AN: Ah, my first Roy and Riza fic, and its only a oneshot. That's surprising; usually before writing on a particular pairing, I write a big, long, massive story. But for this pairing, my sister suddenly was craving for a Valentines Day fic, so its dedicated to her. Again, this is not a songfic, or whatever. I kinda hate them. Anyway, the timeline of this fic is…random. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist
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Guns 'n' Roses
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Waking up, feeding Black Hayate, feeding herself, cleaning Black Hayate, cleaning herself, brushing her teeth, tying her hair up…the list went on. Riza Hawkeye was a busy woman. And that was just in the morning. She had no time for men. She didn't need men, or, a man, she continually told herself. She usually didn't think these kind of independent feminist thoughts (even though it was quite easy to, when one spent the whole day around an arrogant playboy, also known as Colonel Roy Mustang), but today she was feeling particularly vehement against the male population.
Today was Valentines Day.
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She remembered her first year at the army institution, or, more precisely, her first Valentines Day stationed at the compound. Two years ago she had walked in her office, expecting the ordinary desk, the ordinary seat, the ordinary table, the couch, and the office that her and Colonel Mustang shared.
She didn't find it.
Initially, she had walked in, saw the masses of red roses and Valentines Day cards, and then walked out. Must have been the wrong office, she had thought. Five minutes later, she found herself in front of the same door, praying that that load of crap on the desk wasn't hers. She was right. Half of it was Colonel Mustang's.
But there was still so much flowers, she had fumed, marching her way into the office. She hadn't seen him before because of the mountain of red, but there was the Colonel, smirking behind his desk. He was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, casually reading a Valentines Day card.
"Colonel, what is the meaning of this?" she had demanded, struggling to get through the river of roses.
"Mmm?" Roy had answered, not looking up, too engrossed in the card he was reading.
No doubt it was a dirty one, Riza had thought, before pulling out her gun, and pointing it directly at his head. "Colonel, tell me what this means."
Instead of his usual compliance that he gave whenever Riza whipped out her weapons, he merely looked up and stated, "You were five minutes late today, Lieutenant."
Riza had gritted her teeth. Damn that smirking…Sighing, she had put her gun away, and proceeded to wipe off the amassed amount of flowers on her desk. When they were piled on a sizable heap on the floor next to her desk, she proceeded to stack all the cards in neat piles.
Roy watched her, amused. "Are you going to read them?" In truth, he hadn't thought Riza would read them – she just didn't seem that type of person, really.
"Yes," she replied, and proceeded to do so. By and by (there were quite a lot), Roy noticed that Riza would read a card, then scribble something down on a piece of paper. Curious, he stopped his own reading, so he could stand behind her to see what she was doing.
She knew immediately. "Please refrain from standing so close, Colonel."
"Aw," Roy whined, but stepped back to give her enough space. There was a line with this woman, and she drew it with her pistol. "I just wanted to see what you were scribbling on that piece of paper."
"Oh this?" she replied, and held the paper up.
Roy glanced at it. It was a list of various names – male names – of soldiers. Presumably the ones who had given Riza roses. That wasn't the scary part, however. At the top of the list, she had written,
'Males to shoot at'
He backed away slowly. So, he was right after all. Riza wasn't the type who liked receiving flowers on Valentines Day. Thank goodness he had written on his dozen of roses,
'A secret admirer'
- - -
Sitting at his desk that morning, Roy couldn't help but feel uneasy. He had already cleared off all the roses and cards that had piled up on his desk. They all said the same thing anyway. He had flicked through them, just to check if there was anything new. There wasn't.
'Roy, I like your style.'
'Roy, you are so awesome.'
'I want to have your babies.'
That last one was a scary thought. But, nothing new, he thought, as he looked up to check if his Lieutenant had arrived. She was late! Then again, this was the only day in the year she was late, and it was the only day in the year he was early.
'Roy, last night was great.'
'Last night with you was the best!'
'Love me again, just like last night.'
Now, unless Roy Mustang had some mysterious twin that had awesome powers that had allowed him to sleep with multiple women the night before, these women were clearly on drugs. But he couldn't help but feel his male ego rising. Anyway, Riza hadn't arrived yet. He still had plenty of time. He looked over at her desk. It was empty, not like the Valentines Day two years before, when she was new. Those men who had sent her a card and roses had never ever pursued her again. Even if she was pretty, had a great body, and was good with weapons. Actually, it was the last attribute that the men had come in close contact with. They had been scarred for life, as any normal (male) human being would, if a bullet lodged itself a couple of centimeters below the… He picked up another card, just thankful that Riza didn't hunt down the people that had written 'A secret admirer'.
'Roy, I love you, your thighs, your body – I hope you take me out to town…'
Oh, here was an interesting one. Not completely new, but he had seen some like it. Besides, this was a poem. The writer had obviously put some sort of effort into it.
