1.
Twisting the metal band that sits heavily on her finger, she closes her eyes, enjoying the gentle embrace of the crisp morning air. She keeps her eyes close even as she hears his footsteps, his boots crunching against the leaves on the ground. For a while, they stand side by side in silence.
"I suppose I should call you my lady now." She can hear the amusement in his voice and she smiles despite the slight churning of her stomach.
"Don't be silly." But the words do not come out with enough lightness and she feels Merlin turn towards her. She can imagine the concern on his face.
"What's wrong? You are not having regrets, are you?"
She turns to face him, her hand still playing with the ring on her finger. The more she thinks about what that single whisper of "yes" means, the more her stomach tightens. "I don't know if I can do this." The confession tumbles out of her mouth and it's the first time she's given life to it.
"Gwen." Merlin takes her hands. "You'd be the best Queen Camelot has ever had."
Laughing wryly, she shakes her head. "What do I, a servant, know of being a Queen?"
Merlin lets go of her hands, bends down and snaps a flower off its stem, passing it to Gwen. "You are the bravest, most loyal, smartest and kindest person I know Gwen. Camelot couldn't ask for a better Queen and Arthur couldn't ask for a better wife."
Her cheeks flush at his words.
"Most importantly, you love Camelot. You should know how powerful love can be. Plus, you always have me."
She does and she hooks her arm in his as they take their usual morning stroll through the forest.
In the days that follow, her stomach still churns a little at the thought of being Queen but when Merlin grins at her, all the confidence in the world that she would be a worthy Queen shining from his eyes, the tension in her eases. She can do this. She can be the Queen Camelot deserves.
2.
There had always been whispers. Before, they revolved around how long the prince would continue to be infatuated with her. Later it morphed into chatter about that incident in the throne room. And finally, the whispers both in the kitchens and the upper floors turned to the horrors of a servant ascending the throne.
Merlin is hanging around in the room, supposedly helping her, but he isn't really. He pushes some things around, tugs half-heartedly at the bedspread as he regales her with tales of how the man she plans to marry is really a child in an adult's body. Gwen bites her lips to prevent her amusement from bubbling out - a sense of loyalty dictates that she shouldn't be laughing at Arthur with Merlin. Muffled voices outside the room distract Merlin from his latest story and Gwen smiles as he moves silently to the door. Even standing where she is, the people outside are loud enough for her to hear their words.
" - what kind of hold do you think she has on him?"
A snort of disgust follows. "You know how servants are." The tone was dripping with contempt. "They would do anything to climb up." The sordid laughter that followed tapered off as the people outside moved on.
Gwen's fingers tightens around the rag she is holding and she sucks in a deep breath, more affected by the fact that Merlin heard those words than the words themselves.
"I will -"
"Merlin," she shushes him. "It's alright."
His eyes darken with anger and he slams down the box he has in his hands onto the desk. "No, it's not alright. They have no right to say such things about you. I'm going to -"
Gwen grabs his hands. "Don't tell Arthur."
"Don't you think he would want to know?" Merlin demands, his volume rising.
"It will only upset him. He is facing enough pressure from the council. He doesn't need to hear about silly gossip in the castle halls."
Merlin growls in displeasure but nods. "I'll have you know that you're worth a hundred of them."
Warmth pools in her stomach and she pulls him into an impetuous hug. "Thank you."
The anger in his eyes fade. Shaking his head, Merlin sighs. "We can't keep ignoring them forever."
Gwen knows it's true but she worries of the consequences to Arthur.
The next time, she is walking along the corridor with the fresh laundry when she hears Lady Emily and Sir Hector whispering as they sweep past her. The words "power hungry", "embarrassing marriage", "foolish King" float towards her and Gwen feels the familiar sting of anger and humiliation. Merlin's words echo in her mind and she clears her throat, attracting their attention. Their faces pale when they realise the servant they pushed past is her.
"Lady Guinevere," Sabine drops into a curtsey while Hector bows.
"I am no Lady. I am just a servant." Her heart is racing and she is thankful that her voice comes out cool and strong. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation."
There is silence as the two nobles dart anxious looks at each other. Finally Sabine speaks quietly. "We apologise for our words. It was just idle talk. We didn't mean them."
Shifting the laundry basket, Gwen frowns at the obvious insincerity of the apology. "I am not ashamed to be a servant. Arthur is not ashamed that I am a servant. Ordinarily, your views would not matter to me. But I know they matter to Arthur and I will not allow your idle talk to upset him. I don't care what you think of me but Arthur has been a good king and you trust him to rule Camelot. Shouldn't you trust him to choose his own wife as well?"
Although she delivers her words as politely as possible, she still sees the shock on their faces. There's a sense of satisfaction when the shock changes to caution. They may whisper in their homes - she's not foolish enough to think this will stop them - but they are unlikely to speak so freely in the castle.
