It started out like every other day.

Miley Stuart woke up in her rich person beach house feeling sorry for herself.

"I don't have the Z Phone or whatever it's called plus my dad keeps buying me the stupidest sweaters," she whined to herself. "Life is so hard!"

She went to the kitchen where her maid/father had made her chocolate chip pancakes. Being the drama queen she was, she was like, "Ew, daddy, don't you know that I didn't want that today? I wanted a solid gold omelette."

"I'm sorry, hunny," her dad said in his fake-sounding southern drawl. "They was all out of golden eggs at the Beverly Hillbillies supermarket."

"Daddy!" Miley droned in her cute little whiny way. "Fine."

"Oh, and by the way: your manager called and said she wanted to make a change to one of your songs, Nobody's Perfect. Here is the lyrics paper thing."

Miley read it.

Everybody makes mistakes…

Like that photo shoot with Vanity Fair! 1, 2, 3, 4…

"Daddy, I don't wanna read this!" Miley whined. "It's offensive to that girl Miley Cyrus that looks exactly like me and posed for all those 'Audrina Partridge wannabe' pics! I'm trying to be a role-model."

"Yee-haw!" Miley's idiot brother (and essential stupid character in every one of Disney's TV shows) Jackson yelled as he entered the kitchen. "Let the word out that JACKSON is in da house!" He was also wearing some stupid costume lie he always is in that show.

Cue the laughter machine that plays at every unfunny joke on that show.

"Jackson… what are you doing?" Miley asked.

"I'm practicing! You know, I don't get enough credit in this family. It's time for me to launch my career as Bucky Kentucky! Yeee-hawww!" Jackson says in his ridiculous, hick-esque voice.

Miley looked at her dad with that, OMG everyone around is me is a complete idiot except me. I'm just a teen angst and think that apathy is very becoming look.

"Now, be nice," he told her.

Then something happened where Miley could have been selfish or stupid or mean and kind of was and then she learned her lesson and then… an ad for High School Musical 3: Because We Haven't Tortured You Enough Already with the First Two So We're Going to Waste Your Money on the Big Screen came on, and Miley Cyrus went home to pose for more nasty pics because she really hasn't learned her lesson at all. Like they really aren't going to end up on the internet, genius.

Five Years Later

"Waaaaahhhh! Disney canceled my contract a few years ago so I became the next Britney Spears!!" Miley Cyrus whined. "And guess what? I DON'T LOOK GOOD BALD!! WAAAAHHHH!"

"Guess what, honey?" Billy Ray Cyrus droned in his fake accent that he won't get rid of even off-screen. "I got you a record deal making a remake of Achy, Breaky Heart! We is gonna be famous for a good reason again!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Miley cried.