If you recognise it, it's not mine.

1) Stormcage

The first time Jack meets River, he's in prison.

"Hey, Captain Jack Harkness." The woman turned, hair bouncing on her shoulders. Even from across a hallway, Jack saw the smile cross her face.

"So you still use that?" she asked, shaking her head. Jack blinked. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Where did you go? You were supposed to meet me in a bar." The woman smirked at him. Jack flashed her a smile, somewhat confused, but deciding that, hey, she started it.

"So, what's your name?"

The woman swung herself off her bunk, pressing her face to the bars. "You don't know me?" Jack shook his head. "You've never seen me before?" Jack studied her. Pretty, in a dangerous kind of way. Lots of curly hair.

"Nope. Never."

"Right. Early, then. Oh. Right." She sounded sad suddenly, eyes flicking downwards. Jack smiled at her reassuringly. As a guard walked down the hall towards him, he stepped over to the bars.

"Hey," he whispered. The guard made her way over.

"What do you want?" she said in a bored tone. Jack winked.

"You see the woman over there? Any chance of letting me out so we can talk properly? Or maybe she could come over here?" He reached a hand out through the bars, straightening her collar. She slapped his hand away.

"No." She walked away. Across the hall, the woman laughed.

"No chance there. She dislikes me particularly. What brings you to Stormcage, Captain Jack Harkness?"

Jack shrugged.

"Had a bit of an incident with a couple of members of the Scythian Force. Knocked out their security, kissed one, locked up another. Not sure which, I killed the lights too." The woman laughed again. "How about you?"

Suddenly, she seemed flustered. Pulling a bag from under her bunk, she began tossing a few possessions in.

"Hey, where are you going? We've only just met," Jack drawled, tapping the bars. The woman barely looked up.

"Sorry, sweetie, can't stay. I'm late."

"Oh? Got a date, have we?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

Before Jack could say anything else, she'd slung the bag over her shoulder and was tapping away at the device on her wrist.

"Professor River Song," she said, glancing over as she straightened up. Jack nodded.

"See you-" She vanished in a burst of light. "Around," he finished. Rummaging in his pockets, he brought out his faulty vortex manipulator. "Got one of these too, Professor River Song?" he whispered, tossing it from hand to hand.

2) In Battle

The next time Jack meets River, she nearly kills him.

"Woah!" The gun lowered slowly, reavealing a shock of curly hair.

"Jack?" He managed a smile in return.

"River Song, right?" She winked at him, before shooting off a blast which barely missed his ear.

"Hello, sweetie."

Jack ducked another shot, pulling his own gun out. The creatures hissed at him, swiping at his face with long claws.

"What the hell are these things?"

"Genetic mutations from the scientists of Capricorn Nine."

"Can't they control them?"

River killed the last three mutations with one blast. Jack winced as bits of singed gloop splattered around the cave.

"They're all dead. What are you doing here?"

Jack held up his wrist, showing her the vortex manipulator.

"I'm supposed to be at a double stag do in ninety-eighth century New Cornwall, but this thing's faulty. Keeps sending me to the wrong place and time." River nodded at him, almost in recognition.

"Of course. Not as bad as that time in Cardiff, I suppose?"

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"I've had a lot of times in Cardiff. Don't think I've met you there though." At his words, River checked her own wrist.

"Ah. Too early. Or late, I suppose."

"So, do you wanna go get a drink or something? There's this great bar on Pluto, you get all sorts there." River smiled at him.

"Ok, then. See you there?" She tapped coordinates into her device as she spoke, vanishing with a flash. Jack did the same, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he was definitely not in a bar. A group of green, vaguely humanoid creatures looked up from some sort of battle map. Jack raised a hand in greeting, forgetting he was still holding his gun. Instantly, three dozen spears were pointing straight at him. Jack slapped the vortex manipulator. It sparked briefly before dying.

"Oh, great."

3) Bar

The third time Jack meets River, they are balanced.

"Hey, Captain Jack Harkness."

She smiled at him, properly. Then she slapped him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Cardiff."

"I haven't been there yet, I told you last time!"

River sighed, lowering her hand back to her side. "And where was that?"

"Genetic mutations?"

River shook her head, a sad look in her eyes. Grabbing him by the sleeve of his trench coat, she led him over to a table in a quiet corner of the bar. "We're both time travellers, but we're going in the wrong order. The first time I met you, you knew my name. You gave me this," she said, holding up the wrist with the vortex manipulator on it.

Jack nodded, excitement lighting up his face as he figured it out. "So when this one doesn't work, it's trying to find the coordinates set into the other one, which is...this one. So if I've met you twice..."

"So have I. This is the only point when we're sort of synchronised. Any questions you want to ask, now's the time to do it."

Jack frowned, thinking. A waitress with pale green skin and glowing freckles came by. Jack winked and her, and she blushed dark blue.

"Stop it," River said, without looking up. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Ok. The first time I met you, when I didn't know who you were, you were in Stormcage. Why?"

"I killed someone," River said softly. "I killed a man."

