Jaune always had a few ideas about how he would die in his life, and most usually involved his giant shortcomings; as for a few examples, dying in battle, dying while badly flirting with the wrong girl, dying while walking downstairs, dying while eating, dying while walking UP stairs, dying while- ok you get the point. The boy was essentially a natural walking disaster for his own well-being. Clumsiness would be a catastrophic understatement to describe his life. The english language has yet to come up with a proper term to describe Jaune's shit luck in everyday tasks.
So it came to no surprise that Jaune thought of every single scenario that could involve his death, and humorlessly enough, each one was quite painful and gruesome. There wasn't any scenario that Jaune had yet to thought of……...or so he thought.
He was currently…….being cooked alive; essentially that is. Every inch of his body was screaming for release. Sweat poured from his body like a faucet with no end in sight. His vision was blurry and uneven, and his onesie stuck to him like a second skin.
What was happening to him you may ask? Did he get push into an oven by some kids who believed he was a witch? Or was he in a volcano with no way out? Or maybe he was in a burning building trapped under debris? All of these scenarios were highly plausible, especially if you take in the count of Jaune's bad luck. Although, each one of these scenarios were wrong, and Jaune's soon to be demise could've been considered funny to some, and amazing to others.
Jaune Arc was currently being cuddled by his girlfriend: Pyrrha Nikos...
Now before you start to get confuse, here's some back story prior to this.
Here are some words that can summarize Mistral.
Hot.
……..no, actually that pretty much sums up the Mistral experience. The place was like hell. The entire kingdom was so hot that describing it is actually difficult. So let me try my damnedest to do so. Imagine the sun if you would, now put the sun in a giant oven and jack that shit up to ten, then you wanna drench the oven in jet fuel and set it aflame. That is only about half of how hot Mistral is.
Vale was like an artic paradise compared to this hell. Jaune knew he was in for a bad time when he first stepped out of that airship and nearly collapsed from a heat stroke. It felt like someone took a giant thing of fire, broke the molecules down into air, and then chucked that fucker right at Jaune's face. In other words he felt like he was dying.
Pyrrha didn't even seem to notice the heat though; in fact, she mentioned how it was quite breezy that day, which absolutely baffled the blonde in every way imaginable. People in Mistral weren't human. They were……...fire Gods/Goddesses manifested into normal beings. The amount of heat they could take was just alarming to the scary level.
Of course this also meant that they couldn't take any ounce of cold at all, otherwise they might coil up and die. This proved to be GREAT for Jaune, because it meant he gets to cuddle with Pyrrha back at Beacon every night. The poor girl just couldn't handle any cold environments whatsoever, even the ones Jaune would've considered warm. Her teeth chattering were always loud and deafening, which made sleeping in the same room as her nearly impossible. This led Pyrrha to shyly approach Jaune's bed one night to timidly ask if they could share it for warmth, in which he was more than happy to comply with. The cuddling just got even more great when they started dating, since Pyrrha was much more inclined to press her body against his in a more intimate and oh so delicate way.
They always cuddled from that night on, even during nights that weren't cold; Jaune wasn't complaining though, having a beautiful girl's body up against yours is an unforgettable thing, and he would suggest it to anyone who hasn't done it already.
But much like a rose, being completely beautiful and enchanting, it also had thorns that could prick you, or in this case; make you have a heat stroke.
On the surface, visiting Pyrrha's home sounded amazing. Jaune would finally be able to have some privacy with his girlfriend in her room, being able to make out with her all he pleased without the worry of Ren nor Nora barging in on them, which happened quite a lot. This might be the only time he'd be happy for not doing anything over PG-13 with his girlfriend. The amount of teasing Nora would've done if they were caught would have been terribly high, and God knows she would've also told Yang about it, which would've just amplified the teasing by one whole person.
