Breakfast, Lunch, and a Show
By
M. Klindt
I don't own MFU characters, but like to borrow them with the ones I created to play with them. Thank you to all my friends who read and help me with my stories. This is part of my "Lexi" series.
Chapter 1
Illya Kuryakin walked out of the elevator to his partner, Napoleon Solo's, apartment door. He was there to pick him up to go to work and grab a cup of coffee. They'd gotten back from Africa yesterday afternoon and went their separate ways for the evening after running surveillance for two solid weeks on a THRUSH satrapy. Alone time was short lived, because of the debriefing they were to give to Mr. Waverly at nine o'clock.
Illya had spent last evening cleaning Lexi's apartment for her return from survival school tomorrow and he had promised for services rendered during the night before she left. A small smile crept onto his lips when he thought about her and the time they were going to spend with each other. He'd requested a few days off to welcome her back properly and it was granted for both of them.
He knocked on Napoleon's door and was met with a smell of eggs and bacon cooking. His stomach growled in response before he heard some faint rustling through the heavy metal-reinforced door.
"Who is it?" A familiar female voice asked through the door.
"Caitlin, it's me, Illya," Kuryakin called out loudly.
"Oh, Illya, just a minute, I've still got to figure out these bloody locks."
After a few long moments, more swear words, and then locks finally opened up as Caitlin swung the door wide. She stood with Napoleon's gun loosely held in her hand and unconsciously pointing it at Illya.
"Illya, come in," Caitlin said brightly, waved the loaded gun around, and motioned him into the apartment with it. She didn't realize the potential danger Illya was in if it went off.
"Ah, Caitlin…" Illya carefully edged his way around her and gingerly took the gun from her hand before he closed the door. He then he switched the safety on the gun, reset the alarms, and set the firearm down on the table. "That was a good start, but you must be careful how you hold and point a gun when you open the door. Maybe, it would be easier for you to wait inside the door and ask for a password, before you open the locks up."
"What password do you want me to pick for you," Caitlin asked. She went from being concerned about how to properly open Napoleon's front door to being full of the devil.
Illya smiled softly and saw her green eyes twinkle. They matched the silk sleep set she was wearing. Just like Napoleon, even at home and had just woken up, her clothes matched and looked perfect. He could hear the shower running and knew his partner would be detained for a while.
"How about, your eggs are burning?" Illya quietly asked.
"My eggs are burning." Caitlin repeated, not understanding why he would pick that password. "Eggs? Oh, my eggs are burning!"
She jumped and ran to the kitchen, picked up the spatula, held it in her hand as if she didn't know what to do with it exactly. She turned to Illya, who was watching her intently.
"Will you help me," Caitlin asked, turning to him and held out the foreign kitchen utensil. "I'm trying to learn how to cook, but I always loose the eggs on the floor when it comes to this part. I've never been a good flipper."
Illya laughed while he stood up and briskly walked to the kitchen. He made a great show of motioning her out of his way, pushing up his sleeves, and grabbing the spatula with a skillful twirl. In one smooth movement, he proceeded to quickly turn over the two cooked eggs that were just about to burn to the bottom of the frying pan. Caitlin kept up her part of her cooking ineptitude by giving Illya's performance an enthusiastic round of applause and a big hug.
"Oh, Illya," Caitlin gasped out playfully after she released him from her brotherly embrace. "You'll have to teach me how to cook so I can impress Napoleon. All I know how to do is to order out or hire a cook."
"Then you two are made for each other." Illya said simply and turned back to the eggs and bacon. "That's his favorite meal as well. Although, he can make a pretty mean can of pork and beans if he has to."
"Now I know that you are kidding," She said in a scolding voice. "He's cooked me many wonderful meals. Comments like that will not get you invited to this Sunday's dinner at Delany Hall."
"You wound me, madam." Illya mockingly said and smiled. "I have plans this Sunday anyway."
"Oh," Caitlin's eyes brightened, gathering new information. "Busy with your friend, Mark?"
