
Alec wasn't the perfect husband and she knew that he lied to her, about what, she didn't know, but that aside, didn't she owe him her loyalty? The guilt she felt about her intense feelings for Cal made her want to be a better wife. It was wrong to want someone else who wasn't her husband. As right as it felt to be around Cal, to feel their close bond, it wasn't the way it should be.
Perhaps the only way she was going to repair the damage that had been done to her marriage was by making more of an effort.
Maybe it was time to make some changes.
Or she could just wake up tomorrow and pretend that everything was the same.
I'd love to know you're thoughts!