Title: When Cherry Blossoms Fall
Rating: T
Warning: mentions of death, violence, and rape
Summary: The samurai's life was like the cherry blossom's, beautiful and brief. For him, as for the flower, death followed naturally, gloriously. Kaoru's nightmares are truer than she will ever know. K/K.
A/N: This plot bunny hit me the first time I watched the Trust and Betrayal OVA. I finally got around to writing it out. This is a one-shot. Anyway, enjoy!
Kaoru jolted awake, automatically reaching for her throat.
It was wet... with blood?
She sat up to look at her hand fearfully. No, it was only sweat. Thank goodness! Kaoru sighed in relief and struggled with her futon for a moment before she managed to kick it open and untangle herself from her rumpled sweat-soaked bedding.
She'd had that dream again.
Kaoru could still feel the cold bite of steel in her throat and chest, the warm trickle of tears down her face as she cried. The tears, at least, were truly there and not some phantom reminder of the nightmare that kept haunting her.
It was such an awful dream, so violent and cruel. The worst part was that it all felt so real. She knew that humans were capable of doing both tremendous good and terrible evil, but there had been so much blood. How could such horrible things happen? It wasn't right!
She hated feeling so powerless!
Kaoru had been having the same nightmare for weeks now. She knew that if she went back to sleep it would only play behind her eyelids again, an awful tableau she was helpless to prevent. The warm glow of the approaching dawn had yet to touch the horizon, but it was only a few hours away. She might as well get a start on the day, even if it had begun badly.
The house was so quiet. Even Yahiko's usual thundering snores had softened to a light wheeze. Kenshin's room seemed perfectly still and silent, like it always did. Once again, she thanked the spirits for her makeshift family. The dreams were bad enough, but it would have been so much worse if she hadn't had the presence of other people in the house to soften the aftermath for her.
She'd been lonely for so long... until Kenshin.
He had saved her in so many ways, it was no wonder that she'd fallen so hard for him. Everyone was aware she had a crush on him, Kaoru knew she was painfully obvious about it, but sometimes she wondered if they suspected just how deeply she felt for him. She'd been drowning in loneliness, choking on that awful emptiness ever since she'd received news of her father's death. Thanks to Kenshin she could finally breathe again.
He made her feel safe. He made her feel alive.
Kenshin was so strong and powerful and at the same time so gentle and compassionate. She had never met a man like him before. He was so wonderful...
Just thinking of him managed to dispel the last remaining wisps of her fear.
Kaoru could only pray that, wanderer or not, Kenshin would wind up staying for good. It was the deepest, most secret wish of her heart. She would rather die than admit it to anyone out loud, but it was there all the same.
Sometimes, when she caught him watching her when he thought she wasn't paying attention she had to wonder if the softness in his eyes meant his feelings weren't all that different from hers.
The kitchen had been so tidy and neat since Kenshin had moved in. It still surprised her sometimes. It had been such a mess before, mostly because she had hated the place so much. When she was younger cooking had meant precious time away from learning how to wield a sword and after her father's death it had only led to eating silent meals by herself. It hadn't helped that she couldn't cook an edible meal to save her life. If it hadn't been for the Akebeko and Tae she probably would have starved!
At least she could make decent tea.
The stove was an ancient thing she had burned herself on more than once, but she managed to heat some water up without too much trouble. Once she'd finished her task and had her favorite cup in hand, Kaoru moved outside to enjoy the early morning air. The rising mist made the world seem as if it had been painted in soft watercolors. Eventually sunlight began to creep across the porch where she was sitting.
She smiled and playfully wiggled her bare toes in the first wash of light. She lifted her face up to better enjoy the breeze that swept past her and tugged lightly on her hair.
"Kaoru-dono?"
"Aaaah!" Kaoru jumped, spilling tea over her knee and onto the wooden planks of the engawa. It was barely lukewarm, but still! If it had been hot, she might have scalded herself. She whirled around to face the former assassin that snuck up behind her so quietly.
"Kenshin!" She scolded him soundly and was more than a little amused to see him cringe back with exaggerated fear. "Don't do that! I almost fell off the porch!"