"Mark," Illya slowly asked, pulling a plate from the cupboard, placed the eggs and bacon on it, and then handed it to her. His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, Illya," She sighed dramatically as if she know a secret that he didn't have to hide. "I know that I've been taking up most of Napoleon's free time lately and he says that you and Mark have been spending a lot of time together going out at night. It's no big deal.
"Hey! Why don't we all go out tonight with my friends Craig and his boyfriend? They're dying to meet you. We can go to the Pink Flamingo. They have the best cosmos…"
He and Mark were going out to bars as a couple? Boyfriend, like Craig and his close friend, Jonesy were? Wasn't the Pink Flamingo a gay bar in the Village?
All these thoughts whirled in his mind while he listened to Caitlin talk. Why hasn't Napoleon told her that he wasn't interested in men? What did he tell her? What didn't he tell her?
"They want to meet me," Illya asked her with a raised eyebrow after he realized that Caitlin had stopped talking and was staring at him. She was waiting for him to answer about going out that evening. "What did you tell them about me?"
"That you were Russian, blond, blue-eyed, and devastatingly handsome." Caitlin's voice cantered with smugness, showing off a talent in knowing where Illya's sexuality rested.
"Caitlin, I may have gone to a club or two with Mark, but I hardly contend that constitutes a relationship and…" Illya stopped himself when an idea began to form in his mind. "I have my lover, Lexi, coming back into town tomorrow. I want you to meet each other. I think that you two will get along famously. You two have a lot in common. I'd also love to meet your friends and Napoleon at Flamingo's tonight."
"Great, shall we say about 9p.m.," she asked and clasped his arm happily in her hands. "Lexi, is it short for Alexander? It sounds so very Eastern European. I can't wait to tell Napoleon..."
"No," Illya said in a rush, took her hands in his and squeezed them. "Let's make this our surprise. I'll call Mark and you call your friends. We'll all meet there tonight, I'm sure that Mark won't want to miss this."
"This is going to be so much fun," Caitlin gleefully said with a big smile on her face.
"Shhhh," he warned her. "I don't think that we should let Napoleon know that I was here. I'll leave now and call you later at work this afternoon."
"I agree." Caitlin nodded silently and she let Illya lead her to the front door.
"Until tonight," he said softly, kissed her hand, and was out the door before she had a chance to open it halfway.
Caitlin let out a sigh of joy while she closed the door and pressed her back against it. After a moment, she went back to the kitchen and turned off the alarms just before Napoleon came out of the bedroom.
He was superbly dressed for work when he walked over to her and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"Morning, darling, someone at the door?" Napoleon gave the lovely woman a quick kiss on the forehead.
"Morning no," Caitlin hesitated for a second and shrugged her shoulders. "Just practicing. I'm still getting use to the door locks. Here you are my dear."
"Oh, you've cooked breakfast," Napoleon said with mild surprise and slight fear, but took the plate and sat down.
"Yes." Caitlin smiled as Napoleon sat down at the table across from her. "I'm trying to learn. Say, are you up to a little excitement tonight?"
"You and I had just gotten into town yesterday. What did you have in mind," Napoleon asked with a hint of anticipation.
"Oh, I was thinking we could dress up and go out on the town." Caitlin innocently smiled and played with a paper napkin.
Chapter 2: Lunch
Mark Slate hung his head low while he walked into Dr. George Thompson's chemistry lab in Section Eight. He had only been in the lab a couple of times since he had gotten to know George as Monica "Lexi" Lane's partner.
Before that, they ran in different circles around the New York UNCLE headquarters and barely knew each other's names when Mark would see him in Medical. Of course, most of the time, George was one of those doctors trying to combat whatever chemical cocktail TRUSH had given him. He didn't remember much, except that he wanted to leave Medical as soon as possible like most Section Two agents did.
"George." Mark called out, looking around the cluttered lab. "Are yee in here, mate?"
"Mark?" A deep male voice responded back in a surprise to have a visitor. "What are you doing here? Is someone drugged or poisoned? Are you looking for Mr. Kuryakin?"
