Her trials

by foreverpadfoot

Tiva story yes, but more a look at Ziva and everything she has endured. Inspired by 'A Man walked into a bar'

NCIS story

For Tony everything changed the moment he saw Ziva that day in the desert. He realized that he wanted nothing more than to hold her and keep her safe. He realized that he couldn't bear to see her suffering or in pain. He wanted to protect her. Tony also realized that he was completely and utterly in love with her, and had been for years.

However, Ziva was shattered coming back from Somalia. Her life seemed to resemble a deck of cards taken, shuffled and then scattered into the wind. She had still been still suffering from the loss of her sister and her mother during what was already a tumultuous childhood, when she had been forced to kill Ari. She had come to the United States with the intention to save him, truly believing that there was no way that her brother had betrayed their country, betrayed Mossad, and as it seemed to her, betrayed her. And in killing her own flesh and blood she had obeyed her father's instructions, a fact that haunted her. For if the director was willing to sacrifice Ari, his own son, then how willing would he be to sacrifice her. It seemed to her that they weren't his children but rather pawns in his gigantic chess-game. That fact haunted her as she began her time under Gibbs, at NCIS. She wondered why she was there. Her father claimed that she was there to deepen connections with the US but secretly she wondered if he had forsaken her. Maybe he was taking out his anger over the loss of Ari and her role in what had occurred by sending her away. But as much as she felt out of her depth and caught in a strange situation she felt at home for once. To her it seemed that she was regaining the family she had lost. But she wondered if she was cursed and she would once again lose her family and be alone in the world.

Her fear flared when Gibbs abandoned them in his hiatus in Mexico but he did answer her call. He did come to help when she was in trouble and did come back to her. It had flared once again when Tony had gone on his undercover assignment. It seemed that he was slipping away from her and moving away from the family she had created for herself at NCIS. And then that horrific day when they all thought they had lost him but her fear was only short lived and he came back to them, to her.

That fear that she was cursed and would be alone in the world seemed to come crashing down on her and become a reality when they lost Director Sheppard, when she failed to protect the Director. Not only that but her team, her family, got split up and scattered to the wind. McGee sent down to the Tech sector, Tony to the sea as an agent afloat, and her sent back to Israel. She ignorantly thought that everything would be okay then, that she would rekindle her relationship with her father on the long trip back. But she found herself seemingly alone in the world, forever out on assignments for Mossad. Her father was treating her not as a father but as a director and her NCIS family was a world away. That's when Michael was there and her loneliness get a hold on her and so thus she found herself entering into a relationship with him.

But before she got comfortable, before she felt that she could settle down, she was back at NCIS, back with her surrogate family while still keeping connections with Michael. Things were looking up or so it seemed and she started to slowly relax. Maybe she wasn't cursed after all; maybe she wasn't doomed to spend her life alone; maybe she could leave a legacy other than violence or death. But alas things were not to last and her hopes were quickly dashed.

In a frenzy of violence and explosions, Michael was dead and they were on a plane to Israel. And Tony had killed the one man that seemed to love her and she hated him for that. But then it all came out, that Michael hadn't loved her, that her father was using her, and as she watched the plane take off she once again felt alone in the world.

Then she thought that if her life had been given to Mossad by her father then maybe she would find the elusive familial connection that she forever seemed to be at a loss for then maybe the Keydon unit would be the answer for her. Maybe in that elusive group she would gain what she was losing. Maybe by doing this she would grow closer with her father, just maybe. However that was not to be. No her mission turned into certain death and once she was captured she resigned herself to death. She had even convinced herself that she was ready to die, ready to see her mom and Tali once again. But even that last hope did not come about for her as she would have welcomed death with open arms over the interrogation methods and torture that Salem and his men were so fond of. She accepted this was her punishment for the lives she had taken and resigned herself to that fate. She shut down, barely allowing herself to feel anything, not the pain, not the anguish, not the agony, but also not any hope or remembrances of good times. However, even death was not to be and soon she was in front of Tony, with McGee on the floor. She didn't want to allow herself to hope that her ordeal was over that she was being brought back to the only true family she had ever known but those emotions started to surface and she realized that her ordeal was over.

But although she was out of that hell hole, healing did not come as quickly as she would have liked. Memories nearly constantly assaulted her and she didn't want to allow herself to become comfortable with her team, didn't want to allow herself to be hurt again. They wouldn't allow her to do that to herself, wouldn't allow her to become an empty shell. Her team, essentially her family, were drawing her out of her skin and she slowly began to heal. She began to re-cultivate those relationships that had taken a brunt and began to feel once again. She also began to banter with Tony once again and renew their teasing relationship.

However just as she was beginning to feel whole again, feel her place in the world around her, as she was beginning to maybe feel that she could be whole again, he was there. She was faced with her father, faced with the loss of her childhood, her siblings, Jenny Shepherd, Michael Rivikin, and Somalia.

She got through those horrible days, realizing that despite everything he had done she was still her father and she was still in anguish thinking of him dead, and everything that was still left to be said between them. But they did get to say what needed to be said. That he did love her and Tali and Ari and that he did regret at least some of what he had done. He reassured her that although she was now an American citizen she was forever Jewish and had a connection to Israel and to him. She did treasure the flag that he left for her, a tangible reminder of her birth country and his love. That maybe she did have places she fit in. She resolved that she would move forward, starting with her love life.

Ziva had loved Tony pretty much from the moment she first laid eyes on the man. His cocky, frat-boy attitude hid such a kind hearted individual who simply loved life. But life had gotten in the way and there seemed to be a wedge permanently driven between them that needed something strong to knock it out of the way.

That strong knock came in the form of mandatory psychological evaluations. They were both left shaken and feeling as if they needed something more in their lives. That night was the start of something more for them.

The End