No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.

Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face twoard me. And I was still absolutely undecided. The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek.

For a moment I was too muddled to react, too distracted by my own thoughts, and it seemed I didn't even notice the phone ringing. For a second. In the next second my head cleared, my thoughts disappeared completely, and with a blank face, and an even more blank mind I quickly reached for the phone, before he could grasp it with his fingers. I needed the distraction.
"Hello?" I could feel my voice shake as I spoke.
On the other side of the line there was silence. No answer. It was all too silent.
"Hello?" I repeated more confident, getting irritated by the apparent prank caller. Even though, I felt strange gratitude for him, or her, calling in that exact moment.
"Bella." the words on the other side were just a silent whisper, but even though it was barely loud enough to hear, I knew, that second, I knew who's voice that was.
"Ed... Edward?" my voice was returning to it's shaking state, cracking at the end. My legs felt numb, and my entire body started shaking. I could sense Jacob beside me tense. But I didn't care. The whole world seemed to stop and for all I cared that second, it could have crashed and burned. It was Edward.
" Edward, please..." the words just left my mouth. I needed to keep him talking. I needed to make him come back. I needed to tell him how miserable my life is without him in it. I had to tell him he was my life. That life lost all meaning when he left. I needed him more than I needed air, and he had to know, even if he didn't care any more, he had to know.
As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, at least try and articulate words, the line went dead, and Edward, has once again, left me standing alone and confused. Why would he let me talk? After all, he didn't care. Why would it matter to him that I was n pain? That I felt, not like someone ripped my heart out, but like my heart never even existed. He's busy. He has his distractions. I mean nothing to him now, why did I even think he would care? Why did hearing his voice make my missing heart beat again?
I could feel my knees weaken, I knew I couldn't stand any more. And as my legs started to shake, I had a pretty good guess, I was about to faint.
The next time I opened my eyes there was a worried Jacob holding me in his hands.
"Bella, what happened? What did he say?! Did he hurt you again?! I swear I'll-" he started talking, his voice filled with anger and worry.
" He said nothing." I prompted, cutting him off. I felt like all air was kicked out of my lungs and all I could feel was horrible pain. I was rejected from him, again. "He said nothing." I said again, unable to find any other words. And here, I thought I couldn't get more broken. The next thing I saw was Alice standing next to me, worry crossed her face.
"What did you do to her mut?!" she shifted her face to look at Jacob, wrinkling her nose in disgust. I could see her body tense, ready to attack him.
"Nothing, you leach. Your wonderful brother did this to her again. I knew nothing good could happen when you came back. Stupid bloodsucker." Jacobs response was sharp, full of anger, resentment, pure hate. I saw his whole body was shaking, like he was going to explode.
"Stop it." I found my voice finally. Pushing back the memory of Edwards painful call. I had to stop them from killing each other. "The both of you." I tried pushing Jacob away, but that didn't do much good, he didn't even feel anything.
"Jake. Do you mind?" I said desperate looking up at his confused gaze before he unlocked his iron grasp on me.
"Thank you." I said, inhaling deeply before my eyes flickered from Jake to Alice. "Now, could you two behave for a moment?"
I could hear Jakes disgusted snort. " Feel free to leave any time Jacob. As long as you're on my territory there will be no fighting of any sort." I crossed my arms over my chest in a slow movement.
"Yeah, yeah. What happened?" his voice was was impatient. And I wasn't sure if I could articulate the words to answer that question. "What did he want?"
There was clear impatience on Alices face, she was annoyed by being in the dark.
"I don't know what he wanted . He hung up." I managed to answer, pushing back the memory of the dead line, which oddly remembered me of how my heart beat must sound like at this moment. Dead. Anger flared across Jacobs face, and I wasn't sure whether it was because of the fact that I was obviously extremely hurt with Edward hanging up on me, or because Edward managed to hurt me again, even though he was standing not one feet away from me.
"Edward called?" it was Alice's cool voice that spoke now, with a trace of confusement. It hurt more than I thought it would. To hear his voice.
"Yes. And he hung up without saying any thing." I couldn't help but feel even more hurt now that I actually said it so clearly and out loud.
