Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. They belong to the
creators of Xena, Ren Pics, Universal, and StudiosUSA.
Broken Family
Part I
I had been on my own for months. I had been trying to figure out where I was supposed to go next. I couldn't go home because my mother had disowned me. I had no other family except for the son I gave up years ago. But he wouldn't have known me and Calieopus would not have liked to have me around. I had been busy. Hercules had changed my life and turned me around. He had unchained my heart and he had shown me true love. And now I was heavily pregnant with his child.
I couldn't face him. I couldn't go to the man that I swore I wouldn't let myself get involved with. I loved him, yes, but I couldn't depend on him. I had to go fix things for myself. But I was a wanted woman. I was wanted for many things. I had changed my clothes but that wasn't enough to hide me from the public eye. People hated and feared me. People wanted me to die.
I had been keeping a low profile. I had been sticking to myself, dressing in loose garments over my dress. Nobody could know I was pregnant. I was due any day and I could feel that my child wanted out. But my child was the child of Hercules. I didn't know what to expect, and I knew that if Hera found out, she'd have been looking to kill the baby. I couldn't have a child. I didn't know what to do.
Traveling on foot wasn't comfortable at the late point in my pregnancy. I hadn't been riding a horse because that would have been a little more obvious. I took my time, and I had even gone to Amphipolis once. But I knew better than to go into the city where I was not welcome. But now I was outside of the Centaur village where my son Solan lived. I wasn't sure which child was him because they were all at a distance. None of the children looked like a child of mine and the great Borias.
"Solan! Kick me the ball!" shouted a little Centaur boy. My eyes darted over to see a young boy of about eight years of age. He had short hair and it was light brown in color. He laughed and kicked the ball to the Centaur boy. My heart skipped a beat and tears came to my eyes as I saw Solan for the first time in eight years. He was something I knew I couldn't have. I knew that I couldn't be a mother and I didn't know what I was going to do with the child that I was carrying. I couldn't tell Hercules because he would want to settle down. Sure I loved him, but I couldn't settle down with him. I wasn't cut out to be the housewife. I was cut out to be a warrior. I wanted to make amends for my past, but I was lost. I didn't know how to get started.
"Solan," I whispered. My heart ached and I wanted this boy to be in my life. I wanted to be his mother, but I couldn't. I couldn't right the wrongs in my past by taking two children along with me.
"Xena," came a deep voice behind me. I turned and I saw him. Calieopus. I stared at him and he stared at me, his arms crossed against his broad chest. "What are you doing here?"
"I meant no harm," I replied quietly, looking into the Centaur's eyes. "How is he?"
"He's just fine. He's growing stronger every day."
"He's . . . he's not being trained to be a warrior, is he?"
"No," Calieopus answered calmly. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"What do you want here?"
"I just wanted to see his face. I won't approach him. He's beautiful."
"Yes he is," Calieopus answered. He noticed that I was pregnant. "I see you have another child on the way."
"Yes," I answered. I looked away. "I have to go."
"You want to speak with him."
"No . . . I can't," I replied quietly. "I have to leave." I ran off and I didn't look back. I had just passed up the opportunity to talk with my son. But I would have been a stranger to him. I didn't want to look into my son's eyes and not have him recognize me. I ran into the forest and I rested as soon as I found a hidden clearing. I sat down against a tree and I waited. I felt my unborn child kicking within me and I wondered what my child looked like. Would the baby look like me or like Hercules? Would it look like Solan?
I put my hand on my stomach and I let my child know that I was there. I spoke soothing words to it, trying to let it know that it didn't have to be scared. I wasn't good at being pregnant. When I was pregnant with Solan, I had tried everything to get rid of the child inside of me. I had tried herbs and spices. I had tried so many different things except for harming myself. But that child held on and then I gave him up. But I loved him. The first time I had seen his face, I had loved him. It pained me to give him up, and I knew that it would be the same with this child. I would love it as soon as it was born, but I didn't know if I could take care of it.
