"Unsteady" by X Ambassadors
If you love me, don't let go
If you love me, don't let go
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Summary: Chuck comforting Blair on the 1 year anniversary of the death of the child he would have loved as his own.
She woke before the sun rose. She could feel Chuck's strong arms wrapped around her waist and his warm, solid chest anchoring her small frame. Chuck's embrace provided her with a lifeline. A lifeline she desperately needed today. The gentle sound of his steady breathing was in sharp contrast to the deep sadness fiercely threatening to engulf her.
She recalled the day she buried her baby. The baby she and Chuck were going to raise together. The baby he was going to love as much as her. Tiny casket, the size of a shoe box. Gleaming in deep mahogany, dwarfed by surrounding pale pink peonies.
Her name would have been Isadora.
Blair had moved through that day as if in a haze. Her senses were dulled and selectively attuned at the same time. She recalled the sickly sweet smell of incense during the final commendation. Louis and his stoic profile flanked by his mother and sister. The faint sound of the children's choir singing "Morning has Broken." The comforting squeeze of Serena's hand as she stood by her right side while Eleanor and Cyrus shielded her on the left. A blur of faces and sounds of sympathetic condolences. It was as if she saw the world behind smudged glass, but no matter how hard she rubbed, it refused to get clean. Everything was blurry. Everything except for that tiny casket. The aching body that was supposed to carry her sweet baby girl was now replaced by a cold, hard mahogany box. The image of this lifeless vessel was the only thing in sharp focus.
She did not cry that day. She simply felt a hollowness deep in her chest which was being pressed up against by the heaviness of a broken heart. Her entire being shrouded by a heavy blanket of grief. Suffocating her. This was compounded by the emptiness she felt knowing that he could not be there with her. And that she had to let him go so that she did not lose him like she lost her, their, little girl.
A tear rolled down her cheek. Sensing Blair's distress, Chuck woke. He pulled her tightly to him. With every point of contact, he showed her that she was not alone. He kissed the single tear away, replacing it with feather light kisses and softly murmured, "I miss her too."
Later that day, he asked her to accompany him to the duck pond. At first she shook her head no. He persuaded her by sharing that this was how he would have liked to spend the day as a family if Isadora was still with them. Her eyes shined with new tears that threatened to spill and she nodded her head in agreement. He kissed her gently on the forehead and helped her with her coat.
As they rounded the path and approached the pond, Blair noticed an addition to the landscape. A tiny lavender rose tree greeted her. The blooms appeared to wave at her, welcoming her. As she got closer, she noticed a miniature engraved plaque at the base with the words:
"You will always be adored. Love, Mommy & Daddy"
At that moment, Blair finally released the tears she had been fiercely holding while Chuck enveloped her in a tight embrace. His tears mixed freely with hers as he kissed her forehead, eyelids, and cheeks. He tasted the salt from her tears, or were they his? Together they held each other, remembering their little girl while a few lavender petals fell gracefully to the ground.
xoxo
A/N: Thank you to the wonderful scarlett2u for her excellent beta skills and words of encouragement. To my readers, thank you for taking the time to read my work, I appreciate you. And, I may be adding a couple more one shots incorporating the "Unsteady" theme if inspiration continues. Maybe more angst, possibly a little lightness. We shall see…