Haha I'm back, and before you boo me off the stage, just know that this time I finished it before I posted it. I know I actually finished something I started, the end must be near. So I really like this pairing, and I'm really happy to have finished a fic for them. I honestly feel like this time around I understand the characters far better than I did in my other fic. So it should be less OCC.

So this fic is actually a collab. I really wanted to make sure I finished it this time, so I had my friend oversee the project. Originally, we were going to do in the style of Drake and Josh, where the two tell the same story from their own very amusing and alternating perspectives (you know just before the theme song). But we found that difficult because I friggin wrote a novel and she wrote like a page. So we decided to post them as their own separate oneshots. So make sure you read Bel's perspective too, cause it's hilarious. It's called Justification, and we're posting at the same time so should be easy to find! I hope you enjoy. The beautiful artwork for both of these were done by my dear friend as well, so make sure you go tell her how good they were! In fact she has this amazing comic series you should ask her about as well. Anyway enough ramble! Enjoy!

I am flawed.

I think.

There's a part of me that lacks this certain kind of awareness. I don't think it's an overall lack of awareness; I'd like to believe that I'm somewhat more observant than others. That's just it though, I seem to only be aware of things that interest me, anything and everything that holds no interest to me I am in complete oblivion.

I guess that can apply to most people though now that I reflect upon it. I guess I can't put it into words… maybe if I explain it…

What does interest me? Odd things. Obviously they are not odd to me, but to others…. They're not insane things either, I don't really understand why I often estrange people when I talk about the things I enjoy doing. I like reading. Agatha Christie to be specific. Although that's not as odd as much as it is nerdy, I find that not many people read anymore. People around me anyway.

I like smelling candles, clean cottonor new linen candles. Okay I am aware how that can come off as weird, but it isn't really, it's a fresh clean smell not something I don't know- that a rapist would like? Like Macintosh Apples, or something eerily specific…

Alright, I can't make a convincing argument either. Sue. Me.

I like marathoning Hardcore Pawn. That's right. The knock off, not even the original.

It is a terrible show I am aware. I don't completely understand why I enjoy watching it. I just do.

Recently, Lussuria got this great idea of putting pink vinyl flower stickers all over the place. I like peeling them off when he's not looking.

Things that don't interest me… that's going to be harder to explain. I know, I know. How could you be any worse at this? Oh. Just watch me.

Simple things for one. Simple things that people make a big deal out of. Pop Culture disinterests me. Animals disinterest me a lot. I know I must be terrible, but it's not like I don't value their lives or anything, I just have no interest in saving the polar bears. I guess you could say that I bearly care. Ha.

Having a lively social life is a big one too. It's not like I'm an antisocial, sociopathic, hermit or anything. I can be social, I have friends- yeah mostly on the internet but still, I like them, and I value their friendship. What I really don't care for is having a vivid, scenic, thriving social life. Yeah I told you I was going to be bad at this.

Emotions. This. I can't. Even. It's not that I'm not sympathetic. I understand emotions, I can express emotion, contrary to what most would believe, and I'm not saying that they are unnecessary. I simply feel no need in sharing how I feel about everything- and everyone. All. The. Time. Nor do I have interest in learning what others feel about things.

This is what I meant when I said that I'm terribly unable to be aware of things that hold little interest to me. I am oblivious to everything related to other people's emotions. But at the same time, a tiny part of me is aware; it just doesn't want to be.

Are you on acid?

You bring a valid question yes. I'm not tripping on acid I promise.

I can't make myself any clearer, so I'm not going to try. I'ma just move along now…

Alright, so when I become aware of things that hold little interest to me, and can possibly be related to my flawed perception of emotions, bad things happen.

This happens actually.

My mind drops everything and a 'does not compute' message flashes in my eye sockets. Like in cartoons and stuff. My brain literally farts on everything and anything that has ever made sense to me.

Then I start evaluating. Like I'm doing now.

I think my first thought of my sempai was- well that he was fucking insane. I can perfectly recall what I first thought when I met him, like I was there right now. How can you not? I clearly remember thinking 'this guy cray', one hella weird laugh and frog hat later, 'this guy fucking cray'. Then I lost interest.