'You make me feel like no one else can…'
Definitely interesting. If he hadn't planned something for his lieutenant (and if he wasn't in love with the said lieutenant), he would probably go search the writer out. He read onwards eagerly.
'I'd like to lick you up and down,'
Wow! This was an awesome card. An epic, quite the masterpiece he thought. It really was a pity that he had planned something for his lieutenant he thought.
'But I hope you don't mind if I'm a man.'
Ok. That was it. No more reading Valentines cards for him. After he got over his initial shock and disgust (and also considering vomiting) he flicked his wrist and the offending card burnt to ash, just as the long awaited lieutenant had entered the room. She walked slowly to her desk, and Roy could see her sharp eyes darting over (and under) her working area. He could almost hear her say, 'Good, no distractions today'. Actually, it was probably more along the lines of, 'Damn, I won't have to shoot anyone's…'
Roy gulped. If this went wrong, he would probably end up like those other men. Scarred for life.
- - -
Riza eyed Roy. He was acting a bit weird today, she noticed, as she sat down at her desk. For one, he wasn't reading all his stupid cards, and for another, he was looking at her even longer than usual. He usually gave up staring at her after five minutes of her ignoring him. That or telling him to do work (at gunpoint, of course), would usually get him to stop. But it had been ten minutes, and he was still looking at her.
Riza began to get flustered. What was wrong with her today? Did she do her hair differently? No, it was exactly the same; she had checked before she left the house. Her uniform? No, it was neatly pressed, and wasn't showing much of her womanly attributes – something that would make Roy stare at her for longer than usual – so what was it?
Sighing she put down her pen, turned and glared at the Colonel. He could be so irritating sometimes – though she never wondered why he was only irritating to her. She couldn't have feelings for the lecherous, perverted, playing, immature, handsome…She mentally erased the list she had just conjured in her mind. That last one had not ever crossed her mind. Yes, not ever. Standing up to make herself more demanding, she placed her hands on her hips.
"Colonel, I would appreciate it if you would stop…start doing some paperwork," she said. She was supposed to say '…stop looking at me', but when she had returned his gaze, she had seen something different in his eyes, something that made her stomach do the long jump, the triple jump, and the high jump, all in the space of a few seconds.
To her surprise, he got up. So unexpected was his action, that she found herself motionless, as he quickly covered the distance between them. Without saying anything, he wrapped his hands around her waist. She looked up into his eyes, and calmly told him, "This counts as sexual harassment, Colonel."
Roy quickly unbuttoned her holsters, and took out her two guns. Now he was safe. Still not moving from his extremely close position, he said knowledgably, "The Browning M1910. A reasonably balanced pistol, with deadly aim in the right hands."
Riza rolled her eyes. "I know what my guns are called, Colonel." She was about to add, 'please step away', but Roy had moved closer to her, temporarily rendering her skill of speech useless. She could feel where their bodies were touching, and she wasn't sure whether it was appropriate for her to be feeling these types of feelings.
"However, the reloading times are relatively slow. The M1911, however – its motto is 'Accuracy, Power, and Speed'. Its reloading times are faster, and it is also highly customizable after purchase, and –"
"What is your point, Colonel?" Riza asked, trying to pull back from his embrace. He held her there, smirking.
"I bought you one. I saw you looking at it the other day." Throwing her old guns on the floor behind her, he produced out of his back pocket – one hand still wrapped firmly around her waist – a new, gleaming M1911.
Riza didn't mean to, but her eyes lit up. So her Colonel did have some common sense after all. Even if he was lecherous, perverted, playing, immature, and…she sighed mentally…handsome. As she took the gun, he pulled her even closer towards him. She was still engrossed in her new toy.
"Riza…" he said, tilting her chin up with one of his fingers.
"Colonel…you can't just…"
He placed his lips on hers, silencing anything else she was going to say. He felt her resist at first, but finally she gave in, kissing him back. He grinned (mentally, of course), as he felt her hands wrap around him. The feeling of euphoria lasted for about five seconds, until he felt the barrel of the M1911 against his neck.
He reluctantly pulled back. "What?" he asked innocently, like a child deprived of his candy.
"The paperwork, Colonel," she said, shaking her new gun in front of his face. Even though she had enjoyed the kiss, a little too much, even to the point where her toes curled in her boots (she would never tell him that), one of them had to keep the common sense circulating.
Roy groaned. Sometimes he just had to take the good with the bad. Obviously, being Riza she would threaten him with the pistol he had just bought for her. He decided not to move; Riza wouldn't shoot him – their kiss had just told him she felt something for him as well. 'She wouldn't shoot me', he told himself stubbornly.
"I believe the you said the reloading times were faster, Colonel?"
Well, maybe she would.
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AN: Ahhh…sorry if you're a gun freak, and you totally disagree with my writing. Well, I just searched up some sites on Google, so…Anyway hoped you liked this fluff…Roy and Riza are pretty cute together, hey? Review if you think so!