Alright, 2018 me talking here. I've edited this chapter to make it more clear and I'm on to the next. Once I'm done with all chapters, I'll be able to post the latest addition.
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"-You are so full of shit! Do you not realize how much I put up with you? You don't even know how to handle yourown situation, how the fuck are you going to help me if you'renot dealing with your own problems? Your drunk ass sits around for hours slowly killing yourself. I at least know how to get up and go to work, you need to get your shit together and out the house. Tonight! "
Slamming the door shut behind her, Holly made her way towards her carbon black BMW X5 to head to the military base. That's exactly how Holly's Sunday mornings started except this time she was done. After 2 months Joseph wasn't up to changing a thing about himself and it only made Holly's temper worse so why not show him her true colors?
In her fatigues Holly appeared as a different person. The persistently itchy collar of her jacket only reminded her of Joseph Olpuy. Yanking the collar away from her neck, she gently laid her head on the ice cold steering wheel, but with the heat still coursing through her veins it made her oblivious to the freezing cold weather. She would put up with nothing that caused drama or could affect her work. But Joseph, Joseph was a different story.
After reluctantly getting out of bed, Holly padded her socked feet down the wooden stairway, every single Sunday morning, to find Joseph shit-faced drunk. It always ended in at least three different ways, all of which included Joseph sobbing in his sorrow or hitting her. Fortunately for Joseph, he was too weak to cause any true harm towards her otherwise, Holly would have knocked him cold. His weak punches were nothing to Holly's vice grip on his wrists; he tried and tried but always failed. Restraining him from hurting her and himself, she gave him reassuring words. Like a dead weight he would let her lead them to the upstairs bathroom for him to take his shower muttering a silent but cold, "Thanks."
After coming home from overseas Joseph had never been the same. The happy joyous man seemed to level out Holly's anger; they were once best friends but the blunt confession from him that day had Holly lost. Why hadn't he told her anything?
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She had been elated, dressed in her favorite casual sweater, silver wool car coat and faded jeans, Holly bounced in the front seat of her car. Letting the car warm, Holly checked the time and realized that in just thirty-two minutes her best friend would arrive after seven months of being in Iraq. There had been few Skype calls and chats over the course of time which had Holly worried. Joe was always there. Always. Now the old Joe didn't seem to exist in the last of his days in what he would call Hell.
Holly never understood, she never let the Iraqi heat or the glass shards disguised as sand affect her. Being a part of the Canadian Army was her pride and joy, whenever her fresh faced skin touch the suns rays, she would enjoy the freedom of protecting her fellow soldiers and her country. Holly would always enjoy meeting the nomadic village people; they were always fascinated by her glistening smile and the fact that such a kind woman could handle such a large rifle. Loving the sense of control, Holly would ensure their safety and always answered the children's queries. Her favorite had been Ahmed. He was around five and every time he appeared, he had a shimmering smile hanging off of his face with beautiful rare blue eyes. The contrast of his dark skin always gave him an intense feature and sense of glee.
"Hol-lee? Hol-lee! You're back! How are you? What were you up to? What have you got? Were you sick? "Ahmed came up running into her arms. He enjoyed her presence; she was a lot more attentive to him than the other soldiers, they preferred the kids that ran around like fools. Ahmed adored Holly with all his might; they were always stuck in a good book or story. She also constantly supplied him with candy, which insured she was wrapped around the little boy's finger.
"Nothing much little man!" With a smug grin, " Just me and my charming looks." Ahmed only scoffs at this burying himself further into her arms. Looking at Ahmed and his bare feet, Holly's wide smile had fell, "Hey, where are your sandals?"
He only mumbled something into Holly's arms further rising Holly's concerns, "What'd you say?"
"I said…", once again mumbling but in his native tongue. Realizing that Holly was already moving, Ahmed immediately tried to hold her back, but you can't really do much with a determined soldier while weighing about two pounds in contrast.
