After the Doctor saved the life of one of Clara's echoes who had been working as a prostitute and helped her build herself a new, better life he vows to never make use of her services. But the worse his relationship with the real Clara grows the harder it seems to resist Oswin's offer. Set during S8.
I know I had previously uploaded a much shorter, different version of this story with the same title but I had a better idea and rewrote the entire thing. I hope you enjoy it!
OOO
Clara going on mystery dates with a mystery man shouldn't bother him but it did. The Doctor was trying very hard to hide his dismay about that, channelling it into his adventures with her. They had to be bigger and better than any normal human date could ever be – unless your names were Bonnie and Clyde and bank robbing was your foreplay. But still Clara had gone off to her date, leaving the Doctor alone in his TARDIS, grumpy and a little more bored with himself than was probably good for him.
He selected a planet at random, checked if there was an atmosphere to breathe and once his ship had confirmed this the Doctor stepped outside, desperate for some fresh air. Though fresh was hardly the word he would have used to describe this. The planet was dark and stinking like garbage and decay and everything bad he could think of. The Doctor turned around, spotting a bar or a motel or whatever this rundown business was when the door already opened and a young woman stumbled outside.
The Doctor could hardly believe his eyes as he gawked at her. It was Clara. His Clara. He knew her tiny figure anywhere but then, as he looked closer, he realized that it wasn't his Clara at all. She had her body, yes, her face with the same round cheeks and dark, big eyes and her hair was of the same colour even though it was longer than Clara usually wore it. And those clothes, they weren't even clothes at all with that skirt just barely covering her arse.
But this Clara-that-wasn't-even-Clara wasn't the only person to step outside the establishment. She was followed by a tall creature and the Doctor didn't even need a lot of imagination to determine that he was a brute.
"He is one of our best clients!" the alien shouted threateningly, giving her a push, "Move your sexy arse back inside and be nice to him."
"I will not let this filth touch me!" the woman who wasn't Clara replied angrily, "Look what he did to Andrelina!"
"Worse things will happen to you if you don't go back inside, I promise!"
"Uhm, excuse me," the Doctor stepped between them, putting on a smile for the alien, "I've been looking for this girl all over the place. Seems that I have finally found her. What a lovely coincidence, huh?"
He turned around to the woman that wasn't Clara and winked at her, trying to get her to play along but she only looked at him in confusion.
"What do you want with her?" the alien spat angrily, "She belongs to me. Did she cause you trouble? Are you a dissatisfied customer? If that's a case, go inside and Vangie will find you another girl. We do not refund money."
So this establishment wasn't a bar and it wasn't a motel either. It was a brothel. And the woman who wasn't Clara seemed to be one of the girls working there. The Doctor had to make a choice and he had to make it quickly, so he pulled out his psychic paper, showing it to the alien.
"I work with the Judoon and I am here to arrest this woman," he pointed at his TARDIS, "See, brought my own police box to do so."
"What?!" the woman who wasn't Clara shrieked, "I haven't done anything wrong!"
The Doctor looked back at her, winking again but she still didn't seem to get the drift. She looked absolutely mortified.
"I said she was mine," the alien replied determinedly, "If you want her, you need to pay for her."
"How much?"
The alien pointed at her. "Look at her. She's young, she's healthy, she's pretty. She's been vaccinated against all diseases you lot try to carry into my business and she is definitely good at her job," he paused, "I'd say 10.000 credits and she's yours."
The Doctor sighed and hesitated a long moment before he spoke.
"See, the Shadow Proclamation wanted to send a whole army of Judoon to get her but I convinced them that you would probably not like that very much. They always cause a lot of trouble, you know? Leave the place all messy. But I'm sure you have insurance."
The Doctor waited but the alien only glared at him.
"What does the Shadow Proclamation even want with me?" the woman spoke again but the Doctor hushed her immediately.
"Yeah, what do they want with her?" the alien asked.
"I'm afraid that if I told you I would have to kill you afterwards. So, can I take her or," the Doctor pointed to the sky, "Would you like me to call the army of Judoon waiting up there? It would only take 15 minutes."
The alien hesitated again but eventually he growled. "Fine. Take her! She was trouble anyway but tell your Judoon friends my prices for them just went up by 20%!"