"This unworthy one is sorry to have startled you, Kaoru-dono. Why don't you come inside where it's warm so this one can make you some more tea? It's a bit chilly out here, that it is."
The warm concern in his gaze was enough to halt any protests she might have made. Kenshin was always so considerate. She could never resist him when he gave her that look. She had the nagging suspicion that he knew it too.
"Well, okay. But only if you drink some with me."
He smiled at her, obviously charmed by her pouting. "Of course, Kaoru-dono. Now come inside before you catch a cold."
Kaoru was still in her yukata, but she didn't feel at a disadvantage even though Kenshin was fully dressed. She trusted him to be a gentleman.
His hair was still damp from his early morning bath and dark with moisture. It was the same dark red found in the heart of perfectly cut rubies or freshly drawn blood. Years of wandering had lightened the ends of his hair and given a touch of gold to the otherwise scarlet strands. Kaoru had overhead several conversations in the market and had been very surprised to find that most people found Kenshin's unusual coloring strange and off-putting.
Kaoru couldn't even begin to understand their disdain.
Even though he had long red hair, she didn't find Kenshin freakish at all. It seemed so natural on him, like the crest of a wild animal or the brightly colored skin of a poisonous frog. It was a warning to would-be predators... and a way of attracting a potential mate.
Potential mate? What the hell was she thinking?! Gah!
"Is the tea unsatisfactory?"
"Wh-what? No! It's good. My mind just wandered a little."
He gave her a measuring glance over his own cup. She wished he wouldn't look at her like that. Kenshin had such beautiful eyes. It always made her stomach flutter with nervous anticipation whenever he looked at her too closely. The strange thing was... his eyes were never too far from her. Sometimes she swore she could feel his heated gaze against her skin like a tender caress, but whenever she tried to catch at him at it he was always looking innocently in another direction.
"You don't usually wake up so early." And Kenshin would know. He was always the last to go to bed and he was normally the first to rise. Sometimes, she wondered if he got any sleep at all. His nightmares were probably much worse than hers.
Kaoru felt a surge of sympathy, but managed to duck her head and keep most of it from her expression. Kenshin was so humble that it was hard to tell at first, but he had a warrior's pride. He wouldn't want anything resembling pity from her.
"Mm. I've just been having strange dreams."
"For weeks?" His voice was mild, but Kaoru could hear the undercurrent of worry. "You haven't slept well since Jin'eh. This unworthy one can feel it in your ki. You wake up every morning, completely terrified. It was my presence that-"
Startled, she jerked her head up. "No!"
"Kaoru-dono-"
She interrupted him before he said something they would both regret. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Kenshin! It's not Jin'eh. I mean, being kidnaped did bother me, but you came for me. You saved me! I only had one nightmare about it and even that wasn't so bad. It's something else. I'm just being silly! Please, don't let it disturb your sleep."
Kenshin frowned at her, obviously still concerned.
He took one last sip of tea before setting the cup down carefully on the table. He moved closer, his hand gently touching the back of hers. Kaoru's cheeks warmed and her heart surged in her chest. Kenshin was touching her!
Even though he was a relatively small man, his hands were still much bigger than hers. The lean, powerful muscles in his forearms led to the sculpted heel of his palm and his long graceful fingers. These hands had held the sword that had protected her from Gohei and his cronies, that had saved her from Jin'eh.
She knew her own hand would be tingling for hours after this.
"Talking about it might help. This unworthy one is always willing to lend an ear to your troubles. Please, Kaoru-dono. This one can't bear to see you in pain."
Even now he was willing to protect her, even from her own childish fears.
She hesitated, teetering on the brink of accepting Kenshin's offer. It would make her feel better, but Kaoru hated to burden him with her stupid problems when he had his own nightmares to worry about.
He must have sensed her reluctance, because his hand tightened over hers. She could feel his callouses. They were slightly rough against her skin, though his grip was gentle.
"Please, Kaoru."
Her heart leapt into her throat at the sound of her name on his lips. Shyly, she lifted her eyes to his. He was staring at her so intensely she couldn't help but flush. Kaoru couldn't refuse him, not after such an intimately heartfelt plea.