But now it was just the two of them while they were in Pyrrha's room. Yeah they also had to deal with her parents outside, but they were mostly tamed folks……….ok, maybe her dad sent Jaune a few death glares every so often and for some reason kept referring to him as 'Boy' instead of his name. But at least it was better than vomit boy, so Jaune would call that an upgrade. Plus, Pyrrha's mom kept the very intimidating guy in check, so there was nothing to worry about. So it was basically just him, Pyrrha, and the ever so scorching heat. ………….crap.
How could something so beautiful be so bad for his health? It was a complete tragedy. Hearing the words 'Let's cuddle' were music to his ears, practically making him want to dance with joy. Not only was he cuddling with his ever so beautiful girlfriend, but she was also wearing a new night gown that was much more revealing than her previous. Pyrrha didn't want to wear her usual pajamas to Beacon, since they were much more…... scandalous? This logically caused her to pick out a more modest pair of sleepwear so she didn't get any unnecessary attention. But now she was home and didn't need to worry about anyone else but Jaune seeing her. So what she wore that night could've been considered lingerie. The length of the nightgown didn't even go past her knees, making her long and smooth legs pop out.
This would obviously make any straight male very happy, but too bad his happiness was put to a halt once the cuddling commenced.
It. Was. Fucking. Hot.
Jaune was practically oozing sweat from this, feeling as if he was in the fiery pits of hell. He was roasting like a turkey on Thanksgiving and couldn't do a thing about it. Mostly because his girlfriend looked so darn cute at the moment that waking her would've been a punishable crime. She sometimes purred while sleeping, making this extremely adorable noise which made his heart flutter each time from hearing it. The best way to describe the sound was a mixture of a kitten and a goddess, which are two things you would never think of together.
Not only did she sound adorable, but she was just adorable in general while sleeping. She was most definitely a holder, wrapping an arm around his neck like a sensual lock, keeping him in place to make sure nothing happened to her adorable blonde goofball while sleeping. Her hair was no longer in her trademark ponytail either; instead it was sprawled out all over her face, some of it on his chest and neck too. Her pale skin danced in the moonlight and her breathing was like asmr to him, being calm and relaxing while also making him sleepy. Some portion of her nightgown was loose, showing off one of her shoulders, and her legs were intertwined with his. Occasionally she would move delicately in her sleep; it wasn't enough to cause him a disturbance, but it was enough to get his attention on her; which wasn't hard at all, since her body was smooched up against his in a gentle yet firm way, a feeling he loved so much. Her hot breaths were also something he loved, since they were so warm on his skin, ironically sending chills up his spine in the best way possible.
Although from the temperature of the room, all the things he loved so much were now going to be his downfall.
Her gentle yet firm grasp was now a heated prison cell with thick iron bars and no windows. Each attempt to make an escape only seemed to reinforce these bars by making the girl get even deeper into his embrace, making sure that her cute boyfriend didn't leave her in this slumber. This logically cooked him faster and started the process of killing him from a heat stroke even faster. Soon his breathing actually became audible as he tried to catch these desperate breaths that he needed. Damn it, why couldn't he just wake her up? Why did she have to look just so cute right now? He was weak.
Jaune tried to move her yet again, just for the girl to scrunch her nose up in a cute way before getting even deeper into his embrace once more while also mumbling about a face that launched 1,000 ships; whatever that meant.
Jaune childishly pouted from another failed attempt at escaping. Damn it, this legitimately might be his demise; a very fateful and somewhat beautiful demise that would be told from generation to generation, describing how lucky that blonde son of a bitch was for dying in just an amazing way. Children would look on in awe from the tale of Jaune Arc and his heated cuddly ascension into the pearly gates of heaven.
He could already see his tombstone.
Here lies Jaune Arc, a son, a brother, a boyfriend, and one lucky son of a bitch
Died from the amazing and delicate touch of Pyrrha Nikos.
