Taking a deep breath Megamind walked into the kitchen. Despite all the improvements that had been made to Formerly Evil Lair over the course of the last four months, the kitchen hadn't changed much. A bigger table sat in the corner, another chair tucked under it.
Megamind had worried that he should buy new furniture when Roxanne had joined them, but she had loved their reclaimed and restored furniture. So instead they had gone scavenging together. Her chair they had found with a broken leg sitting outside next to a dumpster. She'd fallen in love with the hand carved decorations on the back rest. So together they had stripped the old paint, made a new leg, and re stained the oak chair a rich burgundy. Now it sat proudly next to Megamind's tall black chair and Minion's reinforced metal stool. Unique and personal. 'Them' as Roxanne had summed up.
The few other additions were from Roxanne's personal effects after she had officially moved in, the cat clock hanging on the wall and a set of ceramic jars that now held various baking powder substances like sugars and flours. But overall the kitchen had changed little. Ruled by the large gas stove and modified appliances on every counter. Megamind wasn't even sure what most of them did.
It was Minion's domain after all.
Minion had taken one look at Roxanne's cooking attempts and had shooed her out of the kitchen with a placating smile and an assurance that it was no trouble at all. He liked cooking. So Roxanne had been relegated to the lab or living areas with Megamind whenever Minion was cooking. Megamind had long ago been forbidden from the kitchen.
It was ridiculous.
Baking was just a form of science after all and most of science was trial and error. Failing a thousand times in order to learn what to do and not to do. For instance after the "bread incident" he now knew that the raising time on bread could not be speed up in such a way. The oven still worked after! Everything was fine and the smell had gone away eventually.
Megamind could cook, he was sure of it. He just hadn't had the opportunity to learn this particular skill yet. This was the perfect opportunity to prove it! Minion would be out of the city until tomorrow morning, picking up some sensitive equipment that they didn't trust to be shipped to them via freight. Megamind rubbed his hands together as he crossed the room to the fridge.
Inside Minion had placed several wrapped dishes with heating instruction carefully spelled out on the lids. Why did he even make three meals when he was only going to be gone for one day? Shaking his head Megamind pushed these out of the way and grabbed the package of ground beef from behind them.
He had two hours to make something wonderful to surprise Roxanne with before she got out of work. That would be plenty of time.
He'd watched enough romantic movies to know what was needed in this scenario. He'd spent the morning redecorating one of the storage rooms, the brain bots had hung strings of lights and rich red velvet curtains, he had candles in place to be lit when she arrived, a playlist of music prepared and speaker wired into the room, and a small intimate table for them to eat on.
The only thing left from his grand romantic gesture was the dinner.
He'd thought about just ordering something from their favorite Italian place, but that seemed lacking. To make this perfect, he needed to make it himself. Besides, he could totally do this. He was a genius after all.
Setting the beef on the table he searched the room for a bowl. Why did Minion organize the kitchen so oddly? He couldn't find anything when he needed it. After dumping out the contents of two cupboards he found a bowl he deemed suitable and set it on the table with the meat.
Next was spices, these were essential. He'd found the spice rack in his earlier digging and so returned to it now. The names of the spices didn't mean much to him so he opened each one, sniffing and tasting them to sort between what he wanted and what he didn't. In the end he brought five of them back to the table.
He'd watched Minion do this, back before he'd been banned from the kitchen. In the bowl went the beef, the packaging discarded. Then spices. How did you know how much to add? It wasn't like you could taste the raw meat. He made his best guesses for each. Next was…. crumbled toast? That seemed right. Then a liquid. He snagged the Cashew Milk from the fridge and frowned into the bowl. Was this right? He poured some in anyway.
Gloves and goggles on he buried his hands in the mess and started forming the meat into small balls. Each ball onto a metal sheet and the full sheet into the oven. Megamind hesitated again in front of the oven, hand hovering over the knob.
Minion would be pissed if he burnt the stove again… but this was for Roxanne! He knew better now anyway… he spun the dial and heard the faint sound of the gas lighting up.
Now the pasta. That was ridiculously simple. Hot water and noodles in a pot.
What could go wrong?
Minion had driven straight home after picking up the new reactor piece. He worried about his Sir and Miss Ritchi- Roxanne. He had to remember that she wanted him to call her Roxanne now, but it was hard to forget a decade for habit. Many of Sir's former villainous associates hadn't taken kindly to his retirement. Even if the Duo hadn't turned hero perse, it still hadn't gained them any good will. Few of the heroes trust them either. So Minion worried.
He always worried.
So he'd sped and drove through the night. Just to ease his mind. He knew everything would be ok… but it would be better if he was there, could see with his own eyes that everything was ok. He could have just called Sir, but that would have started the whole argument all over again about Minion worrying too much and Megamind not enough and Minion just didn't have the energy for it.
He hated arguing with Sir, especially over the phone.
So he drove on.
When he got back to the Lair he knew something had gone horribly wrong from the moment he parked the Invisible Van. The brain bot clean-up crew was in full emergency clean up mode. Mops and scrub brushes being wielded around wildly as the ones who had grown bored stared playing with them.
If they were bored it couldn't have been that bad of an attack. Minion slowly followed them to the source of the disaster, scolding the ones who were just making a worse mess.
He froze when he entered the kitchen.
The stove was black. The wall behind it chard. Pots and pans lay everywhere as if some battle had taken place. Scattered spices and flour over the counter. A burnt towel tossed in the corner and the signs of yet more fire around it.
Slowly picking his way through the mess and around the 'helping' brain bots Minion moved to the sink where he could see his favorite pot sitting. The insides were coated with congealed and baked on starch. The non-stick coating on the bottom scratched beyond repair.
Taking a deep watery breath to center himself, he spun, barking out orders to the brain bots to focus their attentions better to the task at hand. Fuming his metal feet echoed harshly as he stomped through the Lair.
If Sir hadn't burned himself… So help him! Minion would! He would- …he could hear music playing and laughter.
Cracking open the door, he saw Sir and Roxanne curled around each other in the large black rolling chair. On the table beside them in a large salad bowl was a pile of burnt… meat balls… Minion guessed, using the term generously.
He watched as Roxanne plucked another from the bowl and placed it to Megamind's lips. He accepted it sucking the tips of her fingers as he did so. Then made a face as he swallowed.
She just laughed brightly, "I still can't believe you put cinnamon in them."
"It's not that bad. I think just less salt next time." Sir muttered as he rubbed his face against her neck.
"You know that you forgot the pasta sauce too, right?"
Minion slowly shut the door on Megamind's groan and the next round of giggling from the two.
He could wait until tomorrow to gently remind Sir not to touch his kitchen ever again.