How in the hell did I get roped into this detail was the main thought that kept crossing my mind as I was driving the two giggling teens in the back of my car downtown in the late evening towards a dodgy little dive bar in a less than stellar part of Portland that I normally wouldn't come to unless I was investigating a crime. But, there I was, dressed in the clothes I had let my 16 year old daughter pick out, listening to the music of this weird band that she insisted was the , "Next big thing" as I chauffeured her and her equally giddy and giggly friend towards the venue. The music wasn't bad, though the lyric were often a bit on the odd side and somewhat dark if you listened to them closely, but I figured if they probably couldn't be any worse than what I had listened to when I was her age, so I grinned and bore it, and besides the boys whose pictures she showed me that made up the band weren't actually to bad to look at, so I figured it might not be full on torture to chaperone, there were worse things, such as mall expeditions and salon trips.
My Captain had full on laughed at me when I had told him the reason for my request for the night off, well in advance of the concert. He knew my rather misanthropic nature didn't hold well with crowds and especially hormonally challenged crowds of giddy teen girls or celebrities that were full of their own self importance. He had reminded me to leave my cop self at home and not arrest anyone, including band members. I had just sighed and resigned myself to having absolutely no fun at all at that point. It was going to be hard enough to sneak out and have a smoke without getting caught by my daughter or her equally anti-tobacco, health Nazi friend, but considering I was going to be designated driver and stone cold sober for this, I knew I was going to have to sneak out and smoke sometime or someone was going to come up missing vital body parts. "Mom, now remember, once we get in there we don't know you, you don't know us. Don't glare at people! Don't be mean! This is a happy, fun concert. Just relax and try and have a good time, or at least stay against the back wall and don't scare the guys, PLEASE?" My daughter knew me all too well. One time at ONE football game I take a jerk down and choke him out and she never lets me forget it or live it down. Never mind the fact the guy was drunk and disorderly and had a knife…oh NO! Her mom that protected the coach from his attacker is the bad one in the whole deal because she embarrassed her daughter by existing and revealing she was a cop. I cant win. "I will do my best to behave" I muttered to my daughter over the music. I was a little hurt by her implications, after all, I had sacrificed quite a bit to ensure I didn't embarrass her. I hadn't dated or gone out in over 3 years. That's right, THREE YEARS without a man in my life. I had been to work and to home and playing chauffer, cook, maid and whatever else my baby girl had needed. I was lonely, but it had been worth it. She was a straight 'A" student, Captain of her cheerleading squad, honors pretty damn much everything, class president and super popular. She played piano and guitar and sang in the choir and was a damn good kid, even though she bossed me around about my clothes and hair, but that hadn't started until I complained that I kept getting hit on by women all the time. The third time I had that happened, I came home to an intervention of sorts.
Daughter and my best friend had emptied out my closet and all my clothes were lined up in piles on the floor of the living room, along with my shoes, or should I say boots. I had one pair of running shoes for PT, but everything else was cowboy boots or duty boots. My clothes were much the same. There was a pile of black, a pile of blue jeans, a pile of ratty t-shirts, my hoodies, and my leather jackets. My daughter declared it time for a change and they took me out shopping in an attempt to get me into something other than black or white or blue. That is how I found myself wearing a maroon button up shirt that was low cut enough o show off the goods, and a pair of black skinny jeans that made me glad my ass was out running and working out 5 days a week. But I balked when she tried to get me in heels for the evening, "Look heifer, I am not going there to seduce one of those boys! They are young enough to be my damn sons,(that got an "Eww" and an eye roll)I am going there as your chauffer and security detail, and that means I need to be able to stand on my feet and be able to throw down if necessary, so I will be wearing my boots, but I will wear my nice, new ones okay?" She relented and settled her self with being able to mess with trying to do something with my hair other than allowing me to tie it back in a ponytail or stuff it under a hat, but when it started to drizzle, she gave up in frustration and went to worry about her own appearance, though I warned her she was "Jailbait" and none of the grungy young rock stars that even tried it would live to see the inside of the jail. " God MOM! turn down the damn Texas, would you?" I knew I had made my point so I had left to pick up her friend,(though I stopped for a pack of cigarettes to stuff in my boot along with a lighter) on the way to get her. Once I got her friend back to the apartment, the pre-concert hysteria seemed to go into overdrive and I wished I was able to drink prior to going down there. I half-way debated taking the Max with them, but due to the lateness of our anticipated return time, I did not want to be trying to deal with the Max without my weapon in case I was to run across any of my prior cases, I also realized it was a bit of a hike from Lloyd Center to the bar, and that wasn't going to happen with them already stressed out, so we were driving whether I liked it or not, and I was going into it sober.
