While I'm on the subject of making angsty Dib-related fics, I thought this might work. For awhile I've wanted to do another songfic, one for IZ, but I couldn't think of a song that fit any of the characters or anything like that for a good while. Then, it hit me. Well, if you can define 'hit me' as 'was played over the intercom at work' then I guess it did. To my surprise, it was incredibly befitting – it was perfect (note irony in that and the song title). In fact, I was a little dis-coordinated while I was bagging stuff – I was making sure it would fit. And fit it did. The song, if you haven't figured it out yet, is "Perfect" by Simple Plan (I'm not a big fan, so there. I'm just using it cuz it works so absurdly well). Anyhoot, I figured to do this before I move on with my 'Dib Snaps' series (you read correctly, I said series). I think I'll do some Zim stuff afterwards, but I just like Dib that much. Yes, that's why I drove him to the point of sadistic insanity.
RANDOM DISCLAIMER WITH A POINTY HAT: Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon own everything there is to own about IZ, and Perfect by Simple Plan belongs to Simple Plan – who else? Now stop stalking me.
Perfect
Dib hesitantly placed his hand upon the car door's leaver. He stared at the steering wheel in his car with a look of concern as he attempted to figure out how to deal with what the heck he was doing. What the heck was he doing anyhow? He didn't belong here; he shouldn't be there. A familiar feeling kicked in as he bit his lip slightly – rejection, as memories from his past came back to haunt him as he sat in his parked car in the driveway of his father's house. His old house. His old… home. How many times had his father, a respected scientist, simply thrown around that word? Insane? Hopeless? Crazy? Which word? He couldn't remember, but he could have guessed that any of them were fairly accurate. At least from his father's eyes – a man who had expected his own son to follow in his great and highly acknowledged footsteps. That had never been Dib's drive though. No, his passion laid in something fairly adjacent to his dad's "Real Science". The paranormal was Dib's main focus; the world knew it. He knew it. His dad knew it too – and shunned it. So it was no big surprise to anyone when Dib had grown up and became the respected and well-known Paranormal Investigator he had always dreamed of being ever since he was so very young… so what was he doing in the driveway of this house, belonging very man whom had rejected him for his passion? He knew. It was something he had to do; it was haunting him ever since he had left this place. Pushing down on the handle, the car door opened as he stepped out from his vehicle and stood on the driveway, which was no longer so perfect as it once was before, and had cracked and sprouted some weeds since the days of his youth. How ironic. Dismissively, he swung his hand that was gently touching the car's door, and let momentum do the rest with a quiet 'klud'. He took a breath before walking up to the front door and forcing himself to press the doorbell before he had second thoughts. Momentarily, the door swung open, and he was greeted with familiar, yet surprised eyes.
Hey dad look at meThink back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
"Son?" Professor Membrane had visibly aged since the days he was known as savior of the world, or whatnot. He was an old man now, and was now looking at the face of the boy who had let him down so harshly way back when. The anger that had built up within him about this history all but faded away as he stuttered in an attempt to compose himself. "W-w-what are you doing here?" Dib tried to smile, but he felt his father's gaze pierce his false expression.
"Hi dad…" he didn't think his father could feel his intimidation, but it weighed more then any of the high-tech equipment he had used before. Dib was sure of it. "Mind if I… come in? I'd like to talk to you."
"Certainly, son." Professor Membrane opened his door in a gracious host-like manner. Dib could hear the icy tone of his father's frustration lingering upon the edges of his voice. They may have both been 'opponents' in science, but they were still father and son. The one thing Dib couldn't tell was: which part of this man would he be talking to? Trying to not let it bother him, he entered the house that had once been his as well – at least in perspective.
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
After leading his son into the living room, he gestured to some comfortable looking chairs that had taken the place of that old couch that Dib had spent many hours sitting, eating, and watching Mysterious Mysteries on. Dib ignored his hesitation in this hostile place and took a seat in one of the chairs. His right hand, obscured by his legs, fidgeted with his long, black trench coat. Of course he was nervous, why wouldn't he be? He just tired to prevent the reality of the situation overwhelm him, and stop him from saying the things he had needed to say for so long. His father, on the other hand, had taken his seat; body movements suggested some irritation at his son's presence.