RIP
His funeral would be even wilder. Pyrrha and his mother would of course be crying their eyes out, while his father and every other male in the room would be saluting his casket like a fallen brother, wishing that they will meet their fateful day like he did his…….oddly enough, that seems pretty plausible judging from all the boys he knew. His father was a slight dumbass (Who Jaune took after) and the only sane guy friend Jaune had is Ren. So most likely Nora would take the stoic boy's place in the salute. Everyone else? Sun, Neptune, Cardin, hell even Professor Port would be saluting him like a war hero that died in battle, while in reality he just died from cuddling with his girlfriend.
Speaking of the cuddling, Pyrrha's hot breath was no longer sending nice little chills up his spine every so often, instead it was just amplifying the heat surrounding the entire fucking kingdom he was in. Each little breath was like a bitch slap of fire on his neck, nearly burning him alive like a sinful soul sent to hell. You never really know how hot something is until you are surrounded by much more intense heat while also begging for some sort of cool wind to hit you. But that cool air never comes, instead constant heated breaths repeatedly punches your adam apple until the thought of death wasn't so bad. Oh boy, was dying lookin mighty great at the moment.
Ok he had to think this through. He was smart….ish, and escaping his girlfriend's embrace without waking her should be an easy task……..so why the hell was he struggling so much?! It was bullshit! And why the hell does Pyrrha look so adorable that he Just.
Couldn't.
Wake.
Her?
Was he honestly considering succumbing to a heat stroke just so he wouldn't disturb his beautiful girlfriend's slumber? REALLY?
Jaune looked at Pyrrha's sleeping form again………..yep, he was. He would burn in a fire before waking this angel and stealing her precious sleeping hours, and you can quote him on that. He rather die right now than to live as a monster that woke up a goddess during her time of sleep. They should probably add 'Loved his girlfriend WAY too much' to his grave as well. Oh god, he might die as a virgin too. Jaune couldn't have this. The boy came from a bloodline of people constantly having several children, so him dying as a virgin would instantly make him the loser of his family's name. Oh god, he could hear the jokes from his ancestors in the afterlife already.
'Wow man, you died as a virgin? Looks like you and every person who writes NTR stories has something in common then. HAHAHA'
JAUNE REFUSED TO LET HIMSELF BE ASSOCIATED WITH THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE! REFUSED!...…...well actually, he was currently cuddling with his girlfriend, so he was pretty sure he went farther with a girl than anyone who writes NTR porn. Oh, and he also took showers daily, so you couldn't really associate Jaune with those people.
Ok maybe there was something he could still do. Jaune liked living; to a point at least, so his death would be a downfall to his life, literally. But every single scenario for him to get free also involved waking Pyrrha, which was something he refused to do. The girl was just way too deep in his embrace to try anything.
Weirdly enough, he blamed his mother for this, since the woman bought him the onesie he was wearing, which was comfortable to the touch; so it was no surprise that his girlfriend loved cuddling with him with this thing on. It was also very warm, like a cocoon for humans that wraps you up in pure happiness and warmth……...but now it was wrapping him up in misery and pure agony.
Wait the onesie! Of course! If he could somehow manage to rid the onesie from his person then he might survive this cuddle lock.
But how the actual hell could he do that?
Pyrrha was nearly in the middle of him, leaning towards his left by just a little bit, so any form of him removing the onesie would just wake the redhead faster than she could kick Cardin's ass. So once again he was fucked. He was going to die in this blissful way……..oh God, was that the light? Was he currently dying now or was his brain just playing tricks on him. No……..that wasn't the light………...WAIT NO! IT WAS FIRE! HE WAS GOING TO BURN IN THE AFTERLIFE!!!!!...wait, no the heat was just coming from Pyrrha, false alarm.
Yep, the heat was now getting to him, which was obviously bad for his health and sanity……….what the hell was he thinking about again?
Aha, the onesie. This cocoon of pure hell-like flames was slowly cooking him alive, and his girlfriend's generous body was just accelerating the process. There was one thing for certain, if he didn't get this onesie off him then he would die, and his girlfriend would wake up to a corpse and it would be all over the news.