Knocking on the door of daughters room before we left, I had been prepared to get my head ripped off by my amped up progeny, but she was remarkably cool and relaxed. I halfway debated drug testing her, but I didn't detect the odor of weed and I knew the neighbors that had the weed permit were out of town so neither of us had had a contact high in a week , so I asked her, "What gives? Why are you soo calm now when you have been a freaking stress case all week?" She just smiled at me and her friend said, " Look! Look at them! How can you be stressed out when you are going to be in their company" She waved her arms around in daughters room, indicating the posters and ephemera that made the room a virtual shrine to the odd little band. Their logo that looked like a stoned chimp gazed blearily out at me from virtually every corner and the boys themselves all looked like they needed a good scrubbing in various posters, but they had a certain charm and I had to admit, they made me smile in spite of myself. The one that seemed to do the majority of the singing was a cute little devil and I found myself thinking to myself that if I was 20 years younger… but I put those thoughts aside and reminded the girls that we had to find parking so we had to leave at least an hour before the show unless we wanted to park in Vancouver and be late for the show. That got them moving and the next thing I knew I was being crammed in the front seat of my car and we were headed downtown with the music blasting.
It was already dark when we arrived downtown and the typical "Lets tear up the streets and leave a freaking disaster for people to try and figure out was in full-effect for the blocks surrounding the venue, but luckily I knew my way around down there pretty well due to doing some recon prior to the show, and I found an alley that ran behind the bar that had a few parking spaces in a out of the way spot. I slid my car in next to the dukes mixture that was already there and we headed around to the front of the bar to join the line of giddy teens and whatever elses that was already gathered by the front doors. I was hoping that this band wasn't going to run late with their start time like so many of the bands of my youth did. I still remembered the riot I may or may not have participated in at an Ozzy concert in Shreveport back in the day, but ill be damned it I would have ever admitted that to my daughter. The girls waiting by the door seemed like a happy bunch, there was a bunch of touchy-feely, hugging and shouting of hello's and more than a few were wearing t-shirts proclaiming themselves, "Hoors" or that they felt like "Sinning". I was beginning to wish I had paid just a little closer attention to the lyrics of the songs because I was not so sure I was happy with the thought of my daughter referring to herself under either of those titles, but her and her friend had already spotted some of their friends and they had joined in what seemed to the ritual squealing, hopping, hugging, thing that so many in the line were engaged in. I was frankly a little non-plussed and wishing I could find a drink, but I knew for at least the next 2 and a half hours the show was supposed to run, I had to behave myself. Since I was forbidden from contacting daughter directly at this point, I sent her a text, " Do you have your tickets?" to which she replied with a terse, "Yes". I sent her , " When you go in, do not leave the show. I forgot something in the car." to which she replied " OKAY!" I knew then I had a perfect window to go smoke a cigarette in peace and quiet, away from squealing teens and judging eyes.