A moment later the door was slammed into their faces, leaving the Doctor alone outside with the woman that wasn't Clara.
"I, erm, I don't understand," she said, "What have I done wrong?! Who are you?"
The Doctor took off his coat and quickly placed it around her shoulders.
"Come on, let's go inside the police box and I'll explain everything," he said as calmly as possible, "You don't have to worry. You're safe now."
He attempted to guide her to the TARDIS but she stopped and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Just like Clara probably would have done in her situation.
"No, I'm not coming with you," she said determinedly.
The Doctor groaned and rolled his eyes in annoyance. Clara and her echoes. Stubborn, the whole lot of them.
"Did you like it here? Cause you're very welcome to just get back inside that brothel but if you want to go to a nicer place, somewhere safe where no one will ever hurt you, you come with me into my ship and I can take you there."
"Ship?" she glanced at the TARDIS, "It's made out of wood!"
Being at the end of his patience the Doctor simply opened the door and let the rest of what happened unfold. There was a lot of gasping, the widening of eyes, the usual it's bigger on the inside, she circled the TARDIS a couple of times before she finally stepped inside.
"Are you done now?" the Doctor asked after a while.
"Yeah," the woman smiled, still looking around the console room in awe, "I think I am."
Then her eyes came to rest upon him. "Who are you?"
"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey and this is my space time machine. It's called the TARDIS. I am here to help you, I really am. I want to take you somewhere safe, somewhere you can start over."
"Why?" she wanted to know.
Because you're an echo of the woman I love. Because I saw you and I though you were her. Because I made a random decision to come here and you just happened to stumble across my path.
The Doctor shrugged. "What's your name?"
"Oswin," she replied.
"Oswin," he repeated as he walked towards the console unit, looking at a map of possible planets he could drop her off on, "What do you like, Oswin? Warm weather? Cold weather? What are your skills?"
Suddenly she appeared next to him, cocking her head at him and smiling. "Warm weather," Oswin said, "And I know how to pleasure men."
"Oh, I know," the Doctor said excitedly, "Argolis. Not the radiation poisoned post war Argolis, no, I'm thinking some time in the future when it's back to be the thriving leisure planet. It's beautiful there. You could work in one of the wellness parks, become a massage therapist or something. I'm assuming you're good with those hands?"
"Very good, Doctor," she replied. There was something odd about her voice but the Doctor didn't look at her to see what what was wrong. However he soon felt it as her hand wandered across his chest.
"Do you want to see how good I am?" she asked him teasingly, still smiling at him, "My handsome Doctor. My hero."
Quickly the Doctor stepped away from her, laughing nervously. He couldn't let someone with Clara's face touch him like that. "Oswin, this is hardly the time. I'm trying to find you a new home."
A tiny frown appeared on her sweet face. "And I'm trying to say thank you."
The Doctor smiled kindly at her. "You know what would be a good way to thank me?"
Oswin looked at him quizzically.
"Let me take you to Argolis. Start a new life. Be happy."
"Will you visit me?" she asked him.
"Maybe."
OOO
Danny Pink. A soldier. It was as if Clara had picked the guy that would bother him the most for a purpose he didn't fully understand. She should have chosen the other one, the bowtie one. Why? The Doctor didn't really know why exactly it would have been better, maybe because it would have been proof that Clara had indeed felt the same for him as he was still feeling for her. But he was only a friend. Just like the Doctor was only a friend. A daft, old, wrinkled, alien friend with grey hair. The Doctor was angry at himself more than anyone else for his all too human feelings. Jealousy. That was the word.
Angrily he slammed the lever down, landing his TARDIS the only place he felt he could go. The Doctor needed a distraction and reassurance. He needed to care about something other than Clara Oswald for a moment.
"I knew you would come back!"
Oswin was standing on the front lawn of a beautiful, white house, dressed only in her morning robe and she was smiling at him.
"I heard your TARDIS," she said, still grinning, "I came downstairs immediately."
The Doctor tore his gaze from the beautiful woman who was looking so much better and healthier now than he remembered her, to stare at the house she now appeared to be living in.
"That's not where I left you," he noticed.
"I worked myself up the ladder. Do you like it?" Oswin nodded towards the large house that was almost a mansion.
"And with work you mean-" he couldn't finish his sentence.
