Furuba Omake Theatre 1 - featuring Akito and Hatori
Hiya! We've decided to write up our Furuba Omakes now. So, um, yeah! Have fun!
Disclaimer: We do not own Furuba, Acme, Tweety Pie, Invader Zim, The Simpsons or ANY porn book. We don't own very much at all, actually. ;-;
WARNING: this page contains seriously random stuff. At the caution of severe brain damage, you may commence…
Note: In all our Furuba quizzes, we've kinda turned Akito into a scary, evil invalid with a bone disease. So every time he touches something the bone he used snaps, kk? Oh, and he's really thin as well. (And we mean REALLY thin!). And Hatori, being the doctor, is his 'carer'. Got that?
It was a bright, blustery day at the Sohma residence, and the world was generally happy. All except one man.
"Hatori! Hatori! Get your worthless behind up here NOW!" screamed the black haired Sohma-clan leader.
"What is it Akito?" called Hatori, hurrying up the stairs.
"I wanna go outside…" Akito moaned, pointing furiously at the window.
Hatori sighed, "But you can't Akito, it's too windy! You'd blow away!"
Akito's eyes narrowed, and he gave Hatori his trademark death-glare.
"I said…" he growled, menacingly, causing Hatori to squeak in a most rodent like manner, "I want to go OUTSIDE!"
"O-O-OK! Of course Akito-san, whatever you say!" stammered Hatori, nervously running around the back of Akito's wheelchair and releasing the brakes.
"That's Akito-dono to you!" laughed Akito at Hatori's nervousness.
(For all you people who do not speak fluent Japanese; 'Akito-san' means 'Mr Akito', 'Akito-dono' means 'Lord Akito'. It is the utmost form of respect.)
Hatori rushed down the stairs, Akito swearing angrily at him after bumping down every step, and quickly got some extra strong rope to tie Akito to the wheelchair. This made Akito swear even more, as whenever the rope touched him, the bone it had be tied around snapped. Painfully.
"I'm sorry Akito-dono!" squeaked Hatori, as a large mechanical 'Acme' boxing glove appeared out of the side of Akito's wheelchair, and punched him into submission.
"Now," said Akito, calming down a little, "I wish to go outside."
"Yes, Akito-dono, sir!" Hatori squealed, and opened the door to the 'open'.
Akito smiled, or rather bared his fangs in an expression of happiness/menacingness, as he felt a rush of cool air rush over him. He had rather forgotten what it was like to feel the wind around him, seeing as his frail condition forbade him from leaving his bed in most days. And that was just his bad temperament!
Hatori pushed Akito out to the middle of the Sohma front lawn, and looked around at the fluffy clouds, the falling cherry blossoms, and the cute little birds in the sky…
Apparently, our much revered spas Akito had also been gazing around himself, probably trying to remember what a blade of grass looked like, but also at the sky, for he suddenly said; "HATORI! Get me a bird!"
"Wh-wha?" Hatori asked, breaking off from his day dream.
"You heard me, fool! I said GET ME A BIRD!" he yelled, "and by the way, it's 'wh-wha AKITO-DONO' to you, baka brain!"
"Well, what kind of bird AKITO-DONO?" Hatori said, deliberately.
"A chicken, a duck, a goose, a swan, a blackbird, a nightingale, a parrot, a toucan, a--"
"NO YOU IMBECILE!" screamed Akito, flailing his legs around, but being carefully not to hit anything.
A large 'Acme' hammer appeared out of the side of Akito's wheelchair, and proceeded to whack Hatori on the head like a woodpecker.
When it had finally stopped, and Hatori had collapsed to the ground in a stupor, Akito continued.
"I want… one of those lickle white birdies…" he said, pointing his finger of command up at a cute little white bird that was singing a cute (but rather annoying) little song in the cherry blossom tree.
It actually sounded like 'Lurvery Spring', but we won't go into that…
"OK, Akito-dono…" groaned Hatori, rising to his feet, rubbing his head and stumbling off in the vague direction of the back door.
In a few minutes, and after Akito had almost lost his voice from impatiently screaming something along the lines of 'get your arse moving, Hatori you bastard!', Hatori returned from the house, this time carrying a bag of bird seed ('Acme' brand of course) and a giant gold bird cage (which happened to be rather like the 'Acme' one that Tweety Pie has… XD)
"Finally!" huffed Akito, attempting to cross his arms in a strop, but instead snapping them both with a horrendous 'CRACK'.