As I was walking to the car my cell phone went off again only this time it was my Captain. "Just a reminder, have fun, arrest no one!" Yeah, fuck you too asshole I muttered as I walked up to my car. Intent on my phone, I didn't see the shape leaned up against the tree that was next to my car until he stepped out right beside me and unfortunately for him, startled me. It was dark in that alleyway, I was distracted and aggravated, and not expecting someone to all of the sudden be right at my elbow and especially I wasn't expecting them to say in a drawl, " Well just who are you wanting to fuck?" So I reacted as any typical trained cop would react in that situation…really! I am not a freak! I did not over react by grabbing him by the wrist and twisting him around and body slamming him over the hood of my car and then taking him all the way to the ground. I didn't hurt him…much. He squawked a bit as I proned him out and frisked him, and in the dark I couldn't make out his features but I growled at him to shut up as I held onto his thumbs in the small of his back with my knee in his neck. After I searched him for weapons and found nothing other than a bunch of odd boy junk such as loose coins, lint, guitar picks, cell phone, harmonica, oh shit…I flipped open his wallet and used his cell phone to read his I.d. double oh shit! my daughter was going to kill me. I had just felony flopped and pretty much felt up the lead singer of the band she was waiting to see in concert.
I eased up the pressure my knee had on the back of his neck, "What the hell do you mean stepping out on me like that?" I went with an aggressive form of questioning to try and get my ass out of the fire just a bit, because I did have a bit of a valid point, the boy had scared the hell out of me and if I had been armed he would have been minus a few of his perfect teeth. He struggled a bit, trying to get up and I torked just a bit on his wrists just to let him know I was still in control of things, and he squawked and then laid still. "I was just out here for a damn smoke and to see who in the hell had parked in our spot out here so we could get this car towed out of the way." Get my car towed? Oh no fucking way that was going to happen. "This lot isn't posted, who in the hell appointed you parking lot patrol, there lil fella? I would have been really pissed off if I had come out and found my damn car gone." He tried to turn his head to get a look at me and I leaned over to look at him a little closer, "If I let you up, you gonna behave yourself?" I asked him. He grunted at me, 'Do I have any damn choice, I don't want to get shot." I laughed at him on that one, "Oh I am under strict orders not to shoot you or anyone else this at this fiasco tonight, but I will mess up your pretty face if you try anything." I got up off of his neck and let his thumbs go so he could get up off the dirty ground. When he finally got to his feet I realized he wasn't too much taller than me, and in the dimly lit alley, the shadows gave his face in interesting cast that made him look oddly more mature than I knew him to be.
He dusted himself off, muttering and cussing a bit and he cocked his head to try and get a better look at me in the dim light. "Why in the hell did you body slam me? What the hell was that all about?" I just laid it out flat to him, "You stepped out from behind a tree in a dimly lit alley and you startled me, you are lucky all I did was take you down. You could have gotten seriously hurt. What the hell are you thinking pretty boy, messing around out here in the dark by your self, aren't you worried about getting mauled by rampaging groupies?" He scoffed, "No, they are all inside waiting for the show to start, I have a good hour before I have to worry about that so I came out to check on the vehicles and to have a smoke, but now that you have crunched my cigs, I shit outta luck on that end of things." I laughed at him gently, 'Don't you know smoking is bad for you? It will age you and give you cancer or some other shit, and its directly the cause of global warming and the end of the world." As I was talking I put my foot up on the tire of my car and reached in and got my new pack of smokes and lighter. I cracked them open and took one and then handed him the pack. 'Guess I might as well contribute to the delinquency of a minor while Im out here felony flopping one". He coughed as he lit the cigarette he took, "Who is a minor" I am 25 years old!" I was floored. I laughed at him, and said, "Hun, I got bad habits older than you are and probably more than a couple of pair of boots."