"Why don't you come inside? We can talk there."
Oswin tightened the robe around her waist and the Doctor followed her into a nicely furnished living room but not without recognizing her impeccable taste. It had been four years since he had last seen her, four years during which he had hoped Oswin would have abandoned her profession.
"I am my own boss now. I select my own clients. They are all gentlemen, visitors of the resort and some even travel across the galaxies for a night with me, which is really flattering. I'm doing well, all thanks to you, Doctor," she explained as she poured him a cup of tea.
He accepted it thankfully.
"I was hoping you'd find work in a different. . . field," he said. There was no disappointment in his voice, just wonderment. He had left her with so many possibilities.
"I like it. I really do," Oswin said sincerely, "I have a couple of women working for me as well, women like me who have been through a lot. I make sure they are treated with the respect they deserve. I give them security, they give me 7% of their earnings. It is a fair trade and none of them have ever complained."
"You say you are pimping them out," the Doctor raised his eyebrows.
"I'm giving them a chance, a chance to make their own choices, to make a living for themselves without having to fear for their lives every single day," she corrected him sternly, "Very much like the chance you gave me."
Oswin filled a second cup of tea for herself and took a seat next to him. Her hand dropped to his knee, squeezing it lightly. Immediately the muscles in his body tensed up.
"My offer still stands, Doctor. It's the only way I know how to repay you," she said sweetly.
"Thanks," he hissed but at the same time he reached for her hand and gently lifted it to place it on her own leg.
"Are you married?" Oswin wanted to know.
The Doctor smiled. "Have been. A couple of times."
"Girlfriend?"
He bowed his head, staring into his teacup as if it could provide him with an answer as to how exactly he felt about Clara. But if there was one thing she was not then it was his girlfriend.
"No."
"If you're in love you shouldn't feel bad about it. You're not cheating on anyone. And she would never know. Every man has urges, Doctor. Allow me to tend to yours. Please?"
Those eyes. Those big, brown eyes told him that she was absolutely sincere about her offer and a part of him wanted to accept, wanted to kiss and touch her in ways the real Clara would never want him to.
"I'm no man," he told her with a weak smile.
"Maybe not. But maybe you are more of a man than you would like to admit."
As he looked into her beautiful, familiar face some dark corner of his mind started questioning himself. Clara would never know and at least Oswin wanted him. How could she not? It was her purpose in life. She was already born fixated on him, like all of Clara's echoes, and he made a vow right there, right then to never use her to satisfy this all too human desire for his unsuspecting companion.
OOO
The first time the Doctor slept with Oswin was now nothing but a very fuzzy blur in his memory. All he could remember was Clara leaving him after an adventure with Courtney on the moon. He'd gone to a dubious bar somewhere in space where no one would ever bother him and he'd gotten drunk for the first time in a few regenerations. The next thing he knew was that he woke up in Oswin's bed, naked. He had never felt so ashamed in his entire life.
"You were really sweet last night," she tried to reassure him, gently running her hand over his chest, "You shouldn't feel bad about it."
"I don't have money to pay you," the Doctor replied coldly.
"I won't allow you to ever pay me. You saved my life, remember?"
He scoffed and turned to stare at the ceiling.
"Why did you call me Clara last night?" Oswin asked curiously. She didn't seem mad about it, or angry, only curious and he didn't even have the heart to tell her.
Wordlessly he picked up his clothing from the bedroom floor. The Doctor couldn't bear to look at her, at Oswin – or Clara – it didn't matter, it was the same, sweet face. He had used and violated them both. The Doctor stumbled out of the house and told himself that he would never return to Oswin.
OOO
Their adventure on the Orient Express could have been wonderful. But he felt so nervous the entire time, hardly able to look Clara in the eyes after what he had done and every time he did look the Doctor felt overcome by the urge to kiss her, just like he had kissed Oswin. He wanted to sweep her up and take her against the wall of one of those train carriages and for a brief moment he thought that maybe Clara would want it, too. But he was only confusing her with Oswin. Clara was just too happy with her P.E. teacher that wasn't even a P.E. teacher. Yet the Doctor couldn't resist. After he had carried her to safety, away from the TARDIS to a place that Clara would probably like to wake up to, he stole a brief kiss from her while she was sleeping. It was an innocent gesture, just a peck on the forehead, nothing she would ever hold against him but enough to express how much he cared for her. He would trade all of his remaining regenerations in exchange for a life with Clara. Not just as a companion. He wanted to be her everything, just like she was to him.