"It's always the same..." Kaoru began hesitantly. She risked a glance at Kenshin. He was waiting patiently for her to speak when she felt ready. She squeezed his hand for reassurance before she finally continued.
"It's strange, though. The person I am in the nightmare has never held a sword. I'm not Kamiya Kaoru, just a normal untrained girl. I'm traveling with a group of unfamiliar people, mostly men. Some of them are armed. I can hear the voices, some grumbling, an occasional cough. I'm with my sisters... and a boy."
This was the difficult part. She didn't really know what it meant, but it was embarrassing all the same. Kaoru hoped Kenshin didn't take it the wrong way. She often had joyful daydreams of small redheaded children, but he didn't need to know about that!
"He looked... well, he looked a little like you. He was so small for his age," Small and terribly adorable. "I couldn't help but want to take care of him and protect him. Even though I can never remember my own name during the dream, I remember his. Shinta."
Kaoru was lost to the memory of her dream, completely oblivious to the way Kenshin went unnaturally still next to her.
"The caravan was headed towards Kyoto. We were going to be sold..." Even though the slavers had been planning to sell Shinta to a brothel of some sort, thankfully they had preferred pretty young women to a strange looking boy-child. More than once, she and her sisters had shielded Shinta from their attentions.
"It was dark on the road and we were set upon by bandits..."
Her throat went tight with grief.
"I watched them cut through the crowd like it was nothing. There was blood everywhere... but worst of all... Shinta... he was so small, but he was burning with the need to protect us. He was so brave! He picked up a sword... and even though he was the son of a farmer he managed to hold the blade like a true samurai. The sword was almost bigger than he was! Even my unskilled eye could see it was too heavy for his little hands. I grabbed Shinta as the bandits murdered my sisters in front of me. I held him so tightly, hoping that they'd miss him, that some god would take pity and keep him from harm."
Kaoru used the sleeve of her yukata to wipe the tears streaming down her face. It was all she could do to keep from sobbing.
"I told him to live, to live for those who could not, so that their sacrifice would not be in vain. I knew that even if I died my words would live on in him."
Kaoru's voice dropped to a hushed whisper. "Something grabbed my hair and pulled me away. Then the sword... it always feels so real... it went through the back of my neck and out my throat. I reached up and the sharp steel cut my palms, but there wasn't anything I could do. Then I fell to the ground and the bandit finished it by running the sword through my chest.
The last thing I saw was little Shinta staring at me with wide heartbroken eyes.
And even as the world turned dark I could only pray... that in my next life I would be strong enough to protect the people that I loved."
There was a long moment of silence. Koaru wiped at her wet cheeks again. The painful knot in her chest had finally loosened. She felt so much better now, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders, but what must Kenshin think of her?
She had been raised in the peaceful Meiji era. She shouldn't be having gory dreams of death and dismemberment. He probably thought she was a complete ghoul!
Finally, Kaoru gathered enough courage to gauge his reaction.
Kenshin was staring at her with his soul in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable, as if his heart was laid bare before her. There were no barriers between them.
"Kaoru... thank you for telling me. Thank you so much."
His arms were firm around her, strong and steady. She found herself leaning into him and resting her cheek against his hard chest. It had been a long time since she had felt such comfort and companionship. Kenshin pressed his lips against her temple in a tender kiss, his damp hair sliding down to curl around her neck and shoulders. He smelled like the soap she had bought him, like wild ginger and something green and fresh.
Kaoru clutched at his back, reluctant to give up the warmth his embrace had kindled in her heart. Even though her cheeks were hot with embarrassment, she couldn't help but close her eyes and bask in his affection.
They stayed like that for one long peaceful moment.
Eventually, reality intruded as rustling noises drifted towards them from Yahiko's room. Kenshin smiled at her as he moved away, the corner of his mouth crooking up in a way that felt far more genuine and precious than all the wide rurouni grins he plastered on his face.
Even as he left her to prepare breakfast, even as Yahiko stumbled in to mumble his usual foul-mouthed insults, the warmth of Kenshin's embrace stayed with her.
It was a perfect shining memory that would give her comfort for a long time to come.
Kaoru never had the nightmare again.
END