"No," Mark stopped at the Formica table top with a note is his hand. "No one is in need of your expertise and the note I have is from Illya. He's looking for a favor from you and me tonight."
"Favor," George asked, put his files down, and gave Mark his full attention. "What does he want from me that he couldn't come down here and ask?"
"Yeah, I wish he would do this by himself." Mark grumbled, tossing George the note. "I hope that you're into causing trouble, because what he wants us to do will get us into a lot of trouble with Napoleon."
"What do you mean? Illya hasn't asked me to do anything to get me into trouble, yet."
George picked up the note, read it to himself, looked up at Mark in shock, and reread it again to make sure he understood what was required of him. "Mark, what's this all about?"
"I rightly donna know for sure." Mark shook his head in confusion. "It's got something to do with Napoleon and his new pigeon, Caitlin. He says his honor is being tested. I haven't met her yet, have you?"
"Yes, I have." George tried to think how to describe her to him. "Nice shape, strawberry-blond hair, green eyes, intelligent, and works in high-end sales at a computer company. I believe that she owns part of it. But, why involve us? Are you going to do it?"
"I haven't got much of a choice, he's my superior." Mark shrugged his shoulders in defeat. "He hinted that my 'honor' so to speak was in question as well. I don't relish the thought of getting in trouble with Napoleon, although. I can handle what punishment that he may give me more that what the Ice Prince might do to me if I refused him this favor."
"Even though, I do find his request a little odd, it could be kind of fun." George admitted with a smile and looked at the calendar on the wall. Tomorrow is the day that his lab partner and friend returned from survival school.
He didn't want to admit it, but he missed Lexi more than he ever imagined. She had been gone longer than she had worked with him in the lab, but she'd become his work wife and it gave him an opportunity to help with Section Two agents in the field now and then.
Lexi pushed George to work more efficiently and he couldn't wait to show her what he had been working on in her absence. He looked around the lab and realized that he had better get it cleaned up.
The only thing that made this lonely time at work more bearable was the birth of his daughter. Lexi had not only become his lab partner, work wife, and Section Two agent, but a good friend to him and his wife, Cassidy. She spent many of her spare nights with them when Illya was away on UNCLE business. She even had brought the surprising delightful comrade with her a few times.
It was hard to believe that this all-American girl was just was Russian like Illya and they had actually grown up together. Her mid-western accent and frequent refusal to speak her native tongue made her appear just as American as they were.
Not many people at UNCLE knew that they were a serious couple and it was to be kept that way until Illya and she were retired from Section Two. Mr. Waverly knew about the relationship and was monitoring carefully to see if it affected either one of their performances.
Both Illya and Lexi had been trained by the Soviet Union and their adoptive uncle to put duty in front of anything else, even love. Their training started at an early age for them to become elite spies and assassins.
"So, "Mark asked to break the silence, looking down at an empty beaker, placed his index finger it, and gave it a twirl. "Are you coming tonight? Should we plan a strategy or play it by ear? Illya'll want to know your answer by lunchtime."
"I'll have to call Cassidy and see if there's anything pressing, but I'll make it. In fact, I wouldn't miss it for the world." George slapped Mark on the shoulder when he stood up and then looked at his watch. "Say, Mark, it's almost eleven. Why don't we grab that sly devil and go to lunch. Napoleon would think it's too early to eat and we can discuss our plans for tonight. I'm sure that Illya can eat two lunches in one day.
"Napoleon's usually in a meeting with Waverly during that time anyway." Mark added. "It's a deal, George."
Mark smiled and shook the other man's hand before he turned to leave. "I'll talk to the Ice Prince, call my current bird to tell her that I'll be late tonight, and meet you in the commissary in fifteen."
"I'll be there." George chuckled and he turned back to his files to pick them up and walked back past the maze of tables and experimental equipment to his desk and phone.
MFU/MFU
Monica Lane walked into her lab that she share with Dr. George Thompson at eleven fifteen and found it empty of neither man nor beast. She'd been to see Mr. Waverly early. Then she was sent to the gym and medical to assess her skill level and health after enduring 12 long, arduous weeks at survival school.
