Never Fall in Love With a Moment
He sits on his bed with a newspaper spread out in front of him, staring at the picture that is spread across the front page. A small, grim smile is on his face as he reads and rereads the article. This particular article had been written about a month ago by someone that he might have considered a friend if he thought about it long enough. But it is too late now and even if he decides that the author would make a good friend, he hasn't seen him in three weeks.
With a dejected sigh, Jack Kelly folds up the newspaper and places it under his pillow, folded so the picture is still showing. His gaze lingers on the photo as he hides it beneath the pillow. He is assaulted by the memories that photograph brings back to him.
It was the picture that had given the newsies so much motivation and strength. It was the picture that had given the newsies confidence and courage. It was the picture that had started the strike officially and had given the newsies hope that, just once, maybe their voices would be heard.
It is really a careless picture, on second analysis. There Jack Kelly is, his arm around David's shoulder...well, technically. It would have been if David had been standing upright. Surrounding Jack is general chaos. No one was really paying attention to the camera at all. They had all been celebrating their small victory. They couldn't have cared less about this intruder who wanted to break up their celebration to take an organized photograph. They didn't care that this photograph would forever be etching this moment in media history. So they acted as they normally would. There were newsies looking away from the camera, others with funny expressions on their faces, and some who were mid-pose. Only Jack looked prepared for the picture. But he was the leader. He had to be prepared.
Jack smiles sadly as he gazes at the picture again. It seems like it had been taken so long ago, an eternity ago. Jack can remember the feeling. The feeling of being admired, the feeling of being strong, the feeling of having hopes and dreams. It has been so long since Jack has hoped for anything better than the life he has been dealt. But the strike had given him a purpose and a hope that, maybe someday he would have the opportunity to affect the world, to change someone's life, to become successful.
Now that the strike is over, Jack is back where he started: lost, confused, and tired.
He is lost now. During the strike, he had known what his purpose was, what he was aiming for. And he knew how to go after it. Now that the strike is over, he has no idea where he is heading. He doesn't know what his goal is anymore. He is aimlessly selling his papers, listlessly calling out the headlines. Even the excitement of stretching the truth over headlines has long since worn off.
He is confused now. Before, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to go to Santa Fe. It was what he had dreamed about ever since he had discovered that pamphlet. However, when the opportunity to leave presented itself, Jack stayed. He remained in New York with no real reason. He no longer knows what he wants. Sure, he can go down to the train station, buy a ticket to Santa Fe, and leave the next day, but he doesn't. Something keeps him here, in New York.
He is tired now. With the strike, he had found a new sense of excitement, a new type of daring. He had felt motivation and was fascinated by the idea of taking on the giants of New York City. Now he only feels exhaustion. He is tired of the daily toils, tired of his listless existence. He is tired of the same schedule everyday with no real hope to better himself. He is tired of being lost and confused and tired.
And as he sits there, he asks himself again, Why didn't I go? It is the great question that will haunt Jack for the rest of his life, mainly because it really doesn't seem to have an answer.
So Jack remains seated on his bed, weary from a long day of selling newspapers, the question repeating itself in his mind. Why didn't he go? Could it have been because of Mush's unusual sense of humor that tied him down? Could it have been Racetrack's unbreakable gambling habit? Was it David that kept Jack here, with the possibility of having a real family that unconditionally cared for him? Or was it something greater?
Unable to merely sit and wait for the other newsies to come back to the lodging house, Jack grabs the newspaper again and rakes his eyes over the photograph. And as he stares at the picture, Jack realizes the great mistake of a life filled with mistakes. He had fallen in love. Not with a person or a thing, but with time. Jack had fallen in love with a moment. And not only had Jack fallen in love with a moment, but he had fallen in love with several.
He had fallen in love with the moment in which he felt successful. The moment where he had met his goal. The moment where he realized that hope really wasn't always futile. The moment that he realized that he had a chance at making something of himself. The moments that he was with his friends, his family. The moment where he realized that he was truly loved and accepted.
Jack closes his eyes and lays down on his bed, clutching the newspaper in his arms. Maybe that's why he hasn't left yet. And maybe that's the reason that he's not going to leave.
Never fall in love with a moment, his mother had told him, right before she had died. "You'll have moments that you'll wish would never end. But that's all they are, moments. Live in them. Embrace them. And then let them go. You can't live in the past if you want to live in the future.
Jack knows that, if he wants to move on, he'll first have to let go. But he'll move on later. He'll let go later. Because right now, the future is too hard to comprehend and these moments...well, these moments are all that he's living for right now.
A.N. Another why-did-Jack-stay story. I quite like it. Anyways, thanks for reading and please review if you have time. Thanks.