Holly had been sick and tired of these mongrels called kids. They were always picking with her Ahmed, she had had enough. The others at the camp had told her to let them be, kids will be kids. That's where she called bullshit. Today was finally the day to confront these senseless assholes.
"So are you guys messing with Ahmed again? Don't you think you're a little big to bother him?" Confronted with blank stares Holly continued, "Just because he's smaller than you means absolutely nothing. Do you understand?"
Once again faced with blank stares, " Did I make myself clear?"
"Yes."
"That's 'yes ma'am' to you."
"Yes ma'am," Echoed the gathering of kids.
Satisfied with their answers Holly signals for Ahmed to return to her side and whispers in his ear loud enough for the others to hear, " OK Ahmed, I have to go now but try to calm down. I don't want them to get in trouble with you. I will always remember our first fight." Holly jokingly winks at Ahmed complying with the acting, "I'm still a little sore."
He agrees and gives Holly the tightest hug imagineable. Standing up above Ahmed, Holly notices the bulky 6'5 man and shouts across the yard, "Hey Ramirez! Throw me the futbol! These guys need to burn off some energy, and fast before Ahmed goes crazy!"
Ramirez laughs joyfully and takes Holly's place, putting Ahmed on his shoulders and kicking the ball towards the others.
That was only part of a small sliver of enjoyment you can get from being overseas. Holly didn't understand. During that time two years ago, she thankfully found a way to help ease the constant fear of losing her life. When the sun left its nest in the sky, Holly kept her mind focused aware of the smallest sounds.
Was that shattering glass? A grenade? Gas? A screaming child? Was that Ahmed? But she remembered it couldn't be. She had a photo of Ahmed and her goofing around on the swings, while a bulldog like Ramirez stood watch of the suspected rebels in the village. Such a beautiful image held such a gruesome detail, Holly still has the picture of the two in her wallet. Glancing at the clock she realizes it's almost 3:25pm, several minutes had passed and Holly put her phone in the glove compartment and backed out of the garage.
Toronto's fall season had always been pleasant, never too hot, never too cold, just right. Watching the bustle of the city just made her want to return to overseas. It was too noisy, "Wait, Asshole what the fuck do you think you're doing? Get the fuck out of my way!"
Viciously honking the cars horn, Holly honestly thought to herself she needed to change her language, attitude, or personality. Maybe just maybe check her mental stability. Her mother was never a big fan of her filthy mouth but her father seemed some what elated that she had such a tough exterior. But that was mainly because she was his only little girl. A little girl he was fiercely protective of, after all that she has experienced. But that's a completely different story she didn't want to relive. She loved her mother but never would she drop her vulgar vocabulary, it brought "pizzazz" or some shit Ramirez would say. But Holly was always sure to watch her language around Med. That little boy was just too smart for his own good, she was sure he would indeed make it in the world, hence the name Med. He was such an innocent heart during the time they ha together. She managed to send him letters every once in a while through Ramirez and kept them all stashed in her office wound up in a hideously colored rubber band. Directly under the battered Arabic book that he gifted her.
"My kayamma would always read this to me when she was here, can you please Hol-lee?" He always looked so innocent; his eyes melted her soul in each and every way. Of course without any reluctance, she decided to read along with him, talking about what each line meant.
She never considered herself a religious person but she insured within herself to read at least one line a day; which she had been committed to for about a year now. There was no God in a world like this. Knowing that she would be deployed once again in at least seven to nine months she wanted to have something to chat about with Med if she returned to that specific camp. But realizing the village was once in the front line of battle she only worried herself with the result of the battles taking place. The news headlines were being bombarded with updates of the fighting taking place. Casualties were starting off low but increasing day by day, eventually settling down but in that amount of time there was a report of at least 67 deaths including villagers and soldiers. Although there were some harsh people in the world, Holly never accepted the fact that innocent people had to die due to the actions of careless evil beings. Holly would do any thing in her power to keep all safe.
