Arrow
Felicity Flashback
"He's Really Gone"
His car gets further and further away, the shape being distorted as lines turn to blur. My glasses slide down my nose as I helplessly chase after him. Confusion blinds my mind as I search for a reason. Why is he leaving us? My hair, flapping back and forth as my long locks try to break free from my ponytail. My legs, shaking and numb continue to run, hoping with my entirety that he will turn around and come home to us. Tears stroll down my face as he, and my childhood, disappear into the distance. He is really gone. My father is gone.
The sun has gone down and I can barely see, in part due to the series of flickering street lamps that guide me home and the tears that swell in my eyes. I am almost home, but "What will be waiting?" I ask myself. Without my father, it will quieter… lonelier. "Felicity!" I hear my mother calling from our front steps, "There you are!" She races towards me, I can feel my knees buckling as my skin is greeted with the sensation of concrete forcing its way through.
"Mom," I pushed the words through my already tightened throat, "Why?"
"Honey, I can't tell you that." My eyes peered with curiosity at her response, "Sometimes people do things that we can't explain. Sometimes, we have to make choices that seem wrong." I can feel her arms holding me as a tear drop falls on my forehead. She is trying to stay strong, but I can feel her crumbling. "Felicity," she wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Honey, I'm so sorry but they're expecting me at work any minute." Silence overcame me, for once in a long time I couldn't find any words. "You know what, I can just call in sick."
"No!" The word blurted out of my mouth before I had a chance to think of how it would sound. My mother looked at me with shock at my response. "You can't stay… I mean, you have to go… What i'm trying to say is that I know we need the money."
"Now Felicity," she carried on, attempting with all her will to maintain her composure, "I don't want you worrying about money. I have it handled." I knew as I gazed into her hopeful eyes that she was trying, and failing to convince herself.
"But-"
"Felicity."
"But mom, I can help. With dad gone…" the words stung as they passed through my lips, "You know I can count cards, we can get a bit just to help with the bills."
"Felicity! We have had this conversation before, you know you can get into a lot of trouble counting cards." She can sense my desire to try to win a game or two. Maybe one day, I think to myself. "Besides if you were to ever get caught, I would lose my job at the Casino. They pay cocktail waitresses pretty fairly. You know I can't lose this job, especially not now." I nodded as her eyes pleaded with me to listen. "Besides, you're not nearly old enough to get into a Casino." I looked up at her and could sense that she knew I would be able to find a way in. "I know you want to help, and I appreciate it, I really do. But it is not your responsibility to worry about that kind of stuff." She grabs hold of my hand.
"Mom. Was it my fault?"
"What?"
"Am I the reason he left, did I do something to make him leave?"
"Absolutely not." My mother's voice was firm. "You're-… You're father loves you, he just-" Unable to finish, she bites her lip, as though holding back from telling me something. She glances down at her watch and I notice her pupils dilate.
"It's okay mom, you can go."
"No matter what happens, I love you miss Felicity Smoak, you know that right?"
"Ya mom, I know you do." She smiled back at me, half with love and half with sorrow. "Mom?"
"Yes Fe."
"I love you too."
Alone, I sit on the porch. My eyes lock on the driveway where my father's car used to sit. The flickering of the street lamp comes to a halt as the bulb burns out. The eery sense of emptiness falls upon me. Making my way up the stairs and into the house, I lock the door behind me. I make my way past his brown chair, located directly across from the TV that barely works. I can remember playing with the wires and messing with the remote so the channels changed in a random order. I've always been able to find my way around a TV or computer… I can fix and control them. That is what I like about them, I think to myself. Unlike my life, technology is not unreliable and uncontrollable. I realize in this very moment, I would not be able to fix this, I would not be able to get my dad to come home. I close my eyes as my feet are soothed by the worn-down carpet, I feel a sense of security. Though I know it will not last, once I open my eyes and remember, he will really be gone. I sit down in his chair. My arms stretch across trying to recall his warmth. I come up empty-handed. It hits me. My father really has abandoned me. Tears stroll down my face as I curl up on the chair. "It's okay Felicity." I try to calm myself. "Stop crying." My words don't affect my emotions. I take a few deep breaths and wipe my eyes. "It'll all be okay In 3…2…1."