Hello! This is the first fan fiction that I've ever written, so cut me a little bit of slack :3 I have to say that The Fault in Our Stars doesn't belong to me; it belongs to the author, John Green. I don't own anything. So with that, here's A New Beginning.
4 Months Later: I lay on the hospital bed, reading an Imperial Afflictions for the first time since Amsterdam. About four or so months ago I was entered to stay at the hospital for a few days. Then a few more. Then a week. Then a few more days. And so on until they stopped saying I would be able to go home. The doctors have said that I'm getting worse; I won't be a side effect anymore. They cannot take out the liquid from my lungs anymore, fearing that they'll damage them. But really. They already are shitty lungs that are gonna give out soon, do they really have to fear of damaging them anymore?
Putting down the book, I try to take in a breath on my own. I start coughing and gasping for air, and, of course, nurses come pouring in to see if I'm dead yet. It sounds cruel and that I don't have a heart. I'm not and I do; I'm just honest. Everyone here- Mom, Dad, the nurses and doctors, Isaac, Patrick… everyone- is waiting for me to go to oblivion. We're all just playing the waiting game. After a few minutes, the nurses leave. I reach my hand out slightly to grab a rose from the little table next to me. I bring it up to me and stare at it, remembering why at the time I was so confused on why Augustus got me orange flowers, a dry cheese sandwich picnic, and a basketball jersey on. I smile softly at the memory. Memories, it seems, is the only thing that I'm holding onto anymore.
A knock suddenly comes onto the door. I press a button for my ever so comfortable bed to raise up so I can sit up. "Come in," I say, my voice cracked. As he walks in, I smile. "Isaac, hi."
He grins and walks over to me, his cane banging on tables and chairs. When he finds his way to my bed, he leans over and hugs me. I hug him back weakly, resting my head on his shoulder. "So, Hazel. Anything happen new in your book?" Isaac asks, sitting next to me. I scoot over to make room.
"Unfortunately, no. The probability of there being an addition to it is like me living for the next fifty years," I say, grabbing his hand. He laughs as he runs a hand through his hair. I don't know why he does that; it's not like he can see if it looks okay.
"I can't stay for long; I have an eye appointment…. Those were some unfortunate words, considering I don't have eyes," he says, smiling. My mind floats back to the memory of him and I playing voice activated video games. We said the the most ridiculous commands in that game.
I tell him, "Well that's… riveting." I look up at him, his face "looking" forward. I put my hand gently on his cheek. I bite my lower lip as I feel stupid tears come into my eyes. Dammit, if I knew Isaac was coming I would've prepared my speech for him on how he was always such a good friend and best friend and that he's always been there for me. Or as I like to call it, my goodbye. "I'm gonna miss you," I whisper, feeling a tear run down my cheek.
He shakes his head and balls his hands into fists. "This is so fucking unfair," he mumbles, a tear of his own sliding down his cheek onto my hand. I wipe the tear away with my thumb, needing to stay in control. I can't have his last memory of me being weak, even though I am. I laugh weakly.
"Come on, give me a little bit more time," I say. I try to smile, but then a river of tears rushing down. Tears have always reminded me of love; at first, there's nothing. The two people aren't interested. Then they start talking; the tears are in the eyes. Soon enough, the two are madly in love, and a steady stream of tears are flowing down. But then, there's the lost. Where they leave each other for some reason. That's when you melt down. I've only melted down once. When the person that I loved left me. Isaac wraps an arm around my shoulder and holds me tightly.
"You, Hazel, have been the truest person in the world," he says softly.
"Isaac…" I start to say. He shakes his head.
"No. You have been so strong throughout this past year or however long this hell has been." He kisses me on top of the head. I hold onto his hand tighter. "I… it's just not fair how you, one of the best people, having leave this goddamn earth so early. Why can't assholes be the ones to die?" He rubs under his sunglasses, trying to not start crying.
I say softly as I look down at my lap, "Because… because some infinities are bigger than others. And, in that one book, life just isn't a wish granting factory. We can't just blow on birthday candles and then your wish will come true. It can't be like that, for who knows what this earth would be."
Isaac sniffs, sighing. "I know, I know. You've said that a long time ago," he sighs. "Always so goddamn smart and logical." I smile slightly.
