A/N: Before you read any further, I want to warn you: Sora's mindset in this story is very dark. If you're sensitive to such content, please proceed with caution.
Disclaimer: I do not own Wings of Fire or any of its characters.
I thought that killing my sister's murderer would help me feel better.
Part of it was revenge. I didn't think she deserved to live, not when she was the reason Crane was dead. Not when she smiled as my sister's body plummeted to the ground, suddenly, unthinkably devoid of life. Not when the screams tearing their way out of my throat at the sight of Crane's blood on her talons made her feel triumph instead of regret.
Not when she had ripped the person most dear to me from the world and shattered my soul into a thousand pieces, all in a single moment that would slip from her conscience as easily as rain sliding off her scales.
Another part of it was fear. It's chilling to realize that every life is as fragile as my sister's was. If Crane, the most alive dragon I have ever known, could be breathing one heartbeat and gone the next, what does that mean for a dimmer soul like mine? Surely it wouldn't take a snapped neck for someone as insignificant as me to fade from this world.
I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, gasping for breath and reaching for my heartbeat, in need of reassurance that I am still alive, that I won't suddenly cease to exist. Umber tells me that no life is that fragile, that it's just a ghost in my thoughts making me feel this way. But it's hard for me to believe him, and sometimes it feels like I spend more time worrying that I'm going to die than I spend actually living.
When all it takes is a brief lapse in awareness for me to go spiraling into a panic, living in the same room as that dragon‒ no, that monster‒ was unbearable. Suddenly, my fear of death was no longer a silly worry, just an echo of the war. No, my fear was justified. She thought nothing of killing my sister. What would stop her from killing me? From killing every single one of my sibs, one by one, until everything I cared about was gone, and there was no one left to keep Crane's memory alive?
Perhaps I was insignificant, but I knew, for once, that there was something I could do. While everyone was sleeping, I snuck into Sunny's room and stole the sapphire resting beside her bed. It took me a while to figure out how the animus-touched object worked, but eventually I managed to find my way into the dreams of a SkyWing in Possibility I'd met during the war. It didn't take much to convince him to bring some dragonflame cacti to Jade Mountain for me. He, too, had lost someone he loved to the IceWings. He could see the tears in my eyes and the cracks in my heart. He knew how much I needed this.
He came the next night with the weapons he had promised me. We were both afraid of being caught, so we couldn't exchange more than a word or two in whispers. Perhaps if we weren't so afraid, I would have told him I didn't know how to use the cacti. Perhaps he would have told me exactly how long they would take to go off.
Perhaps Carnelian and Bigtail would still be alive, and Tamarin wouldn't be covered in scars.
I still replay that day in my mind, trying to figure out a way to avoid all that death and suffering. True, there was no way for me to know how fast the bomb would go off. But maybe I could have made up some excuse to get everyone else to avoid that cave until the deed was done. If I'd only been willing to get caught, I could have killed Icicle in her sleep, instead of trying to murder her indirectly in plain sight.
But before I knew what was happening, the explosion went off, and it was too late to take it back.
Even if I had managed to kill Icicle, I don't think I would sleep any sounder. Unlike her, I'm not a monster, or at least that's what I tell myself. My guilt over taking a life, even one that wasn't innocent, would still haunt me.
Even without that evil IceWing free in the world, I still think death waits for me behind every corner. I'm no less afraid. And I don't miss Crane any less.
In fact, my future is bleaker than it ever was. Before I went to Jade Mountain, at least I had hope that something, anything, could take my mind off what I had lost and what I still had left to lose. The war had just ended; perhaps all I needed was some time and some experience of 'normal' before I would become normal again.
Now I know that isn't true. I can never be normal again. Even if I learned to be less afraid, the things I've done would still follow me around like a second shadow, casting their darkness over everything I try to do and everyone I try to be. Who could be friends with me, a dragon who's crazy even when she isn't trying to murder anyone? A dragon who has murdered two innocent dragons, when all she wanted was the war and all its echoes to be over?
There's nowhere for me to go, no way for me to escape the past. There's nothing ahead for me, nothing bright in my future for me to embrace. All I can do is hang precariously in every moment, knowing it would be easier for me if I was dead, but too afraid to die.
"It's okay, Sora," Umber says, trying his best to reassure me. "She's on our side, remember? She helped us escape."
I pace in a frenzied circle, trying to steady my heart as it gallops painfully in my chest. Yes, it's true, Moon did help me escape, even knowing what I'd done. But what if she regrets doing that? What if she wants to fix the mistake she made by…?
No. She wouldn't kill me. Moon isn't the type of dragon who could do something like that. I'm the only one here who could.
"It's okay," Umber repeats, wrapping his wings around me. "She just wants to talk. She's a good dragon." He pauses. "And if anything happens, which it won't, I'll be right outside. I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise."
Deep breaths. I take a few, trying not to hyperventilate. It's not like anything bad happening to me would be the end of the world. It's only fair, after everything I've done. Holding on to that thought, I make the best of the worst scenario in my mind.
It's the only way I can ever push myself to do anything.
Breathing in, I gaze at my surroundings. They're beautiful; my brother and I are standing on a cliff by the sea, sandwiched between the opening to an airy cave and the rolling waves. I can smell the salty ocean breeze, taste it on my tongue. I close my eyes, soaking in the feeling of just being here. It's peaceful.
