A/N: This tag idea came from a Twitter conversation I had with an online friend of mine (she goes by JustLook on this site). We were both expressing our exasperation at Jane's cavalier behavior toward others, shooting dialogue ideas back and forth. So, I've stolen some of her ideas (hope she doesn't mind) and came up with this. It is a couple of missing scenes that my Tweep and I would have liked to see, I think. I hope you agree.
Episode Tag: Red Listed, 6x4
Lisbon had almost propelled a handcuffed Kirkland completely out of the door when there came a strange thumping sound from behind a wall. Lisbon pointed her weapon toward it, half turning to glance at Jane.
"What the hell was that?"
"Oh," said Jane, not even attempting to appear abashed. "Haibach is probably bleeding to death behind that door."
"What? Dammit, Jane! Why didn't you say so ten minutes ago?"
He shrugged. "It slipped my mind."
She dragged Kirkland backwards toward Jane, then slapped the gun into his hand.
"Here. Watch him," she ordered in annoyance.
Lisbon pulled open the door to the small room, gasping when she saw Richard Haibach's pitiful state. She pulled the duct tape from his mouth, then almost wished she hadn't, given the ear splitting cry of pain he emitted. She tore off part of the man's shirt so she could fashion a tourniquet around his wrist. There was blood everywhere.
"Call 911, Jane!" she told him, tossing him her phone. "We need a freakin' ambulance."
"Is she always like this?" murmered Kirkland.
Jane calmly dialed the emergency number and put the phone to his ear.
"You don't know the half of it…"
Xxxxxxxxxx
Later, Jane and Lisbon rode back with Cho in the company SUV he'd brought, Cho driving, Lisbon riding shotgun. No one had even questioned how Lisbon had arrived on the scene, since Hightower was long gone in her own car. In the back of the SUV, Jane had just fallen asleep when the haranguing began. He jerked awake and tried to focus.
"I really don't believe you, Jane," she told him.
Jane sighed and looked heavenward. He chose to be purposefully obtuse in repayment for waking him up.
"I told you the truth, Lisbon," he said wearily.
"That's not what I meant. You were going to let that poor man die in there, weren't you?"
"That poor man was a pedophile, Lisbon. In the midst of all the excitement, I actually forgot about Haibach—at least for a few minutes."
"That's not the point."
"Please, do get to the point so I can go back to sleep."
In the front seat, Cho cringed slightly but said nothing. Mom and Dad are fighting again.
"Tell me, what did you think would happen to those people on your fake list?"
"Well, I never dreamed they'd have their thumbs snipped off by a vengeful lunatic in Homeland Security."
"But they certainly could have gotten in trouble somehow, or hauled in for no reason, wasting valuable time and inconveniencing a lot of people. You just didn't care how your actions might have affected others, Mr. Vengeful Lunatic from the CBI. You never do."
"That's not true," he said defensively.
"Let's see…you've buried people alive, convinced people their loved ones were dead, lied in a myriad of other ways, stolen, and hell, you've even killed two men and gotten away with it."
"I had good reason to do all of those things."
"Yes, the ends always justify the means with you. What I mean to say, Jane, is that you have no right to pass judgment, let alone sentence someone to death who has never been convicted of anything. You, who have been a shyster all your life—"
"And never convicted," he pointed out. "There are moral imperatives far beyond the laws of man, Lisbon," he said loftily.
"Bullshit, Jane. What you mean to say, is there are Jane's Laws, and then there are the laws of the rest of mankind, and never the twain shall meet."
"Hmm, so you won't admit that my methods, though a bit unorthodox at times, have helped people? Including you personally, I might add, dear Lisbon. As I recall, one of those people I killed was about to kill you."
"Okay, I'll give you that one," she relented. "And I'll always be grateful, but that doesn't take away all the other times you've gotten me or the team in trouble, not to mention yourself—"
"I always try to protect you, Lisbon. Give you deniability; keep you as safe as I possibly can, protect your delicate sensibilities…"
"Ha. Only as far as it's convenient for you. Need I mention the time you told me I was going to die in a matter of hours? Or, what about when you disappeared for months without so much as a word-"
"I believe you punched me in the nose for one of those things."
"And I can still do it again."
"I am sorry, Lisbon." This time he actually sounded sincere, but Lisbon was so worked up, his sincerity wasn't registering.
"And also under Jane's Law, blanket apologies fix everything." She said sarcastically. "I just can't believe how callous you can be sometimes."
Silence reigned in the SUV for a few minutes, and Cho waited with interest to hear where this would lead next. It was fascinating, hearing Lisbon voice the frustrations all of the team had been feeling for years.
"Look, Teresa," said Jane quietly, the exhaustion in his voice almost tangible. "This thing with the lists…it's wearing on us both. But like I said, we are so close now. It won't be long; I can feel it."
"That's what scares me," Lisbon said.
"Yeah," admitted Jane. "Me too."
Their sudden ceasefire was almost whiplash inducing, thought Cho. But this was apparently how they related. Jane does something stupid. Lisbon blows up on him. Jane talks her out of her anger. They make up. Peace between them resumes…until the next time Jane does something stupid.
Cho wondered why he was always in the middle of this crap. Usually it was Rigsby and Van Pelt. He seriously needed a girlfriend to impose some of his own problems on other people, see how they liked it. Speaking of Rigsby, there was a cluster of restaurants just off the freeway ahead, or so said the sign.
"Anyone hungry?" he asked. Cho glanced in the rearview mirror to see that this had perked Jane up considerably.
"Is there a diner?" he asked hopefully.
"Can't we just drive through somewhere?" whined Lisbon. She was tired and she just wanted to crawl into her warm bed.
"Come now, Lisbon. I'm betting the reason you're so cranky this evening is because you're hungry. Get a good blue plate special in you, and you'll feel like a new woman."
"You think I was offended by your actions because I'm hungry?"
And they were at it again.
Cho tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He suddenly missed having Rigsby beside him. Rigsby was fun to mess with and they rarely argued—well, not over serious things. If he were Lisbon, he'd have put a gun to his own head ten years ago. Or maybe to Jane's. This almost made Cho smile, and he took the next exit, steering toward the familiar golden arches. Lisbon was the boss, after all; Jane seemed to conveniently forget that most days. He pulled into the drive-through lane.
"I'll take a double cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake," said Jane, and Cho was surprised he'd given in so gracefully.
"I'll have the same," said Lisbon.
Well, thought Cho, at least they could agree on something.
"Feel better?" asked Jane later, after stowing all the empty wrappers back in the takeout bag.
But there was no reply from Lisbon.
"She's asleep," said Cho softly.
"Cheeseburgers: more effective than a tranquilizer dart to a charging water buffalo," said Jane.
"You watch a lot of Animal Planet, don't you?"
Cho heard Jane yawning in the backseat. "Hm," replied Jane sleepily, and then the consultant grew silent.
Cho shook his head to himself, marveling at these two creatures who'd been circling and sniffing around each other in the longest mating ritual ever. Maybe if they ever caught Red John, they'd finally get on with it. Of course, that would likely bring on a whole new set of problems, because invariably, Jane would do something stupid to screw it up, and the rest of the team would have to pay for it.
Cho sighed, relaxing against the seat back for the hour more it would take to get back to Sacramento. At least now it would be a much more peaceful drive.
A/N: Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it enough to review. If you'd like my thoughts about this episode, please check out the roundtable discussion I participated in at TVFanatic. Check out my Twitter feed for the direct link.