Cold Fusion
by: Zeng Li
One bot's hobby could often be another bot's nightmare, especially when the two were allied to opposite factions.
After finding out he was worth ten points in the Lambo Brother's tormenting game of Jet-Judo, Starscream would often opt to remain on the ground as much as possible any time Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were present in battles. He did not want to be part of the Autobots' ego-boosting game. Thundercracker and Skywarp hadn't yet caught on that the Autobot brothers were keeping scores, and Starscream wasn't about to share his knowledge.
The seekers were often ordered to the air in battle by Megatron, and aerial capabilities certainly helped the Decepticon offensive. Sunstreaker and his forge-mate, Sideswipe, were some of the only Autobots with short-term flight capabilities via jet packs, but a short time was all they needed to cause the seekers embarrassing and painful falls from the sky. Their self-proclaimed art of Jet-Judo was often to blame, and each time they successfully executed it, they got better and better.
"Skywarp's mine!!" Sideswipe declared loudly as he dropped from above and onto the black jet as Skywarp fly by in F-15 mode. "Three points for me, Bro'!!"
"Fine! Take him! I see Starscream, and I'm going to get him before he has a chance to land!" Sunstreaker replied, lining himself up to ambush Starscream in jet mode before the seeker could bank away from him. The Air Commander was too quick for him, transforming into robot mode and air-tackling the yellow Autobot out of the sky.
"Oooh," Sideswipe jeered mockingly, watching his brother deploy his parachute before hitting the ground. "That should count as negative ten points!"
Skywarp executed a few barrel rolls that did not jar the Autobot off. Sideswipe's arms locked firmly under his cockpit prevented him transforming. He could try, but he'd probably burn out one of his major transformation servos. He also couldn't teleport because he was forced to use full power to fly the added weight of the Autobot.
As usual, the aerodynamic penalty of having a robot form Autobot on his back made flying difficult, especially when the said Autobot was using his feet to manipulate the pitch and angles of his rudders and stabilizers.
"Why am I only worth three points and Starscream's worth ten!?" Skywarp asked as he struggled to use his main wing ailerons to compensate for the manipulation of his other control surfaces.
"Take one good guess, genius!" said Sideswipe. "Though don't feel too bad. Thundercracker's only worth two right now. Make things a little more difficult for me, and maybe we'll elevate you to four points. Really impress me and someday you'll be worth five."
Skywarp rolled most of the way upside down, but Sideswipe kicked his rudder in a way that caused him to bank unexpectedly in an arc the rest of his aerodynamic jet body was not set up for. He nearly stalled, but in a last second move, he managed to right himself to continue flying and gain the speed he needed to regenerate lift.
"Not bad," Sideswipe laughed. "I really thought that was going to be the point that I bail and you crash."
Skywarp's circuits flared at the apparent level of enjoyment the Autobot was getting out of this. He began to suspect the longer he let this go on, the more tricks the Autobot would learn to make his life more miserable the next time. His fuel reserves were also dropping at nearly twice the rate flying along usually caused. This Jet-Judo hobby of theirs was an annoyance the seekers would have to take measures to prevent in the future, but meanwhile, Skywarp knew he had to survive this go-round before anything else could be done to prevent it in the future.
He tried a risky move he'd never done before with a meddlesome Autobot on his back. He just all out shut his engines off. Powered down, he didn't glide for long. He heard Sideswipe call him a spoil-sport as the Autobot's hands let go. The instant he felt the hold under his cockpit loosen, Skywarp transformed and grabbed hold of Sideswipe.
"You wanna know what it feels like to crash from the sky…?" the Decepticon tormented his aerial prisoner. "…I'll take you down with me!"
Skywarp's fingers dug into both of Sideswipe's arms, his passion-fueled anger overpowering the Autobot's attempts at resistance. He fired his boot jets to increase their downward speed, surpassing gravitational terminal velocity. For just an instant, Sideswipe appeared scared. Or was it worried? Or helpless? Skywarp never bothered to compute the likely damage to himself, the pain he'd likely feel, or the risk of losing his life should something go terribly wrong. Five points, ten points, twenty…he didn't care what he'd become worth the Lambo brothers if either of them survived this.