"I don't know what I'm doing, kid. I'm so lost. I hate my past. I hated giving up Solan. But I think it was the best thing for him. If I had raised him, he would have become a warrior. If I raise you, what will you turn out to be? I can't take the chance of corrupting another person. I can't keep you," I whispered. I had tears in my eyes. Crying. Hercules had made me cry and this was the first time I had cried since I had left him. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his kisses. I missed his heart. I knew I was being unfair in not being with him and telling him about his child. But I had to do that myself. I had to take care of the child until I could find it a proper home. I couldn't keep it.
I stood and I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I groaned loudly and the pain spread to my back and it lingered for a few seconds. I sat back down against the tree and I put my hand on my stomach. It felt hard and I knew that I was having a contraction. I panted a little and I pulled myself up. I began to walk for awhile. The pain seemed to go away and I didn't have another for quite some time. I walked for hours and I only rested when my knees started to give out. It was three hours before another contraction hit me. I knew the birth was awhile away, so I pulled up my bedroll and I camped out after the sun went down. I laid in my bedroll for hours and I thought of the life inside of me. I thought of Solan. I wondered if Calieopus ever told Solan about me or if he had made up a story of Solan's mother and father.
Thinking of Solan made my heart ache again, so I tried to think of something else, but I couldn't escape my feelings. I loved my children so much that it was killing me to think of not being in their lives. I sat up. I needed to move. If I laid there all night, I knew that I was going to drive myself insane with guilt.
I stood and I packed up my bedroll. I continued into the darkness of the forest and I felt another pain. I knew the baby would be coming in the next couple of days. I had to prepare for it, but then again, I almost didn't want to give birth. I knew that once I gave birth, I would have to stay detached from the baby and give it away. I had spent hours in a cart with Solan before I escaped and took him to Calieopus. That had been horrible. I had bonded with the baby. I had fed him from my breast and I had watched him suckle. I had been a mother to him and I hadn't looked back. I felt like a horrible mother.
As I walked, I had this uncomfortable sense that somebody was watching me. I knew who it was. He knew I knew he was there. I stopped and I took a deep breath.
"What do you want?" I asked loudly. In a flash of light, the God of War appeared before me. He was dressed in his black leather. He was very attractive, but I knew he was there on a less than friendly note.
"That child you're carrying in my brother's," Ares responded.
"Yes," I whispered.
"You know, Xena, I've always had a soft spot for you."
"Oh yeah," I retorted. "You really had a soft spot for me when you sent your dog Graegus after me and your brother."
"That was just a warm up. Xena, believe it or not, I believe you have the power to become the world's greatest warrior," the God of War answered. I watched him for a few moments. I could see that he was scheming. He hated Hercules and he knew that I loved him.
"You know how I feel about your brother. You know what he did for me. I won't go back to the way I used to be," I answered through clenched teeth. "It isn't worth it."
'What are you going to do when Hera finds out that you're carrying the son or daughter of Hercules?" Ares asked, folding his arms over his chest.
"Is that a threat?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. Ares licked his lips and flashed a grin. He shook his head.
"No. But it is only a matter of time. You think you can tote around a kid and there'll be no questions as to who the father is. It will only be a matter of time before one person comes up to you and they're a servant in Hera's temple." I stood quiet. I didn't trust him. He had turned me to the dark side and I couldn't let myself fall that way again. I knew that the best thing to do would to be to ignore him. I knew he wouldn't tell Hera about my child with Hercules because he wanted me back too much. It was something that I had to face. Ares would always hound me and never give up. But the thing was, I enjoyed his yearning. I wanted him to beg. I walked away with the satisfaction of knowing I was making Ares worry that he'd never get me back.
I couldn't let him know all at once that it wasn't going to happen. I wanted to get his hopes up and then crush them like they were nothing. I wanted him to pay for what I went through over the years.
"Xena, don't walk away from me!" Ares called as I continued to walk. Finally, he was gone, and I was alone again. I couldn't help but grin. I always knew how to press Ares' buttons. But still, I knew he'd never tell Hera about my child with Hercules.
