Holy Flying Penguins

by ForevermoreNevermore

First in my Post-Apocolyptic series. It may be the end of the world, but it sure as heck isn't what the blonde alchemist expected.

Welcome, friends, to my Post-Apocolyptic series. And yes, it's as wierd as it sounds!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

"HOLY FLYING PENGUINS!" Those were the fateful words that started it all. Roy Mustang shouted those words one-day.

"What?" Ed asked, turning to stare at his Roy. He gave him a stare that clearly said 'idjit'.

"Holy flying penguins!" he repeated like he was talking to a kindergarten kid. Ed shook his head slightly and walked on.

"Whatever. All that strain must have gone to your already empty head," he muttered. Roy skipped a bit to catch up.

"Don't the words 'Holy Flying Penguins' mean anything to you?" Roy asked. Ed looked as though he were thinking about it.

"No," he said, patting the colonel's shoulder and walking on.

"I hope the flying penguins rain asparagus spears of doom down upon your short head…" Roy muttered to himself. "And then poop on your remains." Roy stood there for a moment longer before catching up.

"You don't seem to understand you spazzy midget! There are penguins… in the sky… with holes in their chest!" Roy shouted, his eye twitching. Ed cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Mustang… first of all, penguins can't fly. They're fat and blubbery. Second of all, if they had holes in they're chests… they'd be dead," Ed said assuringly. "Like you're about to be," he muttered under his breath.

"But Edward! They're going to take over the world! Would you just look up?" Mustang shouted spastically. Edward turned around and slapped him.

"Get a hold of yourself man! There… are… no… penguins… in… the… sky!" Ed shrieked. Roy looked dumbly at him.

"There's one on your head," he muttered, pointing down at the small blonde's head. Ed slowly looked up… and the penguin looked down.

And so… the Holy Flying Penguins took over the world. Ed survived, though, because when he put a tux on the penguins just thought that he had a good puberty. That didn't last long, though. The penguins knew that he had to have a hole in him, so they put one in him. They soon realized that humans can't survive with a hole in their chest. Edward… R.I.P.