They streaked towards the ground, hitting with an explosive ball of orange flame and black smoke, taking out a portion of a human factory structure in the process. Inferno inclined his optics towards the destruction, leaving the battle field to mount any needed rescue of humans and to keep anything else inside the factory from exploding.
Ratchet looked up, too, amongst tending to minor damage to Sunstreaker's body from his aerial run-in with Starscream. Inferno radioed to him from where he was putting out a smoldering fire. "Ratchet, you'd better come up here. Sideswipe's in major trouble, and I can't do anything to help him myself."
Ratchet retracted his repair tools and stood up. "On my way!" He transformed, about to speed off when Sunstreaker mounted a fervent protest.
"Hey!! What about me!? You can't expect me to go into battle with this ding and scratch on my chest plate!!"
"I think you'll live, Sunstreaker. I can finish the work back at base," Ratchet sneered, driving off and leaving the vain Lamborghini behind. When he arrived, he found Inferno standing over both Skywarp and Sideswipe, laser cannon aimed in the Decepticon's face. Ratchet transformed. "Let's get Sideswipe out of here. He's badly damaged, but if I can get him under some cover and get working on… …what the heck!?"
"Uh, that's what I meant about major trouble," said Inferno.
Ratchet knelt down and touched Sideswipe's right arm…which was effectively fused to Skywarp's left one. Metal that had melted for a few seconds had joined and cooled, fusing one robot's forearm and elbow into the other. "I've never seen anything like this…" Ratchet marveled at the anomaly.
Skywarp jerked the fused pair of arms towards himself. "Get him off of me!!" the Decepticon whined, trying in vain to tug himself free.
"Stop squirming and let Ratchet do his work," Sideswipe yanked their collective arm back his way. That only got Skywarp yanking back the opposite way, and soon the victims' free arms were swinging across their bodies trying to slug the other bot.
"Knock it off, both of you!" Ratchet said to deaf audios. His circuits seathed. "I said KNOCK IT OFF!!" he snarled loud enough to stop both joined combatants in their clumsy slug-fest.
"Look, Doc…just cut this spoil-sport's arm off at the shoulder and we can take care of the rest later," said Sideswipe.
Ratchet folded his arms across his chest. "You were playing that little game of yours again, weren't you? What do you call it? Jet-Jimbo?"
Sideswipe made a face. "That's Jet-JUDO!! And I was winning until sore loser over here decided to crash us." Next to him, Skywarp just grinned.
"Neither of these arms can be salvaged, very little anyway." Ratchet touched the fused armor. Cutting through to separate them was pointless, but he wasn't about to let Skywarp walk away with the remains of Autobot parts attached. He probed Skywarp's upper arm, slightly singed but otherwise intact at the shoulder.
The Decepticon squirmed. "No, you don't!!" he began to get combative, Sideswipe pulling their joined arm one way while Skywarp used his free arm to aim his other laser cannon at Ratchet. Inferno's foot came in from the right and kicked Skywarp in the side of the head to interrupt his resistance. His gyros fighting to rebalance, Skywarp snarled. "You're not taking part of my body off with you, any more than you'd want me walking off with Autobot parts still attached."
"If it'll stop all arguments, I'll disconnect both your arms at the shoulder, and we can destroy the remains so neither side gets parts from the other. How's that?" Ratchet asked.
"Sounds good!" Inferno answered for them. "Now hurry up, Ratchet. We need to get us and Sideswipe back to the battle at hand! No telling from here which side's taking a pounding, but it sounds rough."
"Fine!" Ratchet snapped, reaching for the fused arm as the joined victims continued to yank it away from the other. He finally grabbed hold of it and held it away from the robot's body that it was furthest from when he caught it. "But for the record, you're both terrible patients!"