Mr. Waverly had pulled her out a day early to complete a mission for him while on the way back from Survival School. She wanted to surprise Illya, George, Napoleon, and go see Cassidy; who just had a baby.
The old fox was nice enough to give her the next few days off to recover from her travels and to spend time with Illya. He knew that they could figure out something to do on their own after a long separation.
Lexi was disappointed not to find George in the lab, but was kind of glad in one way. She could go out and finish her plans to move to another apartment and get a chance to see the results of the gift she and Illya had for them and the baby that she'd left in the hands of a construction contractor. She wanted surprise Illya at his place. She smiled as things were starting to fall in place.
Before she was going to leave the lab, Lexi spotted a note laying on a pile of files that had Illya's neat handwriting. She read the proposal that he'd made to George, smiled, and returned the note in exactly the same place and position that she had found it before quickly left the lab.
"I'm not going to miss this for the world." Lexi smirked while she began mentally add at least two more stops on her long list of errands that she was going to run today. If she hurried, she could get them all done just in time for the fireworks tonight.
Chapter 3 the Show
Mark, George, and Illya met outside the Pink Flamingo bar a few minutes after nine. The neon lights from its sign brightened the sidewalk outside against a rather dark cool night. Mark and Illya were dressed in simple black suits with white shirts, whereas George was taking his role very seriously and dressed a bit more flamboyantly.
He wore a maroon suit coat, a cream shirt, and no tie with several gold chains hanging visibly around his neck. The smell of his cologne was one step below being obnoxious.
Illya looked both men up and down and nodded his approval. "Thank you for your help tonight. Napoleon, Caitlin, and her friends, Craig and Jonesy are in there already. I've my wire in place already. Mark, is yours ready? Are the ear pieces working?"
Both men shook their heads yes and they all walked into the bar. George went straight to the bar and ordered a drink for courage and part of his cover. He looked around the room after he took a large sip of the beer he was given. Watching, from a distance, he spied Illya and Mark making their way to the other side of the bar and to their destination.
Just as a George settled in to watch and listen to the show, he sensed a body stand by him. Already nervous about being in a gay bar and who might be standing next to him, he cautiously swiveled on the barstool when someone placed a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Oh, my God, Lexi," George shouted out in happiness when he looked over his shoulder, almost forgetting to keep his voice low. He grabbed her and held her tight. She was the same height standing that he was sitting on the barstool. "What are you doing here? You weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow."
"George! I missed you too. I got in a day early." Lexi said in a muffled voice, trying to breathe from his tight squeeze and the choking smell of cologne. "I can't breathe or talk if you don't let me go. Besides, in this establishment, hugging a female is not normally done. We're going to make a scene if you're not careful."
He chuckled before he released her, but held her at arm's length. He looked her up and down and whistled softly at the site of her very sultry dress and tone body. Survivor School had left her a little more gaunt looking, but not as noticeable if you had just met her. Her hair was up in a French twist and colored to a shade of shiny charcoal that made her blue eyes sparkle brightly in contrast to her moderately tan skin.
"I don't care. How did you know that we were here?" He asked when he looked toward the table where Mark and Illya were just about to make introductions from what he could hear in his ear piece.
"I saw the note from Illya to you left on your files. You weren't in our lab…" Lexi started to say.
"Shhh!" George brought his hand up to his mouth, pointed her sight of vision toward the table, and casually draped his long arm around her shoulders. "The show is about to begin."
"I wouldn't miss this for the world," Lexi said excitedly and leaned into him, hoping that those at the table wouldn't notice them watching. They shared the ear piece with George to hear the conversation.
MFU/MFU
Illya and Mark walked over to the far end of the bar and stopped in front of the half circle table where Napoleon sat with his girlfriend, Caitlin, and her two companions. Caitlin was the first one to notice them.
"Illya!" Caitlin yelled out through the noisy bar and pushed at Napoleon and Craig's shoulders to let her out of the back side of the booth. Each man groaned, and then they slid out of their seats to stand up. Jonesy was already out of his seat with excitement in finally meeting the man Caitlin had raved to Craig about.
