She said…
He did it again. I'm just not sure if he knows that he does. And I'm not sure if I realize how much it hurts me and I still let him do it. My best friend used me. But I guess he did it subconsciously. He didn't know that I felt used and hurt. Or maybe he did and he just loved hurting me – secretly at least.
I was lying in the hammock in our back yard and thought back to the last time he hurt me. It wasn't so long ago.
I was currently sitting on my bed reading a magazine. It's what I did all the time when I was bored. And that happened more often than I wanted it to. But anyways, I was reading, when he suddenly burst into my room. He looked so broken and hurt. I looked at him confused and shocked. What happened?, I thought to myself as he stumbled over to my bed. He let himself fall onto it and looked at me with a pained face. I tried searching his eyes for any clue as to what happened. And when I saw that glow that was in his eyes when he was happy slowly fading away, I knew. I knew she cheated on him again. She always did it. And he always took her back. It pained me to see him hurting over her. I put one hand on his cheek. I know what I was about to do would hurt me more than he was hurting right now, but I did it anyway. I'd do anything just so he could be happy. He leaned his face into my hand and closed his eyes. I was too afraid to speak up for five minutes. Then I sighed.
"What happened?" Even though I just whispered the question he jumped at the sound of my voice. He was quiet for a few minutes, then he looked me in the eyes.
"She cheated on me again." I tried to control my anger towards her and him. Why him? Because even though he knew that she'd cheat on him again, he'd always take her back. He was blinded from love. This thought let me wince, but I pushed that thought back to the back of my mind and concentrated on the broken guy in front of me. His eyes were screaming in pain. I really couldn't control what I did next. I knew that he needed it. He always did. When they fought, when she cheated, when he realized that she was a bitch to me. He always needed my next move. I leaned forward and kissed him. I kissed him because I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. He didn't know either one of those facts. He probably thought it was the most common thing to do for best friends - if they were girl and boy, of course. He kissed me back angrily and I knew he had to let out all his feelings. He wasn't soft or gentle when we kissed. He always pushed me onto my bed and made out with me. And this time wasn't any different. He pushed me onto the bed hard and hovered over me. I let him do whatever he wanted to do. I knew he needed too. That's what he'd always tell me a few days later when he came to apologize. I just lay there kissing him back and praying that maybe he'd soon realize that I loved him and not she did. His hand landed on my stomach, rubbing circles on it. I loved when he did that, but I never told him. He went on to kissing my neck and jaw line. He continued kissing me there a while, when I felt him bite suddenly. Did he seriously leave a mark there? He then went back to my lips and attached his to mine once again. This went on for about fifteen minutes when he pulled back. His head was a few centimeters apart from mine and he was looking into my eyes. Mine were radiating off with the love I had for him and I knew that if he could read my eyes he'd know how I felt. His eyes didn't show any sign of love. My heart broke once again and I was afraid that he could hear it. The last few times he at least was nice enough to leave without looking me in the eyes. But this time, our make out lasted longer than the other times, so he was panting and probably too tired to move. I couldn't look at him any longer so I pushed him off and ran into the bathroom. This time hurt worse than the others. He practically told me that he didn't love me except he hadn't exactly said it. I leaned against the wall and slid down onto the floor and started crying hysterically. If he even knew? I did wait for him when I was on my bed reading that magazine. If he knew that I did? But I didn't wait for him because I knew she'd cheat on him on that day. I waited for him for a different reason. Who knew he'd come in and make out with me and practically tell me that he didn't love me? Worst birthday ever.