"And he's a terrible pilot!" Sideswipe growled at the Decepticon sitting next to him. "Hey, what are you doing!?" he altered his attention to Ratchet's cutting tool coming close to his shoulder joint.
"What does it look like? I'm separating the two of you," Ratchet grumbled having had enough of the verbal abuse for one day that facing laser fire on the battle field might be a welcomed relief.
"Not me first!! Cut HIS arm off first!!" Sideswipe protested, pulling the fused arm back towards himself, all his strength resisting against Skywarp's pulling back the other way.
Skywarp rolled his body so that he was on top of the Autobot and out of Inferno's foot's immediate reach. "I'll rip it off with my bare hands, followed by your neck! You're never riding my tail fins again, you got that!!" Skywarp clawed at the Autobot with his usable hand, pinning him down with his knees. Ratchet grabbed Skywarp by the intakes, but the Decepticon was too strong to let the medic stop him.
Unfortunate for the Decepticon, Inferno was nearby to lend Ratchet a hand, pulling Skywarp back far enough that his punching arm was unable to reach the opponent he was fused to. Ratchet just grumbled. "Young bots these days… I swear…" His cutting tool buzzed and pulsed, cutting cleanly through shoulder joints, one after the other in nearly one single fluid motion.
Skywarp and Sideswipe fell away from each other, crashing back down on their gimbals to the factory's floor. The charred, fused pair of arms clattered to the floor between them. It took a moment for their circumstance to sink in, looking at each other seated apart by a full car length. Neither had much to say.
Ratchet bent down and picked up the fused pair of arms. He laughed, if only a little. "Maybe this would make a nice trophy to hang on my repair bay's wall."
"Hey, you promised it would be destroyed so neither side had it!!" Skywarp protested, aiming his right arm's gun at Ratchet, habitually trying to use his left arm to push himself to his feet but forgetting that the limb wasn't there. His body twisted to the side, falling on his already broken wing and damaging it worse.
Sideswipe just laughed. "That was great, Skywarp! I mean, Sunny and I will SO elevate you to four…no five points from now on! Ha ha ha…! Oh, man! Wait 'til I tell my Bro' about this one!!"
Skywarp got to his feet and swung his remaining fist at Sideswipe, making less than solid contact, but enough to vent some more anger. He looked behind him and saw the devious grins of Ratchet and Inferno. He kicked his foot out at the Autobot medic, dislodging the slagged pair of arms out of his hands and catching it himself.
"You score points riding me, the least I can do is take this as my own reward!" Skywarp ran out of the wrecked building area, holding the arms up before taking to the sky and flying off. His damaged body made flight difficult, but at least it got him safely away from the Autobots with his prize.
"No fair!! Why didn't you guys stop him!?" Sideswipe stood up and clenched his fist at his rescuers, though it didn't have the visual effect it would if he'd had two.
Ratchet shrugged. "Not worth the effort. Besides," he grumbled, "letting him have it is the least you can do for tormenting him for the glory of your own ego."
"Whose side are you on!?"
"Cool off, Sideswipe. We're all Autobots here, and we got some Decepticon hide to kick out there," Inferno touched the Lamborghini on the incomplete shoulder. "You coming or not?"
"Yeah, I'm coming…" Sideswipe muttered as Inferno and Ratchet transformed to drive back to the battle site. The Autobot looked up in the sky, but there were no signs of Decepticon seekers. "Seven points? Maybe you should be worth seven points… We might have to revise our points scoring system after this…"
THE END
Written by "Zeng Li", © 2008 using characters from G.I. Joe owned by entities such as Sunbow, Hasbro, and what ever other corporate hands are in the pot. Characters used with gratitude to their creator, but without permission. This story is for entertainment purposes only, and no money is made off of its existence. ("turkwithglasses" is the LJ writing journal of "Zeng Li" who in turn has a good number of internet aliases, so if you've spotted one, feel free to pester and I'll prove it's still me.)