As the night went on, pressure was settling in my lower back and pain was still coming every few hours. I felt horrible. It hurt to stand, it hurt to sit, it hurt to lie down, and it hurt to move at times. I wasn't sure how long I had been walking but my knees were sore and my feet were swollen. I could smell smoke from the fireplaces of homes in the distance. I knew I was near a village, and I was feeling the pain again. This time the pain was more painful and the pressure was ten times as bad as it had been before. I stumbled and I sat down against a large boulder. I could feel my child moving around inside of me, wanting out. I knew how to have a child, but that didn't mean I was ready.
I groaned in pain and I heard movement. Footsteps. Somebody was walking my way. I grabbed my sword from under my coat, but when the moonlight cast a glow on the figure, I put my sword down. A young woman with long blonde hair came walking over. She wore a blue dress that fit her body and she had her hair pulled behind her shoulders. She had the gentlest eyes and her skin was so bright in the moon's glow.
"Are you okay?" the girl asked me. I bit down on my tongue for a moment and I put my hand on my stomach. She looked down in the darkness and saw my stomach. Her eyes widened and she placed a hand on my stomach and could feel the contraction that was still lingering. "Soon." I nodded.
"It's too cold to do this out here," she whispered. "My family is out of town. I can hide you in my home for a few days." She helped me stand and I could feel how warm her hands were against my hands. I looked into her eyes for a moment, my blue eyes piercing her green ones. She helped me walk down the path. The pains ceased and all I felt was pressure. I could finally speak.
"How did you know I need to hide?" I asked her, glancing at her sideways.
"You were traveling in the woods. I figured you were running from something."
"No," I answered flatly. "I'm not running. I'm protecting my child."
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm Xena."
"Xena?" the woman asked. "I have heard of you." I nodded.
"Yeah. Well, I'm not the same as I used to be," I remarked.
"I believe everyone can change if you give them the chance," she replied. She smiled at me. "I'm Gabrielle." I smiled.
"Gabrielle," I muttered. I liked that name and decided to hold it as a possible name for my child. The least I could do was name it, right?
I looked ahead as we walked. Gabrielle soon led me to a little farm at the edge of the village. There were candles burning in the windows and the home looked like a friendly environment. She helped me inside and shut the door. She walked over to boil some water as I put my coat down on a chair. I put my sword and my chakram on top of my coat and I took off the armor that protected my chest. The dress I wore was dark blue with silver designs running up the length of it. It was something to keep me warm until I gave birth.
I watched Gabrielle as she put a pan of water over the fire to boil. She walked over to a bed and she pulled back the covers.
"Here," she said. "You can have this bed. It's mine, but I can sleep in my sister's. She went off with my parents to Athens. I decided to stay here and take care of the farm."
"That's very brave of you," I replied, settling down in the bed. She removed my boots and covered me with the blankets.
"Why's that?" she asked, glancing at me curiously. I cocked my head at her and she smiled at me.
"You're really young to be taking care of a farm all by yourself," I answered quietly.
"I know what I'm doing. I'm not a little girl, you know. I'm sixteen," Gabrielle answered.
"I remember being sixteen," I answered with a smile.
"How old are you? You can't be much older than me," answered the young woman. I laughed a little.
"I'm eight years older than you," I replied quietly, not wanting to admit to myself that I was about to reach my mid twenties.
"How long have you been having pains?" Gabrielle asked me, putting her hands on my stomach again.
"All day," I answered. "The baby won't be here for awhile."
"My mother was the midwife of the town. Well, she still is, but she's training me. That's what I'm supposed to amount to," the girl answered, furrowing her brows.
"That's not what you want," I replied, searching her eyes.
"I feel like I'm destined to do greater things. I don't want to stay in one place. I want to travel. I want to learn everything I possibly can about the world," the girl answered. I looked at her. Her eyes practically lit up when she spoke about her hopes. I smiled and then I groaned as another pain hit me. Gabrielle looked concerned but I breathed through it while she walked over to check the water. "What do you want? A boy or a girl?"
"I . . . I don't know. I'm not going to keep the baby," I replied as I looked away. She glanced over at me.
"You aren't?"
"No," I replied. "The baby deserves a better mother than I can ever be," I replied. I looked at Gabrielle and she stared at me for a long moment before deciding to change the subject.
