"Escape!"

A Yami no Matsuei fic

by Saoirse

Chapter One

Disclaimer

Author: *sweetly* Hisoooooka!

Hisoka: *suspiciously* What?

Author: *brightly* Guess what? I'm not going to make a fuss about my disclaimer today. See? *holds up sign, reads*

"Yami no Matsuei does not belong to Saoirse, it belongs to Matsushita-sensei, as do all of the characters. Saoirse does own the plot, small and horrible as it may be."

*looks at Hisoka* There, all done! And you didn't even have to force it out of me!

Hisoka: *still wary* Okay. Why?

Author: *pouts* Don't you trust me, Hisoka?

Hisoka: No. Now, why are you being so agreeable today?

Author: *shakes head* Uh-uh. No way. You'd hurt me. I plead the Fifth!

Hisoka: *advances menacingly* Saoirse… What. Did. You. Do?

Author: *fidgets nervously* Well, if you must know… *whispers in his ear*

Hisoka: *blushing wrathfully* You did what now?!?!

Author: *obviously scared* I told you that you wouldn't like it.

Hisoka: *growls threateningly*

Author:*turns to audience nervously* Well, folks, I have to run now! Enjoy the show… er… story! *flees*

Hisoka: *yelling* Get back here, Saoirse! When I get my hands on you…! *gives chase*

Translations (most of you should know these, but for those newbies among you, welcome to the fandom and here are translations of a few Japanese words I use)

Genki: enthusiastic, energetic, lively

Kagetsukai: one who can control shadows

Fuda: a piece of magic paper used in the spells done by the Shinigami

Baka: moron, idiot

"Hisoooooka-kun!"

" 'soooooka-chan!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kurosaki Hisoka flinched. He knew those voices. Knew them all too well, in fact. And he was willing to bet they boded no good, at least for him. Reacting instinctively, Hisoka dove under his desk, attempting to hide from the maniacs storming his office. His partner, Tsuzuki Asato, knowing how much Hisoka disliked (read: feared) their visitors, merely laughed and prepared to distract them long enough for the younger Shinigami to make his getaway.

Not three seconds after Hisoka had successfully stuffed himself into the tiny space beneath his desk where his feet normally went (he was, thankfully, small enough to fit), two very blonde, very bubbly, seemingly harmless females burst into the room. But these were no ordinary Shinigami. No, these were Torii Saya and Fukiya Yuma, the Hokkaido-based Guardians of Death who insisted on using Hisoka as a live clothing model, usually garbing him in the newest of popular female fashion. Was it really any wonder the wheat-haired teen presently hiding under his desk was so afraid of them?

Unfortunately, the big oaf he called his partner had a bit of a soft spot for Saya and Yuma, frequently indulging them in their little "obsession," if only to embarrass his younger coworker. ("But, 'soka," he would say in the high-pitched voice he frequently used to poke fun of Hisoka, "you look so adorable when you're blushing!") For some unknown reason, Tsuzuki took a wicked delight in teasing the boy he thought of as a younger brother. Of course, maybe it wasn't so unknown; older brothers are notoriously infamous for bullying younger siblings and having a marvelous time doing it! Fearing the worst, Hisoka attempted to empathically sense Tsuzuki's state of mind, hoping he wasn't feeling particularly kindly toward the two fiendish Shinigami today. He sighed, relieved, when he realized his partner was planning on deceiving them, and would ruthlessly use his deceptively innocent purple-eyed puppy dog pout if they didn't believe him.

"Tsuzuki-chan! Have you seen Hisoka?" asked Yuma, bouncing up and down with excitement at the prospect of playing dress up with her favorite "doll."

"Yeah!" piped in Saya. "We were sure he was just in here…" She trailed off, looking around the small office as if expecting her prey to be hiding behind the plant by the window.

Tsuzuki, who of course knew exactly where the fearful Hisoka was hiding, merely shrugged and replied, "I think he was heading for the break room. He looked a little pale, so I told him to go get something to eat. And, of course, I asked him to get something for me; I do hope he comes back soon, I'm hungry!" He ended this little speech with one of his typical whines, used most frequently when food was involved. Hisoka hoped desperately only he could detect the lies in Tsuzuki's voice, otherwise he was in for one horrible day.

Saya and Yuma giggled a silvery, tinkling, sinister sort of laugh, apparently accepting their friend's explanation. "Alright," they chorused, creepily in unison, "we'll just go see if we can find him there, then." And, much to Hisoka's surprise and relief, they left a mere five minutes after their dramatic entrance.

The teen waited a few moments more, determining that the two banshees did not intend to come bounding back in, before cautiously crawling out from under his desk. Stretching his arms over his head, he smiled gratefully at Tsuzuki and sincerely thanked him for not betraying him to the crazed blondes. "I don't know what I'd have done if they'd gotten their hands on me again. The last time was bad enough, I'm still having nightmares!" Hisoka closed his emerald eyes, grimacing at the horrifying memory. "And I'm not sure I've gotten all the pictures back from Watari yet!"

Tsuzuki grinned, knowing full well that Watari Yutaka, the genki scientist/doctor/whatever-he-really-was of the Shokan department, would never give up such good blackmail material, not while he was still hoping to use Hisoka as a guinea pig for his yet-to-be-discovered gender switching potion, at any rate. "Not a problem, 'soka-chan! I'd rather be on your good side than theirs any day; I have to work with you!"

Hisoka laughed, already knowing this was his partner's reason for lying to the girls, realizing he should be offended, finding it amusing nevertheless, and started packing up his things. "Tsuzuki, you've been really helpful today, but could I ask you one more favor?"

"Sure," replied the chocolate-haired Shinigami, happy to help if it kept him from his friend's wrath.

"If Tatsumi asks where I am, could you tell him I went home sick and I'll call as soon as possible to explain?"

Tsuzuki blanched a little at facing the Shokan department's secretary and resident kagetsukai, Tatsumi Seiichiro (those shadows can be darn scary!), but nodded. Hisoka smiled at Tsuzuki's reaction and reminded him that all he had to do to lessen any rage Tatsumi might have at the younger man's absence was pull a full puppy dog pout. The cold and slightly intimidating man melted like butter whenever Tsuzuki turned the full power of that amethyst gaze upon him. The older Shinigami brightened at the thought and waved cheerily as Hisoka left the office, already turning back to his work (well, procrastinating his work, to be precise).

As Hisoka expected to meet little to no resistance to his departure, he was shocked when four hands yanked him from his intended path just as he turned the corner in the hallway. Too stunned to react, he could only stare fearfully at the two he thought he had avoided. 'Knew it was too easy,' he thought. 'Darn it!'

"Thought you could get away from us, did you, 'soka-chan?" Yuma grinned malevolently (or so it seemed to her victim, who also expected her to cackle madly) and answered the unspoken question on Hisoka's face. "How did we know Tsuzuki was lying? Easy. There's no way he'd send you to get him food. He'd go to the break room with you." Then, turning to her partner with a look of unholy delight, she asked, "Saya, do you have the rope?"

Author: *out of breath* Well, that's the end of chapter one, folks! You're probably figuring out by now why Hisoka's chasing me all over the darn fic. It's getting really tiring. *sighs sadly*

Hisoka: *comes up behind author silently, taps her on shoulder*

Author: *spins around, terrified* Yikes! *to audience* Um, gotta go, guys! See you in chapter two! *flees*

Hisoka: *running after her* Saoirse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop this instant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!