"All right," I say, glad to hear that my voice isn't shaking. "I'm going in. Wait right here."
"Don't worry," Umber says, giving my talons one last comforting squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere."
Reassured, even if just a little, I walk inside. My eyes don't even need to adjust; there are so many gaps in the rock that it's as bright as day in here. The smell of the sea follows me in, a comforting presence, walking alongside the shadow of my sins.
Moon is standing by the far wall. When she hears my footsteps, she turns around slowly, not the frantic whirl of someone haunted by fear. She meets my gaze, and I almost stop. She's much braver than I remember her. There's a strength in her dark gaze that I don't think I saw there before.
This is the first time we've met since I fled. She's changed.
"Hi, Sora," she says, and while her voice is still gentle, it sounds much calmer than I expect it to. "I'm really glad to see you."
I blink, not sure whether to believe her. Normally, I'd reject a statement like that on principle, knowing it can't be true after what I've done, but there's something about the way she says it that sounds genuine.
"You look… tired," she says.
"I am," I admit, rubbing my temples. In more ways than one. We've flown a long way to get here, and every wingbeat was a struggle against the voices in my head shouting at me to turn back.
Moon pats the stone floor beside her. "Come on, let's sit down."
Warily, I do as she suggests.
"I bet you're wondering why I asked you to come here," she says.
I nod, because that's easier than speaking.
"Clay told me you weren't doing so well," Moon admits. "I thought I might be able to help."
"How?" I ask. The word slips out without my permission, and I immediately wish I hadn't said it. "Sorry. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, I really am. I didn't mean to sound so harsh."
"It's okay," my old clawmate reassures me. "I understand." She smiles, which makes me think she might actually be telling the truth. "I… have to tell you something first. It's not bad!" she adds quickly, noticing my sudden alarm. "It's just a little weird, that's all. You're not the first to know. But not a lot of people do. Just a few close friends."
She takes a deep breath. "I can read minds. And see the future."
After the initial pulse of shock, I find I'm not all that surprised. That explains how she figured out it was me. "I'm sorry," is all I can think to say. "I'm sorry you had to see inside my mind. It's a real mess in there."
"Don't be sorry," Moon says, reaching for my talons. After a moment of hesitation, I let her take them. It feels nice to have someone touch me willingly, someone who isn't one of my siblings who's obligated to love me. "You're a good dragon, Sora. Better than you think you are. You're just hurt, that's all."
"Thank you," I whisper, closing my eyes. "I really hope that's true."
We sit in silence for a few moments.
"You may feel like you have nothing to look forward to," Moon says eventually. "But I want you to know that it isn't true." I must look as doubtful as I feel, because she sees the need to remind me she's an authority on the subject. "I can see the future. Your future." She shakes our interlocked talons for emphasis. "Just the other day, I had a vision about you."
"Really?" I ask, genuinely surprised. She saw something about a nobody like me? "What was I doing?" Please don't tell me I was murdering anyone else or ruining any more lives.
"You were smiling," Moon says, which is just about the last thing I expected. "And laughing. Not a polite little laugh, either. The kind that comes up from deep within your soul. You were genuinely happy, I could tell."
I feel tears prick my eyes. Part of me wants to wipe them away, but Moon's still holding my hands, and I don't want to ruin that. So I blink, letting them trickle down my snout and leave trails of warm wetness on my face.
"I don't know how long it'll be before that vision comes true," Moon says. "But don't lose hope. I don't see every future; I only see the most likely futures. Do you know what that means? You're going to be happy again, Sora. It's almost certain."
I can't help it; I sob. Moon wraps her star-speckled wings around me, resting her cheek against my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Sora," she whispers. "It might not feel okay right now, but it will be. I promise you."
I don't know how she's done it, but somehow, she's reached deep into my heart and sealed up one of the cracks. There might be a lot of them left, but the relief of having even one mended has me shaking like a leaf. For the first time in a long time, I feel a little less broken.
"Thank you, Moon," I murmur.
"It's the least I could do," the little NightWing replies. "You're my friend." And that single word means more to me than even a mind-reader could know.
A/N: Thank you for reading! If you ever feel like the future doesn't hold anything good for you, try to remember that whatever you think is ahead for you is still an uncertainty. You never know what will happen. Happiness could come to you when you least expect it, no matter how cliched that may sound. And you're not alone in feeling this way. I wish nothing but the best for you. *hugs* I love you all!
On a somewhat lighter note, I really want to see Sora again in the third arc. Tui Sutherland typically chooses to make main characters out of the ones who need to grow the most, and I think Sora would be a great choice. In Moon Rising, Moon and Darkstalker think that Sora is similar to Moon, but more fragile; I want to see her overcome that fragility and become a stronger, happier person. I think it would be a unique and refreshing character arc to read.
If you have any thoughts about who you'd like to see as POV characters in the Lost Continent arc, or just want to talk about Wings of Fire in general (or about anything really!), feel free to send me a PM. I promise, I'm a friendly person. :)
For those of you who read Wings of Spirit, I'm almost finished with the next chapter and hope to have it done and posted sometime before next Monday.
As always, all favorites, follows, views, and reviews are greatly appreciated. Thanks again for reading!
-Blaze