It started lightly drizzling on us as we were standing there and I said, "I don't know about you, but I aint standing out in this, you are welcome to sit in the car with me if you want, but I am gonna smoke and try and relax before I have to go and join my daughter and the 10,000 screaming tweenies in that hell hole." He stepped around to the passenger seat and got in, and as the door opened I got to see just how damn cute he was close up and personal. I was shocked by the immediate reaction my sex starved body had to him and I took a damn long drag on my cigarette as he leaned back in the seat. "So I am figuring you are a cop or something like that?" he said after a moment of both of us smoking and just sitting. "Yeah, just like my dad was." he laughed softly. "I shoulda known, whats you name? Names Bella" he started to tell me his but I interrupted him, "Hun, I know who you are, I have heard your name pretty much every damn day for the last couple of years from my daughter and her friends and I have seen pretty much all your movies and whatever else you have done because my daughter is a bit on the overindulged side." That made him laugh out loud, and I laughed along with him. "So what does your husband do?" I sighed as I told him, " I wouldn't know, I don't have one, I seem to give the wrong first impression with my habit of felony flopping all the males that try to get close to me, plus the whole single mom/cop thing isn't exactly conducive to dating so I have just focused on raising my daughter and being the chief cook and bottle washer for the past few years." He turned and looked at me in the dim light of the cars gauges, "So you don't date?" I started to feel a little defensive at this point, "Its not as if I haven't wanted to, but like I said, I tend to scare the hell out of men and I wont play anything other than what I am, so I gave up and I have just been alone for the past few years. Its difficult in some ways, but easier in others." He took a drag on his cigarette and got quiet for a bit so I decided it was time for a little Quid Pro Quo, 'So what about you? How long have you been together with your companion?" He sat up pretty quickly and looked at me, "COMPANION? What do you mean Companion?" I knew then that perhaps I had made a mistake in some of my assumptions because the boy was not reacting to that word the way I expected.
"Well that fella that you are always standing with in pictures and when you are on stage, I mean anybody can tell by looking at you two and how you move around each other than there is something there. I think its great. Love is love doesn't matter to me if you are gay or not, might break my daughters heart, but doesn't make me no never mind." The boy started choking and coughing to the point that I thought I was going to have to pull him out of the car and do CPR on him, and when he was finally able to speak again he sounded more than a little upset. "I am not gay!, He is not my companion, he is my business partner and best friend, but that is ALL! Oh my God is that what people think?" I just looked at him, "Dude, do you never go on the internet? I screen my daughters accounts and her conversations so I know what is being talked about and I make sure its staying decent , but you and your friends relations have been quite the topic for debate for months. People analyze every song you guys sing together, every time you pose together and every move you make around each other and not only have they decided you two are gay, they have decided who is top and who is bottom." He was on the verge of hyperventilating as I told him this and I was rather stunned that he was not aware of it, after all, it was all over the websites that my daughter followed and they had following that numbered in the tens of thousands. He was sitting there with his head hanging down a bit and he said, "No, I try to avoid reading about myself, either good or bad I just do my music and my work and I let other people handle that end of things." Whoa! I couldn't believe that, the boy did not know his sexual habits were one of the most hotly speculated items in the fandom? I would have laughed if he didn't seem so freaked out about it. "If its any help, pretty much everyone is really supportive and more than a few find it really, "Fuckhot" I believe is the common terminology. There are even a whole bunch of fan fiction stories based on it and a few videos." He groaned like he was in pain and I felt kinda bad for the kid so I reached over and patted his shoulder. "Hey, let me tell you, as a female cop that has been accused of batting for the other team for most of her adult life, there are worse things you could be accused of. Your fans seem to be growing instead of shrinking in number and what does it matter to you what fans think, all that matters are what the people around you know and I bet you just have women dripping off of you, I know that in spite of what they may suspect, many of your fans have the dirtiest thoughts about seducing you and doing the most wild things to you." He just seemed to sit there frozen for a minute or two and then he turned and looked at me, "You seem to know an awful lot for someone's mom about what all is going on." I have never been one to be afraid of being blunt about things, and hell… What did I have to worry about? He was some random young rock star that would be leaving town in the morning and I would