I know, I know. How can you lose interest- he's friggin insane! Yeah he was, but that was it. Maybe on a psychological level he was more interesting, but I was no psychologist, I could have cared less about trying to figure out whatever it was that was wrong with him. And to add to my disinterest, I truly thought sempai was a complete moron.

I know better now. He's not a moron. He is in fact capable of processing thought, and he is very knowledgeable. I think overall his main problem is that he has very selective hearing… Yeah, very selective.

I'm not quite sure at what point he became interesting. At first I found some of the things he did interesting. Not the usual things- things that other people would find interesting about him. His love for knives, blood and much many gore. That, that was old, I lost interest in that long ago. I became interested in the things he would do that were unexpected of him.

Like every now and then when I watch TV in the basement (because I'm no longer allowed to marathon Hardcore Pawn in the living room) he'll come in. He'll sit down and continue to bad mouth the show, me along with it, all while chucking knives into my hat.

Sometimes though. Sometimes, he'll come in, sit down for five minutes, get up and leave without an insult or knife to the hat.

I guess that's not too weird. Maybe he has some self-control.

How about this?

Every now and then when no one, or just me and Levi are home. Levi is passed out in a closet somewhere in a booze coma, I'm in the kitchen making a sandwich or something. I'll hear him playing the piano in the library. Not playing the piano piano though. Obviously he can play. But for some reason he feels the need to change songs 4 times within a minute. And it goes on forever, or until someone comes home.

On one occasion I snuck a peak of him playing. He plays- I don't know how to describe it. Apparently I can't English today. Okay what he does, he starts to play a song, and it looks like he's nonchalantly hitting the keys with absolutely no intention. Like if I wasn't there to hear him play, I would think that he was just hitting random keys with no training in the instrument whatsoever.

So he's playing like a smooth-ass indifferent son of a bitch and he's changing the song every five seconds. Then he stops. He stares into space seemingly disinterested (although who can tell with that hair anyway) for a minute or so. Then he continues where he left off. Rinse. Repeat. Please tell me that's fucking weird. If it isn't- well then maybe I am on acid…

This next one I can't tell if it's just embarrassing or I don't know what…

I don't know how to explain it either without sounding like some 12 year old girl. Okay please take this in all seriousness. This isn't the Princess Diaries.

Sometimes I'll be minding my own business. Standing somewhere (hardly happens when I'm sitting down). I don't really get a lot of sleep, especially as of recently with all this self-evaluating I have to do, so naturally I'll be dosing off or something. And out of nowhere (and I mean nowhere because I'm the illusionist here) sempai will be standing before me, assumingly (because again, I don't know) staring at me in the same matter he stares off into space when he plays the piano, for a minute or so, right before continuing to casually shove his tongue down my throat. For about 20 seconds, then he seems to lose interest and walks off either pleased with himself or unimpressed. I can't really tell.

I say he shoved his tongue down my throat because I can't think of a better word. Personally I think that wording sounds unpleasant- again something a 12 year old girl would use and possibly find appealing, but I don't know what else to use. I don't want to use the word 'kiss' because that would imply it was consensual, I think so anyway, and romanticize it for that matter. Which is what I least want to do. I don't want to use 'make out' because again, 12 year old girl, and it also sounds mutual.

Maybe I can use- what was that expression Squalo used that one time I walked into him making out with the boss? He explained that they were arguing- and yeah that part I believe, but then he told me that the argument got so heated that they decided to bite each other… on the mouth… at the same time? Yeah ridiculous… I supposed I should be more understanding now- although no no, that was definitely mutual. Very much mutual.

I don't know, when I think about those two I don't think it's weird. I know Levi thinks it's disgusting, but I don't know… They respect each other, that's evident despite their constant arguing and stuff throwing. And I don't think it's a thing that's just going on because they're both sexually deprived or anything. The boss is intimating yeah but some women dig that and it's not like he's hideous like Levi or something. Then the commander is friggin beautiful, and I say that as a straight(ish?) guy, whenever he's not yelling anyway. They have that whole Italian blood working for them in their favor. So there's obviously something else in the works, but it almost makes sense?

More things I don't understand I suppose.

I think the more I try to make sense of it all, the less it makes sense. I suppose that can be justified as yet one more flaw.

Sometimes I think I'm better off not knowing what Bel-sempai is thinking… still… can't help being curious.

It's interesting.