"Than how do you know it was him?"
"He said Bella."
"Oh." Alice finally gave up her questioning. "I'm sorry." She whispered looking down.
"For what?" I asked confused.
"For everything."
As she said that, I found that I was too tired to let this puzzle me. This whole thing drained me, along with the collapsing part, and all I wanted to was just sit down. Rest. Alice could see that.
"Bella, why don't you go sleep for a while?" she said, her tone clearly indicating it was more of an order than a request. Even though I fought the thought, I was tired. Sleeping next to Alice wasn't exactly comfortable sleep, of course, for me, it was better than the softest bed in the world. And now this managed to drain most of my strength. Laying down for just a bit couldn't hurt, could it?
"Fine, O.K. I'll go lay down." I mumbled, my face shifting to face Jake, who was already looking at me, obviously torn up inside. "Jake…" I started, not knowing what to say.
"I'll talk to you later Bell. Bye." He said, kissing my forehead softly, before rushing through the door and into the forest.
"Bye Jake." I whispered to thin air. Finally I turned to Alice. She raised her eyebrow, slightly disgusted.
"You know, now you're gonna really have to used decontaminator on your forehead." She said crossing her arms over hear chest. I laughed. For the first time that day, I laughed. "Come on, let's go." Alice said pulling me towards the couch. She turned the TV on and sat down, pulling me next to her. I sat there, watching TV, not even knowing what exactly I was looking at when, after a few hours, I just drifted to another dreamless sleep, leaning on Alice's cold, stone shoulder.
I woke up a while later in my own bed. It was dark outside, night time. Alice was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, her pale face watching me. I pushed back the memory of Edward sitting in that chair in pain, forcing a smile on my face.
She smiled back. "Sleep well?" she asked politely.
"Yap." I said stretching "Is Charlie home yet?" I asked suddenly remembering Harry's funeral, with a trace of guilt.
"No. He called to tell you he'll be staying with Billy tonight. I told him it was more than O.K. that we'll find something to entertain us." She said a grin spreading across her face. I smiled.
"So, what do you want to do?" I asked, having the feeling she already planned the day, or the night for us.
"Talk." She said looking at me from the corner of her eyes "About Edward."
My whole body suddenly went numb, and I could feel strange pain in the place where my heart used to be.
"What about Edward?" I asked carefully. Making an effort to pronounce his name, without feeling pain.
"Listen Bella. Coming here, it was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, I love you like a sister Bella-" she started talking and raised her hands up in defense "- but it was still a mistake. I promised him I won't come and bother you. I won't interfere in your life at all, not even with my visions, and for that I apologize. I hadn't looked at your future on purpose, it was just, sort of like a big thing. You jumping of a cliff for fun-" she hissed the word fun "-in any case. Edward's not coming back. You should know that. Why he called today, I don't know. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe you just thought it was him, cause you would have liked it if it was him. I shouldn't have stayed Bella. I know. I just didn't want to leave you, after you got so excited, but I am going to leave. Soon. And I am not going to let you throw a hiss fit, and make it a big deal. Just, pretend I wasn't even here when I leave. And I can promise you this, Edward will know nothing of my little visit to you." She finally finished and looked at me, her eyes slightly sad.
Why did this feel like exactly the same conversation Edward said when he was about to leave? It will be as if I never existed.
"But Alice-" I started to talk. Tried to explain I was positive it was Edwards voice. I wanted to tell her I'd know his voice any where cause it was the only thing that really mattered in my life.
"No but's, and if's are allowed Bella. That is how it's going to be, whether you like it or not." She said her voice strict, until finally, I could see her eyes soften "I'm sorry Bella. I really am." She added as I tried to figure out whether she was sorry for leaving and making me go through the pain again, or for coming here in the first place.
"I'm sorry too." I said, barely audible. I watched her as she stood up walking out of the room. She stopped at the door and looked at me.
