Sometimes
Before you read: This is my first time treading into South of Nowhere territory, so I'm a little nervous. This is a rather unconventional coupling – Spencer/Kyla (what would you call that? Skyla? Spyla? I'm so new to SoN fandom), but it's one-sided; hardly any development. There are mentions of Aiden/Ashley, but nothing that hasn't been been done on the show, and of course, Spencer/Ashley. Just some thoughts inside Kyla's head (ie: some major denial). Again, I'm new to this, so I've yet to find voices for all the characters. Hopefully I got into her head okay considering.
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Sometimes Kyla thinks that if she were ever into girls, she would choose Spencer.
She thinks this when she's with Spencer and Ashley, watching them act so free and uninhibited together (something they'd often been denied, though they didn't discuss it much); watching how comfortable and right they are. She thinks this at night when she's alone, wrapped around the sheets of her bed, listening to Ashley talking and laughing on the phone (she assumes it's Spencer on the other line, but she can never be sure) while she, Kyla, is still wondering if this new life she was thrusted into is just a very long dream. When Aiden isn't around. When Ashley makes a snide comment about how she never even wanted a sister in the first place. When she tries to imagine the struggles Ashley and Spencer have overcome to be together.
Mostly, though, she thinks this when she and Spencer bond over how close Ashley and Aiden are - both of them jealous of the history they shared, but used to it - and how they'd find some place inside themselves to find it funny and laugh.
She doesn't mean any harm to Ashley when she thinks it, not at all. It's generally a fleeting thought – it passes too quickly to fully process, anyways. She loves seeing Ash and Spencer together, really. It's a match made in heaven – a better combination than she ever could've imagined. And she doesn't want to make Ashley upset. It's understandably the last thing she'd ever want to do, considering.
But it's in the way Spencer smiles. The way she shows up on some unexpected morning with coffee and donuts. The way she helps pry their favorite Kelly Clarkson CD from Ashley's hands who dangles it from the car window with a wicked grin and then, after successfully rescuing it, turns the volume up loud and sings along even louder. The way does anything it takes to make Ashley happy.
She doesn't mean any harm to Aiden, not at all. He's a good boyfriend, really. Better than some of the ones she had back in Baltimore. He's a gentleman. He's understanding. But there is an element of drama that came along with him – a history of girls, a back and forth type of game that Kyla knew Spencer tried to avoid playing with Ashley.
Sometimes, when she focuses too much of her mind on Spencer and it starts to scare her, she thinks about her boyfriend and what a perfect combination Spencer and Aiden would make. Put Spencer's demeanor, personality, sunny charm into Aiden's flawless physique and – voila! – you have yourself a piece of perfection.
And then she wants to kick herself because it's not like that, because Aiden's a good guy, even if he sometimes blows her off or spends way too much time laughing at old inside jokes with her half-sister. He took her out, he danced with her, he even helped her rehearse lines from Romeo & Juliet for the drama production.
She just gets Spencer, that's all. She wishes, sometimes – and only sometimes; it's not like it haunts her every waking minute or anything – that when she sees the disheartened look on Spencer's face when Ashley and Aiden start speaking their own language, or when old tapes of them from when they were together resurface, there would be some secret code that only she and Spencer knew, and that it would make Spencer smile and forget about the pain. And that, if it worked out especially in her favor, Ashley and Aiden would take notice and maybe get the hint.
She blames these feelings mostly on jealousy, partially on curiosity. But who could blame her? It makes sense, and it was the easiest route to take.
When Kyla thinks about Ashley and the struggles she and Spencer have gone through, and what her life would be like if she ever liked girls (sort of as a means to get inside Ashley's head, really), she thinks she would choose like her sister and pick Spencer.
When Kyla isn't thinking about anything at all and suddenly she's filled with this image of Spencer's smile and blonde hair – that's when she starts to worry.
END