Ignoring Akito's blasphemous curses, Hatori laid some bird feed down on a bird feeding table (surprisingly!) and waiting for some little white birds to take the bait.
Finally, a couple swarmed down, and Hatori, ready and armed, swiftly removed them from the table, and shoved them into the cage, fluffy tail feathers and all!
"Here you go Akito-dono…" Hatori presented the struggling birds before his lord and master.
"Excellent…" said Akito, in a surprisingly good impression of 'The Simpson's' Mr Burns.
A table with a knife edge shot out of the side of his wheelchair, almost chopping Hatori and the bird cage in half, on which Hatori laid the bird cage.
Akito's eyes widened, and his face broke into a menacing smile that only practiced evil guys like Voldermort, Bakura, and a pair of weirdos called Misuko and Ikumi can actually perform correctly.
But Akito had actually mastered it pretty well.
Hatori got himself a chair and sat down reading what looked to be a Hentai Manga book written by Shigure Sohma himself, but we shall ignore that and move on.
Anyway, Hatori's obviously sick mind became engrossed in this book (EW) and it took him a whole fifty seconds to look up and Akito and realise something was wrong.
"Er… Akito?"
"AKITO-DONO, FOOL!"
"Akito-dono, whatever… Where have the birds gone?"
For the giant gold cage was still there, but the two little birds had gone.
"I dunno…" said Akito, with what seemed like a gob full of full, and a white tail feather sticking out between his teeth.
"I mean, er, I released them, because I'm so nice!"
"Ah, that's very sweet of you!" said Hatori, returning to his porn book.
"Er, Hatori?" said Akito, in a surprisingly subtle tone of voice.
"Yes?"
"YES AKITO-DONO, DAMMIT! Um, cough, I mean, don't you want another book?"
"Another book? Why would I want another book, I've only just started reading this one!" he indicated to the cover, and Akito rightly shivered at the THINGS portrayed on the front of it.
"No, no, I insist that you have another one…" prompted Akito, slight annoyance coming back into his voice.
"But…"
"NOW SLAVE!" screamed Akito, sending a whole load of little white birds screeching out of the cherry blossom tree.
"Fine…" said Hatori, and he ran inside.
Leaving Akito looking around himself in evil glee.
A normal evil mastermind would have rubbed his hands together at this point, but this evil mastermind couldn't, due to a fatal bone disease.
He completed the manic laughter stage though, with 11/10:
"MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Someone had obviously been watching too much 'Invader Zim' for their own good.
Hatori took some time choosing a new book from his library. He had been enjoying 'reading' Shigure's porn book, but he guessed most Hentai Mangas actually looked much the same, so he shrugged and took a paperback called 'Lesbian Threesomes and YOU' (EEEWWWW) and returned outside.
But on arriving outside, Hatori dropped his precious dirty book.
"AKITO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
For there was Akito, sitting much the same as he had been before, but this time with a huge clear plastic funnel shoved into his gob, with what looked to be thousands of little white flying balls of fluff contained in it.
"OH HEAVENS ABOVE, AKITO - NO!"
Akito was making a mechanical arm lift the far end of the plastic funnel higher and higher, until it was tipped at a 70 degree angle to his open jaws.
By this time the birds were flapping about manically at the rising end, trying in vain to escape.
There was another bout of evil laughter, someone muffed by the plastic funnel, and some fans turned on and the highest end.
Hatori was running around in Akito's wheelchair manically, trying to find a way to stop Akito's madness (which we all know is impossible!), but instead all he found was a front row seat to watch the thousands of little white birds disappear into Akito's gullet.
So later that day, Hatori found himself wheeling Akito back into the Sohma Residence.
"You know what Hatori?" said Akito, licking his lips.
"I think that was the best day I've had in ages!"
Hatori groaned, while Akito laughed to himself.
"Oh no, actually, nothing can beat that day that I threw Yuki and that damned Kyo from the roof, and they got run over by that giant 'Acme' lorry!"
"That was a dream, Akito-dono…"
"Oh yeah…"
THE END
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou… :bows: We hope you enjoyed the first Furuba Omake Theatre! There shall be more craziness soon! But for now, have fun, eat lots of birds and bash people with assorted Acme items! BYE! XD
Love us x x x