"Come on, I rented a movie." She said turning to walk again. I was lifeless, and I couldn't care less what movie she rented. Why did every one keep leaving me? We sat at the couch and I snaked myself around Alice's hand, inhaling her sent, determined to get as much of it locked in my memory. I watched the whole film, my mind blank, and after it finished I couldn't remember even the slightest what it was about. Alice put in a new movie and we kept pretending as if noting changed since yesterday. She would occasionally make a funny comment towards the awful clothes that they dressed the actors in or something else, and I would laugh, just as we always did, but nothing was the same. She was gonna leave me, and I didn't know how I'll take it. I tried preparing myself for it, thinking about it, but all I got from that was a headache and pain, so I dropped it. For now. She probably won't be leaving till after a few days. I have time. After the second film finished I was already half asleep again, beginning to wonder if Alice gained another vampire skill next to having visions. Making people sleepy. Or maybe it was just the day I had and the things that happened. Lately, I wasn't used to so much stress in one day, I myself would be afraid of having a heart attack. But since my heart was long gone and missing, there was really nothing to worry about. This time I drifted to sleep, hearing Edwards sweet voice whisper Bella, inside my head, and in my dream, he loved me again.
Edward was sitting next to me, in the meddow, looking at me like he used to. Soft, as if he loved me. And he kissed my neck, softly, carefully, every move he made carefully calculated. And every kiss he gave me, every move and touch he made was full of affection. And even though I knew it was a dream, I never wanted to wake up. I prayed I'd never wake up. Than, all of a sudden, Edward looked at me. His eyes were red. Red like blood, and his cocky grin turned into a wicked smile. Evil. I screamed. Fear storming through my body and the only words on my mind were. Please, wake up. He grabbed me, his cold hands pining my wrists to the ground, and I screamed again, this time in pain. I could see him bend his head, heading for my neck, and something made me think he wasn't going to turn me into a vampire. And than there was a howl somewhere from the woods. A howl of fury, pain and anger, right before a shaggy brown wolf came into the clearing. It ran fast towards me and Edward, and howled again, before jumping on Edward and knocking him over. I just kept sitting there in shock. I watched them both wrestle, heard their calls in pain, and I screamed. I screamed till it felt like my lungs would burst and there was no air left in me. They fought for a while, and I just stared in terror, before finally, there was a heartbreakingly painful howl, and Jacob-wolf was laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. "NO!" I could hear myself scream. Not Jacob. Not my Jacob. Edward was coming towards me now, and I had no strength to move away. My eyes were glued to the scene of Jacob laying lifeless on the ground. I could feel Edward grabbing me and raising me in the air. And it was all over. I was about to die. I saw Jacobs head slowly turn in my way, with the last atoms of strength. And somewhere in my head I heard his voice say 'I love you'. And I knew that even though he couldn't have said it that moment, I knew it was what he would say if he could. "I love you too." I said out loud, looking into his eyes, before Edward sunk his teeth somewhere in my neck. And I knew, it was all over.
I woke up screaming. My whole body shaking. I noticed, that once again, I was up in my bed. My eyes flickered to the clock. 4 pm. I looked around the room trying to find Alice. She wasn't here. Maybe she went out hunting. I stood up, stretching. It felt like all I ever did these days was sleep. I went towards the door and into the kitchen. Charlie still wasn't here. Slowly I took the box of cereal and poured milk in it. And it wasn't until I started eating that I realized how hungry I really was. I ate in a hurry, feeling distracted by the silence and the fact I was all alone. After finishing breakfast I pushed the bowl into the sink and went back upstairs. The house never seemed more silent. Something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. I pushed the door of my room open, half expecting to see Alice sitting in the chair again. She wasn't. But there was something there. A folded piece of paper. I walked swiftly, almost ran towards the chair. Tears already storming down my face. I knew what was written on that piece of paper. I knew what that paper meant. I opened it, my hands shaking severely.

Dear Bella.
You know I was never fond of goodbyes. I just thought it would be better to leave now, until you get used to my presence in your life. I'm sorry Bella. I hope that one day you will forgive me.
Love, Alice.

And right than, I fell on the ground, my whole body shaking. And the tears that were storming down my cheeks, hurt like razorblades. And they just kept coming, coming down for hours, and finally, it started to seem, like they will never stop.