A/N : Hi everyone, I'm so sorry it's been this long since I checked in. Real life is crazy atm, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to write. I know I have other stories to finish, and I will! But after last night's episode, I had to write this. It's about the bedroom conversation Merlin & Arthur had, how different things would be if Merlin had actually told Arthur. Because I felt he needed to.

Please let me know what you think? It means the world to me!
This is a one-shot for now, but if you like this and would like me to continue, please say so! I think there's a story here. Not sure if it'll come to me right away, but I feel it's there!

XO,
Mae'side

Merlin

It literally pained him not to tell Arthur what was going on. Knowing the prince could see right through him was one thing, but having to stay silent about the only secret he needed to share with his best friend was quite another. Tears filled his eyes while Arthur got ready for bed – the bandage on his shoulder being there as a painful reminder of something that had nothing to do with it at all. It was just that..everything seemed too close tonight, yet it was all out of reach. Tomorrow, he would probably meet the man he had wanted to know all his life, the one he had talked to late at night when he was a child, hoping somehow the stars would deliver his messages. If they even got that far.

Balinor probably didn't even know he existed. If he did, he surely would not recognize him. The question was whether Merlin wanted him to. The desire to be close to his father had been overwhelming as a child, but what if he didn't...what if he wasn't...

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"It's something. Tell me." Merlin closed his eyes, praying for Arthur to let it go but hoping he wouldn't. His comforting words, his advice...even his stupid teasing made it better, somehow. And the way he felt something was wrong... though Arthur was still in the dark about his biggest secret of all, he was the one person who really knew Merlin. The one person Merlin really wanted to know.

Arthur sighed a little. "Alright, I know I'm a prince, so we can't be friends."

Arthur

But they were. Over the last few months, they had spent just about every second of the day together, teasing eachother or just being complete prats. The latter was, of course, only his job, but Merlin was always there beside him and he stood tall, taking it all in or sometimes even yelling back. The worst servant I've ever had. He rolled his eyes a little. But, strangely enough, the best friend..

He knew something was wrong with his servant, he felt it deep inside of him. And it wasn't just today... a few weeks ago Merlin had been dealing with some things as well, but he never let him in. He was determined to deal with it himself. Though he should not care about all of this, he did. Some part of him wanted Merlin to trust him enough to tell him what was going on, to just... something.

"So that means you can tell me," he eventually said, hoping it would be enough.

The room went completely silent after that. The quiet promise dangled in the air on a frail, breakable string that was about to snap any moment, and the man lying in the bed beside him would have to catch it when it fell, or let it crash to the floor.

Merlin turned to him. Despite the distance in between their cots, it somehow felt as if they were sitting side by side, and they could take it all, they could face the monster that somehow hid in Merlin's closet and spun cobwebs in his mind.

"You can't tell anyone," Merlin murmured, "especially not your father, so please, just.."

"It's alright," he said, relieved at this chance he was given. Strange, wasn't it, how a prince could feel glad because of an opportunity his servant had given him, to get closer? "I'm not going to say a word. You can tell me, Merlin." Please, tell me.

"Before we left this morning, I spoke with Gaius...and he said that this man we are looking for once lived in Ealdor."

He knew where this was going. Arthur looked at Merlin's expression and recalled that it was the same one he had worn the night they had left to find Morgause, when he they had spoken of mothers and fathers they had never known. He'd just not expected this and wondered how Merlin was able to live with a secret of this kind without having anyone to talk to.

"...that he lived with my mother when your father hunted him down and he was forced to go in hiding. Gaius said he's my father."

Merlin

He blinked to rid his eyes of forming tears. He needed to be strong before Arthur – somehow he felt that was his duty. Arthur was the strongest of them both, but Merlin didn't want to seem weak in front of him. He just couldn't break down – he wouldn't.

"The dragonlord?"

He nodded. Arthur turned around and stared up at the ceiling, folding his arms beneath his head. If he was looking for an answer in the cracks, he needn't bother. Merlin had already tried that and it hadn't worked.

"So he's alive...but my father took him from you." There was a tone of regret in Arthur's voice, as if he somehow blamed himself for what had happened.

"Yeah...but that's not your fault."

Arthur grinned. "Well, I didn't say it was my fault, Merlin." He took his pillow and threw it at his friend. For the first time that day, a smile appeared around Merlin's lips. This was exactly what he needed, what he had needed all along. To trust Arthur, to really trust him with a secret, and to know that it would be safe with him. "Do you think he'll know who you are?"

"No." He rolled his lips into his mouth and bit down, hard. "I don't think he even knows he has a son. He's been on his own for so long."

Arthur

"Right."

He couldn't help but feel responsible about this. Of course he hadn't been around for a long time by then, he'd only been a few months old at the most (and it wasn't as if a baby could tell his father not to hunt his future friend's father down). But somehow... if his father hadn't started all of this, Merlin's life would have been better. Happier.

All of a sudden, someone else entered his mind. The one man who had always been there for Merlin, who would do anything to keep him safe. The burden of this secret must have been so heavy on his old, worn shoulders. "What about Gaius?"

Merlin pressed his fists to his eyes, either to keep sleep at bay or to shield them from reality. "He's the one who helped Balinor escape...and brought him to Ealdor. And I said...all the wrong things. He was just trying to protect me."

I'll protect you, as well. The thought shot through his mind and he nearly laughed out loud at how stupid it sounded. He would protect Merlin in any situation, even from the man who really was his father. Any wrong move and he'd charge towards him. He'd do that for a friend. "I'm sure he's already forgiven you."

He looked over at the other bed and noticed how tired Merlin was, and how he could finally let himself fall asleep now that he'd been able to speak his fears aloud. Now that he had shared the sadness. He cleared his throat. "Merlin?"

The boy hummed his reply, sleep and exhaustion already claiming him, taking him to a place where he'd be sheltered for a while. Or taunted by the demons that walked beside him.

"Get my pillow, could you?"

Please tell me what you think? Please, please, please? I need it right now!!

XO, as always
Mae'side