If Napoleon thought that Craig was a bit over the top in style and personality, Jonesy was even more so. That's what he enjoyed about going out with them when he and Caitlin were in town. They quarreled like an old married couple and said some of the most outlandish things to get a response from the company they were in.
Caitlin had only added fuel to the fire of interest that she had created by describing his partner to them. Since she decided that Illya had been gay, she was bound and determined for them to all meet for a drink. Safety in numbers, he thought.
Napoleon didn't want to correct her assumptions until he could be there to see Illya's face, but he hadn't plan to see his "coming out" here in the public, at a bar, and in front of Mark. He knew now that he was going to pay dearly for his little white lies.
Though he played it cool and calm, Napoleon started to feel the hairs on the back of neck lift as if he was in mortal danger. That and the way is partner's cold blue eyes penetrated him while he moved to let Caitlin out of the booth. Caitlin was oblivious to Illya's malevolent look and she took his offered hand to help her stand up.
"I'm so glad you made it," Caitlin said with a bright smile, brining her face close to his. "So this is the famous Mark? Does he know about Lexi?"
"Yes and yes," Illya said softly back to her and then straightened back up to meet the others who were waiting for a proper introduction. Mark nervously nodded a greeting to Napoleon behind Illya's back after Napoleon raised an inquisitive eyebrow back at him to what was about to transpire.
"Craig, Jonesy, I want you to meet someone that I know that you've been dying to get to know and love." Caitlin enthusiastically pulled Illya forward and slightly off balance by his hand. Both men were patiently waiting for their turn to meet this emanate young man. "This is Illya Kuryakin."
"Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin, at your service, gentlemen," Illya said simply with a gentle smile playing upon his lips that made most women swoon. His blue eyes twinkled from under a mop of blond hair.
The effect of his seductive voice and features brought an audible gasp of air from Jonesy. Illya first gave Craig's hand a firm, strong shake and then reached for Jonesy's hand. Jonesy held his out palm down, wanting Illya to kiss it. Without missing a beat, Illya grabbed his offered hand and covered the top of it with his other hand.
"I'm so glad to have met the both of you. Caitlin thinks very highly of both of you. We should've gotten together long before this." Illya turned back to Napoleon and gave him a quick menacing glance. He continued back to where Mark was standing and grabbed his shoulder to pull him roughly in front of him. "This is my special friend, Mark."
"Nice to meet you, Chaps," Mark smiled and started to shake hands with Craig and Jonesy, but then froze when he felt Illya's possessive hand upon his shoulder. It was kind of a subtle, intimate action that a man would use on a woman if he was in fear of competition. Mark had to force himself to relax under the strange and unusual pressure.
"Wow, Craig, another blue eyed, blond, and this one has a British accent." Jonesy cooed to his friend, linking his arm with his. "I think that I'd better sit down before I swoon. Cat, you sure can pick a straight man with such great friends."
"Now, Jonesy, behave yourself before you scare them away." Craig scolded his friend while they all sat back down. Napoleon and Caitlin sat in the back of the booth, Craig and Jonesy on ones side, and Mark and Illya on the other.
"So, Illya," Craig said after everyone got settled and went into lawyer mode. "Tell me about yourself. We know that you're Russian, but how did you end up in New York? How did you and Mark meet? Most importantly, what can you tell us about your partner here that we can use against him."
"I am just a simple man really," Illya said and thickened his demure accent for effect. "I worked for the Soviet Union as a police officer and was given a chance to work abroad and took it. That's where I met Napoleon, learned about the detective agency, and the rest is history."
Napoleon was watching his partner with keen interest. He knew that he and Mark were up to something, but not what just yet. He sat, enthralled with Illya's ability to make the most boring information fascinating, especially about his mysterious past and childhood. He had Craig and Jonesy on the edge of their seats with every word that came out of his mouth.
"And Mark here, when did you meet him?" Jonesy asked, too impatient for Illya to continue. He took a quick sip of the drink before him to quench his thirst for the youth and beauty he was seeing before him. "Tell me that it was romantic and love at first sight."