Making her way into the airports parking lot, she gets out carefully closing her new car door making a haste pursuit of the automatic entrance doors. She silently stammers out a few "Excuse me's" and in true Holly fashion, "Why are you just standing in my way's?" But of course a lot more silently, Ramirez and Joe told her she needed to watch it. She couldn't help it, after seeing all of the hate in the world she had one final conclusion; equally despise everyone. Noticing the familiar figure of Joe, Holly began sprinting but immediately slowed her pace when she realized the fatigue in Joe's eyes.
That wasn't a "Wow that was a long flight" tired. That was emotionally drained tired.
Holly could definitely understand, but knowing Joe, he's never had this expression. Unlike her, Joe kept his frustrations bottled in to consult in a therapist to help ease his mind. This wasn't her Joe, something was definitely wrong. Looking down, Holly began to panic; she was wringing her suddenly sweaty bored hands, attempting to calm her breathing. It was like the world was closing down on her, but she could not make assumptions. That is the worst thing to do, as a soldier you always face the problem with courage and bravado, but in Holly's case she felt that small tinge of rare hope. Bringing her chin back up she quickened her pace and put on a forced smile. Joe immediately lifted her off of her feet and squeezed her with all of his might. While Holly caught him off guard she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck. Embracing him hoping for the best but this was a hug of sorrow and need.
As the crowd around them began to cheer and applaud Holly looked down upon him and knew it was the worst. Joe closed his eyes shut and looked away forcing her head into his shoulder holding on for dear life. Something happened but she isn't sure exactly what it was. Had they found out? Did he actually get injured but didn't want to talk about it?
Past all the worrying thoughts, Holly began her mantra. He's fine. Don't make assumptions. Hope for the best. Everyone is fine. Joe carefully places Holly down and they stare into each others eyes silently agreeing to talk privately not wanting to destroy everyone's conjured up fairytale of a loved one coming home fighting for their freedom.
Holly relieved her chocolate eyes from his hazel gaze. They made their way towards Holly's car without a word. Once again Holly began to panic. When Holly panicked she was an angry rambling mess. Now in the car Holly turned around to face the still image of Joe. Although Joe was 260 and 6'3 he looked as weak as a little boy trapped in his worst nightmare. Holly could no longer take it and looked away into the empty windshield. She instantly got impatient and went off on a tirade, "What? Tell me what happened. I can handle it I'm not some weak child you can protect at all costs. I don't understand why you think that-th-that you can do this. I saw what happened and soon after, you stopped, you stopped replying and answering my calls. I understand you were busy but"-
"-Hols."
She didn't stop, "I just don't understand, you left and you had these cryptic messages, and you know I hate that-"
"-Holly," Joe interrupted sternly, finally turning to look at Holly.
But of course, Holly had continued, " Look Joe, I don't care I'm going to continue my 'unhealthy use of curse words' as Ramirez puts it", Holly let out a nervous chuckle, " I can express myself-"
"They're gone."
That simple sentence hit Holly harder than any bullet, stabbing, choking, or slamming she had faced in her lifetime. She quickly changed her position and faced Joe. She didn't want to believe it, she wanted to say he was lying but she sat there opening and closing her mouth like a fish begging for water. That shut her completely down. Since she had nothing to say, Joe continued, his hazel eyes finally escaping from Holly's gaze, " They- The-They."
He let out a huff that he had been holding the entire fifteen minutes they had been in the car, " The extremists, you know, they um, they went ape shit crazy. They were doing some insane shit man, unbelievable shit , we were trying to get the women and kids down for cover. They were panicking beyond control, Ramirez insured to have Med with him and safe but…They got hit. Ramirez fell and fell helplessly. His eyes… he was helpless bu-but I was able to go confront them, see if they were OK. He was done…the little boy…at least his eyes were squeezed tight-I- I can't. I couldn't tell you I just couldn't, not when I had a few months to go. I couldn't do that to you." That enraged Holly, she had no reason to be angry but knowing those evil bastards had killed her little boy made her boil. He was gone.
