"She'll wake soon."
Castiel could not ignore the look of relief on Dean when he healed Lisa. That was a look that people craved, that was a look of pure love.
Castiel would know, it's the same look he gives Dean.
"I wished this changed anything."
It felt like something was stabbing his vessels heart, but... no it wasn't Jimmy Novak, no, this was Castiel. He clutched his chest and fell to his knees in the softly lightened cabin. 'What is this feeling?' His piercing blue eyes darted around the room as if the room would give him an answer. 'Why do I feel this way?' he asked as he looked up, pleading for God to give him an answer.
"You know the reason, brother." Castiel turned his head slowly to his left.
"Gabriel? Why are you here?"
"You prayed. I answered."
"Brother, I do not understand." Castiel looked down at the floor. "Angels do not have the luxury of such feelings."
"You are falling for this human." It wasn't a question. Castiel didn't answer but simply closed his eyes.
"Is this my punishment, Gabriel? Has Father knowingly given me these feelings to punish me?" He opened his eyes to find that his vision was clouded, rubbing at his eyes he found his hand wet. 'Tears?'
"Come now, Castiel. This is a gift, you must embrace it as such." In the blink of an eye he was gone, leaving only the sound of wings in his wake. "This is no gift!"
The more Castiel thought about Dean and Lisa, the more his chest ached. "Please, Father tell me what to do. Why have you given me these feelings?" When no answer came he got off of the ground and sat on the battered sofa, he drew his legs up to his chest despite the tightness of the trench coat and the suit and wrapped his arms around them. Soon after the tears began to slip from his eyes. "You love him, Castiel." Jimmy asked from inside his head, "An angel is not capable."
"God commanded it."
Castiel was angry and confused, "Why?! I cannot love and I cannot be loved!" he shouted to the empty cabin. There was a sudden warmth enveloping him. His wings. They reached around from his back and encased him in a shell of protection. The wings let themselves be seen in times like these and they were the most beautiful things he had ever seen and the angel had seen a lot of things. Pure white, fluffy and warm and smelled strangely of chocolate, they encased him in a warm embrace to comfort him. He let himself cry harder as he knew his wings would always be there to protect him.
"You have my back don't you?" he chuckled slightly through the tears, and the wings shivered, "I know, that was a terrible attempt at humour." They tightened around him and they knew what they were asking. "He loves her." another squeeze, "Why would he want to love me? I betrayed him, I hurt him. No he is better without me." He stroked the soft feathers as he spoke almost in a trance lost in communication. "I have developed emotion, strong emotions towards Dean, yes."
Castiel looked up to Heaven, "I love him but I cannot have him."
"You are such a girl." Gabriel was back beside him, "So yea, he may have rode off into the sunset with some chick, yea he may have broken your new heart and yes maybe he is a dick-" "Is there a point to this?" "-My point is you have always been there for him. You Cas, not Lisa, you." He put his arm around Castiel and the younger angel put his head on his shoulder. "Who would want the smelly things anyway." They both chuckled
"And another thing, if he can't see you for the amazing angel you are, then it is his loss because you would be one heck of a catch. But if you repeat that to anyone I will deny it forever." Castiel smiled, "Thank you, Gabriel." Gabriel kissed the top of his messy hair, "Anytime brother, anytime."