"I'll make you some hot tea," she whispered. She turned her back to me and I lay back with my hands on my stomach, fighting the demons in my conscience, which were telling me to keep the child and give up my life as a warrior.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Part II
Broken Family
Part I
I had been on my own for months. I had been trying to figure out where I was supposed to go next. I couldn't go home because my mother had disowned me. I had no other family except for the son I gave up years ago. But he wouldn't have known me and Calieopus would not have liked to have me around. I had been busy. Hercules had changed my life and turned me around. He had unchained my heart and he had shown me true love. And now I was heavily pregnant with his child.
I couldn't face him. I couldn't go to the man that I swore I wouldn't let myself get involved with. I loved him, yes, but I couldn't depend on him. I had to go fix things for myself. But I was a wanted woman. I was wanted for many things. I had changed my clothes but that wasn't enough to hide me from the public eye. People hated and feared me. People wanted me to die.
I had been keeping a low profile. I had been sticking to myself, dressing in loose garments over my dress. Nobody could know I was pregnant. I was due any day and I could feel that my child wanted out. But my child was the child of Hercules. I didn't know what to expect, and I knew that if Hera found out, she'd have been looking to kill the baby. I couldn't have a child. I didn't know what to do.
Traveling on foot wasn't comfortable at the late point in my pregnancy. I hadn't been riding a horse because that would have been a little more obvious. I took my time, and I had even gone to Amphipolis once. But I knew better than to go into the city where I was not welcome. But now I was outside of the Centaur village where my son Solan lived. I wasn't sure which child was him because they were all at a distance. None of the children looked like a child of mine and the great Borias.
"Solan! Kick me the ball!" shouted a little Centaur boy. My eyes darted over to see a young boy of about eight years of age. He had short hair and it was light brown in color. He laughed and kicked the ball to the Centaur boy. My heart skipped a beat and tears came to my eyes as I saw Solan for the first time in eight years. He was something I knew I couldn't have. I knew that I couldn't be a mother and I didn't know what I was going to do with the child that I was carrying. I couldn't tell Hercules because he would want to settle down. Sure I loved him, but I couldn't settle down with him. I wasn't cut out to be the housewife. I was cut out to be a warrior. I wanted to make amends for my past, but I was lost. I didn't know how to get started.
"Solan," I whispered. My heart ached and I wanted this boy to be in my life. I wanted to be his mother, but I couldn't. I couldn't right the wrongs in my past by taking two children along with me.
"Xena," came a deep voice behind me. I turned and I saw him. Calieopus. I stared at him and he stared at me, his arms crossed against his broad chest. "What are you doing here?"
"I meant no harm," I replied quietly, looking into the Centaur's eyes. "How is he?"
"He's just fine. He's growing stronger every day."
"He's . . . he's not being trained to be a warrior, is he?"
"No," Calieopus answered calmly. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"What do you want here?"
"I just wanted to see his face. I won't approach him. He's beautiful."
"Yes he is," Calieopus answered. He noticed that I was pregnant. "I see you have another child on the way."
"Yes," I answered. I looked away. "I have to go."
"You want to speak with him."
"No . . . I can't," I replied quietly. "I have to leave." I ran off and I didn't look back. I had just passed up the opportunity to talk with my son. But I would have been a stranger to him. I didn't want to look into my son's eyes and not have him recognize me. I ran into the forest and I rested as soon as I found a hidden clearing. I sat down against a tree and I waited. I felt my unborn child kicking within me and I wondered what my child looked like. Would the baby look like me or like Hercules? Would it look like Solan?
I put my hand on my stomach and I let my child know that I was there. I spoke soothing words to it, trying to let it know that it didn't have to be scared. I wasn't good at being pregnant. When I was pregnant with Solan, I had tried everything to get rid of the child inside of me. I had tried herbs and spices. I had tried so many different things except for harming myself. But that child held on and then I gave him up. But I loved him. The first time I had seen his face, I had loved him. It pained me to give him up, and I knew that it would be the same with this child. I would love it as soon as it was born, but I didn't know if I could take care of it.