'This is Lisa Lavender reporting in. Boy, 18, found dead in Mistral while in the arms of Pyrrha Nikos, who I got an autograph from. More on this story at noon, now with the weather'
Ok, Jaune had to admit that the heat was clawing at his sanity like a hungry badger hopped up on cocaine, so he was most definitely overreacting to the heat; but still, he was suffering greatly from the intense environment. Not only that, but he was also a Vale boy, meaning he wasn't suited for this environment and preferred much cooler weather; much like how Pyrrha preferred the hell like terrain type of weather. This really made him think that he was cuddling with the daughter of Satan or something……….that sounds somewhat interesting actually. It would make a good story...
He was getting off topic; this onesie was coming off him now. Although he had to be delicate to the very point. One little goof up and his goddess reincarnated would wake up. So every single movement had to be calculated, precise and ever so careful. There was a zipper on the back he could pull, which was unfortunately being pressed against his bed at the moment. 'Life just really wants to make my life hard, I swear.'
Jaune took a quick glance at Pyrrha. The girl was still sleeping soundly on his chest with a small smile on and a bit of drool seeping from her open mouth. Occasionally the girl would mumble his name in her sleep in a quiet and adorable tone. Her hand was slightly digging into his onesie like a cat, which was going to make his work even more difficult. Not impossible, but difficult.
Being ever so gentle, Jaune used his right arm to lift his back up in an arch, opening the gap between the bed and the zipper. His breathing caught a hitch though when Pyrrha made a small noise of discomfort, causing the breath in his lungs to freeze over. He became completely frozen from fear as the redhead slightly moved around on him.
Crap crap crap crap.
Although, as if God threw the blonde a bone, Pyrrha cutely yawned to herself and relaxed again before softly snoring once more. For a few painful seconds, his body remained completely and utterly still in an arch formation. This strained his arm muscles tremendously from the weight as the seconds passed by.
1
2
3
Ok, that should be enough. Pyrrha's breathing was even now, so it should be safe to get on with the plan. Ok, time for phase two of this idea, unzipping himself.
Jaune tried to bend his elbow that was propping him up so his right hand could get to the zipper, but this grew to be much too difficult to carry out. The joints in his arm screamed for him to release the tension in them, prompting him to relax once more for their sake. Ok, he just had to use his left arm then, that should be easy.
Jaune started to move said arm slowly towards his zipper just for something soft to weigh it down. What the? What was keeping his arm immobilized
Then to his complete horror, he turned to realize that his girlfriend was laying on his left limb, cushioning it with her body like a pair of ever so soft pillows. A faint gasp was released from his lips from the sight. Now this was a tragedy disguised as a miracle. Jaune actually started to admire this image. He was so focus on the heat that he failed to realize his girlfriend having a gentle yet firm hold on his limb, pressing it against her breasts with her left arm. The only thing separating him and Pyrrha's beautiful skin was his thick onesie.
'Holy shit, I really need to get rid of this thing already.' Jaune thought to himself as he stared at his arm, feeling frustration from the lack of skin contact due to the blasted heated, hell-like cocoon that is called his onesie. Damn hormones. Although, this was now fueling him even more to rid himself of his fiery onesie. The only problem was him trying to find a way to escape his girlfriend's addictive hold.
In an attempt to test the waters to see how heavy of a sleeper Pyrrha was, he gently shook his arm. To his surprise, a very small sign of a reaction occurred. Only a small nose scrunch riddled the girl's face before she smiled once again and drifted off back to sleep.
Ok, this might actually be doable then. All he needed were cautious and heedful movements and his arm was as good as free.
Jaune swallowed before continuing the quest just to make sure the girl was fully asleep again. He started moving his arm inch by inch sluggishly slow. Each inch took an entire minute of his time, stacking up to at least 9 minutes of pure concentrated movement. Hope filled his soul as a few inches remained from his freedom, and relief danced in his eyes. Just about 4 more minutes and his freedom will be in his grasp.
