As I woke up I knew something bad was coming, he wasn't in bed with me. He always was there when I woke up, no matter the struggle we were going through or if I went to bed alone. He was there when I woke up, it was a constant, but now he wasn't. I had been suspecting something like this would be coming soon; he had been spending a lot more time at work. And coming home to me was no longer the happy point of his day. I had tried my hardest to please him, to see if he would find that he still loved me.
Hesitantly I stepped out of our room and walked to the kitchen. When I peered into the doorway, he was sitting at the breakfast bar, rubbing his temples while leaning over his coffee, appearing stressed and regretful. I called out to him, making my voice as normal as possible, asking him what was wrong. When he heard my voice he winced, as if he was guilty as charged.
He spoke to me with a gentle voice, like a doctor preparing his patient for the pain, "I'm as fine as possible in this situation. Look, you should sit down I need to talk to you." I walked around the breakfast bar to sit across from him, preparing myself for the bad news.
"Look, Honey, I'm sorry. I've been lying to you and sneaking behind your back, and knowing you, you've already guessed what it is. I never meant for this to happen, trust-" I almost got angry, and as I was about to put my opinion in he whispered for me to let him speak. "I was never lying to you about how I felt. I always loved you, and I still love you. I'm just not in love with you anymore."
My mind took a while to process this, I had been right. And I hate it. For once I hate being right. He had found someone else, someone that could make him happier than I could. I had known that this was going to happen. Nobody wants broken merchandise. But in this state, a question popped out that I didn't really want to know the answer to, "How long have you been with him?"
There was silence for a moment, and then he chuckled as if the worst part was coming. "7 months. But not a him, her. She's pregnant too, with a boy, 7 months in. I'm going to have a little boy." He smiled at me, expecting me to forgive him because that's normally what I would do. I'm too nice. I looked up and smiled sadly, thinking of the night we talked about what we would name our kids if we could have them. I stood up and went back to the room we once shared, we once made love in, and got dressed. He had never left his spot.
He followed me to the door and tried to stop me, saying something about there being a place for me in his heart and that something could be worked out. As I was getting into my car I gave one last sentence to him, "I hope you're happy."
Time Skip (1 hour)
I drove and drove, with no place to go, no money to spend. I was an orphan, which no longer has a family to take him in. I heard the rain start, and I heard it slamming against the roof of the car. I stopped the car, peering around the door; I stopped at the bottom of a bridge. The bridge was a simple one, but the rain was causing the water from the river under it to surge up and flood over the top of the cement rail lining it. Water flew down off the bridge and soaked my feet. I started to walk up the bridge to the edge, when I reached it my hands lay on it, steadying me so that I stayed upright.
The tears came hard; they made me lean my stomach on the wall with wails that sounded like I was dying. And to me, inside, I was. I felt my insides sting with pain, I held my stomach with my scarred hands from years of biting myself to deal with my pain. Thinking of the moments and the happiness we had, I felt myself think about what could have caused his change, why he cheated. I loved him, he loved me, and I don't understand why this happened. We had been together for 4 years and 3 months before he started cheating, so why did those years not matter? I love him so much… And I have no idea why everything in my life goes to crap… So that is why, knowing I have nothing left, I jumped off this bridge, into the nothingness that is my long awaited personal afterlife.
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And then I just had to wake up.
When I woke up there was a doctor over me gently speaking to a nurse, unaware that i have woken up.
I looked around and saw a coffee on a table near my bed with a feminine looking jacket hanging on the chair in my room. I also took note that there was a duffle bag that seemed to consist of my clothes in the corner of the room.
My mind was in a spiral of different emotions, I had no idea what to think, feel, or do. The doctor turned around with a intake of air as he took notice of my eyes. "Good morning, Eren. Its nice to see your eyes, you were out for a whole week, and most of the time you were just sleeping, not unconscious. You must have been really stressed."
All I wanted to do at that point was punch the doctor, of course I was stressed, I'm still stressed. I have no idea where I am, what's going on, and I just attempted suicide. "Yes doctor, I was really stressed and didn't get very much sleep." He laughed, "I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing for me to say. So are you feeling any pain or discomfort?"
I took a second to actually assess my body, I felt a dryness in my throat and a small discomfort in my lungs, so I passed that information on to the doctor. He smiled and said, "Well, we'll have to get you some water. And for your lungs, we had to pump them dry of liquids, so it will be uncomfortable for a couple days but you'll be fine. Now, your physiatrist is actually just going to the bathroom, she'll be here in a moment."
The doctor then left the room after the nurse had delivered me a cup of water and adjusted my bed so I was sitting up. I drank the water in silence, still confused. I hope the physiatrist can tell me what is going to happen to me. When the physiatrist came in she looked pleasantly surprised to meet me. "Hello, Eren. Its nice to see you awake and able to function. Though I'm sure you're in a state of puzzlement, so I'll go ahead and fill in the blanks. My name is Hanji Zoe, your psychologist. You , Eren Jaeger, jumped off the bridge at 3:46 in the morning and you were found by your boyfriend, or should I say ex-boyfriend. When he came across you he called 911 and helped fish you out of the river, which took forever because the current kept sweeping you away. It was a real adventure, you're lucky you were unconscious for it all. I bet you thought you were actually dead, though you probably don't remember. Do you remember? Because if you do you're a miracle of nature and I would like to study you."
I was very surprised by her excitement and interest in the human brain and what they feel and remember. This made me feel nice because I actually got a psychologist that cares and enjoys their job. So I smiled and said, "I don't remember anything, but if anything comes to mind I'll let you know."
She relaxed and smiled back at me, probably enlightened by me actually reacting positively to her pressing. "Okay, Eren. I'd like that. But I do have bad news for you, because you are classified as suicidal and you have no home or job to go home to, you'll have to stay in my psychiatric ward until further notice."
I laughed and put my hand up, looking at the scars from my past, and made the comment, "I have no where better to be, and no people to save me from my spiral of devastation except you, so that is good news. I'll have food, a bed, and a life, even though I'm not sure I want any of them."