Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki
chances
Maybe if…
Chizuru was spiraling down. She was beyond confused, frustrated and she was mad. It was her fault, all of it. It tasted bitter in her mouth. Though the guilt- it was thick and overwhelming and it was consuming her heart, mind, soul, everything. It haunted her every day.
She was utterly pathetic and at that time, she wanted to laugh.
Pathetic? No, it was beyond that.
She couldn't do anything.
Useless.
She couldn't help anyone.
Coward.
She was the cause of their suffering.
Worthless.
"Hey, Chizuru, good morning!" Harada greeted cheerfully.
"Good morning, Harada-san." She said with a smile.
"Hm, maybe you should rest a bit, Chizuru, you look pale. Are you alright? Don't push yourself." He asked her, concerned.
"No, I am alright, Harada-san." She answered, reassuring. "Though, weren't you rushing to a meeting just now?"
"I forgot! Thank you, Chizuru! I'll see you later!" He turned and proceeded to run.
He was the third.
I could…
"Don't any you think Chizuru is acting strangely lately?"
A few raised eyebrows and two confirmations.
"She is."
After all, Hijikata and Hajime were the two who are most observant.
All it took was a simple meeting.
How could he be so happy? It was my fault. Mine- mineminemineandIamresponsible.
Why?
Don't give me that smile of yours because it is fake and I know of it and it is my fault.
I am so sorry.
find and…
You cannot change the past.
No matter what.
You will never be able to change the past.
Never.
Those were the words that she had carved on her mind.
It took time and effort.
However, time was something she didn't have the luxury of.
That was why she was too alert, too careful, too suspicious. People worry, they investigate and no, she does not want that.
She had already caused enough as it is.
So she smiled and laughed even though it didn't reach her eyes, it was enough- enough to fool many.
But not everyone.
…destroy?
"It seems something is bothering you, Yukimura."
She flinched, quite visibly. The dark bags under her eyes were disturbing him greatly. Is it that they were pushing her too far?
"…No, nothing is wrong." Then she smiled, but he knew it was brilliantly fabricated. "I am alright."
"What is bothering you?"
Her smile tightened. "Nothing is, Hijikata-san, don't worry about me." She continued, though her voice was softer this time, "Maybe a little tired but nothing to be worried about."
"Tell us that then." He sighed. "You should rest if you feel tired."
"Alright," then she asked, "Would you like some tea, Hijikata-san?"
The thought of tea was pleasant though if she was pushing herself, he would be one of the main reasons for it. "No, just rest. You're making some people worry."
The words caused her to waver and he could then see then that something truly is bothering her, greatly. It was not her exhaustion.
"I'll take care of myself better. I'm sorry for causing them to worry."
Hijikata was observant and he always was. He knows what he sees.
The light in her eyes were dying.
"What's the matter, Inoue-san?"
"Ah, Yukimura-kun, it's just that one of the kitchen utensils went missing." He then murmured, "It should be here."
"Oh, maybe I misplaced it. I'm sorry."
"No, no. It's quite alright. I'll search for it with you."
Make it perish.
Sometimes she could hear inhumane growls and she could feel something breathing down her neck.
She would wake up with eyes wide, desperate gasps and sweat trailing down her face.
The darkness would be all that is around her and nothing else. Nobody, nothing was growling or face on her neck.
But she knows better.
Those were the nightmares.
The birds were chirping.
She was awake and determined.
"You certainly look better today, Yukimura." Shimada smiled warmly.
"Oh, really? I do feel better today."
Her smile was sincere and this time, it reached her eyes.
The sunset was beautiful. The sky was painted with a myriad of colours, like a stroke of a giant paintbrush.
"Okita-san, you should eat."
"The sunset is just too stunning. I can't spare the time to eat, Chizuru-chan." He smirked.
They continued to watch the sunset together, embraced by silence.
He could see in the corner of his eyes that she was much more relaxed and that her smile, this time, was lighting up her face. He would like it if those dark bags would disappear from under her eyes, then it would be perfect.
"Heh, you look better now, Chizuru-chan."
She looked quite surprised and there is a hint of discomfort?
But her smile returned and she replied, "Thank you, Okita-san."
"Now, you should eat."
He chuckled.
"Chizuru-chan!" He stopped and went wide eyed. "You do look better! Thank goodness! Everyone was telling me how you look better today since you were so down lately. That's great!"
She wavered.
"Yes, thank you, Heisuke." She gave him a guilty smile.
"It's all right." He gave her a grin. "Man, I feel great today." He then chattered to her like an enthusiastic child.
Dinner was lively. She was happy. The meal was simple but it tasted wonderful to her.
"You look better, Yukimura. Shinpachi, that is mine."
"Right? I told you so! And don't be selfish, Saito. I'm sure you wouldn't mind-"
"No, Shinpachi."
"Yeah, Chizuru, just get enough rest, alright?"
"Why are you such children?"
"It's always like this and it's better this way. Don't mind them too much."
The room was filled with laughter but all too soon it ended.
The root of it all shall be…
The dishes were washed and she had swept the yard.
The halls were empty but she was not intimidated. She was simply too used to the dark.
She slid her bedroom door open and softly closed it behind her. She lit her candle then placed it on the table. The room was clean and it pleased her to know that she had tidied up well.
She was hesitating but knew that she shouldn't. She closed her eyes, thought back on what had occurred and what would occur.
That made her decision.
Silver reflected the constant, warm light.
erased.
What was found the next day had appalled everyone.
Perhaps it was the red or the glinting silver. Perhaps it was the unmoving body of a person everyone had recognized or what had occurred that nobody had noticed before.
The thought of it never crossed anyone.
It shook them all.
And they found what was left behind.
Inside were the words:
I am sorry for the trouble I have caused and thank you for having me.
Goodbye.
Nobody had known that she was eaten alive by her ghosts that haunted her.
Alright, first things first.
Thank you for reading. You may like it or not but thanks a lot.
This story is just something I thought of suddenly (more like when I was bathing). Sorry for any grammar, spelling or vocabulary mistakes. The story is unlikely to happen but it could. Maybe. *If it doesn't make sense, don't worry. I had a hard time when I realized Chizuru is unlikely to commit suicide. And it was too obvious in my opinion.)
My other story was also never updated. I had my exams and I stayed away from my laptop as far as possible.
Constructive criticism is very much welcome.
Once again, thank you!