Lily didn't know what to do. She set down the groceries on the counter of the apartment she and James had rented. She then picked up the note she had found tacked to her door by a knife.
Lily Evans,
I love you! And because I love you and don't want you to waste your beautiful life on the idiot you have been forced to get engaged to, I have taken said idiot. Unless you agree to marry me, James Potter will die.
With Love,
Sincerely,
Tom Riddle(A.K.A. VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha!)
She set it down again, not daring to believe. James had just gone out for sushi like he always did on Friday nights. He would come home with seaweed wrapped raw fish—even though he knew she hated it. He would eat it and try to get her to do the same. She would refuse, and they would end up going out to eat at that Italian restaurant on the River Thames. She refused to believe that Voldemort had kidnapped James. Never mind that Lily had a small, insignificant crush on The Snake Dude, as the Daily Prophet had dubbed him. How could a man Lily had idolized for his conviction in his cause—never mind that his cause was wrong—kidnap her fiancée? Lily loved James, why couldn't Voldemort see that? Or maybe he could see that…and wanted it destroyed so that he could marry Lily! Perhaps that was it. He had said that unless she married him, James would die. So she had to choose between marrying Voldemort, or killing James. How could she decide? She would just find Voldemort and tell him that she couldn't choose between the two most hating-each-other men in her life. Hopefully, he wouldn't make her choose.
Lily stood where no good person had ever stood—in front of Voldemort, still breathing.
"Come now, Lily. You know you don't want to be responsible for Potter's death. Just marry me and he will be released, unharmed."
"Don't do it, Lily! He won't let me go unharmed! I saw him, he crossed his fingers!"
"I don't know! I don't want you to die, James, but I don't want to marry Voldemort either!"
"Might I be of service?" Lily looked over to see a knight in shining armor ride over to her on his pure white unicorn.
"How can you help me?"
The knight lifted up his visor to reveal Remus Lupin. "I can take you away from this problem, to Jamaica. I here it's a wonderful honeymoon spot."
"I'm sorry, Remus. But I just can't leave James."
"Ha!" James said, a smug smile on his face.
"Come to the Dark Side, Lily. We have cookies."
"What kind?"
"Chocolate chip with caramel in the middle."
"There is no such thing!"
"Drat!"
"Come to Jamaica with me, Lily. We have chocolate double-fudge brownies."
"Which are better, non-existent cookies, or brownies?"
"Definitely the cookies."
"Brownies."
"I can't decide." James admitted.
"Lily, in Jamaica, we also have back massages."
"I am so there. See ya, Voldy, James."
"Wait! Lily! Don't leave me here with him!" James shrieked.
At the same time, Voldemort shrieked, "Wait! Lily! Don't leave me here with him!"
"Too bad! I'd send a postcard, but I can't afford one. Toodles!"
Amid the protests of James and Voldemort, Lily and Remus ride off in the sunset as far as they can before they have to take a boat to Jamaica.
And then, Lily Evans woke up. She got out of the bed she shared with James and opened the door to get the morning paper. She froze, and then pulled off her door, a note tacked there with a knife.