Hello! Our names are Anna and Natalie, aka browneyed_girl and Miss Kitty. This is a project we have been working on over the last 2 years in our science lessons instead of working. After getting two thirds of the way through we made it into a stage play for our end of school assembly, and managed to get some geeks and misfits (like ourselves) to perform it. It was a GREAT success...Well not really - anyone who would have understood the jokes was in it! However we were undeterred and now at last, never before seen on the internet, for your entertainment and enjoyment The Arnie Fanclub presents...
(in order of appearance...kind of)
Flea- A flea, also a microchip and accomplished lounge singer.
James Pond- Our plucky hero and also a goldfish.
Princess Yak- Rebellion Leader. Stunningly beautiful in a hairy kinda way.
O-Bendy-Dingo- the ozzie geezer with a score to settle.
Han Llama- Outsider and bit'o'rough, but inside an all round good guy.
Ciabatta- The REAL star of the show! Han's warthog co-pilot and voice of skepticism in the proceedings.
Yodel- Greedy, selfish, amazingly talented Jelly Knight, a bit eccentric in his old age.
Darth Carp- Tortured, noble, but evil nonetheless.
And, our celebrity guest star, EVERYONES favourite film star and our all-time hero ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER as the Evil Dr Chipmunk- a mad military genius with aspirations of universe domination.
The Starship Gerbils- Deadly minions, bent on their own death for glory.
Martha Focker the Mutt- Crime Lord. Embittered by his womans' name.
Lando- Slimy turncoat and two-faced hispanic crustaceon.
General Polly- Battle scarred war hero, has uncontrollable screeching fits. He's not that ugly really except he ain't got no tail. Poor sod.
In...
A long time ago in a fishpond far far away....
Lived a goldfish with a shiny black tail. He had lived with his aunt and uncle fish for his whole life and dreamed of becoming an intergalactic spy.... Little did he know that on a planet named Toilet Seat (it loses a little in translation from the native language), lived the rebellion group Partners of Opposition, or P.O.O for short, sworn to stop the evil Dr Chipmunk before he builds his ultimate fighting machine the ' Death Car,' which runs over planets like a mighty space juggernaut....
Meanwhile, rebellion leader Princess Yak sends out Death Car plans on a microchip disguised as a flea. After the ship carrying the flea is attacked by Dr Chipmunks minions, the starship gerbils, the flea is launched into space and lands on James ponds pond three days later. The saga begins...................
* * *
A desert landscape, with nothing moving for miles around. Suddenly EEEEEEEEAAHHHHHHH pok as a tiny flea shoots down through the atmosphere and lands in the dust. BOING AHH BOING OWW BOING AHHEEH plop. The burning flea lands in the pond. SSSSSSSS. The flea sinks down into the pond, and flump lands in a frogspawn field. James Pond sees the bubbles and swims over.
James Pond: What the -
Flea: Eeek! Biboloby beep?
James Pond: Ahh, I see you are not English. Parlez vous Francais?
Flea: Blop?
James Pond: Spechst die Deutch?
Flea: Blipblop!!
James Pond: Blippety bloppety blip?
Flea: Blip! * Subtitles from now on*
James Pond: Where have you come from?
Flea: Toilet seat
James Pond: Eh?
Flea: Must - reach - toilet seat. I carry - message for POO.
James Pond: Eh?
Flea projects message onto a nearby pondweed.
Princess Yak: Help me O-Bendy Dingo you're, my only hope!
James Pond: Who is that Yak she's beautiful!
BOING! The flea suddenly springs into action and starts boinging away. James Pond swims after him in hot pursuit.
James Pond: Hey, wait! Tell me about that Yak!
James Pond follows on his propellered scooter. Flea hops out of the pond, and James Pond pauses to put on his breathing apparatus. Flea jumps to the home of Benjamin Dingo, Esquire.
James Pond: Ben Dingo. Could he be O-Bendy-Dingo? Does he know this Yak?
Ben Dingo: James? James Pond? It is I, Ben Dingo! Who is your friend?
James Pond: This here is a flea. He contains a beeyootiful Yak!
Ben Dingo: Eh?
James Pond: He is asking for O-Bendy-Dingo! Would you know of such a person?
Ben Dingo: Why I Am O-Bendy-Dingo!
James Pond: Then you DO know this Yak?
Ben Dingo: Yak? What Yak is this?
James Pond: Fleas Yak!
Ben Dingo: Yak Yak?
Flea: BLEEP!
Flea plays whole message
Princess Yak: O-Bendy-Dingo, you were a friend of my father - you must help me! These plans are imperative to the rebel alliance, and need to be returned to General Jaws the Mighty II on Toilet seat! Help me O-Bendy-Dingo, you're my only hope!
James Pond: Wow can we watch that again?
O-Bendy-Dingo: That is Princess Yak! This flea must contain vital information.
James Pond: A princess?
O-Bendy-Dingo: The starship gerbils will be looking for it. You must go home!
James Pond jumps on his scooter and rides home. As he does, he can see steam in the distance. He rides over the hill to see his pond..... DRAINED!
James Pond: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Part 2 Coming Soon....