Author's Note: Please note that this is the first time in my life that I am attempting to write something. Be kind and help me improve on how to write better. Thank you!

MINE

Chapter-1

I can't believe, the love of my love, my Ana is dating Ethan Kavanaugh.

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I stand here looking at them, eyes only for each other. She has one arm draped around his waist and Ethan has her other hand placed on his chest, just where his heart is. Obviously he has no touching issues like me and is so much more likely to give Anastasia a normal relationship, a normal life. I feel like I have been stabbed. And every time Anastasia looks up to Ethan's eyes and blushes, it feels like someone has slit my wrists and I am bleeding. Yet I don't think that actually describes the pain I am going through at this moment.

I. Screwed. Up. BAD.

Before I realize I feel my feet make a dash through the door. I run out of my parents' palatial house and I see Taylor already ready with the car, holding the door of the car for me.

"Get me out of here. NOW!" I growl at him and as soon as we are out of the main entrance I feel my head throbbing, my stomach growling, a bile rising to my throat.

"STOP the car. STOP!" I bark at Taylor. Taylor screeches the car to a halt and I jump out of the car just in time the remnants of my afternoon lunch rise up my throat and on the street. The hit of nausea subsides once my body realizes there is nothing left in my stomach and I feel washed. I sunk on the street resting against the car and stay put.

I feel lost. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing ever will matter anymore.

My life is empty. I am nothing but a ghost of a man and I have no one to blame but myself. I did this to myself. I let her go. I stand up and start walking into oblivion. There is nowhere I want to go and no one I want to be with, so I just walk. Memories of that day come haunting to me when I asked Anastasia to leave me.

I just wanted to protect her from myself, from my baggage and from the risks that come along with being a part of my life.

That day when I saw Leila standing there with her gun pointed towards the reason of my core existence, I knew. I knew I had to let her go before she is crushed from all of my baggage. She was so innocent and so naïve. I never wanted her to be tainted by my evil spirit. I love her so much that I had to let her go. I wouldn't expose her to the risk that tags along with me. She deserved more than my issues, she deserves happiness and she deserves someone who can give her a normal life.

Then why does it feel like the end of my world when I saw her in Ethan's arms?

Ethan is normal. Just the type of man she needs, a free-spirited person who will only make her laugh, while I only gave her pain and wanted to lock her in a gilded cage. I could never even make her laugh like Jose's photos.

I feel like dying. But how will a dead man die again? I am just a nobody. My family has been cold towards me since the day they found out I threw Anastasia out of my house. Katherine Kavanaugh called me a heartless bastard. But what they don't know is ever since Anastasia came into my life, my cold and unbeaten heart started to thaw and as much as I wished I was heartless right now, it seems that my heart still beats only for Anastasia.

Anastasia Rose Steele. I love how that name sounds on my mouth. Her pure and innocent life tainted by me.

By the time Anastasia returned to Escala that night after Leila pulled a gun on her and I had her sent away from there, she went with the Kavanaugh boy for a drink and was missing for a few hours. I was petrified and in all my self-loathing glory I decided in the spur of the moment that it was best she was out of my life for good. She would be safe that way. So I asked her to leave as soon as she walked into the big room. She looked heartbroken and shattered when I told her being with Leila helped me realize that I needed a submissive not a girlfriend. She even went ahead and begged me that she would become my submissive but not to throw her out of my life. It was so hard for me to control my inner turmoil and all I wanted to do was take her into my arms and beg for her forgiveness to be causing her such distress. But I knew if I gave in, she would only be farther tainted by my fifty shades of fucked-upness. She is so pure, I didn't want to do that to her anymore. I love her too much.

So I turned my back to her so that she couldn't see the tears rolling down my cheeks and called in Taylor to drive her back to her apartment. She wouldn't budge so Taylor had to pick her up in his arms and carry her to the foyer and into the elevator. Next morning I sent all her belongings that she had in Escala and she sent me back every single thing. Exasperating as ever. She even changed her number and e-mail address. The thought makes me chuckle everytime. Like that would keep me from tracking her down.

Since that day, everyday I would wake up to news on Ana. Pictures, phone records, her work e-mails, background checks on who she dealt with at work everyday. Even when I wasn't there I made sure she was safe so I put two guards at her disposal without her ever finding out that she was being eyed upon. I had to know of her every move. I knew everything that was going on in her life and so why the fuck haven't I been informed of this. She had been dating the Kavanaugh boy and I had no clue? Surely there has been some mistake on my security's part? I have to find out.