They bow and curtsey clumsily then scurry away as Gwen watches them.
She stands in the empty corridor for a while, savouring her victory. An arm slides around her shoulder and she feels the familiar warmth of Arthur next to her. "I would have simply banished them from Camelot but your way might be better. It might ensure I still have citizens in Camelot."
Amusement teases a smile from her and she looks at Arthur fondly. The twinkle in his eye is all the warning she has before he leans over and kisses her. Her laundry spills onto the floor but Gwen barely notices it.
3.
Gwen stands in a room in the castle, having been summoned by the royal seamstress. It is funny, she muses, as she stands, arms held high as instructed by Sarah, that although she is to be queen, she is still being ordered around.
"Turn to the right. No, not so much." Sarah is gruff and she remembers Morgana complaining about her lack of respect but Gwen likes that Sarah isn't bowing and pandering to her the way some of the other villagers have been.
"We're done. The dresses will be ready in a few weeks."
"Dresses?" Gwen adjusts the plain cotton dress she's wearing and looks warily at Sarah. "What instructions has Arthur given you? This isn't just for my coronation and wedding?"
"He mentioned a whole new wardrobe for you. Maybe 7 to 10 new dresses." Without waiting for an answer, Sarah picked up her bag and made to leave the room.
"But - wait!"
Sarah turns and cocks her head.
"Just get the coronation and wedding dress done. Leave the rest." A whole new wardrobe? What was Arthur thinking? Just last week, he'd given her a whole box full of jewelry. She didn't want all these.
"If you wish," Sarah says and then she slips quietly out of the room, leaving Gwen deep in her own thoughts.
It doesn't take her long to find Arthur pouring over maps in the council room. His eyes soften and he smiles when he sees her enter, standing and walking over to hug her.
"Are you busy?" He is still holding her hand as he shakes his head. "I need to talk to you."
"Of course." With a look, he dismisses the guards in the room, leaving the two of them alone. "What is it?"
"Arthur. You need to stop giving me things. First a whole room, fully furnished. Then all the jewelry and now a whole new wardrobe of dresses?"
He grins, seemingly unaware of the discomfort all this luxury heaped on her brings. "You're about to be Queen. You will need all these. I've seen what the other royal ladies wear."
"I'm not the other royal ladies. And it's too much. I don't want them." The words escape before she considers how Arthur would take them and she cringes when she sees the hurt that crosses his face. Hurt which is chased away by annoyance.
"Is it wrong to want to give you things? I couldn't before, when our relationship was uncertain and hidden, but now I want to." His hold on her hand tightens and he pulls her closer. She leans into his chest, feeling his heart beating under her hand. "I love you Gwen. I can afford to give you all these. Let me."
When she doesn't reply, Arthur shifts and looks into her eyes. "Ruling a kingdom is as much about appearances as it is about being a good ruler." Gently, he tugs her to the chair, sitting down then settling her on his lap. "You know that."
She nods then sighs. "And you can't have a queen who goes around dressed like a servant. What would the other kingdoms think? It's bad enough you're marrying a servant." His arms tighten around her waist as he buries his face in her neck, and she sinks into him. "It's so much. It seems such a waste. Surely the money can be better spent elsewhere, on the villages?"
"I imagine there's a lot you're going to have to get used to when you become queen," Arthur murmurs against her skin before kissing her softly. Then he stiffens. "You're not having second thoughts are you?"
She shakes her head, then kisses him for good measure. Arthur is right. Her life will change irrevocably and being showered with expensive gifts was probably the least of it. "I still think it's too much Arthur. Yes, I'll need new dresses, maybe some jewelry but not as much as you have been lavishing on me."
"I like showering you with things." Gwen can't help the slight smile that forms when Arthur pouts.
"I much rather something simple, like flowers." She looks at his face, then adds. "Picked by you. Not Merlin."
He groans.
Ignoring him, Gwen continues. "And you'll ask me if you plan to get me more things. I told Sarah -"
"Sarah?"
"The seamstress. I told her only to sew the wedding dress. I think that I'm still good enough with a needle to sew my own dresses."
Arthur eyes her warily. "Will this make you happy, set you at ease?"
She nods. "That and hand-picked flowers."
He growls then kisses her, making her giggle and she finds herself distracted for the next few minutes.
4.
Over the past few years, she and Arthur have had their fair share of disagreements and she isn't sure if it was because they were still well aware of the barriers that separated them or if it's because their relationship was still tentative but the disagreements were gentle, quiet ones. But this morning, frustrated by Arthur's stubbornness, she flung at him the accusation that he was more concerned with his own glory than his people, then stormed off.
He hasn't spoken to her since.