He and Joe had been together for years. For the sake of joining the military, Holly and Joe agreed to get married in order to cover for their families. But Holly, Holly only did it for Joe. His parents took him being gay a lot worse than having been told he had terminal cancer or killed a puppy. It was stupid and was a drunken spur of the moment but what the hell, it had hella good life insurance, as they would say when they look back at their marriage. Love is a beautiful thing but surprisingly, fear over came her ability to love. She knew if she fell for someone he would eventually leave for her to finally begin her life. But in all honesty she refused to accept her own fate. She had been a lesbian for as long as she could remember. But work came first. Fear counters love. Holly was still furious with Joe for babying her even though she only accepted it when she was supposedly expected to be submissive to her husband in front of others.
"Why Joe, why do you think, every time might I add, that you have to protect me! I can handle my shit. M-m-my boy. You sheltered me from my boy, how? Why would you do that? You know I loved him! He wa- I was supposed to be his shield…his teacher. I taught him things, he taught me things that I use in my life everyday. How could you?" Unwillingly she was once again a blabbering mess but becoming aware, she immediately turned in her seat, took a calming breath and started the car.
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The buzzing sensation from her phone startled her and she lifted her head. Betrayal was still coursing through her very being. She refused to look at the new message. She knew it had been Joe but she absolutely refused to succumb to his repetitive "Sorry's" this time. She was done. This would be the last Sunday she would go through this, the absolute last time.
Joe: You know I didn't mean it.
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As Holly began to dress in her fatigues she heard the shower stop running and felt a presence behind her.
"How can you just be so ok, with this."
This caused Holly to turn around. Here we go again, she rolled her eyes, " Joe, please, I'm already running late because of your moping, which I help you with every time. Now you're telling me I'm some monster. I honestly don't understand what you mean, you did kept it from me after all." Pulling on her combat boots, sitting on the edge of her queen sized bed.
They can faintly hear the construction work playing in the background. When a loud crash resounded throughout the neighborhood both of their heads bobbed up like a deer caught in headlights. Holly let out a sigh knowing that the constant fear would never change.
"Well you're right about one thing, you are indeed a soulless bitch, I don't see how I couldn't see it before. I mean, it took less than a month to get over Ah"-, without allowing him to finish, Holly sent a hard glare his way with a clenched jaw and grinding teeth.
"Don't you dare say his name, you are too worthless to say his name, you aren't even helping yourself. I don't know what- what to do with you anymore-", but once again Joe interrupted.
"You act like you cared about the boy, you are heartless, man I tell you, ruthless. A ruthless heartless killer, you may tend to me now but I know you're going to leave me. You don't care."
Fiercely getting on to her now combat boot clad feet, "How in the absolute fuck do you assume that, I dealt with my losses, I lost what was as close as a son to me. You on the other hand are doing nothing."
Turning to face the door length mirror she reached for her brush and began to put her hair in a nicely put bun, "You need to get over yourself, you know what Ramirez went over there for and he did his job well. I give him the utmost respect for trying to protect my little man, you on the other hand aren't doing shit to help yourself."
Turning to face him, "Get your shit together."
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They went back and forth until she found herself in her car, what he said hurt her. That was the last line, reaching for her wallet she found the name of the person renting out an apartment across the large city of Toronto, she would get rid of him for good. Coming across the photo of her and Med, she crumbled. Those blue eyes will forever be burned into her memory. " I miss you, more than you'll ever know."
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So there's the first chapter! I hope you liked it, I thought this was a good place to end it. These two are a bit much; the next will be in Gail's POV. It may seem a little messy now but I promise I will get better, give some pointers and I will promise to get better. I only want to make my possible (hopefully) Golly audience out there happy. The two will soon see each other, I like slow burns. If you have comments, don't hesitate to review or PM me. I will take any and all criticism.