His arm stopped moving after reaching the last 3 inches though, prompting him to realize that he couldn't bend his arm backwards anymore. Fear and annoyance burst from his eyes while looking at his blasted limb. He was close, ever so close, but alas he was still doomed! His ideas were running thin and a panic was rising up inside him. Would he need to wake his angel up so he wouldn't die? Was there absolutely no other ideas out there?
The final nail hit his coffin when Pyrrha's right hand sought out his left one, interlocking them together and trapping him even more. He then became completely rigid once again when the girl started to move in her slumber. His mouth became dry as the scenario unfolded in front of him.
'For the love of God don't wake up, please.'
To his utter relief the girl relaxed once more, somewhat rubbing her head against his chest and tightening her grip on his onesie with her left hand while also gripping *his* hand with the right one. After a few moments of cute murmurs, she started to sleep soundly again. A quiet sigh of relief was heard after this, followed by an even quieter groan of frustration. The freedom he sought after was bitch slapped out of his hands before he could fully grasp it. Life was just completely cruel.
There was so many problems now. For starters his arm was now stuck like this with no way out. It was like he stuck his hand in an alligator's mouth but failed to remove it in time. Pyrrha's right hand had a gentle yet deadly grip on his, proving that the Champion could be tough and sweet at the same time.
Ok he needed to calm down. All was not lost just yet. Yes, he couldn't move his arm backwards any more, but he could still move it to the left or right. The only problem was the iron grip Pyrrha has on him. It was like a small cage that was fitted perfectly for his hand.
A faint memory of a trick appeared in Jaune's head suddenly. It was the cliché pulling of the cloth from a table without dropping anything act. This made him think that he might have been able to do that. If he pulled his hand to the left in a swift and fast motion then Pyrrha wouldn't notice it, right? That was totally plausible in every way, right?
Well, it better be, otherwise he was fucked beyond belief.
He took a deep breath and sent a prayer to God. Closing his eyes and counting his luck, Jaune whipped his hand to the left in the fastest way he could.
He would've loved to tell you that this plan went off without a hitch. He would've loved to tell you that Pyrrha didn't notice this ballsy move and continued to sleep. He would've loved to tell you that he got that damn onesie off of him and finally cooled off. He would've loved to tell you ANYTHING that involved his plan working, but he couldn't; because he failed miserably.
Pyrrha's grip was so strong that Jaune took her hand with his, nearly pulling her off the bed. Not only that, but Pyrrha woke up quickly afterwards and assumed she was in danger, meaning she stopped herself from falling off the bed and quickly placed her boyfriend in a chokehold from pure reflexes of multiple battles.
"What the?" Pyrrha nearly screamed, tightening her grip on Jaune's neck while making his eyes bulge from his sockets.
"P-p-p-pyrrha!" Jaune weakly gasped out, trying to regain the breaths that his lungs refused to take. His face became red and his eyes leaked tears, while his neck felt like a python was around it. His head felt like a watermelon in a microwave, getting ready to pop in a violent and messy way at any second.
Oh god, was this going to be his death? Being choked out by his girlfriend in bed? Holy fuck, he can imagine his ancestors in the afterlife again.
"So your girlfriend choked you out in bed, huh?...kinky."
After five agonizingly breathless seconds, Pyrrha's mind finally caught up to her very awake body and realized she was strangling her boyfriend to death. She quickly released him before gasping, all while he took deep inhales of air, thanking God that he didn't die
"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry Jaune!" Pyrrha whisper yelled, putting her hand on his back comfortingly. "Are you ok? Can you breathe again?! Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"No no, it was my fault." Jaune gasped out, rubbing his neck with his hand soothingly. "I accidentally woke you up with my stupid grade A plan."
"Stupid grade A plan?" Pyrrha asked while tilting her head. "What do you mean?"
Jaune paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to tell her the problem, which was kinda difficult, since it would paint him as a dumbass. So he decided to just be blunt with her.
