Super Dolphin Clone Warrior Guy
(Final Fantasy 7 Ramblings)

by

Sir Scribnatius of Biscuit

"Ugh. What time is it, and where is my cold and refreshing Clover Valley ® brand Cola?" Cloud said as he awoke from his 8 hour, 37 minute slumber. "Cloud, I told you to set the alarm at 9:42. It's already 9:47 and I'm late." Tifa replied. She quickly ran out the door with a briefcase and a lamp. "Where are you taking the lamp, Tifa?" Cloud hollered at the Tifa of Lockhart. "Oh, I thought that it was my Wendy's ® Big Bacon Classic that I bought last night." she replied as she threw the lamp out the apartment window. Cloud wondered what had just happened as Yuffie stormed in. "Cloud, I just read the most interesting thing." she squealed happily. "It wouldn't have anything to do with thievery, would it?" he replied. "Nope, it talks about this scientist guy that invented ham. It's amazing. I mean...where would we be without ham?!" Yuffie said.
Cloud sighed as he took the lunch meat package out of her hand and sighed as he said, "Yuffie...this isn't a scientist. It's the owner of the company that packaged the ham. And that isn't an article, that's the ingredients." "Oh. Well, did you know that AIDS is the leading cause of death for people that die of AIDS." she quickly responded. Cloud banged his head on the washing detergent container on the toaster and walked out.
As Barret walked through the toiletries section of his local Meow-Mart, he realized the meaning of life at the exact moment that he realized life's meaning. Henceforth, he bought some mayonaise.
Meanwhile, Red XIII was at his "Save the Midgets" convention. He had been shunned by his friends because of his bonding with midgets. Yes, it was frighteningly true to him, but he lived in a world where midgets sucked, and nobody liked them (Did you see a single midget in FF7?).
Cloud walked toward the save point in his room. "Hey, wait a minute. Why should I have to "save" my game. How is it possible that I can die, then just start off here. Aren't I real??!! AHHHHHHH!!!!
spatula," Cloud yelled in fright. But he realized that at that exact moment, right then, thousands of elephants were being slaughtered just to produce the charcoal for those little artistic pencil thingeys. He wished Aeris were there. So badly did he wish that for one second, just one second, he could see her. But he noticed that it was time for Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, so he forgot about What's Her Name and turned on his television. Thoroughbred Feet.
42 seconds later, Vincent realized his life's purpose. He burst out through his door and sprinted to a local store. Unfortunately, they were out of egg nog. He instantly combusted.

The End.

Grapefruit.