"It was for me," Mark interrupted Illya and lightly placed his hand lightly on Illya's that was resting on the table. Mark was afraid that the Russian would deck him, but he didn't move hand his away. "I saw him from across the office and knew that I had to meet him. We all work together: Napoleon, Illya, and I, one big happy detective agency for uncle."
"Mark," Napoleon said with a slight threatening tone to it.
The CEA knew that Craig and Jonesy should know only so much information on what they did for a living. Caitlin agreed that it was logical to keep quiet about UNCLE and its agents.
For his efforts, Napoleon got a swift kick in the shin by his partner, who was sitting on the outside of the booth, purposing ignoring him. That caused him to stare at his partner in shock. He then quickly close his mouth and straighten up to listen to what Mark was going to say.
"When Illya and I got to know each other, I thought of the impossibility of life without women." Mark shrugged and he looked to Illya who darkly smiled at his play on words that was lost on the others except for Napoleon who silently snorted. He knew that Mark's reputation for the ladies was just as bad as his.
The other three just sighed in contentment of the thought of finding love. Craig and Jonesy moved closer together and held each other's hand under the table. Only in a gay bar, would they feel free enough to show public affection toward each other. Caitlin snuggled into the crook of Napoleon's arm as well.
"Now that you know about Mark and me," Illya said to change the subject. "How much time do we have to spend talking about Napoleon? What do you want to know?"
"Oh, anything you want to tell us about Cat's intended." Jonesy's voice brightened and the mood change from romance to gossip. It was Napoleon's turn to be put on the spot. He ran his free hand over his hair, grimaced, and then sheepishly smiled.
"Before I begin to give an extensive list of incriminating actions, I need to get us something to celebrate this meeting of minds," Illya said, stood up, and patted Mark on the shoulder. "I'll order us some champagne from the bar to be brought to the table."
Mark waited for Illya to be out of ear shot, before he leaned forward and took Caitlin by the hands. "You have to help me. I know that Illya has talked to you this morning, Caitlin. He's going to dump me for his friend, Lexi, he's not worthy of Illya. Illya said that he told you that Lexi was coming to town tomorrow. I can't lose him, not now that we've…been out together."
Caught off guard by Mark's concern, Caitlin swallowed hard. Her eyes looked into his searchingly. What could she tell him? Mark watched her look around the group for support in delivering the bad news. Craig and Jonesy weren't smiling, but entranced with despair that Mark was truly feeling. Only Napoleon seemed unfazed by his performance.
"Oh, Mark," Caitlin said with a heavy sigh. "I wish that I could help you, honestly. I don't think that Illya cares as deeply as you do for him, at least, not right now."
"Not right now?" Mark asked sadly. "What did he say about this Lexi person? What did he say about us?"
"He didn't say much about either of you really," Caitlin smoothly said and gave his hands another warm squeeze. "He mentioned you as a friend and Lexi as his lover. I'm so sorry Mark. I wish I could tell you more."
"You've said enough. Thank you, Caitlin." Mark nodded with a determined look on his face. "I'll just have to accept his decision. Whomever his chooses to be with for the rest of his life."
"Mark," Jonesy said, broking his silence. "You've tonight. Win him back from Lexi. He can't be nearly as honest and as much in love as you are."
"Yes, Mark, win him back." Craig joined in on the fight. "I had to win back Jonesy here. He was going out with a jerk of a man and I was desperately in love with him from the moment I saw him at the quad in college. It took two long months, but I wore him down and won his heart."
"Do you think that I have a chance?" Mark asked in disbelief, looking around the table for support. "Shhhh, here he comes now."
MFU/MFU
Illya sat back down at the table and looked around the table with a smile that turned to concern as if he was missing part of the conversation. He looked from Craig, Jonesy, Caitlin, and then Mark. He was smart enough not to look directly at Napoleon; knowing that there was a smirk implanted on his face already. He had talked with George at the bar, where he was waiting alone for his cue to come over.