"Pyrrha, I honestly don't think you're human."
A long awkward silence fell on them as Pyrrha tried to digest the completely off the walls statement her boyfriend just told her in a serious tone.
"...I'm sorry, but what?" She finally asked after a 7 second hiatus of talking.
"I mean that you can seriously take a huge amount of heat without dying; unlike me. Seriously Pyr, how do you sleep in this weather without being cooked alive?" Jaune exasperatedly asked, still feeling confused by how someone could survive in this sort of climate. This should be impossible! Everyone in this kingdom was a fucking superhuman that were made to live in this specific environment for whatever fucking reason. Probably so they could train and live on the sun or something, or even harness its power. That would explain why Pyrrha was so strong; girl had the power of the sun on her side
"Well, I kinda grew up here, Jaune. So I got used to the heat after a while." Pyrrha finally said, knocking Jaune out of his dumbass thoughts.
"Well lucky you, cause I don't think I ever will. This whole entire place is literally an oven, and your generous cuddling and my thick onesie just made it worse."
From this, Pyrrha looked at him in a bewilder way, tilting her head unevenly too. "Why didn't you just wake me up then?"
To this Jaune actually looked away in embarrassment. "Well……..cause I didn't want to disturb you while you slept."
Once again the redhead stared at her boyfriend from hearing his logic. It was bafflingly dumb and stupid. Yet……….
Pyrrha started to laugh loudly, holding her stomach and slightly vibrating the bed while doing so. Jaune blushed and looked away from her, feeling embarrassed as could be.
"W-what's so funny?" he asked while cherry faced.
"It's just that you're very sweet, Jaune. Too sweet in fact." His girlfriend choked out in between giggles. "Honestly Jaune, you could've just woke me up and told me you were hot. I wouldn't mind not cuddling here if it made you uncomfortable."
"B-but still," Jaune started, preparing to defend himself and his dumbass ways. "I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful and cute at the moment. What type of guy would I be if I woke you up?"
"And what type of girl would I be if I accidentally killed my boyfriend by cuddling with him?" Pyrrha shot back teasingly, raising her eyebrows at him while crossing her arms. "Believe it or not, my blonde dork, but you're too precious for me to lose."
Jaune was silent for a moment, the logic of his plan finally slapping him in the face. Man, he was a complete dumbass. An awkward chuckle escaped his lips. "Hey? What can I say? I'm too noble to wake a sleeping maiden; especially one as beautiful as you."
Pyrrha slightly shoved him and rolled her eyes teasingly. "You're just a dork. You know that, right?"
"I like to believe my dorkiness is a part of my charm, honestly."
Pyrrha quietly giggled at this. This boy, she swears. "Yeah, you're right about that." She said before kissing him afterwards. "And you're my dorky knight."
Jaune smiled into the kiss, holding her by the hips and loving the taste of her lips. They always tasted like strawberries. He could kiss this beautiful girl all night if he needed to. Although, she pulled away quickly after a few seconds.
"What's wrong?" He asked. Did he do something controversial?
A predatorish grin appeared on her lips, before she pushed him on the bed and straddled him. "Well, I'm up and don't think I'll be able to sleep now, and your sweet boyish charms made me want to give you an award that I've been planning on giving you later this weekend." The words left her mouth dripping with lust, practically filling the entire room with it. He could almost feel the words beckoning him to ravish her. "And it so happens to be that this little onesie of yours is not only a problem for you, but also one for me too."
Jaune was completely immobilized by her words. Was she saying what he think she is saying? He practically heard heavenly choir music when she reached over to her side dresser and pulled out a square wrapped package. His throat felt extremely dry when she ripped it open with her teeth and looked at him. "So thankfully for you, I can no longer wait to give you this present later this week. So I'm giving you it tonight, in hope it'll tire me out to sleep again." Pyrrha growled as she descended her lips onto his and reached for his back zipper.