There's something wrong.

What's wrong?

I stumbled out of my bed - our bed - wait, who was I sharing it with? These sheets are strangling me. I'm so numb. I can't feel anything.

Why can't I feel anything? What's wrong with this place? What's wrong?

Why am I crying?

I am falling out of this bed and into the hallway, flinging open doors and sobbing. Nothing is right anymore.

Where's the bathroom? I need a bathroom.

I finally get to it and lock myself in the room. I'm scared. It feels like someone put acid in my mind, like there's memories burning away at the backs of my eyes and I can't understand anything. I'm eating glass, there's blood in the toilet. Nothing makes sense.

Nothing makes sense.

I heave myself over the sink and my body tries to throw up but nothing comes out. The toilet is too far away. I'm washing my face now, rinsing off the tears and ruined mascara and I'm wondering when I put makeup on.

What the hell is this place?

There's someone else here, I know it. He's standing outside the door, talking to me. Knocking on the door. He's pounding and yelling, asking why I won't answer him - as if that's helping.

And then I'm tripping - not on drugs, but all I see is a flash of blue and this smile and there's laughter. All I hear is laughter and then suddenly it's over and all I hear is someone screaming at me.

I run my hands through my hair, butterfly kiss my eyes with my fingertips, caress my ears, and ask myself if I'm beautiful. I am. I remember someone telling me I was, telling me I was beautiful but not right for them. I remember crying. I remember blackness- soft blackness that took me into its arms and gave me a soft look. The darkness doesn't have eyes, though.

What is wrong with this place?

I'm stumbling out of the bathroom, the sink is still on. There's a man, he's black. His fur is darker than the night sky and I'm wondering if he was the one who told me he loved me.

Then the smile is back and the flash of blue and all I see are smiles. There's an echinda and bat and they're so happy, there's a fox - a kitsune, something so strange and yellow and he's so young and I'm there and I'm laughing.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

This man, he's running up to me but only walking - why is he so fast? I'm asking him what happend, he's telling me it will be all right. He's saying he loves me and he's sorry. I'm asking why, asking why, and still asking why. He doesn't have an answer.

I remember a station, I remember gazing at the earth from up in the stars. And that flash of blue. I remember him flying towards Earth, I don't remember how. I remember a man, a horrible man, and I remember my friends crying because something had happend.

Then I remember emeralds, flowers, chaos, and Chaos, and I'm wondering how he fits into all this. He's saying he loves me again. I don't remember why. He says I'm beautiful, and I say he's lying.

I want to say I love him back, tell him I'm sorry (I don't know what for), and sink into the darkness. He's darkness. There is no light in him that I can see, but he was the one who had cradled my broken body. I remember that much. I want to say so much..

but all I see are flashes of blue, smiles, and all I'm hearing is laughter and not his words of love.