"What is the matter?" Illya asked softly. "Did I miss something? The champagne is on the way. What was said while I was gone?"
The others were trying to think of what to say to Illya about their silence, a tall, muscular man with brown hair and glasses walked up to their booth and stopped right in front of him.
"Excuse me," George said with a phony-sounding Russian accent and he put his hand on Illya's shoulder. "Illya Kuryakin, Comrade, I thought that was you at the bar. I had to come over to be sure and say hello to you and your friends."
"Lexi," Illya said in surprise before he stood up and gave the man a big hug. "You were not to be here until tomorrow. What are you doing here?"
"I caught an earlier flight and thought I would check this place out. I was planning to take you here tomorrow night. That is if you are still interested in this old body, Lt. Comrade."
"Da!" He laughed after he broke the embrace and turned to the group. Illya's hand was still on his arm while he introduced George as Lexi. "This is Alexander Sergi Grigorian from Moscow. He's been living in the United States for over ten years. These are Caitlin's friends, Craig Green, and Jonesy…I'm sorry, I don't know your last name."
"Bradley Jones-Moyers," Jonesy said with a tone of formal distinction and mock pleasantries. He quickly glanced back at Mark and gave a nod of support.
"Thank you." Illya bowed and acted like he didn't notice the look and continued around the table. "Caitlin is the woman attached to Napoleon's side and as you know him quite well, I don't need to introduce him…"
George and Illya were banking on the fact the last time Caitlin had met George, she was confused and wouldn't remember that she had met the good doctor before.
Caitlin's eyes narrowed for a moment and then she smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Lexi. I feel that I've met you before, but can't place where, but then again, I meet so many people."
"I feel the same way too." George smiled calmly and felt a sigh of relief start to build in him until he focused on Napoleon and their eyes met. "Napoleon, it's good to see you again."
"Yes, it is…Lexi. How long are you here in town this time?" Napoleon raised an eyebrow to the game afoot while keeping his face neutral. He knew that he deserved some of the trouble Illya was about to give him, but that didn't mean that he had to make it easy on his co-conspirators.
"It all depends on my boss." George maintained his eye contact with the Section Two CEA. "I could be gone tomorrow or here for awhile."
"Ah, I hope that he is a forgiving man." Napoleon stated as a challenge and watched George nervously swallow under his glare.
"And lastly, this is our friend, Mark, he works with Napoleon and I." Illya looked smartly at Mark in warning to what he should say.
"Hi," Mark said with a quivering voice and then cleared it to try to make it sound stronger. "I'm Illya's new boyfriend."
Mark felt a hand pat his and an almost wordless, "at a boy" come from across the table. None of this was lost on George while he tried to stay in character of a jealous lover and not crack up.
"Mark!" Illya said in a mock flash of anger. "What have you done? You promised not to say anything!"
"I told the truth and he should know it." Mark said with such conviction that Illya moved away from George and took a threatening stance toward Mark. "Lexi has a right to know what goes on behind his back."
"Enough." George said with a barely contained calmness, grabbed Illya shoulder, and gently shoved him back into the seat next to Mark. "Sit down, Illya, and stay with your friends tonight. You'll have tonight to decide which one of us you want to be with. I want someone who is interested in a long-term commitment. I'll go now and wait for your call."
Illya looked upset and ready to fight back, but did as he was told and stayed sitting while he listened to what George had told him. He began to visibly tremble and fiercely stared at the table. Slowly, he nodded in agreement to "Lexi's" terms.
"Mark," George continued on. "I suggest that you go home as well. Let's give Illya all the time his needs to figure out what he wants. Come, I'll take you to another place to talk."
"But!" Illya shouted, standing up again to face George while Mark slid from his seat. The rest of the group sitting at the table was silent while they watched the show in front of them unfolded.
"No," George said forcefully, "You have some thinking to do. Mark, come with me. It was nice meeting you all, good evening."
Mark and George left practically arm-in-arm out of the bar. The rest of the group looked at Illya, who sat down despondently and put his head in his hands on the table.
