Betaed by WhatAreAllTheseTears

It had started out as a joke. It had been an offhanded comment in the paper that neither Roy nor Riza had actually said. If Ed had known what he would cause, he probably wouldn't have let the words slip. Or maybe he would have, Roy never knew when it came to Ed.

"When you were still a state alchemist, you worked with General Mustang and First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, the General's personal adjutant. Correct?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"Can you tell us a little about their relationship?"

"Well, I haven't really been in contact lately, the Flame Basta-I mean G-G… Sorry. It's just really funny to imagine him as a General. Anyway, General—ha ha ha! I can't say it without laughing!—Mustang, and Lieutenant Hawkeye work really well together I guess. There isn't really much more to their relationship, I mean do they bicker sometimes? Sure! But what couple doesn't! N-not that they're a couple! But they're just always together, and that's good 'cuz they work well together, ya know? Even if Hawkeye's clearly the one who wears the pants."

"What do you mean by that?"

"By Lieutenant Hawkeye being the one to wear the pants? Well… it's just, have you seen them? Hawkeye's clearly the one in charge. It's like Mustang is Mr. Riza Hawkeye."

Mr. Riza Hawkeye.

Now, normally that statement wouldn't bother Roy. Probably because it isn't that far off, (not that he would ever admit that to someone!). But coming from Ed… it just rubbed Roy the wrong way. Also, it didn't help that the media really, really liked that title.

Like a lot. Too much.

Roy actually had been too busy to pay attention to the gossip, but when the words 'General Roy Mustang' were replaced with his new title on newspaper front pages, Roy noticed. Or, more accurately, Breda did.

"Yo! Chief!" The large man ran towards Mustang as fast as his feet could carry him. He skidded a stop between Roy and the door, huffing.

"What is it Breda?" Roy asked with usual annoyance in his voice.

Breda tried to speak and catch his breath at the same time while he waved the newspaper in Roy's face. Roy raised an eyebrow and took it. "Fullmetal…" *wheeze* "…Mustang… As fast as I… Hawkeye… Pants…"

"Huh?" Roy responded. He unfolded the crumpled paper. The headline didn't explain anything to him either.

MR. RIZA HAWKEYE DOES IT AGAIN!

The article itself was on Roy's accomplishments on the rebuilding of Ishval (which in the article he hadn't taken credit for as Miles and Scar were doing most of the work). Breda seemed to have caught his breath because he now explained. "I came as soon as I saw it, sir." Sure you did, you didn't spend ten minutes laughing first… "Seems like Fullmetal mentioned in an interview that you-"

Roy cut him off. "No, I get it. You don't have to explain, Breda." Then a terrifying idea hit him, he shuddered to think of her reaction. "D-does the Lieutenant know?"

Breda chewed his lip thoughtfully, "actually I don't know. She doesn't read gossip magazines but I'm sure some of her friends do."

"Gossip magazines? What do they have to do with this?"

"Oh! You didn't know? This isn't the first time you've been referred to as Mr.-"

"Don't even think it."

Breda resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay, well this isn't the first time they've called you… that. This is just the first time the real news used it."

"How do you know that?"

Breda puffed out his chest proudly. "I'll have you know that I keep up on all forms of gossip thank you very much!"

"Havoc told you, didn't he?"

"Well, yeah."

"Also, Breda. Reading gossip mags isn't exactly something to be proud of." Roy said as he pushed past his subordinate.

"See you say that but you don't have to make conversation with the lower officers. I need to to keep up with lunch-table talk."

"Lunch-table talk? How many people know about this?"

"Uh, everyone, sir."

Roy grumbled and plopped into his desk-chair as he stared at the paper in his hands. The article itself had little to no other mention of the nickname besides a simple "… General Mustang, also known as Mr. Riza Hawkeye, had first proposed the idea…" No one would ever take him seriously again! Not if they kept using the nickname.

It's fine, I'm fine. Roy thought to himself as he turned the paper over in his gloved hands. Yeah, the nickname hasn't been around for long and soon it'll go away. Yeah, that's right. But if it doesn't… Roy took a deep breath. If it doesn't then Edward Elric is going to have a little explaining to do.

"Uh… Chief?"

"What is it Breda?"

"Did you mean to combust the paper?"

Roy grimaced and dropped the flaming newspaper. He must have unconsciously snapped, thus igniting the tabloid. He patted the paper furiously to suffocate the fire. "No, Breda." He said with a false tone of calm. "No, I did not."

"Riza! Riza! Riza!"

Riza turned to see Rebecca running towards her. "Oh, hello Rebecca."

"I didn't know you finally landed him! That's great, honey! Also, that's a totally progressive decision with the name change, I always thought you were going to take his name..." When Rebecca saw Riza's quirked eyebrow she changed direction. "You don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

"Know what?" Rebecca laughed and slapped her friend on the back. "Man, Riza, you never do read the paper do you?"

"If by 'paper' you mean those tabloids you love so much, then no."

Rebecca frowned. "You haven't seen today's front page?"

"Not yet. Why?"

"Uh…"

"Rebecca…"

"Well General Mustang sorta has a new nickname."

"Oh? And why should I care?"

"Because…" Rebecca winced as she watched Riza's face. It was quickly turning from mild interest to her I'm-going-to-stare-my-victim-down-until-they-tell-me-what-I-want-to-know-and-possibly-piss-their-pants face. Sadly, Rebecca couldn't really hold out any longer (but thankfully pissing her pants wasn't her style) "It's Mr. Riza Hawkeye."