Warnings: Not a happy piece (sorry, the episode got to me!)
Spoilers: Set sometime after Broken Ties (S5)
Summary: "Or maybe unrequited love simply hurt more." JT. Part of Fic Tag with Gater101 (sorry didn't use a precise line from your fic "Suited", but used the last line as inspiration).
Disclaimers: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour etc etc, we all know the drill….
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John walked out of Woolsey's office with twice the paperwork he had gone in with. He pushed all the pieces of random boring paper into a file and tucked in under his arm. Both Elizabeth and Colonel Carter hadn't been into using much physical paperwork. All the reports were on the computer system, but Woolsey liked to have a clear paper trail.
It was getting late, but he wanted to get started on this work, so he headed towards the Mess Hall to grab a cup of coffee. The doors slid open to an almost full room. It was Valentine 's Day he suddenly remembered and tonight couples were served up a proper three course meal, set over bright red table cloths decorated with candlelight and romantic music.
He turned towards the self service area set up for everyone else and waited in line for the coffee machine. Two scientists flirted over the machine and John told himself to wait patiently. Unable to resist he turned to look around the room and as he had suspected she was there.
They were sat at one of the small tables, the candlelight dancing over her skin and by the table Torren lay in his carry cot. Pain lanced through John. He looked away.
He had always hoped, but it was over. She was happy with Kanaan and they had a child together. A child named after him; how ironic that felt. A child he had held and had wondered what it would be like for him to be his own son.
The scientists abandoned the coffee and John headed in quickly. The sickly sweet romantic music was getting to him. He poured the hot liquid into one of the largest mugs and added a full spoonful of sugar for the energy rush and immediately headed out of the Mess Hall. Behind him the doors slid shut cutting off the sounds of happy couples.
He headed down the corridor, careful not to spill the coffee and tried not to feel so depressed. He felt like something had been stolen from him, something precious and its absence was powerfully painful. He hated himself for feeling like this, hated that he was becoming grumpy with her, but it came from a place of self preservation. It hurt to see her and to no longer be able to hope. Maybe that was what had been stolen from him; hope and dreams. He had to give them up now and he suspected that to do so he was going to have to distance himself from her. Something else that had been taken from him then, something he was going to have to give up on.
He wanted to remain her friend, but it was still too painful. He had lost women he cared about before, but this felt different. Perhaps because Teyla was the first woman who he felt really understood him. Or maybe unrequited love simply hurt more.
The door to his quarters opened as he waved the paper filled file over the sensor and he entered his little sanctuary. He placed down his coffee on the desk and settled down in the cold desk chair, the light level dropping at his mental command. He let out a soft depressed sounding breath and tried not to feel the pain; he was alone again.
Of course he still had all his friends and she was still an important part of his life, but still he couldn't help feeling regret, heartache and that odd sense of having had something vitally important taken away from him. But, then she had never been his to begin with.
And maybe that was his fault. Perhaps he had not had something stolen; maybe he had inadvertently given it away. But, one thing was clear, as he remembered the image of her new family in the Valentine's Day candlelight; it was too late.
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