be leaving right after the show was over with my daughter, so I just laid it out to him. " Well, you aren't hard to look at and I am pretty damn sure you are aware of that. I am a older, single woman that doesn't have much time or initiative to get out and meet anyone to take care of business for me, so you may or may not be part of my personal array of spank bank images." Annd again with the coughing and choking, I swear, for a boy that was a singer by vocation, he sure didn't have much ability to keep from getting choked up. I reached over and thumped him on the back a few times until he got himself under control and he looked at me a little bit owl-eyed as he said, "Did you just admit to having a spank bank?" I was a little taken aback, where was this kid from? Oh yeah, Texas, like me, but even I knew that women had visual aids to help take care of business in the lean times, and the boy was pretty to look at with long hands and such full lips that just …Ack! I shook myself to clear the images out of my head. It was distracting enough having the boy sitting in the front seat of my car with me talking about all the homoerotic porn I had read about him, it wasn't going to make the situation any less easy to handle if he kept on. "You know, this is the 21st century, women do actually indulge in such things and often go after men they desire when that isn't enough." He snickered and said under his breath, "Or they simply body slam them, throw them in cuffs and haul them away for their own dirty desires?" I laughed at him and said, " Well, I didn't have my cuffs with me or that might have been a very real danger for you." Whoa, whoa, whoa! I think the conversation just crossed over into very damn interesting territory, and as the rain really started pouring down on the car, I realized that the windows in the car were fogged up completely on the inside, making it impossible to see not only outside the car, but inside as well.
He leaned over and looked at me and said, " You wouldn't have needed the cuffs, I probably would have come along willingly, I like a woman that knows how to take charge of things." I didn't know what the hell to say to that one. I just took what I hope was a not too ragged sounding breath and said, "Oh, is that so? Well, be careful what you wish for young man, I might have to school you in a thing or two." I was soo going to hell and my daughter was going to be the one turning me into to them devil himself for corrupting this boy, but damn the sexual tension in the car had just gotten so damn thick you could cut it with a knife and I figured, what the hell, he would either be into it, and we would both enjoy a little stress relief before the concert, or he would flee the car like his ass was on fire and never breath a word because a chick had kicked his butt. I reached over and grabbed him around the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss that I hoped would give me a response one way or another and really damn fast because he was going to have to get in to do his show and I was going to have to get in to find my daughter. He didn't resist or pull back at all, and in fact he reached over and tangled his hand in my hair and we battled for dominance for a moment before he realized that I was running the show, one way or the other.
The boys lips were just as kissable and soft as I thought they would be, and he didn't even hesitate about slipping his tongue in and letting me know I was being kissed by a man who knew what the hell he was doing. I was out of practice, but I damn sure found myself remembering what I was doing once we got into it, and the next thing I knew, our hands were under each others shirts and the groans and pants coming out of both of us would have done a porn soundtrack proud.
The front seat of my sedan was not going to be the best place for anything to really happen, so I pushed him off of me a minute just long enough to say, "Back seat!" I was never really happy about being a short person until that moment, and I know he felt the same way, because while we couldn't stretch out, it was a damn sight more comfortable than being folded up in the front with the gear shift in the way. I locked the doors of the car and joined him in the back where he was already without his shirt and working on losing his jeans, (no easy feat considering he was wearing those damn painted on skinny jeans that younger guys favor, but I decided to help speed things along by removing my own jeans and boots as well, so I had more time to look him over after he got his jeans off. I ran my hands over his lean, tight chest and abs and I leaned forward and began kissing my way up and around his chest as he groaned and panted and palmed my breasts. I nipped along his neck and ear as I reached down to see just what I was getting for my troubles, and I have to say I was pleasantly pleased. He was not freak of nature "Monster peen" like what was written about in so many of the stories written about him, but he was nicely equipped and he wasn't all manscaped and hairless, he was simply a normal young man that was so damn hard that when I touched him, it practically jumped straight up. He was patting around looking for something, his wallet I assumed and hoped, so I reached down and handed that to him and hoping he wasn't a one shot jock, I bent down and grasping the base of him, I decided to give him a warm up with my tongue.