Standing in the doorway of his room, Gwen watches as Merlin prepares Arthur to ride off. He's pointedly ignoring her and Merlin casts apologetic looks in her direction. Finally, the last piece of the armour is secured and Merlin surreptitiously leaves the room.
"Be careful." She doesn't want to bring up their argument again but she wants him to know despite it all, she cares. At her words, she can see the anger leave him and he turns to her.
"I'll be careful Guinevere." His hand cups her face and he brushes a kiss across her lips. Her arm snakes around his neck and she deepens the kiss, her tongue swiping across his lips then dipping inside to taste him. She loves him so much, she thinks as he presses them together. Why did he have to be so foolhardy?
Someone clears their throat and they reluctantly break away although Arthur keeps her in his embrace.
"We have to leave now Sire," Leon says, his eyes anywhere except on them. Nodding, Arthur kisses her briefly one more time then walks to the door.
It's three days before she hears the horns that signal Arthur's return. Three days of fretting and worrying. Before, she was able to bury herself in her chores but now, as Queen to be, she no longer had chores and any attempt to help out in the castle was quickly rebuffed by the other servants. Instead, she finds herself staring blankly at various reports, her mind full of all the harm that could befall Arthur.
Even before the horns stop sounding, Gwen is waiting in the courtyard, straining her eyes in the setting sun to see if Arthur is alright. She hears the hooves clattering on the stone floor and sees the knights, then Merlin ride in.
But no Arthur.
Her heart drops and a chill runs through her. She wants to run to the knights, to Merlin to demand answers but her feet won't move. Blinking away the tears that formed, she looks at the group again and she finally sees him, lying on the horse ridden by Gwaine.
"He'll be fine," whispers Merlin as they hurry past her, Arthur's limp body in Gwaine's arms. She watches them, then picks up her skirts and runs after them.
Gaius refuses to let her enter until he's checked Arthur out. A flesh wound, Merlin says while Gwaine and Elyan nod unconvincingly behind him. Gwen's heart won't slow down and her hands are damp and shaking. Finally Gaius emerges and allows her to enter.
Arthur lies still on the bed, only his chest moving as he breaths. His face is relaxed and he looks years younger. She hears the door close behind her, leaving her alone with him. Gently, she traces the bandage wrapped tightly around his chest, wondering how many times she's seen him like this and how many more times she will.
She is deep in thought when Arthur suddenly grabs her hand and sits up. Squeaking in shock, she almost tumbles of the bed. A wan smile crosses Arthur's face as she struggles to stay on his bed.
"I'm sorry I got hurt." His fingers twine with hers and she squeezes them lightly. Then the tears she held back just moments ago spring into her eyes again and she looks away. "Hey. Guinevere. Don't cry. It's not the first time."
"You are an ass," she says with little conviction. "I told you not to go and -"
With a quick tug, Arthur pulls her towards him and she falls into him, burying her head into his throat. She feels him rub her back soothingly as he whispers apologies in her ear.
"Stay with me tonight."
Gwen stills, torn. She wants to stay with him, but they aren't married and it isn't done.
"Please. I just want you near me. And we're soon to be married, so -"
"Fine," she concedes, a smile playing on her lips, "I'll stay."
"Great. Brilliant."
And suddenly, it's awkward. She looks at him and he looks back at her.
"So," she says, wanting to break the strange silence. "Which side of the bed do you sleep in?"
"Uh, the middle usually but of course, that's not going to be possible now. You?"
"My bed is too small to sleep at any side."
Arthur runs his hand through his hair, then winces. "That is true. Well, how about I take the right and you the left."
So they try that. After braiding her hair, Gwen lies facing the cloth that's draped over Arthur's bed and stares blankly at it, achingly aware of Arthur lying not very far from her. She can hear their breathing and the awkwardness still lingers in the air. Biting her lip, she wonders if it would be like this after their marriage.
"Let's change sides," Arthur says suddenly.
They do that with a minimum of fuss but Gwen doesn't feel any more comfortable. For the longest time, they lie there, side by side. It's the most awkward she's ever felt with Arthur and worry builds in her. Then she feels his hand take hers. That touch alone is eases the tension in her slightly. She shifts closer to Arthur. The bed dips as he moves as well.
His arm slides around her waist and she moves into his embrace. Her back is plastered against his, his warm breath puffs against the back of her neck and his arms drape loosely across her middle. She covers his hands with her own and relaxes. The tension that gripped her earlier disappears and she sighs in contentment.
She feels him smile, a light kiss on the nape of her neck, then a whispered "I love you". He falls into slumber first as she thinks that she quite likes sleeping in his arms.
Then he starts to snore. Into her ear. And her pleasant thoughts waver.
AN: I found this in my drafts folder and I thought, I might as well post it. Anyway, I don't know if I would write more snippets? Maybe. But arghhh, pirates for now!