POV: Hotohori

Disclaimer: Dont own fuigi yuugi

song belongs to the smashing pumpkins

Who am I to need you when I'm down
where are you when I need you around
your life is not your own

The grave marker that stuck out of the snow was the only thing that wasn't white for acres. The snow was expansive and standing in the middle of it was humbling. The tears that had begun to form in my eyes were warm against the cold wind that was blowing snow into my face. I took off my glove and reached out my hand to feel the grain of the wood on the marker. The air and wind bit at my skin, numbing my fingers. I didn't care though. I nearly smiled as I felt the engraved name.

"Nuriko." the whisper was taken from my lips by the wind. The tears that had welled in my eyes fell, freezing almost instantly on my cheeks. I hit the snow; repeatedly my fists hit the icy ground, causing flakes to fly into my face.

"I am so sorry Nuriko! I should have never let you go." I let my frozen fingers trail over the marker once more, wanting it to be his face. "I should have told you when I had you."

And all I ask you
is for another chance
another way around you
to live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now
to ask you why to tell you no
to deserve your love and sympathy
you were never meant to belong to me

I pictured his smile, the one I had taken for granted. I had always thought there would be another time to see it. I had always thought, he would be there. I had been a selfish man. I held onto the dream that the priestess would come from where ever it was she came from and love me. Would take away my pain and accept my love. I did not love the priestess when she came and that frightened me. The love I thought I had for her my whole life was all I had had for ten years.

"It was you I loved Nuriko! I had tried to make myself love her even though my heart was unsatisfied by the thought of only her for the rest of my life." I lay down in the snow, my head next to where his was buried six feet down. "I was afraid."

Who am I to you?
Along the way,
I lost my faith

"When I realized that I loved you I was even more afraid. I knew that as emperor I was destined to marry to birth an heir. You were a man and our love, no matter how strong would never be accepted by the country or council. I kept up the façade of love for Miaka as responsibility as a ruler, but I loved you as a man."

and as you were, you'll be again
to mold like clay, to break like dirt
to tear me up in your sympathy
you were never meant to belong to me
you were never meant to belong to me
you were never meant to belong to me

I sat up, the fabric of my robes frozen. I took my sword from its sheath and watched as the sun hit the metal, the light reflecting the perfect snowy sky. In my cold hand, I took my long braid and sliced it off at the base of my neck.

"Nuriko, I could not have you in life. I loved you, but you will never know that now. We must not have been meant for each other." I wound the braid around the base of the grave marker and stood up. "Love is a mystery to me still."

Who am I?