That made him drop his damn wallet because he let out a garbled, " Ungngn" sound as I worked him over top to bottom and round the tip, flicking my tongue over edge of the head and I swear the boy quit breathing for a minute or two so I slowed and then stopped because there was no way in hell I was going to let him have all the fun. I reached down and got his wallet and laid it up on his chest so he could dig out the condom, and after he finally found it, I took it from him and working him over briefly again, I opened it and rolled it down on him. Leaning forward, I told him, "Scoot over just a lil bit hun Im gonna need some room to move." and as he scooted over in the seat I threw a leg over him and straddle his hips, and before I could change my mind, I reached down and pointed him in the right direction and slid down on him. We both groaned and I raised up, settling down on him so that I got the full effect of what he had to offer, and Ill be damned if the boy didn't start working his hips like he was some kind of machine. I knew that it had been so damn long that I wasn't going to last long at all and with him doing some kind of dance underneath me that should be illegal if it isn't, I reached down and started tweaking his nipples and teasing the outline of his pecs as I ground back down on him, tightening and giving back everything I had to give. I caught his hands and placed them on my breasts, trying to give him a hint that they needed some attention, and lucky for me the boy was a quick learner and pretty damn sharp. He not only started working them over with his hands, he raised up and began flicking my nipples with his tongue. I tangled my hands in his hair and tugged his head back, giving me access to his neck, and I started nibbling and biting along every place I could reach as the boy did his damndest to take the dominant position. I don't know how we managed it, after all, my car is not huge and I am not near as flexible as I used to be, but we managed to end up with him on top and then he went to town and I became a believer in never quitting smoking.
Anybody walking past that car at the moment I came would have thought a grizzly bear was loose in the alley. I swear to God I growled unlike anything I have ever done before and I know I marked the boy with my nails, hell it was all I could do to not bite him, and when he came a few seconds after me, he promptly went dead weight on me and was sweating and panting like he had run a marathon, and in a way we both kinda had, a freaking wonderful marathon. Ever the pragmatist though, I took a look at my phone and realized he was due on stage in less than 10 minutes, so he was going to have to get his shit together and get back inside before the tweenies rioted and took both of us out, so I gently, rolled him off of me and I started hunting up my clothes and his and trying to coerce him into getting dressed. He was laying there like he was a bit out of it, so I thought I better get some cool air into the car, so after I got my clothes back on, I got into the front seat and cranked the car so I could crack a window. I lit a cigarette and nudged him again, "Hey sugar, you need to get up before folks come looking for you and think I did something horrible to you." He groaned and started moving then and chuckled "No, not horrible, I just feel like I am boneless now." I reached over and grabbed hold of him, removing the condom and tossing it out the window, as he shuddered and acted like I goosed him. He started pulling his jeans up and I handed him his boots and shirt while I turned and checked to make sure I would be able to pass inspection with anybody I might run across on my way into the venue. When he was finally dressed, I shut the car off and thankfully the rain had started to slow to a point that we wouldn't get to saturated if we hotfooted it to our respective entry points into the bar.
I turned to him and said, " Thank you much sugar, I needed that." He grinned at me and said, " Glad to be of service, ma'am, will I see you around?" I didn't know what to say. I have lived in Portland for awhile but I didn't know where I would end up in the next couple of years, so I told the truth. 'I don't know, I've been here, but I never know where I will end up, if you find yourself needing some company, hell…im not hard to find if you are motivated." With that, I opened the door of the car and stepped out and he did the same. We both scatted pretty quick due to the rain, and as I walked down into the venue, I could sense the happy vibes of the kids surrounding me and I thought, What the hell, im not going to stand in the very back hiding and missing out, Im gonna sit right up on the banister that overlooks the dance floor so I can see the stage, and if he wants to , he can see me.