"I don't know what I'm doing, kid. I'm so lost. I hate my past. I hated giving up Solan. But I think it was the best thing for him. If I had raised him, he would have become a warrior. If I raise you, what will you turn out to be? I can't take the chance of corrupting another person. I can't keep you," I whispered. I had tears in my eyes. Crying. Hercules had made me cry and this was the first time I had cried since I had left him. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his kisses. I missed his heart. I knew I was being unfair in not being with him and telling him about his child. But I had to do that myself. I had to take care of the child until I could find it a proper home. I couldn't keep it.
I stood and I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I groaned loudly and the pain spread to my back and it lingered for a few seconds. I sat back down against the tree and I put my hand on my stomach. It felt hard and I knew that I was having a contraction. I panted a little and I pulled myself up. I began to walk for awhile. The pain seemed to go away and I didn't have another for quite some time. I walked for hours and I only rested when my knees started to give out. It was three hours before another contraction hit me. I knew the birth was awhile away, so I pulled up my bedroll and I camped out after the sun went down. I laid in my bedroll for hours and I thought of the life inside of me. I thought of Solan. I wondered if Calieopus ever told Solan about me or if he had made up a story of Solan's mother and father.
Thinking of Solan made my heart ache again, so I tried to think of something else, but I couldn't escape my feelings. I loved my children so much that it was killing me to think of not being in their lives. I sat up. I needed to move. If I laid there all night, I knew that I was going to drive myself insane with guilt.
I stood and I packed up my bedroll. I continued into the darkness of the forest and I felt another pain. I knew the baby would be coming in the next couple of days. I had to prepare for it, but then again, I almost didn't want to give birth. I knew that once I gave birth, I would have to stay detached from the baby and give it away. I had spent hours in a cart with Solan before I escaped and took him to Calieopus. That had been horrible. I had bonded with the baby. I had fed him from my breast and I had watched him suckle. I had been a mother to him and I hadn't looked back. I felt like a horrible mother.
As I walked, I had this uncomfortable sense that somebody was watching me. I knew who it was. He knew I knew he was there. I stopped and I took a deep breath.
"What do you want?" I asked loudly. In a flash of light, the God of War appeared before me. He was dressed in his black leather. He was very attractive, but I knew he was there on a less than friendly note.
"That child you're carrying in my brother's," Ares responded.
"Yes," I whispered.
"You know, Xena, I've always had a soft spot for you."
"Oh yeah," I retorted. "You really had a soft spot for me when you sent your dog Graegus after me and your brother."
"That was just a warm up. Xena, believe it or not, I believe you have the power to become the world's greatest warrior," the God of War answered. I watched him for a few moments. I could see that he was scheming. He hated Hercules and he knew that I loved him.
"You know how I feel about your brother. You know what he did for me. I won't go back to the way I used to be," I answered through clenched teeth. "It isn't worth it."
'What are you going to do when Hera finds out that you're carrying the son or daughter of Hercules?" Ares asked, folding his arms over his chest.
"Is that a threat?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. Ares licked his lips and flashed a grin. He shook his head.
"No. But it is only a matter of time. You think you can tote around a kid and there'll be no questions as to who the father is. It will only be a matter of time before one person comes up to you and they're a servant in Hera's temple." I stood quiet. I didn't trust him. He had turned me to the dark side and I couldn't let myself fall that way again. I knew that the best thing to do would to be to ignore him. I knew he wouldn't tell Hera about my child with Hercules because he wanted me back too much. It was something that I had to face. Ares would always hound me and never give up. But the thing was, I enjoyed his yearning. I wanted him to beg. I walked away with the satisfaction of knowing I was making Ares worry that he'd never get me back.
I couldn't let him know all at once that it wasn't going to happen. I wanted to get his hopes up and then crush them like they were nothing. I wanted him to pay for what I went through over the years.
"Xena, don't walk away from me!" Ares called as I continued to walk. Finally, he was gone, and I was alone again. I couldn't help but grin. I always knew how to press Ares' buttons. But still, I knew he'd never tell Hera about my child with Hercules.
As the night went on, pressure was settling in my lower back and pain was still coming every few hours. I felt horrible. It hurt to stand, it hurt to sit, it hurt to lie down, and it hurt to move at times. I wasn't sure how long I had been walking but my knees were sore and my feet were swollen. I could smell smoke from the fireplaces of homes in the distance. I knew I was near a village, and I was feeling the pain again. This time the pain was more painful and the pressure was ten times as bad as it had been before. I stumbled and I sat down against a large boulder. I could feel my child moving around inside of me, wanting out. I knew how to have a child, but that didn't mean I was ready.
