Swan Queen Week Summer 2016
Day 3 – Insecurities
The fact that someone from the outside world managed to contact Emma was concerning enough, but when the blonde called her at two in the morning from a payphone in Boston, Regina knew she wasn't going to be getting much sleep for the next week.
"But you've already been gone a week," she'd insisted, her voice husky from sleep and deepening with frustration. "Henry's been worried. I've been worried."
"I know, I'm sorry," said Emma, and her tired sigh could be easily heard even over their atrocious, crackling phone connection. "But I've gotta finish this, I owe him that much."
Her old employer from Boston had finally called in the favor she owed him, and she respected the guy well enough to agree to it. He'd helped get her back on her feet when she'd first gotten into the bail-bondsperson work, so there had been no hesitation when he tracked down her number one day and had her driving out to Boston that same night.
"Just come home soon, Emma. Please." Regina was starting to hate sleeping alone. She hadn't slept alone ever since Emma moved in a year ago, and now she twisted absently at the engagement ring on her finger, a habit she'd picked up almost immediately after her fiancée had put the ring there a month ago. "I hate you being so far away."
"Me too," the blonde breathed out, longing in her voice. "I miss you too, Regina."
She didn't hear from Emma again for days. She had broken her phone while trying to chase down a suspect, apparently, and promised to replace it while she was in the city, but eight nights later and Regina was still glaring holes into her own silent cellphone, willing it to ring.
When it did, she was disappointed to see Snow's number pop up.
"Snow," Regina answered it, her tone cool and lofty. There was a pause of hesitation on the other end - she and Snow had been getting along so much better since her engagement to Emma - before the other brunette found her voice.
"Regina. How are you doing?"
"How do you think I'm doing?" she snapped, irritation bubbling up.
"We miss her too. Why don't you and Henry come over for dinner? David brought out the barbecue-"
"No, thank you," Regina sneered. "You two idiots are hardly an acceptable replacement for my idiot of a fiancée."
More silence. There was a long sigh.
"Regina…"
"No. Don't." Annoyed, she grit her teeth together.
"She's going to be fine. Emma will always find her way back to us."
"I swear to god, Snow-"
"I'm just trying to help," the other brunette said patiently, her tone brooking no room for argument. "We're all worried too. And we're family. We comfort each other."
Regina pinched the bridge of her nose, reigning in her anger. The idiot was right, of course, but it didn't make her any more comfortable with accepting the comfort and support. "I'm… sorry. I'll send Henry over shortly, he could use the distraction."
"Okay." For once, Snow didn't push her, and for that she was grateful. She ended up sending Henry over with an overnight bag, and when he frowned at her with concern - her sweet, sweet boy was always so sensitive to her well-being - she promised him she'd be fine, deciding that a quiet night alone with some wine would be good for her.
It was half past midnight when the familiar rumble of an old Volkswagon Beetle coughed its way into the driveway. Regina was halfway down the staircase, hair disheveled and yanking a silk robe over her nightgown, when the front door swung open and Emma stumbled in through the darkness.
"Emma!" The brunette tore across the foyer prepared to shout at her fiancée for going MIA without a word, but stopped short when she actually took in the blonde's appearance. She didn't look injured or roughed up, but there was something about the way she stood, shoulders hunched and spine slouched, her head ducked, hair hanging limp over her face, and her arms coiled around her body to make herself seem almost small and unimposing. And the look in her eyes - green eyes once so vibrant and full of life were now dull, uncertain and anxious.
"You're back," Regina breathed out instead, quickly closing the distance to pull Emma into her embrace. Where once she sunk into the blonde's stronger, more muscular frame, Emma now sagged into her arms, burying her face into thick dark hair and breathing in deeply to settle herself. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Emma mumbled into the side of her neck. "It's just been a long few weeks."
Liar, Regina thought, but she couldn't bear to accuse the blonde of it, not when she looked so defeated. Instead she said, "Come, let's get you washed up and into bed, darling."
Her fiancée put up no resistance as she led her upstairs and into their ensuite, telling her to shuck her boots and clothes while she started up a steamy bath. When she finally turned around and saw Emma in the bathroom's florescent lighting, she couldn't stop the gasp from escaping her lips.
"Emma! How did this happen?" She rushed forward towards the now half-naked blonde, hands outstretched to grab her face and survey the damage. Emma flinched away and Regina stopped dead in her tracks.
"It's not a big deal, okay?" the blonde muttered, turning away. The ugly purple and green discolouring across the side of her cheek next to her eye was painfully obvious now, likely a few days old considering how dark it was against her pale skin.
"Who did this to you?" Regina moved towards her again, this time slowly, afraid to spook her fiancée. She settled her hands on either side of Emma's face, thumbs grazing the soft skin, her dark eyes full of worry and empathy now. She'd had a similar looking bruise once, when Cora had lost her temper and struck her across the face for her insolence. She'd been twelve, and her mother had locked her in her room for a week as punishment until the bruise healed on its own. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on a tinge of anger, anger at whoever dared to hurt her. "Who did this to you?"
"Regina, please." It was a whispered plea, cracked and broken, green eyes flooding with wetness. Regina pulled her down and kissed her, hands smoothing down wild blonde hair as her fiancée clung to her with a soft sob. In a way that Regina recognized all too well, Emma stifled her cries after a moment and threw her walls back up, blank emptiness in her eyes once more as she finished undressing and lowered herself into the tub. The brunette pulled over a low stool and sat next to the tub, moving to wash Emma's hair in much the same way she used to do for Henry. The blonde just sunk lower into the water, knees to her chest and arms curled around them.