OOO
He rang the doorbell, nervously shifting his weight from one leg to the other and already considered running back to his TARDIS and taking off when Oswin opened the door.
"Doctor," she blurted out in surprise, "I didn't expect to see you again."
He couldn't say a thing, but he felt the muscles of his face twitch as he was attempting to find the words. Luckily Oswin seemed to have understood exactly what he was trying to tell her. Gently she reached out and took his hand, leading him inside the house.
"No need to feel ashamed," she whispered, smiling kindly.
Oswin possessed the same kindness that he had always loved about Clara. Everything she did seemed to him as if it came directly from her heart. As if it was the most normal thing she invited him into her living room, taking his coat from him before carefully placing it over a chair. The Doctor let Oswin lead him to the sofa and he sat down, still unable to say even a single word. She was doing everything in her power to make him feel welcome and safe and there was a warmth coming from her that made him forget why exactly he wanted to leave.
Oswin sank down on the couch next to him, her body heat feeling close and comforting and she raised a hand and placed it carefully on his chest, right above his twin heartbeat.
"Are you alright?" Oswin asked him sincerely, her lips curled into a soft smile.
"I, erm," he spluttered, trying to find the right words, "I'm not sure I should really be here."
"I'm glad you're here."
The Doctor said nothing, instead he watched as her hand wandered to the buttons of his waistcoat and she slowly started to open it.
"I know you're a good man," Oswin said, "I know that you think it's wrong and that you're nervous and you have doubts."
"What gave me away?" he chuckled nervously.
"Doctor, I do this for a living. I know men. And I know that there is nothing wrong with what we are doing," she said kindly, "There is nothing wrong with you for wanting someone. Everyone needs someone or something and trust me, you are nothing like the sad creatures that come here to pay for me."
"Are you like this with everyone?" he asked, though he didn't know why he felt the need to know.
"Yes," she replied, her hand slipping to his belt, "Unless they don't want me to. Some like to be bossed around, some like to be cuddled. Either is fine by me. And there is one thing they all have in common. They all deserve a moment of happiness and you more than anyone else."
The Doctor closed his eyes as her careful hands slipped beneath the fabric of his underpants. Her skin was warm and soft and her fingers were beginning to stroke him into awareness. The blood was slowly starting to leave his brain to rush south.
"How does it feel?" she asked curiously.
"Uhm," he hesitated, eyes still closed, "Good."
He hissed and almost jumped from his seat as she tightened her grip around him for a second.
"Relax," Oswin whispered, placing the hand that wasn't busy with him on his thigh, "I won't do anything that you don't want me to. Okay?"
The Doctor gulped and nodded. One moment later her hands were gone and he opened his eyes to see what exactly she was doing. Her fingers were now on his waistband, pulling to free him of his trousers and soon he felt utterly exposed to her. Oswin didn't seem at all bothered by it as she bent down and placed a kiss on the tip of his growing erection. Watching her, this woman that wore Clara's face, perform such a task on him seemed both a sacrilege and the completion of his wildest, darkest dreams.
He whimpered as she wrapped her lips around him and began to suck him into the warmth of her mouth. It felt so utterly wrong to let Oswin do this and yet he didn't want her to stop. He didn't want this feeling of her lips around him, her swirling tongue, that sweet sounds of pleasure that she made to ever stop. The Doctor could feel himself grow harder with every passing second and he was only just able to resist the urge to thrust up inside her mouth, make her take all of him at once, harder and faster but instead he looked at her and stared right into his Clara's eyes. He quickly covered his face in his hands to hide his shame. Then suddenly her mouth was gone and he felt the distinct lack of her like a sharp pain.
"Don't," Oswin said softly as she reached for his hands and drew them away from his face and to her breasts instead. The Doctor became increasingly aware now that she was on top of him, straddling his lap and hovering right over the centre of his pleasure. It would be so easy to satisfy his needs and she was so willing to do it. He just had to say the word.
"I can't do this," he said weakly, "It doesn't feel right."