The lights went down and the tweenies all began hooting and hollering and then there he was, front and center on the stage, looking like he crawled out of the back of a car with his hair a mess, his shirt buttoned up wrong, and just as deadly cute as he knew how to be. The band rocked the house and the girls ate it up, and truthfully so did I because watching the boy was pure pleasure. He knew how to work the crowd and with his gyrations and lyrics that were almost pure double entendres, he had them eating out of the palm of his hand. I just sat up on my perch and grinned at him when he made eye contact, resigned to the fact that not only was I old enough to be his momma, he was a wild and free young beast that was on his way up in the world and I was someone's mom that really had nothing to offer someone like him, other than maybe a good time every now and then, and I wouldn't mind that if he was game.
The concert rocked hard for the full 2 hours and I was amazed at his endurance and his ability to work the crowd. I caught sight of my daughter and her friend during part of it and her eyes were firmly on him and I could see she was yelling something along the lines of, "I love you!" at him as he danced on the edge of the stage near her. I cringed a little, thinking about how really ticked off she would be at me if she knew I had violated her young rock star in the back of the car just prior to his being on stage, but I squashed those thoughts down because after all, she was jailbait and that was one non-negotiable issues with me. Finally the show ended and he made the announcement that they would be signing autographs at their merchandise table immediately afterwards. I sent daughter a text asking if she was going to get in line and I got back, " Yes, can I have debit card please with id?" I sighed, I knew this was going to cost me, but I texted her my location and covertly handed it over so she didn't have to even acknowledge she knew me. I sent her a text, "Get me a signed t-shirt too" and I kicked back on the banister, prepared to wait.
After an hour or so, I was half asleep and the crowd mostly gone when daughter and her friend finally texted me again, "Lets go" and I headed for the exit. I looked back at the table where they were sitting, still surrounded by fans and he looked up and grinned at me. I gave him a small salute and headed out to meet daughter and friend by the car.
"Oh gross! What the hell! Daughter was disgusted to find a condom on the ground next to the car door along with a few cigarette butts. "MOM! there is a condom over here!" I cringed inwardly, wishing I had found a different place to be able to get rid of it, but we were pressed for time and well, it was too late. "Well, don't touch it, just get in the car already, I want to get out of here before all the traffic breaks loose." Her and friend opened the back doors and went to get in and daughter immediately started sniffing, "What the hell is that smell! Oh my God it smells like smoke and sweat and B.O. and …" her friend interjected, "SEX!" How in the hell does my daughters best friend know what sex smells like? They started shuffling around in the back seat and then it became deadly silent as I pulled out of the parking space. I looked in the rearview and I saw daughter and friend looking at each other holding something in their hands. "What do you guys have?" Daughters voice sounded really strained as she said, "Mom, you need to pull the car over and look at this." I wasn't in a place where I could stop right away so I told her she was going to have to hang on until I got further on up Burnside, but once I got past all the traffic fiasco, I pulled into a well lit station and turned around to see what had struck daughter and her friend silent. I was never so glad for having a great poker face in my life because in my daughters hand was the wallet and harmonica and in her friends hand was my pack of cigarettes and an empty condom wrapper.
My daughter still believes I forgot to lock the car and that he had a random hookup in the back seat. She seemed oddly pleased that he had chosen our car to bestow such an feat upon. It didn't even register with her that I had vanished out of the venue for more than an hour before the show began, and I just happened to smoke the same brand of cigarettes that he smokes, and in a way that was a bit insulting, but I figured it was better she not know the truth. She tossed me my t-shirt when we got home to the apartment and she commented that the autograph was a "Little weird." She said that he had handled her purchase on his own and he seemed really interested in my id…uh ohh. I looked at the t-shirt and it said, "To Bella, Next Time Ill Bring the Cuffs J.W." I had a feeling he was going to be retrieving that wallet in person.