"That's just how I am," I say, kissing his cheek. I know that he has to go to his appointment. But he won't be the one leaving us forever.
He stands up shakily, using the side of the bed to help him. "I have to go," he says, turning back towards me. He suddenly drops his cane and hugs me tightly around the shoulders. He knows that this is goodbye. I hug him back with all the strength I can muster. "I'll see you soon, alright?" he whispers, his arms still around me.
I squeeze my eyes shut. "Not too soon hopefully," I whisper back. I keep hugging him, knowing that this moment will be with him forever; he needs this moment. After a few heartbreaking minutes, he pulls back. He gets his cane from the floor.
"Goodbye, Hazel," he says, squeezing my ice cold hand.
"Goodbye, Isaac," I say softly, taking in every detail of him. Of his thin gold earring, of his curly black hair that he always runs a hand through, the rough hands that have squeezed boobs and thrown trophies. He lets go. He walks out the room. He's not the one leaving though.
That Night: I was going through the same routine: watch ANTM for a few hours, try to sleep, eat some crushes ice (since that's the only thing I'm allowed to eat anymore), try to sleep, read, try to sleep, try to sleep, try to sleep. For about five months, trying to develop rest has been laborious due to the fact that I dwell on death frequently.
At this moment, I'm laying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. There's black specks that seemed to have been splashed on the white foam. If they attempted to make stars, they did a very poor job. I try to make out "constellations", but I've never been that creative of a person. I can only quote and read and watch and fail sleep.
Suddenly, I start to feel tired. Like, really tired. "Shit shit shit shit no. Not now," I whisper, opening my eyes back up quickly. I start trying to reach for the button to call for the nurse, but a pain crashes into my chest. I groan and start to hear loud beeps coming from my machine. I clutch onto the sheets, terrified. I can feel everything slowing down. I look at the nurses running in, putting a mask over me, shooting drugs into my arms, all of this in slow motion. It's like a carousel for a child; after time, it feels like your horse is flying as fast as it can. Everything around you is in slow motion; the other children on other horses, the carnival music, a couple kissing. Soon enough, the ride ends. You always have the option of going back onto it. Unlike me, I can't come back to this ride.
My eyes are mostly closed, only a slit letting me see a portion of the world. My parents are on the otherside of the glass, crying and holding onto each other. I wonder if they know this is it. One of the nurses yell something to the other ones. I don't understand them. My grip loosens on the sheets as my eyes close. The last thing I see is my mother and fathers' faces staring into mine.
Flashbacks start flooding my memory. Me at a friend's birthday party, eating chocolate cake and playing on the trampoline. My father helping me clean a scrape that I got when I fell going down some stairs. My mother hanging up posters of books in my room. Patrick in Support Group singing and telling about his missing balls. Isaac and I sharing our sighs as Patrick goes on and on, and of his boob squeezing. And finally, Augustus. Augustus Waters, the love of my life. Memories flash before me it seems of him. When we were waiting outside and he called me beautiful. When we were discussing the book as Isaac was throwing his basketball trophies everywhere. When he showed me the venn diagram. When we went to Peter Van Houten's house. When we went to his room and made love. When we sat on the bench in front of a river as he told me that he lit up like a Christmas tree. When we went home together. When he had the bright idea of egging Monica's house. When he called me during the night, saying his G-tube got infected. When he was sitting, watching me talk about our infinities. At his funeral, with his ridiculous hair style. I put the cigarettes in along with him. After a moment of feeling complete defeat, I calm. I open my eyes and, for some reason, take in a deep breath for the first time in years. I look around, confused. I sit up. That's when I see him.
"Hello, Hazel Grace," Augustus Waters says, standing a few feet away and staring down at me. He doesn't have a cigarette in his mouth. "We're gonna go home now. Okay?" He holds out his hand.
I slowly stand up, my hands not gripping an oxygen tank. I look back down at my lifeless body. The nurses doing everything they can to revive me. My mother is in my father's arms, sobbing at her lost child. I don't know how I can leave them. But, I know that they will go on. That's the only reason why I do what I do next. I look back up at Augustus, take his hand, and smile softly. "Okay."
That's it everyone! Thank you so much for reading. Please review this so I can become a better writer. Thanks everyone :)