The real crappy Birthday
Harry Potter was sat at the table, having breakfast with his really nasty relatives, the Dursleys, but he wasn't having a proper breakfast, he was just having the left overs.
"Harry, pass me the milk you dickhead" Dudley ordered.
"Get it yourself you lazy fart" replied Harry in a rather cocky manner "No one orders the almighty Harry Potter around".
"No, you get it or I'll unscrew your head off and feed it to next doors dog" Dudley threatened.
"Say the Magic word" Harry said, only to get a good whacking around the earhole from uncle Vernon as he had forbidded the M-word in the Dursley household since Harry had arrived back from Hogwarts.
"Are you deaf as well as stupid, never ever MENTIONE THE M-WORD IN THIS HOUSE". Uncle Vernon had yelled so loudly that the whole house shook.
"Now, I have some very important visitors coming round later and I want everythign to be perfect" Vernon announced.
"Why would any important visitors come here, you are not important" Harry commented. Vernon gave him and evil glare. "Shut up you prick".
"So sorry your highness" replied Harry with a bow. Vernon was getting very angry now.
"Are you taking the piss out of me because if you are, I will hit you" he growled.
"Come on then fatty" said Harry with his arms out "hit me if it'll make you feel good". Vernon roared and went to hit Harry who ducked just in time.
"Now, as I was saying before I was rudely interupted" Vernon gives Harry the daggers who just flips of vernon in response " I have some very important visitors coming over later and I want eveerything to be perfect, so Petunia you will be"
"I will be in the lounge, doing the hokey pokey" said Petunia. "No woman, you will be welcoming them with a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit, stupid woman. And Dudley, you will be"
"Waiting to open the door and fall stupidly on my face" Dudley put in. Vernon whacked him round the head. "No you idiot, you will be taking their coats".
"I knew that" replied Dudley, rubbing his head. "Good" Vernon snarled before turning to Harry "and you will be staying in your bedroom and making no noise". Harry had now gotten to big to sleep in the cuboard under the stairs so he was moved into the spare room and that was small.
"Does sexually noises count?" Harry asked. "Yes boy, especially sexually noises, now go in the garden and pull the weeds out and then go to bed" Vernon growled.
"Ok, whatever pleasures you" Harry replied before he went out in the garden, singing Happy Birthday to himself. Today was his Twelveth birthday and he had now developed a manly voice, but their was still a hint of a little boy's voice mixed in so he sounded half man half boy. He was hating the summer holidays because he hadn't recieved any letters from his friends Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Hagrid. He tried sending them letters, but Uncle Vernon locked his owl, Hedwig the first in a cage and forbid Harry to let her out.
"Stupid ass muggles, treating the great Harry Potter like a slave" he muttered as he pulled weeds from the garden. "If I was allowed to do magic outside of school, I would turn them all into toads and then feed them to a Dragon". At that moment,the basalisk appeared for some reason, he doesn't come in until the end.
"What the hell do you want, I thought you didn't appear until the end" Harry stated in parseltongue without realising it.
"I need a check of one million pounds to build the chamber of secrets" replied the basalisk.
"Stupid ass snake, you've just spoiled the plotline for those who haven't read the story" said Harry.
"Just give me the check and I'll clear ofuntil the end" the Basalisk demanded.
"Fine" sighed Harry, writing a check of one million. (Where he got the check, I do not know) and gave it to the basalisk.
"Say, how about me and you go down to my chamber for beer and movies" the Basalisk suggested.
"If I give you a fiver, will you fuck off and leave me alone?" Harry asked.
"Deal" The Basalisk replied. Harry slipped him a five pound note and the Basalisk went.
"GET IN HERE BOY AND GET TO BED" Uncle Vernon roared. Harry pulled himself up and went inside.
"Get upstairs you stupid ass" Uncle Vernon growled.
"No one talks to the great and powerful Harry Potter like that" Harry informed.
"Just get up them stairs" Uncle Vernon thundered. Harry bowed in pleasure and went to his bedroom, only to find what can be described as an elf on his bed, reading the newspaper. It looked up.
"Harry Potter, such a pleasure to meet you" the elf squeaked.
So, what do you reckon so far, do you think it could be just as good as the first one? No Flames or any kinds of Abuse, please. Chapter two will be up soon.