"This is better than my morning soaps." Jonesy whispered to Craig who quickly put his finger to his lips to quickly silence him and nudged him with his body, and then nodded with an endearing smile.
"Oh, Illya," Caitlin finally spoke. "I'm so sorry that it's come to this. What are you going to do? You have to admit that you've been caught with one too many boyfriends. Even you shouldn't be that careless or cruel."
"Tell them, Napoleon," Illya said firmly without lifting his head.
It made the others turn their eyes from Illya to Napoleon. He had been enjoying the show and the reactions the other three were having. No one had looked at him the entire time this was going on or it would've been given it all away. Now, he sat up straighter in the seat when all eyes turned toward him.
"Yes, he can be very cruel," Napoleon said with an air of a man not wanting to admit his guilt so easily.
"Tell them now, or I'll divulge to them what happened after we completed our mission in Hel Sinki." A voice near the table growled out even louder.
"Bastard," cursed Napoleon softly, knowing he couldn't prevent the inevitable. "All right, I'll tell them."
"Tell us what?" Caitlin asked, bodily turned to Napoleon, and waited with her arms crossed.
"Well," Napoleon started sheepishly while he tried to unwind her arms and get a hold of her hands so she couldn't hit him. "I didn't correct you when you thought that Illya was gay and he's not by the way. I just thought it would be fun to let you think he was..."
"What!" Caitlin blurted out in surprise. "You should've said something. I brought Craig and Jonesy to meet him. Oh, Illya, I'm so sorry that I thought you were gay."
"I don't blame you entirely, Caitlin." Illya brought his head up and glared at his partner. "I blame Napoleon for not telling you. All of this was for his and your benefit. I'm sorry to bring you friends on this and I have nothing against the way you two live. Napoleon and I've been accused of living the same way several times."
"Mad? No! We loved it." Jonesy blurted out with a smile. "But, tell me, is Mark gay?"
"No," Illya said laughingly. "Neither is George."
"George and not Lexi, but is there really a Lexi out there?" Caitlin asked. Illya quickly looked at her with a sly smile dancing on his lips and his eyebrows went up. "Because, I mean, when you said 'Lexi was your lover' this morning, you had this look about you as you said it."
"Evening, gentlemen and lady," A woman abruptly said when she came up to the table with a tray of glasses and a champagne bottle. "I hear that there's a celebration going on here that needs a little help."
They all looked up to see a pretty waitress who was elegantly dressed. Craig and Jonesy nodded at the glasses, took theirs once she had poured them, and clinked rims with each other.
Both Napoleon and Illya were fascinated by the waitress when she gave them a seductive smile. Caitlin caught their reaction and gave Napoleon a rather painful jab in the ribs with her elbow.
"Ow, what was that for?" Napoleon said, rubbing his side.
"Oh, nothing," Caitlin said coolly and sneered at the server. "I just thought it's strange to have a female waitress at a gay bar. A very pretty one at that, that is, if it is a she?"
"Yes, it is and very observant of you, Caitlin." Illya spoke up after the waitress gave him the last filled glass to him with an empty flute still on the table. "Remember you asked if there was a real Lexi that I was in love with?"
Caitlin nodded, placed her glass in front of her, and played with it.
"Well," Illya said, grabbing the hand of the waitress, gave it a skillful twist, and pulled her onto his lap. "I'd like you to meet Miss Monica Alexis Lane or Alexana Sonja Kuryakin, whichever one you want to use. Lexi for short, who wasn't to be in town until tomorrow..."
Lexi squealed, half hidden in Illya's embrace, reached back to extend her hand to the chuckling Napoleon to shake it. "It's nice to see you again, Napoleon. Caitlin, you can call me just Lexi. Anything else, I may have to shoot you."
Illya whispered into Lexi's ear, she giggled, and then tried to act serious so she could properly greet the two men sitting across from them.
"Later, but now, let go of me so I can meet these two handsome men." She scolded, pushing Illya's arms off of her, and started pouring champagne into the empty glass. She took it and raised the crystal up. "To lovers and friends, may we each find one and keep the others close."
"Here, Here!"