Instead of saying something Oswin bent down and kissed his lips and he could still taste himself on her own mouth. She traced his tongue with her own playfully and suddenly he wanted her mouth back around his shaft. His cock was so painfully hard now that he could feel it throbbing between his legs, aching for the tightness of her. She sucked his lips and the Doctor let out a moan that was somewhere in between arousal and pain.
"Do it," he whimpered breathlessly against her lips in defeat, "Just do it."
The Doctor didn't have to ask her a second time. Oswin adjusted her position, lifted up her skirt and then slowly lowered herself on top of him. He groaned loudly as he slid inside of her and his eyes fluttered and shut as he felt her wet heat around him and she slowly started moving on top of him. He couldn't look at her, at Clara, as she rode him, steadily increasing the speed if her movements. The feeling of her was overwhelming. The Doctor's hands wandered to her waist and then her arse, guiding her as she slid up and down his cock. When she tightened her walls around him he let out a cry of pleasure and thrust up harder. Oswin moaned in response. He imagined he was back in his TARDIS, sitting in his favourite arm chair and Clara was on top of him. If only he was really there. She keened on top of him, slamming herself down on him.
"Fuck," he panted right before he heard her moan again as her fingers dug through the fabric of his shirt.
"God, you feel good," she mewled while bending forward just a little but enough to change the angle and the entire sensation of her. He buried himself deeper.
"Say my name," he demanded, panting, diving frantically inside of her now. He getting closer, every thrust feeling just a little sweeter, just a little bit worse. He needed release.
"Doctor," Oswin moaned, "Yes, Doctor, right there. . . mmhhhh."
It was Clara's voice, Clara's moans that pushed him over the edge and he thrust up mercilessly. It didn't matter now. She was Clara to him in this moment that he was so close and the only thoughts left in his head were how good she felt around him and how desperately he needed to come. He moaned as his movements stilled and he poured himself inside of her, the bittersweet pang of climax so closely followed by feelings of utter emptiness. For a moment they both remained absolutely still except for their heavy breathing and the Doctor knew that the damage was done. He knew he would come back to Oswin, knew that this one time – or those two times – wouldn't do.
OOO
On some days he tried to justify what he was doing. Every echo of Clara was created to save him. So maybe this one was created to save him in that way. Oswin could never be Clara, he would never invite her into his TARDIS and travel with her. She was nothing but a shadow of the woman he really loved but when she was on top of him, driving herself down on his cock it somehow didn't really matter, at least not for the moment. When the Doctor was with Clara he banned all thoughts about Oswin from his mind, keeping them both separated like the were. Clara had touched his hearts, Oswin got to touch his body. At times it really did seem that simple.
There were some times however that he slipped, like that time they were looking for the lost girl in the forest. The Doctor had started flirting with Clara like he flirted with Oswin. You find yourself with a strangely compelling, masculine figure. Thank God Clara had been too preoccupied with finding her student to pay any attention to him. Yes, Oswin was saving him. She was saving him from ruining his wonderful friendship with Clara by acting on his feelings for her. Oswin was the outlet and she liked it and if the Doctor was completely honest he was starting to like it, too.
After the situation with the surprise forest had been dealt with and the Doctor had left an exhausted Clara in her flat, he stopped by Oswin only to realize that he had decided to visit her on her birthday. This would be the only exception. He told her to put on something pretty and invited her into his TARDIS.
"Where are you taking me?" Oswin beamed at him as he pulled a lever on the TARDIS console.
"Birthday dinner," he replied as his time machine materialized in the best suite of a five star hotel floating in the middle of a spectacular nebula.
Oswin gasped when she left the TARDIS and spotted the sight in front of the window. For a brief moment the Doctor wondered what Clara's reaction would be if he took her here. Certainly not the same, he assumed, as he found himself lying flat on the bed a few seconds later with Oswin on top of him.
"Don't you wanna get dinner first?" he asked while she hastily worked to undo his belt.
"Dinner can wait," she smiled, pressing her lips against his.
An hour later they both walked down the hotel corridors to the restaurant like they had every right to be there. If they were spoken to the Doctor would just pull the psychic paper from his pocket.
"This is the best birthday I have ever had. Thank you," she smiled as she sipped her wine.