"I wish you would talk to me," the brunette whispered, careful not to startle the other woman with too loud a sound. Emma tilted her head up when Regina rinsed her hair, eyes closed and lips tightly pursed. Regina's eyes fell to the pale hands tightly clasped around her knees and felt her heart sink. After Emma had adorned her ring finger with a beautiful diamond encased by a golden swan, she'd bought a matching gold and diamond-dusted band for the blonde. Emma liked the sleek simplicity of it, still elegant and beautiful without risk of it catching on anything while she was on the job. "Emma, where's your ring?"
Those pale hands twitched, as if considering moving out of view before thinking better of it. When Emma spoke, her voice was thin. "In the Bug. I had to take it off for the job."
It wasn't much of a reassurance. Regina's fingers stilled in her hair. "Did you…"
"No." She sounded strangled. "I would never. I just… had to flirt a little. Couldn't let him see the band. I promise, I wouldn't… I'd never..."
"I trust you."
Hair sufficiently cleaned, Regina grabbed a washcloth and began gently scrubbing the blonde's pale skin, running the cloth along a sharp collarbone. The blonde looked thinner, more angular. She wondered if she had the ingredients she'd need to make a heavy lasagne for tomorrow, knowing Emma could easily over-eat her famous lasagne.
Dipping the cloth into steamy water again, she dabbed it against Emma's cheek, careful not to press too hard on the hideous bruise. The blonde grabbed her wrist, holding her still, nestling her face against her hand a moment before drawing back to stare sadly down at the diamond on Regina's ring finger.
"Why did you say yes?"
For a moment, Regina forgot how to breathe. "Excuse me?"
Emma released her hand and looked forlornly up at her, eyes so uncertain and so hurt that - for once - Regina's first reaction was to feel heartbroken, not angry. The rational part of her mind thought that she should have been angry, to have her choice, her love, doubted. The rest of her saw the rejected, unwanted little lost girl who thought that she didn't matter and never would, and oh, how could she be angry at all?
"Oh, Emma," she whispered, leaning over the edge of the tub to draw her fiancée closer to her without caring that her silk robe was getting wet. "You are brave, and kind, and good, and you have saved me and trusted me and loved me until I learned to love myself. I said yes because I love you, Emma. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."
The blonde hid her face against Regina's collarbone and shook her head ever so slightly, muffling her soft cries against her robes. "You deserve so - so much better-"
"Whoever made you think so lowly of yourself is a fool," Regina growled, pulling back to hold Emma's face between her hands and force her to meet her gaze. "You listen to me, Emma Swan. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met, you are the mother of my son, and you are the love of my life. I said yes because you make me happy. I said yes because you are enough."
Green eyes blurred over and Emma succumbed to a fresh bout of tears, burying herself against the crook of Regina's neck, fingers clutching the now soaked fabric of her silk robe until the knuckles turned white. Regina just stroked her wet hair, cradling her close, murmuring soft words of love and reassurance as her fiancée cried.
"You're enough, Emma," she whispered, pressing kisses to blonde hair. "You're enough."
"You're enough," Emma had whispered fiercely, clutching to Regina as the brunette sunk into her strong embrace, muffling her sobs into the red leather jacket she used to pretend to hate so much. Henry had slipped into the background with his grandparents to give them a moment of privacy, not wanting to encroach on the moment. "You're more than enough."
"Yes," Regina had sobbed against her chest, wrapping her arms so tightly around Emma's neck that the blonde almost had trouble breathing.
"Yes?" Emma had pulled back, smiling wide even as her own eyes shone with tears. In her free hand, she still clutched the ring, the diamond-adorned swan glinting in the moonlight. When Regina held out a shaking hand, Emma slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her. In the next moment, Henry had tackled them both, the three of them stumbling back and bumping into the apple tree in Regina's backyard, laughing together even through their tears.
"I love you, Emma," the brunette had whispered, quiet enough that the Charmings wouldn't have heard her because she was still not ready to let them see past her walls, but it was enough for her family.
"I love you both," Henry said, squeezing them tightly together. "We're enough."
Later, when they lay curled together in bed, dried off and nestled into thick blankets, Regina decided that she didn't want to wait any longer. They'd waited long enough.
"Let's pick a day."
Emma lifted her head from where she'd been resting on the brunette's shoulder. "Really?"
"Yes. This year. As soon as possible. I want to call you my wife." She reached out and linked their hands, her fingers tangling with Emma's and feeling the smooth wedding band where it belonged. "You and Henry are all I want."
Green eyes locked onto brown ones for a long moment, exchanging words unspoken. Gently, she leaned down and connected their lips in a feather-light kiss.
"Okay. Whenever you want. As soon as you want. Let's get married."
"Good." Reaching up a hand, Regina carefully brushed her fingers across the bruise. "Will you tell me what happened?"
Emma leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering. They'd promised to tell each other everything, to slowly unravel every story in their pasts until it no longer hurt to talk about, nothing more than history. No more lies, no more secrets. "I will. Can I tell you tomorrow? Right now, I just…"
"I know. It's okay. Come here, darling." Regina rolled over, letting the blonde nestle herself against her chest like a child seeking comfort.
Tomorrow they would talk, work through what happened in Boston, discuss wedding plans. Tonight, they would fall asleep in the warmth and safety of each other's arms.