Jack sat back in his chair. "Woah. Seriously?" River nodded, looking him straight in the eye.

"This isn't the part where you pull out a gun and say that I'm next, is it?" he joked, meeting her gaze. River smiled fleetingly. Then both vortex manipulators bleeped shrilly. The other patrons of the bar stared at them.

"Ok, we're going, we're going," Jack muttered, stabbing the buttons as River vanished in a flash of light.

4) Cardiff

The fourth time Jack meets River, he dies. Again.

"Hello, sweetie."

Jack turned, trying to get his bearings. River stood about twenty metres away, a huge smile on her face. Jack raised a hand in greeting.

"Ok, where are we? When are we?"

"Cardiff, Wales, Earth. Somewhere around the eighty-fifth century."

Jack stared at the desert, crushed and rusted. Looking down at his feet, he saw they were shuffling through a couple of inches of sand. "What the hell happened here? I know how the world ends, and it's nothing like this."

River stared at him. "What do you mean?"

Jack gestured to the ruined world around him. "This! The whole post apocalyptic wasteland thing!" Throwing his arm out for added emphasis, his hand encountered a firm barrier. A sharp shock stung his hand. The image of the barren landscape rippled. Bending down to pick up a handful of sand, his hands encountered air.

"This is an artificial holding cell constructed by Torchwood to investigate unregistered time travellers. It picks up on transporter signals and bring them here instead."

"What? That makes no sense. Why would they do that?" Jack asked, gingerly prodding the wall again.

River shrugged. "Who knows?"

"Well, there's got to be a way to get out."

A sudden thought struck him, and he turned to the wall, taking a few steps back.

"Jack? What are you..."

With a wink, Jack launched himself into the barrier. His entire body was in a flare of pain, and then nothing.

When he woke up, the first thing he saw was a shock of curly hair. Then he moved his head slightly and saw River, looking extremely angry, slightly confused, and just a little...worried?

"Hey," he said, sitting up. "Captain Jack Harkness. I can't die, by the way."

She raised a hand as if she was about to slap him. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

Jack shrugged. "It's a long story," he began. His vortex manipulator bleeped obnoxiously, stirring the guard, who appeared to have been knocked unconscious by the explosion. "And we haven't got time right now. Until next time, River Song."

5) Stormcage

The last time Jack meets River, he's in prison again.

Was it the same cell? Jack wasn't sure. Nothing looked familiar, but then, there's not a lot of familiarising to be done in a metal box. Glancing across the hall, his head snapped up as he saw a familiar shock of hair.

"Hey," he called. "Captain Jack Harkness." River looked up, and as Jack had half expected this time, her face was completely blank. It hurt, just enough to notice. She had tears on her face, and kept looking around the cell as if she expected someone else to arrive. Jack pulled out his vortex manipulator- for some reason, they never found it when they searched him. He turned it over in his hands, thinking. Then he crossed to the bars, carefully throwing the device across the hall. It landed neatly on River's bed, and she jumped.

"Take it," he called. She reached out for it, then pulled her hand back doubtfully.

"I don't even know who you are," she said, glancing sceptically at him.

Jack shrugged. "You will."

"How do I know that?"

"Because I know why you're here."

River looked...almost frightened, just for an instant. Then her face cleared, and she fastened the vortex manipulator onto her wrist. A few seconds later, she vanished. Jack lay down on the bed, realising he now had no way of escape.

Then he realised he probably wouldn't see River again.

"Nah," he muttered to himself, twiddling his thumbs. "She'll be back."

+1) Stormcage

Next time Jack tries to meet River, he doesn't.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Jack glanced round the hall incredulously.

"We let her go."

"How could you let her go?"

"She was innocent."

Jack held up his hands, speaking slowly and deliberately. "She killed someone. You don't just let murderers go."

The guard sighed at him. "There was a technical error. Professor Song never killed anyone. The man she supposedly killed never existed."

"But I was here, years ago. She had met me before and she was still here. How does that work?"

The guard shrugged unhelpfully. Jack sighed in frustration, wandering along the corridor. He stopped outside a cell, eyes drawn to the hundreds of tally marks covering the walls. One wall was labelled 'Days'. The other, which had far more marks, 'Nights'. Jack stepped inside tentatively. The room didn't seem to have been touched since its occupant left. An inch of dust covered every surface.

A sudden buzzing noise interrupted his thoughts. Glancing around, he saw a faint green light in a corner. Reaching out, his fingers closed round a familiar strap. As he stood up, he saw the writing on the wall, hidden between tally marks.

Coordinates.

Without hesitating, he tapped them into the device, and vanished in the familiar burst of light.

Jack looked at his new surroundings in surprise. A bar he'd never been to before. Scanning the room, he searched for the familiar shock of hair. Nothing. He didn't recognise a single face. With a sigh, he turned to order, but a drink had already been placed in front of him. Lifting it to take a sip, he saw the note hidden underneath it.

His name is Alonso.

An arrow pointed to his right. Jack turned to face the man sitting there.

"Hey," he said, smiling at memories, "Captain Jack Harkness."