"Just wait for your next one," the Doctor winked at her. Yes, it was probably alright to take her somewhere for a special occasion. It wasn't as if Clara minded him travelling with other people from time to time although he always preferred her company and as long as he didn't tell her about who Oswin really was everything was going to be okay.
"Can I ask you something?" Oswin suddenly said and the Doctor hated the tone of her voice already.
"You can ask me anything. Whether you will get an answer is a different matter."
"Have you ever told her how you feel about her?" she wanted to know.
There it was. The question the Doctor had been dreading. He had known that it would come up sooner or later because Oswin might not have been Clara, but she had her empathy and her brains and she had come to know him well in the time they had spent together, even though they hadn't exactly spent that time talking to each other.
"I know there is someone and I know that you care for her deeply and, correct me if I'm wrong, I think she is the reason you rescued me from that brothel years ago," Oswin said calmly, "Somehow I remind you of her. That's why you sometimes call me Clara without even noticing it."
The Doctor admired her right now. Not only was she too smart for her own good but also because she knew and she still seemed to be utterly at ease with the fact that he was only with her because he couldn't have the woman he really loved.
He opened his mouth to speak but Oswin carried on.
"I don't care, Doctor. I don't care why you saved me. You did and that makes you my hero and I will love you no matter what. You are always welcome in my house but you should tell her, tell Clara how you feel about her. You never know when it might be too late."
"It's too late already," the Doctor admitted weakly, "She is with someone else. I might have had a chance when I was still wearing another face but Clara is not into this."
The Doctor made a gesture, pointing at his own face.
"Have you asked her? I can't imagine you would fall for someone that shallow."
"Maybe you're right, maybe I should," he replied, mainly to finally get her to stop talking about Clara. He knew that he could never tell her. Not as long as there was Danny.
OOO
Sometimes it was more important to pleasure Oswin than to have her pleasure him. Sometimes the Doctor just wanted her to come for him and he used every technique he had learned in his 2000 years of wandering around the universe to make her writhe in the sheets and cry out his name with Clara's voice. Oswin told him that he was more than just a client (and he definitely was since she never allowed him to pay, even though he had obtained some credits to do so), though what exactly they were for each other neither of them felt the need to name.
Sometimes the Doctor wanted her on top. He wanted her bossy. He wanted to utterly surrender to her as she teased him for hours without granting him release he needed. Sometimes he wanted to be her boss and Oswin always seemed to know exactly what he was in the mood for when he showed up on her doorstep.
Sometimes he brought her a present, a dress like Clara would have chosen it and he would ask her to wear her hair like she always did.
"You were a very bad student today, Doctor," Oswin said, turning away from the TARDIS blackboard after she had scribbled something on it, "I'm going to have to give you detention."
The marks she left on him that day made him appreciate the high collars of his shirts a lot more as he went to pick up Clara just a few hours and a short nap later. It was all going really well.
OOO
The Doctor knew he had done the right thing even if it broke his hearts. Clara was better off with Danny. Together they could do what humans always did. Buy a house, plant a tree, make more humans. The Doctor knew she'd be happier so he had lied to her. He was just a daft, old man who was standing in her way of having a completely normal life so the Doctor had decided to take himself out of the equation. Yet that wasn't the only reason he had told her the lie about finding Gallifrey.
He loved Clara and seeing her so in love with another man was hurting him more than leaving her altogether. At least this kind of pain was going to subside eventually. There was only one thing that he needed to take care of.
The Doctor's feet felt heavy as he walked up to Oswin's door and the smile with which she greeted him only made it worse. It only took her one look at him. One look and she knew. She always knew. Neither of them even spoke a word.
He carried her upstairs, intending to make love to her one last time in every possible way he knew. He wanted to make her fall apart until she was too exhausted to even more, he wanted to watch her sleep until she had regained the strength to give him back exactly what he had given her. He wanted to kiss her, touch her, tell her how beautiful she was and how much he had enjoyed every second with her, he wanted to thank her for everything she had ever done for him. He wanted this night to be his parting gift.
Yet when the Doctor saw her sitting on her bed, the spitting image of Clara all he could do was cry. They ended up lying on her bed, curled up, his arms around Oswin and her arms around the Doctor and it was all he ever needed. This last night was the best night she had ever given him.