"I see that you never got over your insanity, Dib."
"Oh, so I'm insane if I follow my heart?" Dib snapped back, lurching forward in his chair. His father recoiled slightly in surprise, but nothing more as he narrowed his eyes at the Paranormal Investigator. "Calm down, Dib. Don't make the same mistake you made last time." Dib sat back in his chair in a ditch attempt to calm himself down, "I know you're not happy with my life choice, but I made it. You'll just have to finally accept it."
"You're Para-Science is hardly a
field of work at all. How can I accept that?" Dib slouched slightly in
his chair – things weren't going the way that he had planned it.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
But then again, Dib never really had a plan for this to begin with. He hadn't planned on him growing up so fast and suddenly receiving a lot of pressure from his father to try and force him into "real science". He hadn't planned all those fights not only at night, but in the day as well. He hadn't planned on throwing everything about his family away at 18 and going off to pursue his dream, without his father scolding him about how wrong paranormal science was. He hadn't planned on feeling so much depression and remorse for the way he had behaved, and so he tried to look at paranormal science differently – he began doing things in his field for his dad, solely to prove to that man that paranormal science was as real as real science was. He hadn't planned that for each discovery he made, for each false case he proved wrong, and for anything he did he certainly didn't plan on dedicating it all to his father to show what he could do. His father never cared, not even though he proved that paranormal science was legitimate every single time, it was never respected or important in his father's eyes.But Dib couldn't change that, so that was why he was doing this.
"Ok, let's try this again Dib." After a moment of recollecting his thoughts and calming down, he finally had a chance to say it.
"I'm sorry I didn't become what you wanted me to become." His father looked at him shocked. "I know that you really expected me to carry on your work, but I'm not you. I'm sorry that your dream of me working by your side for the rest of your courier never came true, and I'm sorry that-" His dad tried to interrupt him, but Dib dismissed it with a wave of his hand, and a facial expression that read 'let me finish'. "And I'm sorry that I was the reason that a good number of your works were ruined during the time I was here with you. That, however, still doesn't change the fact that I live on doing what I want to do. That, above all else, I follow with a passion. You should be able to understand at least that. And, if being passionate makes me insane, then I guess you're insane too."
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
Professor Membrane looked at his son with compassionate eyes, something Dib could vaguely remember the look of; it took a minute to even recognize the emotion that his dad was expressing. Dib couldn't help but wonder if this was as hard on the Professor as it was on himself. Talks like these are always large dilemmas in the modern world, with all the problems of modern life…
"I'm happy to see you son… even if you let me down. I realized that you'd grow up following that para-science, I didn't want to accept that. Even now, after all these years, I don't think I still can. You let me down more then you know, son. It hurts this old heart of mine even now. It also pains me that I didn't support you," Dib looked instantly surprised at this remark, "as I should have been someone to encourage you when the entire world looked down upon you." The very thought that his father had contemplated this, yet had done nothing, left Dib feeling rejected. Again. "I suppose I was just too busy with my work."
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"Somehow, I couldn't help but feel that things could have been a lot different between us." Dib sighed, as he remembered all those times where neither of them actually tried to talk to one another. The older they became, the further they had grown apart; from that standpoint they were too separate to actually become more of a 'loving' father and son relationship. It was too late for that now. Dib stood up, but didn't look at his father, "I've said what I meant to say. Goodbye, dad." He spoke with some sadness in his voice as he left the place he felt he never belonged.
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be
Perfect…
For awhile I planned on doing the whole song, but it turned out kinda badly. I didn't want to ruin it, so I kept it short. I hope you don't mind. And, with that, I'm off to… uh… plot and stuff. Maybe even that sequel… yeah. Be sure to look out for that sometime in the near (or not so near) future. If you haven't read it, then read it!
Ciao
Drago or Holly. Whichever one you prefer.