I groaned in pain and I heard movement. Footsteps. Somebody was walking my way. I grabbed my sword from under my coat, but when the moonlight cast a glow on the figure, I put my sword down. A young woman with long blonde hair came walking over. She wore a blue dress that fit her body and she had her hair pulled behind her shoulders. She had the gentlest eyes and her skin was so bright in the moon's glow.
"Are you okay?" the girl asked me. I bit down on my tongue for a moment and I put my hand on my stomach. She looked down in the darkness and saw my stomach. Her eyes widened and she placed a hand on my stomach and could feel the contraction that was still lingering. "Soon." I nodded.
"It's too cold to do this out here," she whispered. "My family is out of town. I can hide you in my home for a few days." She helped me stand and I could feel how warm her hands were against my hands. I looked into her eyes for a moment, my blue eyes piercing her green ones. She helped me walk down the path. The pains ceased and all I felt was pressure. I could finally speak.
"How did you know I need to hide?" I asked her, glancing at her sideways.
"You were traveling in the woods. I figured you were running from something."
"No," I answered flatly. "I'm not running. I'm protecting my child."
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm Xena."
"Xena?" the woman asked. "I have heard of you." I nodded.
"Yeah. Well, I'm not the same as I used to be," I remarked.
"I believe everyone can change if you give them the chance," she replied. She smiled at me. "I'm Gabrielle." I smiled.
"Gabrielle," I muttered. I liked that name and decided to hold it as a possible name for my child. The least I could do was name it, right?
I looked ahead as we walked. Gabrielle soon led me to a little farm at the edge of the village. There were candles burning in the windows and the home looked like a friendly environment. She helped me inside and shut the door. She walked over to boil some water as I put my coat down on a chair. I put my sword and my chakram on top of my coat and I took off the armor that protected my chest. The dress I wore was dark blue with silver designs running up the length of it. It was something to keep me warm until I gave birth.
I watched Gabrielle as she put a pan of water over the fire to boil. She walked over to a bed and she pulled back the covers.
"Here," she said. "You can have this bed. It's mine, but I can sleep in my sister's. She went off with my parents to Athens. I decided to stay here and take care of the farm."
"That's very brave of you," I replied, settling down in the bed. She removed my boots and covered me with the blankets.
"Why's that?" she asked, glancing at me curiously. I cocked my head at her and she smiled at me.
"You're really young to be taking care of a farm all by yourself," I answered quietly.
"I know what I'm doing. I'm not a little girl, you know. I'm sixteen," Gabrielle answered.
"I remember being sixteen," I answered with a smile.
"How old are you? You can't be much older than me," answered the young woman. I laughed a little.
"I'm eight years older than you," I replied quietly, not wanting to admit to myself that I was about to reach my mid twenties.
"How long have you been having pains?" Gabrielle asked me, putting her hands on my stomach again.
"All day," I answered. "The baby won't be here for awhile."
"My mother was the midwife of the town. Well, she still is, but she's training me. That's what I'm supposed to amount to," the girl answered, furrowing her brows.
"That's not what you want," I replied, searching her eyes.
"I feel like I'm destined to do greater things. I don't want to stay in one place. I want to travel. I want to learn everything I possibly can about the world," the girl answered. I looked at her. Her eyes practically lit up when she spoke about her hopes. I smiled and then I groaned as another pain hit me. Gabrielle looked concerned but I breathed through it while she walked over to check the water. "What do you want? A boy or a girl?"
"I . . . I don't know. I'm not going to keep the baby," I replied as I looked away. She glanced over at me.
"You aren't?"
"No," I replied. "The baby deserves a better mother than I can ever be," I replied. I looked at Gabrielle and she stared at me for a long moment before deciding to change the subject.
"I'll make you some hot tea," she whispered. She turned her back to me and I lay back with my hands on my stomach, fighting the demons in my conscience, which were telling me to keep the child and give up my life as a warrior.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Part II